Have some Twixie
Propriety dictates rules for conducting oneself in a seemly manner. It guides us through our daily lives directing us one way or another. The rules it presents are fairly straightforward, and most wouldn't argue with the vast majority of it's law.
Propriety's more basic articles tell us not to chew with our mouth open, not to trek up other ponies homes with dirty hooves, not to expel gas in the presence of royalty. These are simple things few ponies would take up arms against.
There are other more advanced laws that relate to the more complicated situations of the world around us. Conversational things like avoiding subject matter that makes others uncomfortable, avoiding the use of derogatory terms, or loudly announcing one's need for the restroom at a funeral service. These latter items are more likely to be regarded as optional.
All in all, adherence to accepted social standards varies from pony to pony, and although Trixie was stayed from her comment, it was not propriety that kept her tongue at bay. No, what kept Trixie's mouth shut was the not-at-all unreasonable fear that a certain purple unicorn would send her flying through the wall.
Still it was getting...harder not to say anything. It was always there, right in front of her. This beautiful unicorn galavanting around oblivious as equinely possible with that absolutely perfect flank.
It was too much for a mortal to bear, and though Trixie was Great, and inarguably Powerful, she was most definitely mortal. She knew that now.
She had not been certain before. After all her family line was long, going back farther than she could fathom. There could have been some Allicorn blood along the way. Who's to say for sure? Certainly Trixie wasn't arguing. That is, not until she met Twilight Sparkle.
If there was even a drop of divine blood flowing through her veins, than surely Trixie would able to handle it better. Take it in stride, even.
She couldn’t imagine a day without having to grit her teeth and suffer through the obscene mannerisms possessed by this studious little bookworm. A day of not being bothered by the way she tossed her mane while reading. Maybe not even noticing when she took on an almost sultry tone when talking about the transitive property of free-wheeling motion (Although Trixie strongly suspected she made that terminology up).
It (life) was becoming harder to move through unscathed. Every morning the white-maned pony would awake determined to avoid creating an awkward situation. Yet this cosmic force Trixie had come to refer to as Twilight Sparkle was hay-bent on thwarting her.
Everyday conversation had taken a dangerous lilt. The purple mare would say something innocent like, “You seem preoccupied today Trixie. What's on your mind?”
Then Trixie would have to come up with some reply other than, “Trixie was wondering what your cutie mark tastes like.”
She was getting better at covering for herself. Sometimes she would slip up. A few days ago Twilight had finished her research project for the day. She had come to Trixie and asked her what she wanted to do. The performer, for all her might could not stop her mouth from saying, “I want to pounce on you.”
Twilight frowned for a second, trying to process what she heard. “What was that Trixie?”
“I said, I want a pinecone to chew.”
“Oh.” She nodded, deciding she had misheard earlier. “There's some in the cupboard.”
So the distressed pony sat nibbling on a pinecone, watching her crush reorganize the library for the umpteenth time that week. Yes, conversing was indeed becoming dangerous.
Still Trixie was determined to keep quiet. Twilight did not make that easy, by any means. She set traps everywhere, from the cute little way she wiggled her nose, to the downright adorable way she would snort when laughing. Every now and then Trixie would even find the girl asleep on top of a pile of books, moaning -actually moaning!
What was a poor gypsy-repentant to do? She was alone in a minefield. She was stranded in the middle of enemy territory facing almost certain death. She was basking in the presence of truly a remarkable mare.
A remarkable mare, that also seemed remarkably prudish. Well maybe prudish was a little harsh, she may just be.....
Still broaching the subject always seemed more difficult than she expected. It wasn't that Twilight was against the idea, on reflection. Actually, now that Trixie thinking about it , the problem may have had more to do with the words dying in her throat.
Perhaps Trixie's problem was Trixie. Honestly though who could blame her? It was a hard thing to just out and say. The blue unicorn smirked rueful at a flittering image of how Twilight's rainbow-maned friend might handle this situation.
“ Hey Twilight, there's something I need to talk to you about.”
“Yes Rainbow- (ARGHH! What was that name?) Pony.”
“Uhm yeah Twilight, I've been thinking and weeell- Listen, you're straight-sex baby, and I wanna fuck your brains out.”
Yes, that was the approach of champions. The showmare shook her head and glanced again at the object of her adoration. Dear Celestia! It was even in the way she walked. Trixie bit down on her lips to keep from screaming.
Twilight Sparkle was walking-no, not walking, strutting. Twilight Sparkle was strutting from bookshelf to bookshelf, obviously in search of some specific item. She was talking too. Trixie suspected she was meant to reply, but she was preoccupied not drooling.
Horse-apples! She was drooling. Visibly drooling! Hastily wiping her mouth with the back of her hoof, taking pains to not let her eyes drift from Twilight's pacing. Every step the unicorn took seemed to accentuate her curves.
Could you do that? Could you brandish your flank like an exclamation point? Her back was to Trixie, presenting the magician with a full view of her plot. It was too much.
“Nngghh” Trixie moaned as quietly as she could. However, accompanying the quiet moan was an all too loud crackle of blue magic. The unicorn's eyes went wide as she clapped both hooves over her horn. She could feel her face burning as she desperately prayed the episode had gone unnoticed.
It had not.
“Trixie, did you just-.” The voice trailed off as if trying to comprehend the event.
That's it. Trixie was switching religions. What good was Celestia at this time of night, anyway? Drat and curses! She should have sent those desperate supplications to Luna.
Twilight turned to face the showmare. “Was that-,” she paused “Was-that for me?”
Trixie's eyes came very close to bolting from there sockets. “I- don't know what you're talking about.” She croaked out.
“I'm talking about those fireworks you just set off.” Twilight Sparkle was blushing heavily.
“Nothing. Trixie did nothing.”
“I think you did.”
“Trixie thinks Twilight Sparkle's imagination is running away with her.” Trixie said haughtily.
“Uhh Trixie, You're still holding your horn.”
“Gah!” She quickly withdrew her hooves and sat on them.“There's nothing wrong with casting a spell.”
“That wasn't a spell. That was raw magic.” She said as levelly as she could.
“Is Twilight Sparkle implying that the Great and Powerful Trixie would release magic with out a purpose! She is not some little school filly who can't keep her magic in check.”
“It's okay Trixie. I'm sure it happens to everypony now and then.” Twilight said moving closer.
Trixie glared daggers at the mare.
“It's nothing to get so embarrassed about. You just got a little too...excited.”
“Well how can I help it with you prancing around like that everyplace. Throwing your flank about. I just want to-” Trixie gasped. In a flash she pulled her hooves out from underneath her, and set them to work covering her mouth.
“Want to what”
The moment that followed was one of those gloriously awkward times when the silence that accumulates is often described as deafening. Trixie for her part closed her eyes tight, and pressed her hooves hard against her lips. She could feel Twilight's stare. She could feel her face burning so hot, she was reasonably sure it looked like a tomato. She could feel the sweat literally pouring from her. All she could do was shake her head frantically and hoped this conversation would just go away.
“Trixie.”
The tone was reassuring, but the reaction the same. More manic head shaking. Oh, what she wouldn't give for a smoke bomb and a trap door.
“Trixie talk to me.”
Again, more head shaking. Better yet a teleportation spell. Twilight Sparkle did them all the time. Oh why couldn't she better at real magic.
“Trixie, come on. We're both grown mares, We can talk sensibly. Things sometimes happen that we can't really help, and that's alright, but Trixie you know we are going to have to talk about this.”
Trixie nodded her head with resignation.
“Good.” Twilight Sparkle announced triumphantly. “Now. What do you want to do?”
Trixie opened her eyes and sighed. There really wasn't anyway out of this but through it. Okay if that's how it had to be then fine. Out with it! Hang the consequences!
“Uhh, Trixie could you say that again. You were mumbling. At a high speed.”
Trixie gulped and tried again. Speaking as slowly and clearly as she could.
“Okay, one more time, you're almost making words.”
Trixie stared pleadingly at Twilight Sparkle. The blue unicorn was met only with that look of determined anticipation that she once thought so precious. Now, it was only terrifying. There would be no reprieve. So again she spoke the words that she knew would buy her some sort of unfathomable damnation.
“There was something about me in there.” Twilight suddenly looked very smug as she lowered her eyelids. With an evil little grin she said slyly, “Okay Trixie, What do you want to do... to me?”
Trixie had not expected this. She wasn't really sure what to expect. She supposed Twilight Sparkle would shun her, and cast her out into the outer-darkness of a Twilight-less world. Trixie expected this ousting would be followed by being ran out of town by Twilight’s uncomfortably close friends.
In her less lucid moments, Trixie had also greatly feared Twilight would write a letter to the Princess on the matter. Then poor Trixie would end up on the moon. Or worse, perhaps she would be so enraged she would cast some horrifying spell turning Trixie into a cantaloupe. A cantaloupe! Trixie would hate being transmuted in a cantaloupe. How would she survive? Especially in this town. That pink pony always looked hungry...
Trixie had been living in fear for some time. In all her worrying, however she did not expect this. Not in one of her scenarios did this even occurred to her. Now, it seemed so glaringly obvious. This was what she should have been afraid of.
How was she supposed to know you could break a unicorn?
Trixie had broken Twilight Sparkle, though. It was simple and inescapable. The favored student of Celestia stared straight ahead, eyes unseeing, expression frozen in place. How long she had been frozen was lost to the other pony. The world had seemed to stop sometime during Trixie's description of her fantasy.
So there they sat, in a world devoid of motion and sound. Twilight's hair was frazzled. A large deranged toothy smile was plastered on her face. Her overly large eyes were bloodshot. The observant could catch a faint twitching in her right one every few minutes.
There was a chalice on the table in front of her, a bendy straw in place for easy access. Trixie had fetched it after bearing her soul, sensing her confidant's sudden need for strong drink. Hurriedly, the magician filled it to the brim with a powerful grain alcohol Twilight kept for “Cooking”.
Sure everypony cooks alone on friday nights when they're sure everypony else is asleep in bed. Trixie kept that thought to herself.
The purple unicorn managed to suck down the liquid at a steady rate without her face moving.
Trixie's fear that she had broken her friend was increasing. If this was Twilight's reaction, she was thankful she had omitted the saddle from her confession. Also, the bit about the pudding would have been severely damaging. She was glad to have filtered that as well.
The room was almost completely quiet. The only noise was the constant sipping of liquid through a straw, interspersed by Trixie's refilling of the cup.
Finally Twilight Sparkle found it in herself to speak. Her voice was solemn. “I hadn't expected that.” I didn't even know you could do that. She added to herself.
True her knowledge of these matters was little more than basic, and that was not basic, It certainly wasn't in any book she ever read. Turning to a bookcase, she eyed her copy of the Kama Sutra suspiciously. There was nothing even close to that in there.
“Twilight?” Trixie called, her tone equal parts concerned and apologetic. “Twilight are you okay.”
“Oh, I'm fine.” Her voice strained.
“Twilight, Trixie is sorry to have-” Trixie began reaching out to Twilight only to have her jerk away.
“No, no. It was my fault. It was foalish of me to egg you on like that.”
Trixie winced. Her gaze drifted to the floor for a moment. The magician began huffing loudly before jerking her head up and leering at Twilight.
“Foalish!” She yelled. “And just what is so wrong about what Trixie suggested?”
Trixie slammed her hoof down, knocking the glass over.
“Well it's just-” Twilight was panicking. This night had gone from bad to worse, and right now it looked like they were en-route to pony hell.
“Just what?”
Trixie was on her feet now, horn glowing with a blue aura. Yep. Now arriving at pony hell.
Twilight stood, unsure of wear this was going but hoping it wouldn't come to a full-out duel.
“Well I... I've never even thought of that.” Twilight shouted back.
“Does that mean it's bad?”
“Trixie. It's just...I”m just-”
“Scared.” Trixie finished, a hint of disgust in her voice.
“What!”
“You heard Trixie. Twilight Sparkle is scared of se-”
“I'm not scared of anything!” She yelled. Her eyes squared.
A scuffling on the stairs brought both their gazes to a small dragon. Descending from Twilight's room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes Spike let out a yawn as he called down blearily, “What's all the commotion about?”
Twilight glanced at him, her horn began to glow. “SLEEP” she said with finality.
In an instant the dragon fell backwards, a pillow and blanket darting to him.
“That was pretty good.” Trixie said off-handily.
“Yeah well, snap decision.” Twilight responded.
“He's kind of cute like that.”
“That's true. He used to suck his claw.”
“Really? Even Trixie must admit, to wanting to see that.”
“It was pretty adorable.” She shook her head. “Uhm, where were we, anyway?”
“You were trying to explain why you are afraid to make yourself sexually vulnerable while The Great and Powerful Trixie ravages your perfect body.”
Twilight Sparkle chuckled. “That's a cute way to say it Trixie, buuut that implies that you will be dominant the whole time. From the scene you described, that's not factual. At some point you'll have to be submissive if you want me to use my horn to-”
“I believe you were saying you weren't afraid of... something.”
“Anything.”
“You're afraid of anything?”
“I'm not afraid of anything.”
Now Trixie smiled coyly. Borrowing a page from Twilight’s book she quirked her eyebrow and said calmly, “Prove it.”
It was quiet again. It was awkward again. Trixie was becoming used to it. Both herself and Twilight lay next to each other in the latter's bed. Perfectly still, they stared at the ceiling, eyes wide. Trixie was the first to speak.
“Well, that wasn't...as fun as Trixie imagined.”
“Agreed.” Twilight's voice was hollow. “Wait, how long have you been imagining that?”
“Unimportant. Trixie is sorry.” The blue mare rolled over to look at her lover. “Twilight Sparkle was right.”
“Maybe next time we can try something more,” Twilight paused searching for an appropriate word, “basic?”
“That sounds good to Trixie.” The unicorn let out a yawn, then turned over. Closing her eyes, intending to sleep. This whole night had been nothing but stressful and embarrassing, and she'd just as well be done with it.
Seriously, why didn't that work? It had always seemed so fun in her mind. Oh, Celestia, it was awful. She just wanted to curl up in her chagrin and defeat.
Trixie was content, she supposed. As terrible as her fantasy had been in actual practice Twilight seemed willing to give this- give her another chance. Smiling slightly, she intended to put a great deal of distance between this incident and 'next time'. After all, she didn't want to give off the impression of being some sex-starved maniac, especially after outing herself as a pervert earlier.
Twilight Sparkle stared at Trixie. Her face contemplative. Her voice was full of yearning when she spoke.
“Maybe next time is...now?”
“What?” Trixie bolted upright. “ You want to go again. Trixie thought you would want..time.”
“Please Trixie.” Okay, that was begging. Twilight Sparkle was actually begging.
Trixie glanced around the room looking for an excuse to prolong this. What if this would be as bad? What if The Great and Powerful Trixie was no good in bed? Her eyes falling on the bedroom door she decided on an exit strategy.
“What if your dragon wakes up.”
“Weeeell-,” Twilight pondered it for a moment. “He's going to have to learn how this works eventually.”
The showmare laughed. Oh what the hay, she couldn't resist those eyes. She rolled on top of Twilight, and started nibbling her ear.
“Trixie be gentle, it's my second to first time.” She whispered. She seemed serious. Trixie gauged that before responding.
“Don't be silly.” She said nuzzling her neck, illiciting moans. “This is still your first time.”
She began to progress down Twilight's body. Kissing her along the way.
“After all,” Trixie continued between kisses “you still haven't-”
“OOOAAAAAHHHHH!” Twilight screamed.
The bed levitated in the air. A powerful wind whirled all round them. Twilight's horn illuminated the room with blinding white light of a thousand stars. Then all of a sudden, everything stopped. The bed crashed back down to the floor.
Trixie stared almost dumbfounded at Twilight. Said unicorn was blushing terribly under Trixie's gaze.
After a moment, she let out a disappointed sigh. “Trixie will speak to the cowboy pony tomorrow. She must have some tips on how she deals with the pegasus. Trixie does not think that one could hold on for more than ten seconds either.”
“Ehh sorry.” Twilight said abashed. “Please don't be mad.”
“Trixie is not mad. It was to be expected.” Trixie said smirking.
“Hey at least I made it to the bedroom.” Twilight fired back indignantly. “Unlike some ponies who can't even control themselves enough, not to blast off in a library”
“Blast off?”
“It...seemed like an appropriate term?”
“You're kind of cute when you're being ridiculous.”
“Looks who's talking. At least I don't bring my illeism to bed.”
“That one wasn't particularly good. Perhaps Twilight Sparkle is not as witty after?”
Twilight boxed Trixie on the shoulder. “Shut up.”
“Trixie is sorry. It is Twilight's Sparkle's first time, maybe she is just trying to process her complicated emotions.”
“Shut up.”
“Congratulations Twilight Sparkle. You have received the honor of losing your virginity to The Great and Powerful Trixie.”
“Shut up.” She said giggling as she pushed Trixie to the side. “Hey Trixie.”
“Yes.”
“Can I take off the socks now?”
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I just have to say that picture is amazing.
Dat picture.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/281/942/184.gif
Mmmmm saucy.
Nosrsly, this is awesome because physics... and shipping.
Love the picture
BUCK YEAAAAAAHHHH.
Dat Picture. I'm going to read this.
SEXUALLY
Nice! S.S. Twixie remains unsinkable.
Every comment on this story must reference dat pic! It's awesome beyond words!
“Uhm yeah Twilight, I've been thinking and weeell- Listen, your straight-sex baby, and I wanna fuck your brains out.”
I literally laughed out loud at that line. However you used the wrong "your" it should be "you're". There are a few other minor grammatical mistakes.
presenting the magician with a full view of her plot
I felt that this line kind of detached me a bit from the story. Bringing internet memes into story generally makes the reader feel uncomfortable. I would suggest changing it because you actually have a serious kind of comedy going here without it. This reference kind of makes it look a bit childish, however the socks one actually fit and was quite humorous.
I don't normally do comedies or borderline clops, but this one is so cleverly done I actually laughed.
Okay, I was doubtful on the comedy tag but that was quite amusing, well done.
436537
“Uhm yeah Twilight, I've been thinking and weeell- Listen, your straight-sex baby, and I wanna fuck your brains out.”
That should be the right "your". If that were "you're", then the sentence would be, "Listen, your straight-sexy baby, and I wanna fuck you are brains out."
You're
You are
That wouldn't make sense.
436639 I wasn't talking about THAT your.
“Uhm yeah Twilight, I've been thinking and weeell- Listen, your straight-sex baby, and I wanna fuck your brains out.”
I was referring to the first one.
I read it twice and only noticed the one your somehow.
I only came here for the picture. But I might stay for the story.
Borderline clopfic, but somehow realy REALY realy funny. You just earned another like.
~puppeteer
ahem let us never speak of this again...
WOW! The over-all response to this was much better than I anticipated. I was a kind of stretching my legs with this, as I haven't written anything in a year, so I was little afraid to post it. So yeah... Thanks for liking it.
WOW! The over-all response to this was much better than I anticipated. I was a kind of stretching my legs with this, as I haven't written anything in a year, so I was little afraid to post it. So yeah... Thanks for liking it.
436537
It should be fixed now.
That blasted"You're/your" mix-up. Totally missed that.
Thank you for pointing that out. I'd seriously hate to leave it up like that.
Well... looking generously beyond the huge amount of typographical and grammatical mistakes it's an amusing story.
I see what you did with the title and "Twix"ie, hehe. All in all, it was pretty amusing, but I noticed an awful lot of yours/you'res being used incorrectly, among other things. I laughed out loud when I read about the socks, not to mention the rest of the story.
This was... interesting. It has errors here and there, but through my nearly-constant laughter I completely failed to notice most of them
A very interesting and highly amusing tale indeed. Well done! 
I have to say that title is quite clever.
446226
Why thank you. I have to confess that I came up with the title first, then built the rest around it.
I have around three pages of discarded jokes that I may shape into a second part. I'm still undecided on the matter.
So much win it just plain hurts.
Excellent opening with Trixie explaining her code of behaviour. I myself am prone to these long-winded, philosophical entrances, and seeing you perform such in such an amusing, fascinating, and enchanting manner makes me happy and pleased, both as a reader and a writer who will shamelessly copy said technique.
I absolutely adore the ridiculousness of Trixie's horny fantasies. That you do not expound on them and instead give us tidbits that raise eyebrows truly up the hilarity of the fantasies, most especially with that "misheard" line. Excellent job on the inclusion of pinecones, by the way.
I love Twilight's reactions to Trixie's confessions, and the way we didn't see them from Trixie's point of view. They were absolutely hilarious, and reminds me of Tim Dorsey, one of my favorite authors. He never said a victim was screaming, only that one of the characters casually mentions that the victim is screaming, not reflecting on his actions.
The thread derail with Spike was very clever. I love the compliments on magic and the conversation about Spike being cute when he sleeps.
Yay for "Does this remind you of anything?" with magical cartoon unicorns. I enjoy the fact that this particular show of... excitement, is for both genders. Makes it all the more fun, in my opinion.
Yayzors for the lack of explicit content. I love how they explain everything in intentionally vague pillow-talk. It was very tasteful, and frankly, very, very amusing. The parts where Trixie mentions off-comments about her hilariously complex fantasies were very, vey amusing.
AppleDash? YES! OH MY STARS!
Ahem.
Nice work with the reference to Rainbow Dash's performance issues. I enjoyed that her partner for this particular fic was orange, even though my usual choice is pink.
The "Sleep" spell reminded me of one of my favorite movies, Little Nicky. A bad comparison, as that movie is tasteless compared to this finely filtered work, but it works.
Humor aside, I love the tension in the confrontation scene. You made a very nice contrast between Twilight's real-time words and Trixie's rapid-fire inner monologues. I could really feel the anger boiling, and the desire to have an adult, constructive conversation.
Please send this to Sethisto if you already haven't. I'm sure he'll have a grand old time with this work.
Also, if I may make a request, could you have it so that next chapter, Trixie has a best friend who happens to be a butch griffon with relationship issues? Said griffon has some problems with acutally doing the deed (she panics then chokes) with her partner, a butter-yellow pegasus. The pegasus herself is apparently very okay and understanding of this issue, which the griffon claims makes it worse.
Also, the part with broken Twilight was very amusing. Trixie's monologue about how she did not know it was actually possible was rather amusing.
477979
Uhm, wow. I don't know where to begin. Thank you so much
I never expected to see such a thorough breakdown, and I really appreciate it. It really let me know which parts worked. Also I'm honored to have it called 'tasteful'. In all honesty I have never had anyone describe any of my work as such. It's a really lovely adjective, now that I'm on the receiving end. Actually, I think I love you for that.
Again, thank you. It's a pretty detailed analysis, and it's going in my notes. Some "Do's" to balance out all my "Don'ts"
This. Is. The. Most. Hottest. Possible. Fantasy.
Kind of got lost in the transition right after the first break. But I love this! Really, I cannot write somethign like thisto save my life. Especially when my favorite pairing is Twixie. Kudos my dear man...erm woman...uhh pony yeah thats it!
653084
Thanks dude. That means a lot.
Oh, and pony will do just fine.
656507
Will do, and you're welcome!
I just love this. It is beyond fantastic. Kudos.
Dat picture...............
“Blast off?”
“It...seemed like an appropriate term?”
I prefer magaculation myself, lol
1846736
You sir, are a genius. Magaculation? That's epic.