• Published 7th Jun 2014
  • 2,503 Views, 183 Comments

I Want To Take You Flyin' - MintyJoy

After Rainbow Dash moves to Ponyville, Applejack and Dash slowly become friends. But as their friendship grows, Dash realizes some different feelings about her friend. One stormy night, Dash tries to explain those feelings to Applejack.

  • ...

Storm Flying

Chapter 18

Storm Flying

The two mares sat in silence. The battering rain caused the hay loft roof to creak, and the wind howled with defeat, unable to penetrate the warmth. The single oil lamp in the middle of the room cast long shadows on the walls. The silence was so thick it felt like butter on a brisk winter morning. Finally, Applejack spoke.

“The end?” She asked. The words were rubbery and uncomfortable to say.

“I… I guess it is,” Rainbow seemed to be having the same problem. “Well, that’s the story up to now, anyway.”

The barn had warmed up quite a bit since the two had begun their lengthy storytelling. Applejack took off her hat to wipe away some sweat, and Rainbow let out a low whistle of exhaustion.

“Whew, it’s kinda stuffy in here,” she said.

Applejack nodded.

After such a long time of just talking and listening, the silence became increasingly awkward for the two. Finally, Dash couldn’t take it anymore.

“So, should we get some fresh air, maybe?”

Applejack smiled.

“Not a bad idea, Sugarcube.”

Slowly, the two girls descended from the hayloft. With some effort, the barn door opened. Immediately, cold air slapped against their hot cheeks and the sound of rain flooded their ears. Rainbow sighed with relief, and Applejack took her hat off once more to let the air touch the top of her head.

Rainbow took the time to take a look at the farm mare beside her. With her eyes closed as she cooled off, Applejack was slowly breathing in the stormy air, with just a hint of a smile on her lips. Finally Applejack’s eyes opened, and Rainbow looked away.

“What?” Applejack had noticed Rainbow’s downward gaze, and was concerned.

Rainbow took a deep breath in. There had been a lot of talking that night, but they had still not addressed what should have been discussed for three long weeks.

“Applejack,” she said cautiously, “are you still mad at me?”

Applejack looked out into the storm, thinking.

“Mad?” she repeated. “Ah was only mad in the hospital, and with those casts on. No, Ah’m not mad anymore. Ah’ve been confused, and upset, but now…”

She paused as she searched for the right thing to say, as if it were hiding somewhere in the rain outside.

“Ah don’t think Ah’m upset or confused anymore. Ah guess now Ah’m just curious.”


Applejack turned to look at Rainbow in the eye.

“Yeah, Ah guess Ah just have a lot of questions.”

Rainbow sat down and smiled. Questions she could handle.

“Ask away,” she said confidently.

Applejack sat also, so they both were sitting on the dry edge of the barn with a waterfall of rainwater inches from their hooves.

“Alright,” Applejack took in a deep breath.

Rainbow sat up straighter, preparing to answer. She knew that she had to be honest, and she was ready.

“Why do you still have that bandage one yer nose?”

It took Dash off guard, and she tilted her head in confusion. Applejack explained herself.

“It’s been three weeks and Ah’ve been through casts and therapy, and yer still wearing that darn thing on yer muzzle.”

“I guess I just never took it off,” Rainbow laughed, then regained her composure. “It was a reminder to me of what I did, and the guilt made me keep it.”

Applejack frowned.

“You have really been working yerself up over this whole thing, haven’t ya Sugarcube?”

Rainbow’s cheeks reddened as she let her gaze fall.

“Yeah, the thought of you hating me was really awful.”

Applejack placed a hoof on Dash’s shoulder. Dash looked up.

“Ah don’t hate you, Rainbow. Ah was just… confused.”

“Yeah, I know that now.” Rainbow smirked and placed her own hoof on the one on her shoulder.

They sat there for a moment, their eyes locking, embracing the moment of finally being friends again. After a bit of listening to the rain, Applejack spoke.

“So, could I take the bandage off now?”

“I could do it myself,” Rainbow half-protested.

“Ah want to do it,” Applejack assured her. “Ah can see it.”

Rainbow nodded and held still as Applejack gingerly removed the bandage. Underneath, the fur was flattened and stiff, the muzzle showing it had healed long ago. Applejack sat back, inspecting her work.

“There you are, Rainbow.” She smirked, happy to see her friend’s face without the distraction of the bandage.

Rainbow tried not to blush, but it was hard with Applejack staring at her.

“So, uh, anymore questions?”

Applejack looked away and turned towards the inside of the barn so that the light illuminated her face.

“A lot of the questions are just to mahself. Ah can’t really think of another one—”

Applejack seemed so sad as she began to speak that Dash stopped her.

“Can I ask a question?” Rainbow quickly interrupted, unable to stand seeing her friend sad again.


Rainbow looked at Applejack, realizing she hadn’t prepared a question to ask. Her eyes darted about, landing on Applejack’s bandaged legs.

“Do… do your bandages come off?”

Applejack looked down at her legs, then back up at Rainbow.

“Yes,” she said slowly, “why?”

Rainbow really felt terrible about the whole thing, and it had been something she had wanted to see since the accident.

“I…” Rainbow stammered as she searched for her words. “I just want to see the damage.”

Applejack stared at Rainbow. Her green eyes searched Rainbow’s for sincerity, and found it.

“Okay.” She extended her right leg towards Rainbow.

Rainbow raised her eyebrows.

“You want me to take it off?” Her voice squeaked as she said it.

Applejack chuckled.

“Ah took yours off, go ahead.”

Tentatively, Dash grabbed the edge of the bandage in between her two hooves and pulled on it. Very slowly, she went around Applejack’s hind leg and unraveled the bandage, occasionally looking up to Applejack to make sure she wasn’t being too rough. Applejack closed her eyes, letting the bandages be removed.

Rainbow finished the first leg and worked on the second, using the same carefulness. She was extremely nervous, and even though the cool air from outside was surrounding her, beads of sweat formed on her brow. Finally, both bandages were laying on the straw ground of the barn.

Applejack’s hind legs looked puffy and angry. The fur was pointing in all sorts of angles, and the muscles were suffering from atrophy. They were a little swollen, and as Applejack stood, she winced. The cold air was particularly unkind to them, and it was less than comfortable.

Rainbow’s heart pained as she saw the consequence of her simple action. Tears formed in her eyes.

“I… I am so sorry!” She choked.

Applejack stepped forward and caught her tears.

“Ah told you it’s fahne now, Rainbow. I forgive ya.”

Rainbow shivered as she squeezed her eyes shut and leaned into Applejack.

“It looks like it hurts!” She cried.

Applejack patted her back reassuringly.

“It doesn’t, it doesn’t. Ah’m okay.”

They stayed that way for a while, until Rainbow had settled a bit. She sat up, and wiped her eyes. Applejack did the same.

“How about we don’t cry anymore today?” Applejack suggested with a smile.

“Deal.” Rainbow smirked back.

The rain filled the silence that followed as Applejack began to put the bandages back on her legs.

Rainbow watched her. Applejack had changed since she had told her that she was in love. Her eyes were always darting around, and Rainbow could tell she was thinking. She continued to shift in her position, even though she needed to sit still to put the bandages on straight. Rainbow recognized what was different.

Applejack was restless. It was time for something else.

“Can those bandages get wet?” Rainbow asked as Applejack finished on the second leg.

“Yes?” Applejack tilted her head. “Why?”

“I was wondering,” Rainbow poked her hoof into the straw beneath her, “if you wanted to go storm flying.”

Applejack sat still. Her eyes stopped shifting. Rainbow could see her realizing the invitation for what it really was. More than a friendly adventure into the rain, it was something far greater.

A chance.

Rainbow stood and extended her wings, tempting Applejack with the shifting of her shoulders. Applejack looked up into the sky, the rain drops shooting towards her. She considered the invitation, her conscience battling behind her eyes.

Rainbow waited.

Applejack stood and stretched her legs, shifting her weight slowly. Rainbow caught her gaze, and locked eye contact. Applejack looked inside those determined magenta irises. She stared for a moment, smiled, and put her trust into her words.


Rainbow’s wings shot out and Applejack climbed on. They stepped out from under their safe roof, not even bothering to close the door. Rainbow looked up, squinting at the dark sky.

Rain attacked her eyes, making sight impossible. Without a word, Applejack removed her stetson and placed it on Dash’s head. With enough protection from the rain to be able to see, Rainbow took off.

As Rainbow’s wings pumped against the pouring rain, the billowing wind attacked from the side, attempting to push the two girls off course. Applejack squeezed Rainbow tighter as they tipped, pressing her face into the rainbow mane in front of her.

Rainbow took this gesture as encouragement, and pressed against the wind, putting all her effort into getting higher. The cloud layer above was just in reach.

Lightning flashed behind them and illuminated the path ahead. They were almost there.

Rainbow’s wings strained against the storm. She hadn’t flown Applejack in so long, and her energy was dwindling. The clouds above suddenly seemed so far away.

Applejack felt them going down. Blinded by rain, she reached forward and ran her hoof down Rainbow’s neck, trying to show encouragement. She put all her energy into the brush, trying to transfer it to Dash. Dash couldn’t do this on her own.

Rainbow felt a warm, firm hoof on her neck and chest, and her cheeks burned. A smile split her lips and even though her teeth were clenched she was happy. Newfound strength entered her wings as they pumped against gravity and the rain. She threw her head forward, her forelock brushing the black clouds above her.

Applejack leaned forward and held on tight.

They burst through the cloud layer, their manes soaked and smiles on their faces. Rainbow held onto the hat on her head and twirled in the sky gleefully at their victory.

Together, they did it.

Applejack let out a whoop as they looped in the moonlight. The remaining raindrops flew off her mane, and the two of them dried off in the warm night air. Rainbow laughed and Applejack opened her eyes to finally see.

Above the cloud layer was a beautiful world of moonlight and thunder. A few light grey clouds floated about, and a dark carpet of storm clouds purred below. The moon was big and bright, the moonlight pouring about so heavily they could almost taste it. Everything was silvery and smooth, gentle and warm.

After a bit of looping and shouting, Rainbow landed on one of the light grey clouds and let Applejack take it all in. They breathed in the moonlight, gasping for more with each inhale.

Once Rainbow finally caught her breath, she turned to the mare beside her.

Applejack’s mane was wild from the flight and her eyes were wide with wonder. Never before had she seen anything like this. It surrounded her in beauty and caused her freckles to twinkle like stars and her mouth to break into a smile. She was so happy.

Rainbow, caught in the moment, took a chance.

Applejack felt a soft warmth around her shoulder. Feathers, now dry and gentle, wrapped her in a small blanket. She looked up to see Dash’s wing around her, and those magenta eyes waiting for her. A small tingling sensation stirred inside her as their eyes met.

Those big, beautiful, sparkling eyes.

Around those eyes were the familiarities of her close friend Rainbow Dash. Her mane was messy, the multiple colors mixing and mingling on her forehead. She still sported Applejack’s hat, which was now tilted at a cute little angle.

So many questions floated around in Applejack’s mind. One particular question surfaced, and poked her in the heart.

Do I love her?

Applejack’s quickening heart skipped a beat as Rainbow smiled.

“That was fun, huh?” Rainbow asked.

Applejack’s tongue was suddenly dry.

“Y-yeah, it was.” She choked.

Rainbow’s brows furrowed, and the wing around Applejack tensed.

“Is… is this too much?”

The wing began to shrink away.

“No!” Applejack made Rainbow jump, and the wing quickly went back to around her. “Uh, Ah mean, no. It’s fahne.” Her cheeks burned.

Rainbow’s eyes searched Applejack’s, and then returned to the sight around her.

“I love to fly,” she sighed as she gazed on the storm below them. “Once I started, I couldn’t get enough of it. It never gets old.”

Applejack followed her gaze out into the sky.

“Ah love to fly too.” She said.

Rainbow stopped, and turned to Applejack.

“You do?” She asked. “I mean, you still do? Even after—”

Applejack cut her off. “Yes.”

Rainbow chewed on her lower lip as this began to sink in. Applejack felt that tingling sensation again.

“Listen,” Applejack shifted on the cloud so she could look Rainbow in the eye. “I want to say thank you.”

Rainbow looked very surprised.

“Thank you? For what?”

Applejack took in a deep breath.

“Thank you for telling me the truth. Ah see now that it was very hard fer you to be honest. You struggled with being honest with yourself, with others, and with me. But after some mistakes, you decided to tell the truth. And above all the things that have happened in the past little while, that is the most wonderful thing you could have done. Thank you.”

Rainbow stared at her, speechless.

Applejack looked into those eyes. She thought about all that had happened, and all that she had heard. Rainbow loved her. It was strange, but it didn’t upset her anymore. No one had ever loved her like Rainbow did. No one was as dependable as Rainbow was. No one had told the truth like Rainbow had done.

A thought popped into Applejack’s mind. Her cheeks burned and her heart began to race. Maybe it was true, maybe she really was. She stared into Rainbow’s eyes, searching for answers. She was replied with a warmth in her chest.

“Rainbow…” Applejack choked. “Do you really love me?”

Rainbow blinked, and looked deeper into her green eyes.

“Yeah, I really do.”

“Well, Ah…” Applejack stammered, her nervousness tripping her tongue as she tried to choose her words carefully. “Ah…”

Rainbow lowered her head and frowned. Rainbow knew Applejack didn’t return her affection. She couldn’t. Taking a deep, calm breath, she prepared to break her own heart.

“But if that bothers you I can—”

“Rainbow, Ah think Ah love you too.” It came out so fast Applejack couldn’t stop it.

Dash froze.

“You what?”

“Ah don’t know fer sure, but…” Applejack’s cheeks reddened and she couldn’t breathe. “This,” she leaned on the wing around her, “this feels right.”

Rainbow’s face burned with blush. She couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Are you saying…”

“Ah’m saying that Ah think…”

Applejack choked and started over. She didn’t think, she knew.

“Ah want to give you a chance.”

Rainbow’s heart skipped a beat. This wasn’t real.

“W-why?” She stammered.

Applejack thought for a moment.

“Because you’re my best friend, you love me more than anypony else, and you’re honest about it. What else could Ah have ever asked for that would be better than that?”

They sat there in the gentle breeze and the moonlight. Rainbow had turned to Applejack so that they were face-to-face. She searched Applejack’s eyes. They were honest eyes, telling a truth she had so longed to hear. It filled Rainbow with joy, but yet there was still a pain in her heart. Something was missing.

“I have a question,” Rainbow’s voice lowered and she barely smiled.

“Ask away,” Applejack smiled, her heart beating rapidly.

“Can I…” The words died in her mouth and she started over. “May I…”

Dash tried to say it, but it was too much. She wanted a do-over, and a second chance. But it was too painful of a memory to ask if she could try again.

Applejack set her hoof on Dash’s shoulder. Dash turned, her eyes meeting Applejack’s. She understood.

Applejack stared into Dash’s magenta eyes. She remembered what Dash had said earlier that night. The tingling sensation returned, this time stronger.

It was time to fall into those eyes.

“Sure, Sugarcube.” Applejack whispered.

Rainbow leaned forward, holding Applejack securely in her wing. Applejack met her halfway, and together they fell into the kiss.

Rainbow’s heart exploded as Applejack pressed into her and ran her hoof down Rainbow’s mane. Applejack was warm and sweet, firm but soft. The tingling sensation, after being asleep with grief, flew about her, running down her hooves and wing tips and burning in her ears. The lips against hers were velvety and smooth. Something inside her, that had been hurting for a long time, healed.

Their breath mingled in the moonlight as Rainbow laid down on the cloud, the stetson on her head pushing her mane up into her eyes. She let out a small sound, caught between a whimper and a sigh, and Applejack replied with a gentle moan. Wrapping her in her wings, Rainbow held Applejack close.

Many would think that Applejack tasted like apples. This simply wasn’t true. She tasted like never being alone again.

As they came up for air, all the worry, regret, confusion, and grief melted away. They gasped in the night air, smiling brightly at each other.

“That. Was. Awesome.” Dash breathed.

“More awesome than flying?” Applejack smirked, the taste of Dash still on her lips.

Dash chuckled, causing Applejack above her to bounce.

“You tell me,” her magenta eyes glimmered in the moonlight.

“Yes,” Applejack whispered, leaning in so Dash could hear.

Dash smiled.

“Are you glad you gave me a chance?”

“Are you glad you told the truth?” Applejack shot back.

Rainbow laughed again.

“AJ, you are adorable.”

“And you are a dork.” Applejack chuckled.

“I’m not a dork!” Rainbow protested. “I’m awesome!”

“Fahne,” Applejack rolled her eyes and smiled. “Yer an awesome dork.”

She then closed the space between them once more. Rainbow let out a little gasp, and then their lips met again. The kiss was warm and fantastic, and Rainbow said so with a sigh.

Applejack pressed into her partner, no longer confused or upset. She knew exactly where she belonged, and it was right here. In this kiss in the moonlight she promised she would never leave Rainbow.

And that was the honest truth.

Author's Note:

So here we are, folks. The end. I decided to publish this on my birthday for a little birthday present to myself. The number of chapters this story has is my age today.

Thank you all for accompanying me on this amazing ride of a story. This has been a great learning experience to me, and I have fallen back in love with writing because of it.

As you can tell, the end is very happy. Truth be told, the sadness before this was to make this happiness all the more better. I didn't know how well I could write the kiss at the end, so I wanted to use that to my advantage just in case.

The story also ends at the beginning of their relationship. I've realized that many stories are about their relationship and the troubles that come with it. Since I have never been in a relationship, I cannot write such a story, so I did the crush and confession, which I am all too familiar with, and ended it happy. Will there be a sequel? Maybe if I get in a relationship? We'll see.

I want to give a special thanks to all the family and friends of mine who read, edited, and enjoyed my story all along the way. You guys are truly awesome.


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Comments ( 44 )

Happy birthday by the way!:pinkiehappy:

I think the like button broke in the update. I keep pressing it, but it won't go any higher.

Good story. :twilightsmile:

I may die from overwhelming cuteness but this story was damn good.
On a rating stand point i'll give this a 4/5. Some parts wear not very good but they are very small and far in between.
WRA (Would Read Again)

Happy birthday:heart::pinkiehappy:

5117276, 5117842, 5118013 and 5118021
Thank you so much!

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: Thanks for that

Great story! Have a fave and a skyward thumb.

I do have a point of confusion:
How was AJ able to walk on clouds again? I thought it had been weeks since Twilight had cast the cloudwalking spell on her. Maybe an extended release spell?

5121251 :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: LOL
I'm glad you enjoyed it.

5121469 Thanks!
Uhm... guess that's a plot hole, huh? Let's just say that spell has a 1 month period before it wears off, so 3 weeks later it still works.

Comment posted by The Real Sonata Dusk deleted Oct 13th, 2014

Happy birthday! :pinkiehappy:
This is literally the best thing I have ever laid eyes on. It is so adorable. Seriously!! I wish I wrote dis thing! I can't even put it into words! Thank you for writing this!!! You're amazing! :rainbowkiss:
They kissed! Aww! -faints-

*Slow clap* I loved this story so much. I didnt want it to end. Aaaaand I cried. But all in all great story. I hope to see a sequel

I wish this hadn't ended, this was the first story I started reading on this site, and it was amazing. Real emotion was in this story, and that makes it feel all the more real. A job very very well done. This is absolutely my favorite story so far

5121469 huh.... I just assumed she was still on rainbows back.... That is interesting

Thanks guys! And sequel? Eh, maybe. You never know...

5166513 Eenope. Surprise was originally going to be the party pony instead of pinkie. Here's what she looks like..... 24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5iiv5yvOY1qc5ffho1_1280.png Plus Derpy is a greyish Color silly!:pinkiesmile:

5167000 Good thing we got good old Pinkie instead!

5168421 Do you remember that episode were rarity obsessed over trenderhoof? And when applejack dresses all "fancy" ? Here have a picture.... th03.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2014/047/6/1/apple_jewel_by_vector_brony-d76qb2c.png That Goddamn monstrosity right there, would be applejewel....

Pfff! Monstrosity?? She's not a monstrosity. She's sexy and she knows it. :trollestia::rainbowlaugh:

:rainbowlaugh: Haha ok you win

Nooooo!!! Finished?! Already?!! :fluttercry: well , I guess good things come to an end. Eventually :ajsleepy: I love this story and I really hope that there's gonna be a sequel

Comment posted by Falling Skies deleted Oct 30th, 2014

5203732 Hahaha I'm glad you enjoyed it. I have to say, I shed a tear or two after I finished it :fluttercry:
As for a sequel... eh, maybe.

Good! I'm glad :twilightsmile:

This was a solid and original take on appledash. It's good to see new blood in this ship.:twilightsmile:

Thanks! I knew there was already a lot of AppleDash stories when I wrote this, so I tried to make it original, yet still enjoyable. I'm glad you like it! :twilightsmile:

My mind is troubled, lately, like... a lot. Which is why I couldn't sleep that much those last nights. And yet, against better knowledge, I'm sitting here at four a.m., reading. Because I couldn't dare to take a break and continue tomorrow.

It was a sweet story. Bitter at times. Funny, touching, now and then. And it was long enough, well-written enough, to feel like an actual journey, having it's beginning and it's end. The one it deserved, if you ask me. (Then again, there aren't many situations in which I would prefer a sad ending anyway...)

Your story didn't put my troubled mind at ease. I suppose, nothing will be able to pull that trick off for a while. But... it managed to let me forget them for some hours. And that is an accomplishment.

And for contributing this fine piece of art, I wanted to say:
Thank you.

PS.: This story deserves way more attention... just sayin'.

5332435 Thanks! Keep breathing! :twilightsheepish:

5342859 I'm glad that my story helped you forget your worries, even if it was only for a small moment. I'm honored to have such an achievement, and I'm grateful you shared this with me. Best wishes and hours of sleep to aid your troubles, and thank you for reminding me why I love to write.

P.S. Many have told me that before you. I'm trying my best to try and put it out there, but I've run out of ideas as to get this story noticed more. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

5343479 Thank you. Last night was... better. At least, better than those nights before and I actually had a sweet little dream about AJ lecturing me about how honesty will always be the better choice.

How to get more attention is probably a difficult question. I'm relatively new to this site. I like to think of myself as a creative mind, thus I tend to trust in my ideas. First thing that came to mind thinking about this question was some sort of... collaboration. There are some writers out there with a giant mass of followers and fans. Like bookplayer or Tchernobog. Talking to them could open up some possibilities. Maybe a review of your story/stories, maybe a recommendation in their blogs, maybe some discussion about writing, which could even lead to some improvements here and there - one never stops learning and improving. Or some ideas for new stories... after all, if they are as good as this one, the reader probably want to know if there's more where that came from.
So... mainly... talking to the 'big shots' and figuring out, where this will lead to. Then again, you could probably ask for advice or reviews in those groups your stories are part of.
Don't know how helpful this 'idea' is, though. Sorry. :twilightblush:

Mintyjoy i want to say that i read the whole story in the same day it was amazing it is the far best story i read thank you for writing this amazing story and you have done an amazing work in it :heart::rainbowkiss::ajsmug:

5344150 Thanks, I'll try that!

5355897 Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

There's some grammar issues (notably a lot of homophone mistakes) here and there throughout the text. Some of them get distracting. However, they're not so severe that I'm going to count them as a major hit, just a slightly messy thing that is there and should probably get cleaned up.

Overall, this is a very sweet story, and one that I think that any AppleDash fan can appreciate. I especially liked the last few chapters. I could easily sense that as you were closing in on the end, you were really getting more and more into the process of writing and it shows in the prose and the quality that just keep getting better right to the finish. I have the impression that you've improved a lot over the course of writing this story and that makes me happy to see. As a writer who's gone through that process myself (and I still go through it every time I write), I know that it must be a very satisfying feeling.

I hope you take pride in this story, because you did well with it. :twilightsmile:

5393395 Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

This story has definitely been a huge improvement to me as a writer, and it's wonderful that you can see that. Yes, I've got a lot more I can improve on, but this story shows how far I have come and where I may be going. I am proud of it, and it makes me smile to see others appreciate it as much as I do. I hope to get this story edited and a little more cleaned up eventually, and I can't wait to start my next big story and improve some more!
Thanks for your comment! :twilightsmile:

Hello. Well, first of all I wanted to say that I loved this story and really is one of my favorites.

Spoilers: :applejackconfused:
I particularly liked the realistic way you treated the relationship. I was in a situation similar to that of RD, although mine did not have a "happy" ending, and how AJ respond to RD seemed very well developed, instead of the obvious cliché of many "appledash" that often force reactions to unite the couple.

When AJ learns that RD was "watching her" overnight, and inducing her dream del angel; narration only briefly describes the reaction of AJ. Yet one can read a lot about what she was feeling without that had been written, thanks to the great character development.
Also as a general thing, I liked the choice of two narrative time mingling.

As constructive criticism, I think you could've given more depth if you had further developed the world around AJ and RD. For example, the relationship of RD with his father appears as something important in the early chapters but then disappears from the scene.
Also, in chapter linked to Sleeplees in Ponyville, although it was a beautiful chapter, I think it was your choice (Fully validated) do it focused only AJ and RD , but for example you could have deepened much the character of RD if you had explored the relationship between RD and Scootaloo; even exploiting the fact that in some way the chapter was focused on the fear of Scoots to show his feelings for RD; the same fear that RD felt to express his feelings for AJ.

So, I really loved this story and I'm eager to read more of your stuff! :rainbowkiss:

5712759 Thank you for your comment! It is refreshing to read some constructive criticism, and I'll keep all these points in mind for editing and for improving my other writing further. I will be writing another big story in the near future, probably as soon as the cover art is finished, and I can't wait for you and all my other readers to read and react to it!

I highly doubted that I would read anything good today...3 bad fanfictions...and then yours.
You captured my full attention and didn't even need a whole page. I kept reading until I was done with it, about 4-5 hours(even though I should have done something else during that time:twilightblush:).
I loved every second of it. Thanks for this wonderful AppleDash story!

I might write another comment tomorrow regarding some things about the ending (positive things...)

Why thank you! I look forward to it! :twilightsmile:

I liked how each chapter was basically how Dash felt about Applejack during different episodes. Didn't expect Dash to be a poet, but thought she did quite well, must have been studying with Twilight too much.


Holy crap dude that was an awesome story and you wrote it at 18 too. This story is truly better than a majority of fics I read. Kudos to the amazing story :twilightsmile:

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