Twilight took matters into her own hooves. Years after judgement, Twilight is torn between two worlds. A bright and peaceful Equestria and the world of the Dusklands; dangerous and unforgiving. Just where does her heart belong?
Ooh, glad to see this is still alive and kicking! Looking forward to the next chapter. I really hop that the mane5 don't screw everything up. Oh, whom am I kidding, of course they will.
This is a very, very interesting story. It's not often I get out of the realm of stories that I enjoy, but this, this is something else. Can't wait to see what becomes of this.
Yea.... i do not see things going well during the festival. the other 5 will be there, and we know they do not like changelings.... i for see some confrontations and additional issues arising.
i liked the small glimpse into what Twilight went through before she found her current home, and i hope to learn more.
rainbow and AJ make total ass`s of themselves, possibly pinkie given how the story is, they get arrested cause naturaly the changelings are protected, oh and they expect twilight to get them out of it which hopefully she won`t
5951505 I agree. All of my favorite stories have very slow update rates, with the exception of Tatsurou's adopted pony crossovers, although that's only if you include all of them together. I also believe that the slow update rate is more of a benefit than a hindrance, due to chapters feeling like they're worth more. Post an entire story in the span of hours, and everyone will read it, like it, and leave, never to return. If you spend 1+ year working on a story with updates every 2 weeks to 1 month, everyone will repeatedly come back to the story, and burn it into their minds, as well as after a hiatus, often readers will re-read to refresh their minds. Many of the stories I have favorited I have no drive to read, because I often go offline for a few days, and the number of new chapters is daunting within such a short time frame.
Do Twilight's friends not know she was banished, never to return on pain of death? That she's almost did die?
I get the feeling the only way Twilight would agree to help would be if Celestia gave a number of concessions, including a significant amount of aid to the city, freedom of travel through Equestria, as well as protections under Equestrian law to anyone from the city, a formal apology where Celestia formally declares what she did publicly, and promises to never use the banishment spell ever again, as well as due bucking process before any punishments are carried out. Nothing spur of the moment ever again.
Basically, the pony equivalent of the Magna Carta.
If Twilight ever forgives Celestia is an open question, but even if she did, Twilight should not put herself under control of Celestia again, because Celestia has shown herself to be untrustworthy and exercise poor judgment, even to those closest to her.
But first we must know what those five fools know. Also need to know what skewed truths, blatant lies, handwaves (hoofwaves whatever) and ect that they have declared and what they haven't said. Remember, they're politicians and only fools believe politicians.
I want to see Twilight fly into a rage at the sight of a hippogriff and mercilessly kill him/her in front of the other 5. So they can finally see "I'm sorry" wont fix this
Can't wait for the next chapter! And I have a bad feeling that the changelings won't be as safe as everyone expects them to be, thanks to a certain group of 5 'mildly naive' ponies.
Also, how did they get Spike to stay at home while they went on their search? :o
A definite improvement over the fic which inspired it, but it's not quite avoiding all of that fic's mistakes.
There's too much untold story in between Twilight's banishment, and the present events. That gap is very slowly being filled in, but every time someone close to Diadem is introduced, there's a feeling of, "Who is this character and why are they important?" It does not allow for any sense of immersion in the story.
Also, all the Equestrian characters are juggling all the idiot balls. It makes me unable to care about any of these characters.
that the chapter mentions a cave with the sounds of grunting and dripping water and then describes twilight in chains unable to use magic and just hoping for food
idk if thats what happened but my mind clicked on that for some reason i hope its not true but i have a gut instinct it is because its a good way to make the other girls fell like complete assholes and reinforces the whole 'sorry wont fix this' when twilight kills something in front of them (you know its going to happen)
5952959 i think thats the point frankly i like how they are complete idiots if not for the simple fact that it is entertaing to watch the m stick the hoof in it over and over again and waitng for twilight to flip out at them again
“Yes, father the events that had lead her to and his antlers were sort
1. Forgot your full stop and closing quotation mark. 2. Led. 3. Short.
Even more exposition to Twilight's Diadem's trials in the Badlands. The conflict is going to be oh so large and chaotic when the festival comes. Because skewed views. And basically not adding more to the: "Mane 5 did shit to help and etc." argument.
I had been waiting anxiously since you said that this one should be done soon, and I have to say that I wasn't disappointed. I love the set up for the Mane5 messing up the festival with the Changeling's arrival it should be funny enough to see. And oh? Is that a flashback to her time before the Den I see? Now this chapter was definitely one worth waiting for.
Hopefully the next one will be out soon enough. I can't wait!
5952959 This is done to keep you interested, though. No one wants "This is Nereus. He is 34 years old. He has a scar on his left cheek...etc." The mystery creates intrigue, keeps you motivated to read the story, to learn about the characters.
Exactly. There is nothing interesting about a story that immediately tells you everything about the characters. The information comes slowly as you read so you can try to figure out the mystery with the tidbits of information you are all given. It's a technique I have always used since I started writing. :)
However if no one enjoys it then I m willing to look into a different method.
5955342 You're doing wonderful. I'm enraptured by your writing... and learning a bit from you myself! Let alone I enjoy the story and it's progression. I understand not being able to write it all off as quickly as possible. Some times waiting for the next chapter is best. Gives you that anxiety of not knowing what will happen and allowing you to make up things for yourself. Maybe I'm the only one that sits here and fantasizes about adding their own edge to someone else's story...
Keep up the good work! Can't wait for Chapter 5, but please don't rush it. Your story is very good.
Took you long enough to get this chapter out, now hurry up and get the next one.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
YEaaaaaaaaah!
Next chapter will be awesome.
Mane 5 meets an army of changelings. This festival could be interesting.
Ooh, glad to see this is still alive and kicking!
Looking forward to the next chapter. I really hop that the mane5 don't screw everything up. Oh, whom am I kidding, of course they will.
This is a very, very interesting story. It's not often I get out of the realm of stories that I enjoy, but this, this is something else. Can't wait to see what becomes of this.
Still good as from the beginning. Keep it up!
awesome, an update!
Yea.... i do not see things going well during the festival. the other 5 will be there, and we know they do not like changelings.... i for see some confrontations and additional issues arising.
i liked the small glimpse into what Twilight went through before she found her current home, and i hope to learn more.
i eagerly await the next update.
5951297 predictions....
rainbow and AJ make total ass`s of themselves, possibly pinkie given how the story is, they get arrested cause naturaly the changelings are protected, oh and they expect twilight to get them out of it which hopefully she won`t
I was worried about this story not updating, but I'm glad it's still running.
I recognize that this is mostly a transitional chapter; a set up for next chapter's shenanigans. Still, a great chapter.
I like this story, a lot, I just hope we don't have to wait so long again for the next update.
5951263
You cannot rush perfection, my good sir.
I log on and find out that this was updated. My reaction:
Keep up the great work!
5951505 I agree. All of my favorite stories have very slow update rates, with the exception of Tatsurou's adopted pony crossovers, although that's only if you include all of them together. I also believe that the slow update rate is more of a benefit than a hindrance, due to chapters feeling like they're worth more. Post an entire story in the span of hours, and everyone will read it, like it, and leave, never to return. If you spend 1+ year working on a story with updates every 2 weeks to 1 month, everyone will repeatedly come back to the story, and burn it into their minds, as well as after a hiatus, often readers will re-read to refresh their minds. Many of the stories I have favorited I have no drive to read, because I often go offline for a few days, and the number of new chapters is daunting within such a short time frame.
Exposition is fun.
Do Twilight's friends not know she was banished, never to return on pain of death? That she's almost did die?
I get the feeling the only way Twilight would agree to help would be if Celestia gave a number of concessions, including a significant amount of aid to the city, freedom of travel through Equestria, as well as protections under Equestrian law to anyone from the city, a formal apology where Celestia formally declares what she did publicly, and promises to never use the banishment spell ever again, as well as due bucking process before any punishments are carried out. Nothing spur of the moment ever again.
Basically, the pony equivalent of the Magna Carta.
If Twilight ever forgives Celestia is an open question, but even if she did, Twilight should not put herself under control of Celestia again, because Celestia has shown herself to be untrustworthy and exercise poor judgment, even to those closest to her.
5951516
That single sentence is funny as hell
The Diadem-rage when it comes out "Oh hey Twi we need you so we can use the Elements" is going to be glorious.
man the girls are gonna buck the festival up arent they?
5951613
All valid points.
But first we must know what those five fools know. Also need to know what skewed truths, blatant lies, handwaves (hoofwaves whatever) and ect that they have declared and what they haven't said. Remember, they're politicians and only fools believe politicians.
Yay for the chapter! been waiting to get back to this!
Good to see this still going.
I want to see Twilight fly into a rage at the sight of a hippogriff and mercilessly kill him/her in front of the other 5. So they can finally see "I'm sorry" wont fix this
5951745 I would wait and see from the next chapter.
5951745 or one of the mane six attack the queen and get their throat slit
Can't wait for the next chapter! And I have a bad feeling that the changelings won't be as safe as everyone expects them to be, thanks to a certain group of 5 'mildly naive' ponies.
Also, how did they get Spike to stay at home while they went on their search? :o
Yay! Update!
Each chapter is so delicous and well worth the wait!
I get the feeling this isn't going to end well for someone.
5951683 True that.
my reaction
blog.parkermoore.de/images/it-lives.jpg
my thoughts on it after reading
th03.deviantart.net/fs45/200H/f/2009/140/a/0/This_Is_Delicious_by_SamhainStar.jpg
just ther are no words......... so have a picture
th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2012/361/5/b/twilight_sparkle___squee__by_lukezke-d5pc222.png
5951505 Never said you could, but at the same time, you can get perfection (or pretty damn close) done in a fairly timely manner; that is all I ask.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
A definite improvement over the fic which inspired it, but it's not quite avoiding all of that fic's mistakes.
There's too much untold story in between Twilight's banishment, and the present events. That gap is very slowly being filled in, but every time someone close to Diadem is introduced, there's a feeling of, "Who is this character and why are they important?" It does not allow for any sense of immersion in the story.
Also, all the Equestrian characters are juggling all the idiot balls. It makes me unable to care about any of these characters.
oh god wait was twilight raped by a hippogriff in the cave
5952962 WTF?! where did that thought came from?!
5952962 got the same feels about that as well
5953204 well twilights reaction
that the chapter mentions a cave with the sounds of grunting and dripping water
and then describes twilight in chains unable to use magic and just hoping for food
idk if thats what happened but my mind clicked on that for some reason
i hope its not true but i have a gut instinct it is because its a good way to make the other girls fell like complete assholes and reinforces the whole 'sorry wont fix this' when twilight kills something in front of them (you know its going to happen)
5952959 i think thats the point frankly i like how they are complete idiots if not for the simple fact that it is entertaing to watch the m stick the hoof in it over and over again and waitng for twilight to flip out at them again
5953245 touche
Though, I love this story very much, I'm hoping that you add more to Diadem's past during her exile in future chapters.
“Yes, father
the events that had lead her to
and his antlers were sort
1. Forgot your full stop and closing quotation mark.
2. Led.
3. Short.
Even more exposition to Twilight's Diadem's trials in the Badlands. The conflict is going to be oh so large and chaotic when the festival comes. Because skewed views. And basically not adding more to the: "Mane 5 did shit to help and etc." argument.
I look forward to the next chapter!
i predict... Flashback. And possibly an argument.
5952962 Yeah I kinda got a baaad feeling about that imagery too. Eep.
I'm still hoping that Twiadem or someone will be able to get the Mane 5 a clue in a fashion that doesn't involve a savage beating and/or bloodshed.
5953542 yeah
all i can say is she dosnt seem to broken if that happened
Oh hell, Twi was banished over a changeling incident, I can't see this going well. The Mane 5 are going to make total fools of themselves.
Keep up the good work, sir. I very much enjoy this :D
On the side note: The Mane 5 are seriously, seriously walking a fine line here for helping with the festival. One wrong move, they are dead.
Need more chapters, now, now, now! Um, please...?
NEW CHAPTER!!!
I had been waiting anxiously since you said that this one should be done soon, and I have to say that I wasn't disappointed. I love the set up for the Mane5 messing up the festival with the Changeling's arrival it should be funny enough to see. And oh? Is that a flashback to her time before the Den I see? Now this chapter was definitely one worth waiting for.
Hopefully the next one will be out soon enough. I can't wait!
5952959 This is done to keep you interested, though. No one wants "This is Nereus. He is 34 years old. He has a scar on his left cheek...etc." The mystery creates intrigue, keeps you motivated to read the story, to learn about the characters.
5955221
Exactly. There is nothing interesting about a story that immediately tells you everything about the characters. The information comes slowly as you read so you can try to figure out the mystery with the tidbits of information you are all given. It's a technique I have always used since I started writing. :)
However if no one enjoys it then I m willing to look into a different method.
5955342
You're doing wonderful. I'm enraptured by your writing... and learning a bit from you myself!
Let alone I enjoy the story and it's progression. I understand not being able to write it all off as quickly as possible. Some times waiting for the next chapter is best. Gives you that anxiety of not knowing what will happen and allowing you to make up things for yourself. Maybe I'm the only one that sits here and fantasizes about adding their own edge to someone else's story...
Keep up the good work! Can't wait for Chapter 5, but please don't rush it. Your story is very good.