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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Call me a horrible person all you want but when Fluttershy ran away calling Big Mac "murderer", I really wanted to see her get smacked. Like really girl?
so, assimilating the spell did have an effect on Mac, in that it seems to be supercharging his libido to some extent. very interesting, also interesting is that Mac did not end up with Cheerilee as a marefriend, i would have expected such a thing to happen. an engaging read to be sure and i very much support ur views and concerns regarding the FoE-verse, being a creature of logic myself. hope to see the rest of ur stories finished someday, as well as new tales in the future.
*slow clap* Loved it. Want more :p
Well Damn, i really liked this ending.
and yeah, there's enough fics about the caribou getting exterminated in heinous ways, so how the caribou were dealt with was fine by me.
also happy Gunne FINALLY got some lip locking action from mac. id say it was long overdue
One question though, Why Daisy and not Cheerlie? (unless i missed that explanation then oops)
What. A. Story... Good job.
Its over. Time to go home.- Captain Martin Walker
Well, that was fun. Who's for Chinese- The Joker.
Best FoE story there is, very nice to see it reach its conclusion. It's not like the others which are for fetish purposes, but rather a deconstruction of the genre. You can really appreciate the story and the setting without being the original core audience.
Seemed pretty solid closure for the story, except didn't like Roseluck's reaction. Definitely unpleasant.
Happiest I've been reading your story is seeing Gunne finally make his move on Mac
thank you
All giddiness aside, I appreciate your thoughts on the princesses and the world at large- as much as I've enjoyed your writing I did sometimes wonder how well thought out some of this was, glad to hear it wasn't just you.
(I had to.)
7412804
7413041
Thanks for the edits Ted. Appreciated as usual, and I finally got around to changing them ^_^.
Good show. It's a rather clean break from the Gor roots, in almost every way. My only nitpicks are technical ones.
Horns, as seen in the show, do grow back. The time needed should be between 6 and 18 months.
The sun and the moon cannot maintain a stable orbit on their own, unless you break from the main 'verse. While there's a lot of wiggle room in the Equiis cosmology and geography, the basic structure is shown to be the one from mythology incorporating Tartarus. That means the celestial bodies have to be navigated through the Maze of Tartarus each day. With Celestia and Luna disabled for so long, the only ways I know of in cannon to do so would be with a circle of archmagi or the Sunstone. (the sunstone would only last for a year, however, before having to be renewed.)
On a personal note, I did enjoy this quite a lot both as a fix-fic and on the meta level. Have you read Twilight's Secret Journal? (https://www.fimfiction.net/story/233857/twilights-secret-journal) It's a setting with a lot of the same themes as post-fall. I know it could use writers of your caliber.
By now I'm just parroting, but that's cause I got here late... <.< >.> loved this~
Found the majority of the story a little sickening, but filled with very interesting idea and ideals... As the 'worst night ever' chapter wound to its end, I was thinking to myself that the only way out of this would be for Celly and Lulu's PARENTS to come back from their duties out in the stars (personal head canon there) and rip Daine a new one, but the shock of Big Mac actually taking care of the root of the problem was just... Wow... So much amazingness there...
Caught the whole Gunne crushing on Mac thing early, and I love how you made Mac actually Bi XD so many only want him hard straight or strictly gay.
Kinda expecting the alternate ending from you to have BM switched and made a brood mare <.< >.> (personal fetish there sorry...)
And I'll remain a reader of yours, as NCN's view has always pissed me off :) you managed to explain how it all happened, why, when, and what the fuck was behind the scene... So as far as I'm concerned, you're the primary writer of FoE canon.
Keep your quills sharp and your mind sharper,
Raiton Boltrius
7439669
Well sadly I have to say what happened to Fluttershy makes sense to a extent, it has always been shown that fluttershy was one of the more mentally unbalanced ones of the team, though the fact she was forced to please the very animals she had previously loved day in and day out likely did not help with hammering in the mental conditioning. So she will have to just be left like that and sort through her own problems in time since to her the 'perfect world' she was dragged into similar to twilight has crashed around her and she hates mac for ending it, heck it may end up being a guaine situation where she may never forgive him because of the fact the mental conditioning is to strong.
7439698
7439792
I would fall into the crowd that would think on this little bit of logic... Cheerilee was one of the false red collars meaning she likely mentally was put through the grinder, and heck even Cheerilee and big mac's relationship was tainted from it considering the fact Big Mac could only see her when she was scheduled for him, which made it hard to have really any sort of break time to talk.
There is also this little bit of logic as Big Mac points out, he was well aware of the fact daisy would not be interested in anyone else but mac after the whole fiasco. Leading to a choice, either pick a mare he loved in the past that could move on from him and has lived without him for awhile, or pick a mare that needs him to be happy and possibly grow to love her. Big mac wanting to help make everyone he can be happy decided to make the tough call on that one and help daisy most likely, then again i am not Big Mac nor the author so I can not tell what was going through his mind at that moment, heck maybe he just lost the spark with Cheerliee, we don't know, after all it has been quite a few months so maybe he did try things with her for a bit.
7440507
And as for you! Just keep doing what your doing, looking forward to further stories in this universe that comes along if you have more planned.
i.imgur.com/wGv8rt3.gif
Finally. . . we have come to the end of the road.
Seriously, I have no idea how you're able to pull off 20K-word chapters, seemingly without breaking a sweat. Long chapters are always my pet peeve, and for two years you've been tormenting me with them. Whenever I check my inbox and see that the story's been updated, I can't help but let out a huge groan. "Thirty thousand words? Are you kidding me?"
Though seriously, I want to know: what's your secret? How are you able to write at length, time and time again?
Aaaaand time for proofreading:
Unnecessary, really.
*its
Extra space between the last two words. Each.
Delete the first two commas.
Mixing smart and dumb quotes. (Also, that's what she said.)
Replace the period with a comma.
Extra space. . . plus a flipped smart quote.
*Elements
*dirt- or cum-flavored
Use a en- or em-dash.
*hard-working
Use question marks instead.
*it
*members
IT's a common mistake. I Do it all the time. NOthing to be worried about, but watch the SHift key.
*populace ("Populous" is an adjective.)
*to do it,” he answered
Use a period instead of a comma.
*its
Decapitalize "Could".
Decaptialize "How".
Use a question mark instead of a period.
Use periods instead of commas.
Vice versa.
One too many.
*its
Aaaaaaaand that's the lot!
As for the alternative chapters. Honestly I'd just as soon they were never posted. But I'm sure other people do not feel the same way and I'm under no obligation to read them if they are. So go for it if you wish. Not that you need my permission.
I was a bit unhappy with the Fluttershy situation. I can't help see her as a victim, but then even in the canon you sometimes get the feeling that she valued her animals more than ponies in general. So it's possible she willingly did things to other mares in order to protect her 'friends'
I would have liked to have been given some exposition on Twilight and Cadance, it was implied that they were brain blasted by the Crystal unless I misread that.
And there was that whole thing with Celestia in the second to last chapter where she apologized to Mac. What was that all about? I can't help thinking that Celestia was maybe a dozen moves ahead of Dainn, but was operating under a handicap that really limited her ability to move pieces. Unlike Twilight I would like to think she was never really broken. After all to someone as old as she was I'm sure what she suffered at the hands of the Caribou was nothing significant to things she has gone through at other points in her life.
I don't really care about my feelings being true, but I can't help but think you left a few dangling plot threads there. But then you are implying that you will be working on more stories set in the afterwards so maybe you will address them in those.
7440507 I loved this ending, but one thing bugged me: what happened to any mare that got preggers. At least some details on hybrid babies would've been a nice touch.
Just my two cents. C:
Dang, forgot to ask this question as well. You seem to imply that Caribou cows are really less intelligent and more in need of sexual contact than mares who can take it or leave it, sort of.
It might even be necessary to their mental stability to have the the reassurance of belonging to a male who has frequent sex with them.
You have just about doubled the number of cows, while at the same time pretty much eliminating the males most suited to give them the sort of sexual reassurance they need.
How are they going to look after these cows and see that they get the sort of comfort they need to not slip into depression?
Good ending for this entire "universe" for me.
It's a bit sad you stick to it somehow instead of doing your own stuff. I'd rather much deal with a setting with much more mythological creatures from the show like griffin and Minotaurs like you did in your old fics, rather than those disgusting Canadian shits that's pretty much automatically linked to that fucking guy by now.
But owell.
7442059
I'll be doing both from now on, going back and forth. So don't worry, Equestria Trainer's Society will be coming back soon.
7441107
all fixed, except for...
Please explain.
7442108
An en-dash (–) is so-called because it's about the width of a lowercase n. Likewise, an em-dash (—) is about the width of a lowercase m. (What you've been using instead is a hyphen.) En-dashes are used more commonly in England, while em-dashes are used primarily in the United States. Spacing on both sides is mandatory for en-dashes, but optional for em-dashes. Just remember to be consistent.
TL;DR
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/7/22/941656__safe_solo_rainbow+dash_pun_artist-colon-dm29_typography_dash.jpeg
i have been reading this sence day one and i am both happy and sad to see this end great job cant wate to see the next story you will bring out
7441791
Welp... looks like the remaining caribou males will get lots of booty.
Not sure if Schorl wants to tackle this issue at all, but I plan to address it in the epilogue of my own story, and also the sequel stories - and of course, I'll discuss everything I do with her before I do it. She's simply incredibly good at pointing out which ideas work and which don't, and she also occasionally pitches her own ideas to me. For example, my current plans for the Freeville Chronicles' epilogue, and the setup for the sequel, are based on a suggestion she made a few weeks ago. It precisely has to do with the former stags that were switched to cows, by the way. But of course, that's still a long way ahead.
I think this is a really great and realistic ending. The caribou is defeated but much still needs to be done to fix Equestria after a year of annexation. I also liked how you addressed the "red collars" who willingly submitted to the caribou. Whenever I read post-fall fanfiction, that is the one thing that always bothered me. I can never imagine the more resistant black collars like Rainbow Dash just forgiving the reds.
However, I am not convinced that Big Mac wouldn't end up with Cheerilee after the "Seeing Red" chapter where it was strongly implied that she loved Mac despite the drugs. But I would totally buy it if she could not be with Mac if she was in similar circumstances as Fluttershy. Fluttershy seemed a little too friendly with Thungrox in "Making Amends" and I find it very believable if they were lovers behind a master-slave charade.
As for Cheerilee, she became a Red Collar because it was more convenient. She also worked directly under the caribou government and in "A Different Perspective", Roseluck mentioned Cheerilee's "duties". Sounds like some pretty damning stuff. To top it off, she used to be a school teacher before the Fall right? That means nearly every pony in Ponyville would know of her and she could get marginalized to an even greater extent than Fluttershy.
7440599
There's a lot of things in the MLP 'verse that could have defeated the caribou. The FiM villains are pretty milquetoast compared to G1, but Sombra, Tirek, Ahuizotl, and Windigoes at least would have been strong enough to topple them, or in Ahuizotl's case cause a natural disaster to send them packing just like what happened in their homeland. Even deus ex discord doesn't necessarily protect them. We've seen Tirek outsmart and defeat Discord. but that's just FiM.
If Megan showed up, they would be more than screwed.
As for Big Mac, it's still not impossible for him to end up a her. FoE happened before Princess Big Mac or Cousin Orchard Blossem. Mac definitely seems to be some sort of gender variant, at least in the show. I hope this 'verse keeps that. There's an insane amount of possible depth of plot and character development available with Big Mac exploring his transgenderism and Gunne's reactions.
I also hope that some way to explore the foalcon aspects might be found. I know that has a lot of difficulty with the administration, even though there's not strictly a legal issue with it. It just seems that the absence of that part of the narrative is significant.
Ok after having finishing this story, damn this ending was great! Was it perfect, no but I understand why it was the way it was. I'm glad I finally finished it and quite frankly I don't really understand how he didn't see this ending coming, you foreshadowed it pretty heavily to the point where I'm glad I didn't read it as it was coming out as I very likely would have easily figured it out and pointed it out in the comments giving it away (not sure if anyone else did that I didn't actually read the comments). And some parts are just really hilarious to read knowing everything we know.
7454126
I also figured out most of Schorl's plan over a year ago. I just didn't mention anything in public, but instead confronted her about it in private via Skype. So yes - it was absolutely possible to piece this together by paying attention to the clues.
7515630 Right, done! Seven hours of constant reading, new personal record! The only thing I ask for is a story about the "switched" caribou and their sexual antics, that would be fun, kinky, sexy, and because it would be about defeat caribou, wouldn't be revived with the same hate as most other FoE stories! I really enjoyed Bruised Apples, it really was something special, and you should be proud of your creation!
7515684
I'm not sure how deeply Schorl wants to go into the topic of the switched stags, but I plan to explore it as the main topic of the sequel to my current FoE story project, The Freeville Chronicles. But that's probably still quite a bit down the road, since I've only just started putting up the rewrite of Freeville Chronicles itself - which takes place during the Dainn regime and is morstly about "natural born" caribou cows, among other topics.
Just in case you're interested.
Well I feel happy with this ending. To see the Caribou regime brought down and Equestria start to recover this made me really satisfied, good job!
7455160 what Clues did you pick up on?
I now really want to read scene where Gunne taps Mac's sweet ass.
7561067
Several different clues. First of all, I had already been talking to Schorl for a few months before I found out, and I had already guessed that she had a relatively low opinion about NCN and some of the other contributors. But I wasn't the only one who had a clue about this. She wasn't too secretive about this fact. I also had the advantage of having been her proofreader ever since the Appleloosa chapter, which forced me to read the newer chapters very closely. So yes, I had a few advantages, but in the end, it still boils down to paying attention to details. I think that others could have come to similar conclusions.
I had also already suspected that she was planting subversive elements in her stories for a while, but until late July 2015, I had assumed that it was just to make the stories and the universe more interesting. The scene that finally let me puzzle the pieces together was the scene where Big Mac beat up Roseluck. I had already noticed how Bruised Apples often made a point of emphasizing Big Mac's strength, and even brought up humorous scenes from the show (like the scene where Big Mac pulls an entire house in the episode Hearts & Hooves Day, which Gunne refered to in the chapter The Other Way) by playing them completely straight.
I also remembered that Big Mac fought off a warbeast in one of the earlier chapters, and I read up that scene again - and then it occured to me to compare that to the strength of a stag. In Story of Estra, I found clear indication that an average stag is nowhere near to being a match for a warbeast in terms of physical strength. And the Competition chapter strongly implied that Dainn was trying to project a greater amount of physical strength than he actually possessed. From there, I more or less just counted two and two together.
In retrospect, I'm not absolutely sure any more why I decided to confront Schorl head-on, but one reason was probably because she had told me that she wouldn't let me or Derpsby proofread the Gala chapters, or anyone else who was otherwise associated with FoE (well, except for NCN, who still got everything up to the fake ending). It was disappointing, but of course it also made me somewhat suspicious. Fortunately, after I had confronted her, she did allow me to proofread her Gala chapters after all, for which I still owe her thanks.
I didn't know this story had an epilogue
Youre' telling me, Celestia stepped down because of events she doesn't remember when the ponies in charge are doing war crimes trials that would punish mares like Fluttershy
Bullshit. You want ponies to punish collaborators like it's France after WW2, the leave Celestia, Twilight and Cadance out of it
edit: heh, I must have been a little tired last night. Cause the way I phrased "out of it" could mean many things. I mean Celestia did abdicate so she is "out of it" as in not participating, but what I meant was leave them mentally broken as n "out of it" because I don't feel a mentally sound Celestia or the others would allow a government like that to be set up
7694481
>this edit
I'll be taking that thumbs up back
I think its more rediculous how twilight and celestia aren't having their own little trials if fluttershy is.
7695460 well, that could be because of the regression spell. Of course that leads to the problem of why not just use it on everyone. If Shining was able to do it the Princesses and several other ponies should be able to. Moondancer and Starlight for example
In fact, unless everypony was just so happy to have a bigger weapon against the Caribou, whether or not Celestia and the rest abdicated lots of ponies should be pissed their loved ones weren't fixed
alternately they could just scrap the spell; leave them broken was from a metatextual POV, you want realism and bitterness and hatred, then scrap the miracle cure for three ponies and no one else and then get rid of the inconsistency
plus, why is Shy in that situation when Rarity is around helping Twilight. Didn't she actually try to use being a red collar to social climb?
Mac X Gunne? Swe~et :P
Well that was fun to finally finish. While not entirely unexpected of an ending, the war trials threw me off. Shining's moment of 'realization' was also quite quick. Celestia buggering off sounded odd for some reason, in fact the whole alicorn thing sounded wrong. Oh well, fun read. +1
7800233 and had the same concerns with the perpetuation of the Cariboos' subjugation of Equestria on a moral and practical level.
What are those moral concerns?
I love it when a good story has more then just clop to it. quick question through. have you written has to what happen to spike before and after? im a sucker for spike storys and one with good emtion i eat up.
Who's Daisy?
7993410
A side character that was featured throughout the story. For the casual fan those, this is Daisy:
img08.deviantart.net/dc0a/i/2013/033/9/e/my_little_pony__daisy_by_eugenebrony-d53oiup.png
7994946 Ok, though what ever happened to cheerilee?
7994946
Echoing the questions of others, what ever happened to characters like Cheerilee and Spike? Cheerilee seemed to have a real thing for mac, the only love affair he seemed to have during the whole event while spike would have been possibly even worse off than the stallions due to him already being vulnerable to greed rages that take a close friend confronting him just to recover. The effects of the spell being taken away would likely have triggered and reinforced his already innate psycological snap.
Also the whole end part of Gunne kissing Mac was weird and seemingly out of character for someone who is only tolerating him and the ponies for the sake of his sister. I don't even know how that even works but i suppose going back i could kind of twist gunne's mannerisms and actions into those of someone with a socially unacceptable crush (since it's possible what Gunne said during the gala hinting at some caribou having bisexual tendencies could have been more directed towards himself than other caribou) I suppose the best explaination i can come up with about the majority of his actions is that he is confused about what was obviously going so wrong with their methods and possibly an outright flamer by caribou standards. He is much more prone to compasion and grew up being treated just barely above a female in status so is inclined to have a little more sympathy in general. As for his sexuality, females may have been a (required) acquired taste and in a culture so revolving around sexual domination, homosexuality may have been scorned as a man seeking the role of a female, even seen as someone shirking their duties and undermining their very way of life.
Of course speculation only gets me so far and with no guarantees to accuracy, but this is the best excuse i can muster as to why Gunne is so passive agressively "okay" with the new rule.
8056515
Actually, Gunne more than just tolerated Big Mac. One reason why he helped him and Applejack was because he had genuine sympathy for Big Mac and his situation.
That said, NCN maintains that bisexuality is fully accepted and fairly common in caribou society. He isn't fully aware of the implications of that, but that's another matter.
8066879
I was under the impression that post mac killing Dain, Gunne was no longer feeling sympathetic to him though with a little time and assuming his feelings had gone above and beyond mere "sympathy and friendship" but were hidden away enough to make it an unlikely guess, it's within the realm of possibilities now that I think about it. The first impression was bewildering though.
8067959
It's been a while since this has happened, but this should remind you of exactly what it was referencing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4TRZpeXG9g
On an unrelated note, going back through this I have noticed so many of my usual mistakes, and I hate to think that this was going to be the version that NCN edited and approved of. Not that the real ending was perfect originally, but geez NCN was the worst proofreader. Not sure if I should fix the mistakes to make the chapter more readable, or leave them for so others can see how little work he did on these.
8067042
Well, as it turns out, his sympathy was more than that: it was romantic in nature. Now imagine that a person you have romantic feelings for kills your mentor and father figure. I think this will cause an good deal of emotional confusion. Gunne is torn between his feelings for Big Mac that obviously don't just disappear on the one side and the knowledge of what he did on the other. It must be enormously emotionally stressful for him, particularly because I think that on some level, he understands why Big Mac did it. But that obviously doesn't decrease his feelings of loss and grief, and also of betrayal.
I somewhat suspect that that kiss in the epilogue was also a way for him to wipe the slate clean.
Man that paragraph about Twilight was so painful to read. The one where she said she'd give up all her friends for the carabou. Just......evil. this sounds incredibly holier than though but, are there people who really get off to that brand of betrayal, pain, and degradation? I know everyone has their fetish but.......damn.
Wonderfully written, so glad this wasn't the real way you ended the story.
It only feels like a status quo because it's no longer obvious that this series is still in-progress after the established parameters were created before the termination of the second Tumblr. (Why do I bother memorizing these things? XD )
8069658
Well, to be completely honest, I am such a person. Evil is essentially my forte, and I have a very romantic view on it. Not in the "lovey dovey, kisses and hugs" sense, but in the sense that I have like evil to act in very a idealistic manner. If you are a villain, you better laugh manically, twirl you mustache like Snidely Whiplash, and make the world a living hell for everyone else. I personally love how I wrote Twilight in that moment because of that, but there was another reason I did it this way. NCN always swore that Twilight, while corrupted by "partial mind control", was at their core "the characters they represented". So I asked him how she would react when confronted with the severe issue that was what the caribou had done, and how her friends were being treated. He said that she would be apprehensive, and basically wouldn't admit to any of it. As I saw it, this showed that the Twilight in FoE was in no way herself, and validated me writing her as completely brainwashed, as the real Twilight is defined by her friendship with the mane six, and would never betray that. Regardless of what NCN might think, I always played by the rules, even though he never did. Besides, I don't believe in "partial brainwashing". Either you are being influenced, or your not.
8070502
Look, I know that you're a huge FoE fan, and there is nothing wrong with that, but when has FoE in any of its so many years actually "progressed". When it comes to the stories, what we have in canon are a bunch of unfinished stories that are suppose to lead up to the images they are based on, meaning that the plot of FoE exists only in its past, before the caribou fully take over and make everything completely dull. We might have one or two stories that go beyond that, but even those are just more stories about curb stomps and mares that just "settle in to their new role", thus staying in their status quo. As for the images, the only changes for them is when they finally get around to some of the newer characters in the series, and establish that they are X collar color. All of this keeps the setting in it's sexy, yet incredibly boring, box. I use to work for NCN, spent two years with the guy as his word slave (in an almost literal sense) and I can tell you for a fact that he will not allow anything to ever go outside its current state of being, because to him the story was over before it started. Caribou win, mare lose, and nothing ever happens beyond that. Story over, everyone go home now. If you still believe otherwise though, I implore you... enlighten me.