Meeting 'Father'

by Golden Paw

Epilogue.

Epilogue.

Dustpan watched as the staff of H.I.P and members of the Night Guard wrestled with each other: They weren’t so much fighting as enacting a game of hide and seek, where no pony was sure who was chasing who. The arrival of Luna and her soldiers had sent the ponies of H.I.P into a frenzy of action and all the while Discord was chased by Luna.

Discord hurled insults and the occasional vase at the princess as she perused the cackling beast through the ruins of H.I.P. Luna would send blasts of magic in return, further wrecking the already devastated building. It slowly dawned on Dustpan that both alicorn and draconequus seemed to be enjoying themselves immensely.

“Discord dropped me right in the nurse’s lunch room, I can tell you the looks on their faces as I appeared out of thin air and crashed onto one of the tables; it was almost worth going through everything we did just for that!” Star Glancer chatted away, holding a mug of steaming coco.

She still looked a little red around the face, but that didn’t stop her from smiling widely at both Dustpan and Screwball as the three of them sat around the picnic table. It was one of the few pieces of furniture still intact as the ‘battle’ raged all around them.

“So they were able to treat your allergy then?” Dustpan asked as Screw Loose galloped past, beating a bat pony with a rubber chicken.

Star sipped her drink and savoured the flavour, “Yes Dusty; still a bit itch, but over all it could have been far worse.”

“I hope they didn’t have to stick you with anything, the idea of one of those big needles near me just brings me out in goose bumps,” Screwball shivered as she clung to Dustpan with a worried look in her eyes.

Star chuckled, “Sadly yes, but better than looking like a pony balloon,” She stated as more of the ceiling collapsed and turned into a flock of flying squirrels before soaring out of one of the abundant holes in the wall.

“What I don’t understand is why Luna and her guards are even here Star?” Dustpan asked as two soldiers threw a net over a mare wearing a judge’s outfit, who was doing her best to take down soldiers with custard pies.

Star’s face glowed with embarrassment, “Well you see once I was out of immediate danger I was put in the recovery ward and that’s where Luna found me.”

“That’s very farsighted of Luna, has she been dabbling in time magic again?” Screwball asked curiously as Discord and Luna completed another 'lap' of the manor.

“I don’t think so,” Star replied, “I had written her some letters about what was going on and I guess she finally found the time to come and see what all the fuss was about.”

Dustpan nodded before ducking a bag of flour which flew out from the scrum, “That seems reasonable I guess: So you told her to come and save the day?”

Star’s face became serious at this question, “Well actually no, she was halfway through asking me about the situation when the magical wards around H.I.P suddenly sounded a warning. Every unicorn in the city must have felt the power being thrown about it; made me shudder and I was the other side of Canterlot.”

Screwball smiled, “Yeah that was just daddy letting off some steam.”

“Well it certainly got Luna’s attention and without another word she galloped off to summon the guards,” Star Glancer explained.

“Hang on, if Luna left you at the hospital how come you’re here now?” Dustpan asked as Discord smashed a table over Luna’s head. She swayed before grinning and hurled an expensive looking armchair back at her attacker.

The gilded, red covered seat struck Discord’s body and threw him into an already weakened pillar which crumbled upon impact. This caused the mass of ponies all around to scatter in dismay. The three onlookers watched the battle continue to unfold for a moment before Star replied.

“Well I wasn’t going to sit around and do nothing while you had all the fun." She grinned, "Plus when a mountain of grapes erupted under my bed, being quickly followed big a giant card apologising for putting me in hospital nearly flattened me I thought it was a good idea to take more direct action,” Star laughed softly and was quickly joined by Screwball and Dustpan.

The conversation faltered as several members of the Night Guard galloped past being chased by Huge Jelly, riding a rolling jam jar the size of a cart, before Star smiled happily at the pair, “So you popped the question then?”

Dustpan stared into Screwballs slowly spinning swirls and nodded happily, “Yes and it was the best choice I ever made.” Screwball leaned in close and snuggled up against Dustpan’s shoulder, a contented smile across her muzzle.

“Well I’m all for whirlwind romances Dusty, when I met my special somepony it took us all of six weeks from first kiss to standing at the altar,” Star’s eyes took on a faraway look, “Those were the days, speaking of which have you two set a date?”

Dustpan’s muzzle creased, “You know Star I hadn’t thought that far ahead; what do you think Screwy?”

Screwball tapped her chin and the little propeller on her hat spun all the faster, “How about a week on Thursday?”

“You really think we can get everything ready in time? I have to speak to my folks, there are invitations and all sorts to do Screwy,” Dustpan said in a doubtful manner.

Screwball just giggled, “Not to worry Dusty, once dad’s finished having it out with Luna I’m sure he could sort everything out with a few snaps of his claws.” The sudden image of Discord giving away Screwball danced across Dustpan’s mind: That thought was a real wake up call, “Well I er....”

The awkward moment was interrupted as a pair of wrestling ponies careened into the table and knocked its contents flying. As cups plates and croissants filled the air Screwball tapped Dustpan’s nose playfully, “You just leave those little worries to old Screwball; don’t fret Dusty I have a plan.” She paused for a moment, “But I will need your input on what colour napkins, plus you will need to be measured for your suit, oh this is so exciting!”

Screwball rubbed her hooves together, “Plus I haven’t met your folks yet Dusty, that will have to be arranged.....”

The details washed over Dustpan: Star Glancer and Screwball chatting animatedly about bride’s maids, flower arrangements and a thousand other things that were needed. It was strange to see Screwball acting so ‘normal’ and the idea of having Discord as a kind of 'father in law' was still lurking dangerously at the back of his mind.

“.....Then we can put the dancing hippos here and the alligator pool over here....” Screwball continued as she quickly filled a piece of paper with crayon drawings and Dustpan felt much better, the world was making 'sense' again.

---

Many months later:

Dustpan wheeled his mop and bucket across the mismatched tiled floor and gave a contented sigh. Life was good; he had a new job, one that paid far better than his last one. Not that he did it for the money of course, he and Screwy had all the bits they could ever want. No he cleaned because he enjoyed doing it.

“Evening Screw Loose, had a good day?” Dustpan called as he saw the pony in question trot through the main doors to H.I.P. Upon hearing his call she glanced at Dustpan and barked cheerfully. Dustpan listened to the reply before nodding, “I see and then what did you do?”

Screw Loose yipped and barked her way through the responce and Dustpan smiled in a knowing way, “She’s fine as far as I aware, but I’ll be sure to let Screwy know you said so.” Screw Loose looked like she was going to say more, but evidently decided against it and pressed on, leaving Dustpan to his cleaning.

Today the floor was covered in what looked to be pizza mixed with roses, not the strangest thing Dustpan had cleared away, but no less rewarding as his regular strokes revealed the crazy patterns below. There was something immensely fulfilling about making things clean again that called to Dustpan’s soul.

Dustpan whistled to himself as he worked, a cheery tune he’d heard this morning while shopping with Screwball. Canterlot had never seemed so bright and alive before, the ponies all appeared happier, the sun brighter and the smells more vibrant than ever before.

The couple’s weekly visit to the market was more of an excuse to see the world outside than to gather supplies, Screwball had insisted that they keep doing things that ‘normal’ ponies do and every day she learned something that fascinated her. Dustpan was only too happy to comply, the way her face shone when she discovered a normal fact of life that he took for granted made Dustpan’s heart bounce with happiness.

It wasn’t all one way either, Screwball had been teaching him about the world behind H.I.P’s doors and so Dustpan had been taken on leisurely walks through fields of hose pipes, swam in lakes of syrup and climbed chocolate mountains: All the better to be spending time with his wife.

Since Dustpan had said the words “I do,” he had never looked back. Things had just gotten better and better as he and Screwball began to make their new lives together. Oh there had been a few tense moments and a couple of arguments, married life was an effort, but Dustpan had always believed that anything worth doing took effort.

“Hi ya Dusty, evening shift again?” Dustpan’s musings were interrupted by a pink blur that bounced happily along the now sparkling floor.

“Yeah Pinkie, how about you, Filling in for somepony again?” Dustpan asked politely.

To his surprise Pinkie shook her head, “Nope just visiting Screwy, she said she had something important to ask me.”

His interest peaked, Dustpan would have asked further, but before he got the chance Pinkie Pie bounced through a door and was gone. Shaking his head Dustpan went back to his mopping, there were still a large number of odd things he didn’t understand about this place and so one more mystery didn’t bother him all that much.

Dustpan had nearly finished the corridor when he encountered a spreading pool of jam, looking up Dustpan saw the smiling face of Huge Jelly beaming at him, “Hi Dusty, just wanted to pass on this congratulations card, it’s a bit late but I get there in the end.”

The slightly sticky envelope was thrust into Dustpan’s hooves and he grinned back at Huge with an appreciative smile, “Thanks, don’t worry about it being late, it’s the thought that counts.” Dustpan shook his head and chuckled: It had been several months since the happy day when he’d become part of the 'family' and cards and well wishes were still filtering in; time was subjective here so that didn’t surprise him.

What did seem strange was that Dustpan was pretty sure he’d already gotten a congratulations card from Huge; and Screw Loose seemed overly interested in Screwball’s health; It was a passing wonder and Dustpan shrugged it off as he began mopping up the mess left by Huge’s sticky hoof prints.

Whistling again, Dustpan uncovered the last of the floor and was about to ‘congratulate’ himself on a task well done when another voice called out to him, “Well colt, it seems I have gravely miss judged you.”

Dustpan looked around for the speaker before finally noticing Discord’s reflection in the now sparkling tiles below his hooves, “Oh hi Discord, I’m glad you think so.” Dustpan leant on his mop and smiled at his father in law.

“Indeed, I have to admit this parenting thing is full of surprises that I would have never expected,” Discord’s reflection studied his eagles claw in a thoughtful manner, “I was so afraid of losing her Dustpan, but Screwy is as happy as I have ever seen her.”

Dustpan smiled, hoping that he was finally getting back on good terms with Discord, “Well she’s a wonderful young mare ‘father’.” (Dustpan still couldn’t get his head around the idea of calling Discord ‘dad’)

Discord laughed, “That she is my colt, that she is.”

There was an awkward moment where neither father nor son in-law knew what to say, “Well I know you don’t like me Discord, but we both have the same goal of making Screwball happy right?” Dustpan suggested.

Discord nodded before flowing out of the floor so that he was standing before Dustpan, an intense expression in his eyes, “Indeed Dustpan, as I said before this parenting thing is still new to me even after all these years and to see my little Screwball growing up so fast....” Discord sighed, “I just got a little over protective I guess.”

He held out a claw and Dustpan shook it hesitantly, “We both did things that may be considered foolish Discord, but I guess it all works out alright in the end huh?”

Discord nodded solemnly before a grin spread across his face, “Well if you want any tips my colt then you only have to ask.”

Dustpan was taken aback, “What do you mean?”

Discord’s grin only widened, “Oh you will see,” and before Dustpan could enquire further Discord vanished in a flash.

The hairs on Dustpan’s neck began to creep upwards, something was definitely going on here. He reviewed what everyone had been saying to him today and felt his suspicions rise. Very slowly Dustpan took out the card from Huge Jelly and looked it over, it was congratulation for him getting married right?

With mounting fear and excitement in equal measure Dustpan carefully undid the jam-smeared envelope and gradually pulled out card within. He stood there for a moment, his face completely blank and he read the title. With exaggerated purpose Dustpan pulled open the happy card and studied the words within.

After another pause, Dustpan’s muzzle formed into a huge grin, almost as big as Discord’s had been before he tore off down the corridor. He was so excited that he dropped the card in his haste and the simple message fluttered to the ground to land open on the slightly damp tiles:

Dear Dustpan and Screwball, many heartfelt congratulations from all the staff here at H.I.P, may your filly or colt be beautiful and crazy enough to make us all proud!

The End.

Comments

[Clear_Skies]

How? How has this story gotten so few likes?
It's just over the top enough without being blatantly annoying or self aggrandizing.
Sure it is a quick romance, but it is a chaotically silly one that helps to make sense as to why the romance grew as it did!
Thank you for giving me something fun to read, really do like seeing Screwball get plenty of interaction!
Now if only Screw loose hade more stories in the same vein!