Meeting 'Father'

by Golden Paw

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven.

“Dustpan I must insist you stop this right now!” Star Glancer shrilled as the determined stallion pulled yet another draw out of the desk and continued rummaging.

Star could only watch in mounting dismay as Dustpan rifled through her belongings as, not even wait for a reply, Dustpan pushed past Star, a resolute expression engraved upon his face.

“I’m going after her Star; I know it sounds crazy, but you’re not going to stop me,” Dustpan stated as further draws were hauled out and its contents unceremoniously dumped onto the floor.

Star Glancer winced as more of her neat and tidy notes were scattered across the rug, months of careful organisation ruined in a moment of wilful disregard.

“Dusty, stop! For one thing you’re not making any sense, going after whom?” Star shouted desperately, as yet more files and papers fountained down.

Dustpan ignored the question as he looked from one sheet of paper to another before turning his attention to the next set of ordered files, “Don’t try to stop me Star, she can’t be willingly staying away: He must be stopping her!”

The targeted files were enveloped in a magical glow as Star lifted what she could out of Dustpan’s reach, “Slow down Dusty, you don’t seriously mean Screwball?”

At the mention of the young mare’s name a shudder went through Dustpan and he turned his intense eyes on Star Glancer, “Of course I mean Screwball! Discord must be holding her captive!”

Blinking a few times Star leaned back from the shouting Dustpan, watching his feverish stare with mounting concern. Her face became one of understanding, “Oh Dusty you really have been spending too much time with that crazy pair, Screwball’s not being held captive; it’s all in the letter Discord sent me if you would only read it.”

She waved the paper before Dustpan who glanced momentarily at it before snorting with derision, “Oh yeah, like I trust anything that guy has to say.” He rolled his eyes and went back to rifling through Star’s papers, “You didn’t see him Star, the way he spoke and looked: Discord didn’t want me to see Screwball anymore and now she’s gone.”

Star wilted as she heard the longing in Dustpan’s voice. Oh dear, oh dear she smiled sadly as the frantic Dustpan destroyed yet more of her careful sorting. He really did have it bad. Star Glance carefully tucked the rescued files away before resting a conciliatory hoof on Dustpan’s shoulder, “Dear Dusty, I do believe you’re truly smitten aren’t you?”

He rounded on her with tears rimming his desperate eyes, “No, I, maybe, No!” Dustpan sank down as he sat unsteadily among the documents littering the ground, “Maybe....I just want to see her again and make sure she’s okay.”

Star shook he head gently as Dustpan starred at the floor despairingly. The poor colt had only been away from the filly for a few hours and was ready to burst into tears. Star was keenly reminded of her own dabbling in romance and how much it hurt when you found out it wasn’t all smiles and sunshine.

Moving to hug the trembling Dustpan, Star smiled sadly as he shook, “Now did Discord say you could never see her again?”

Still not looking up, Dustpan shook his head, “No but he had that tone. I saw his eyes Star they weren’t happy at all: He’s never going to let me see Screwball again.”

Star scrunched up her muzzle, “Well that may be true, but have you ever thought it better that you’re well out of it? You said before you didn’t have a choice.”

His tears flowed freely as Dustpan fixed her with a stare of hopelessness and Star nodded in understanding, “Okay so why in the wide world of Equestria did you think I could help you? I’m retired Dusty.”

Dustpan sniffled before pulling himself together enough to speak, “Well you worked for the Princesses, I thought you would have some sort of spell or something to get me into Discord’s realm?”

Star chuckled, “No, no, no; I have nothing like that Dusty, I’m an informant not a secret agent. You’d need to be a very powerful unicorn or alicorn to manage something like that and sadly I’m neither.” Star Glancer did however feel the stirrings of a plan that just might work.

The look of despair clouded Dustpan’s face again and Star couldn’t help but grin mischievously, “Thankfully we don’t need to break into Discord’s realm.”

Dustpan’s face creased up in confusion as Star bounced her eyebrows, “We can just trot right on in of course.”

---

“Did you really have to shave half my mane off?” Dustpan asked flatly.

“Yes,” Star replied.

“And draw these silly faces on me?” Dustpan asked further.

“Yes,” Star answered levelly.

“And what about.....” Dustpan began before Star snapped.

“Yes Dusty, we had to and maybe you will think twice before ruining my files hmmm?” She grinned wickedly as Dustpan felt his cheeks glowing with embarrassment.

Star Glancer led the way along the crowded streets of Canterlot, a smug air following in her wake and Dustpan had to fight not to hide his head as ponies all around watched him with wide eyes.

“Surely we could have gone at a less busy time Star, everypony is staring at me,” Dustpan almost pleaded as small foals pointed and whispered to their parents.

“We have to go during normal visiting hours Dusty, that’s now,” Star Glancer simpered happily as a small pack of giggling fillies past by, all chatting to each other with amused glee. Dustpan cringed and closed his eyes to hide himself from the bemused looks.

“You’re not twitching enough Dusty, you need to make this look good or all our efforts will be wasted,” Star cautioned with just that little hint of pleasure.

Dustpan certainly felt his lip trembling; that took no effort at all. Dustpan’s hooves ached from the odd shoes he was forced to wear and even as he dared to open an eye he saw his reflection in a shop window and winced.

His half shorn mane was pink with yellow patches; his grey fur was daubed with smiley faces and squiggles, worst of all: He was wearing a ballerina’s outfit and four odd boots. Dustpan was ready to weep as yet more bemused faces watched him all the way to the magic quarter of the city and Discord’s ‘Home for Interesting Ponies’.

When Star Glancer had first suggested the scheme it had seemed a good idea to Dustpan, but now, feeling utterly ridiculous he was having serious second thoughts. Of all the ponies about only the guards seemed not to be phased by Dustpan’s appearance and he was grateful for that at least.

He allowed himself to be led under a looming archway that indicated they were approaching their destination and Dustpan felt a tingle dance across his body. Star was similarly afflicted and muttered unhappily, “I’ll never get used to that, no matter how many times I come here.”

Dustpan momentarily forgot his getup and watched Star with a quizzical expression before she explained further, “Discord’s home and treatment centre is heavily warded by magical spells, can’t be having all that chaos spilling out into the city.” Star Glancer shivered, “Not like last time.”

He was about to ask more when a blue blur bumped into him and apologised, “Oh sorry didn’t see you there,” The blur resolved itself into a mare with a big smile on her muzzle. She eyed Dustpan for a moment before her face broke into a happy grin, “Oh it’s you, so great to see you again. Dustpan was it?”

Dustpan blinked before focusing on the pony before him, “Er yes; Screw Loose right?”

Screw Loose beamed at him, “Sorry about that, saw a cart and just had to chase it.”

Dustpan thought for a moment, “Ah yes the dog biscuits and things, don’t ponies get upset when you chase their carts?”

Screw Loose looked genuinely confused, “Why would they? I was rushing to get a taxi; you would think they would be happy for the business.”

Dustpan back peddled, “Oh yes I er sorry.”

She smiled indulgently, “Not to worry Dustpan, like the outfit by the way.”

He remembered what he was wearing and felt the embarrassment rising again, “Oh yeah this, I er...”

Screw Loose just laughed, “So glad you came back, I had a feeling you would; I have a nose for these things.” Her face fell, “But as for me I have a cart to catch, must dash, but hope to see you during free time again!”

Dustpan watched the retreating Screw Loose with an ominous sense of dread, what he was about to do was finally hitting home: They were going to ‘commit’ Dustpan to get him back into H.I.P and to find Screwball.

“Isn’t that sweet, I mean I know Discord is well Discord, but I am forced to admit he gets results, “Star Glancer said in a cheerful manner as she prodded Dustpan to keep moving.

The outward face of H.I.P was disappointingly normal and could have easily been mistaken for your average stately home of Canterlot’s social cream. It had rising towers with red tiles, pillars of white marble and a general look of respectability.

Dustpan wouldn’t have been surprised to see a pony of ‘Fancy Pants’ ilk trotting out of the embossed wooden doors leading to the clinic, feeling almost cheated by the plain golden plaque mounted next to the main doors displaying: Discord’s Home for Interesting Ponies, Helping Head Cases since Four P.P.T.A

“P.P.T.A?” Dustpan asked Star, who suddenly looked nervous.

She shook herself before responding distractedly, “Hmmm, oh Pre Princess Twilight’s Ascension: The clinic was only founded four years after Twilight became an alicorn.”

Dustpan’s mind juddered, “Wait, wait, this place was founded before Discord even met...”

“It’s best not to think about it Dusty. That kind of message is just an introduction to what goes on in there,” Star commented uncertainly. She swung around and looked Dustpan right in the eyes, “Are you sure you’re willing to do this Dusty, I mean we can always..”

He snorted, “After all I have done to come this far? No chance: I’m going in.”

Star closed her eyes and drew a calming breath, “Okay then; let’s make this look good.”

---

“Heeellllowie! Welcome to H.I.P I really think you will enjoy your stay here!” Dustpan’s face was a picture of utter bemusement as he watched the pink pony before him.

Of all the things he had expected, Dustpan would not have planned on meeting one of the famous Element Bearers here and he stared in amazement as no other pony than Pinkie Pie sat behind the reception desk. Her excited blue eyes locked with Star’s and her already wide smile impossibly grew, “Hey it’s Star Glancer, how’s it going Nosey-Mcnose-Pants?”

The reception area was just as finely decorated as the outside of H.I.P, but that was where the order ended and the chaos began. Not two pieces of furniture were alike, the floor was covered in the alternating checkerboard patterns that Discord was so fond of.

It appeared that Star was just as taken aback by this turn of events as she stood there, her mouth moving slowly but silently. Star shook for a moment before responding, “Pinkie Pie, what in the name of Luna are you doing here?”

Pinkie Pie beamed, “Just filling in for somepony, even the 'coo-coo' need a day off every so often.”

Dustpan’s mouth hung open, “You’re Pinkie Pie, as in The Pinkie Pie .”

“Yep I’m The Pinkie Pie, Pinkie replied before producing a small official looking card, “So who’s the lucky pony being checked in today?”

It took a few moments for Star Glancer to catch up with the question, “What? Oh this is,” She risked a look at Dustpan before responding, “This is ‘Bouncy Smile’, he’s an old work friend of mine but has recently developed some problems.” Dustpan quickly twitched on cue and stuck his tongue out at an odd angle, doing his best to go cross-eyed.

Pinkie Pie nodded sagely, “Of course , of course, I understand. So he’s pretending to be loco in the coco to sneak in, find his filly friend, tell her he loves her and rescue said filly from the dastardly clutches of Discord right?” Both Star Glancer and Dustpan froze slack jawed as Pinkie Pie rambled on happily.

“Um yes,” Dustpan managed to say, his brain fast pouring down the drain.

Pinkie quickly scribbled down something on the admissions card with a cheerful smile, “In that case I would advise you to avoid rooms three through nineteen; Discord is holding a therapy session of introspection and self awareness. Screwball was last seen heading for the cafeteria for her lunch break.”

Pinkie Pie handed the small card to Dustpan who glanced at it gingerly and saw that it indeed bore the writing: Dustpan, highly dangerous mission to rescue the filly he loves. He stared at the writing for a long moment before his gaze travelled up to Pinkie Pie who was still smiling happily at him, “Um thank you?”

Pinkie nodded, “You’re welcome Dusty, through that door, second left and finally third right should lead you straight to Screwball.” Dustpan looked to the indicated door, its gold edged glass frame invitingly open. Pinkie then handed the pair some brown paper bags, “Lunches, if you’re heading for the cafeteria then you need to blend in.”

“How....why?” Dustpan asked in utter confusion before Star Glancer pushed him forward.

“Don’t look gift horses in the mouth Dusty,” Star admonished before shoving Dustpan towards the door and smiling at Pinkie Pie, “Thanks Pinkie.”

Pinkie Pie waved them off cheerfully before both Star and Dustpan stepped through the door only to find themselves standing before a pit filled with red goo.

Dustpan leant forward and sniffed; his nose filling with a sweet smell, “Strawberry jam?”

“Oh dear,” Star stammered as the door closed behind the pair, “I knew this was a bad idea.”

Dustpan jumped as the doors they just passed through (now being made of very solid looking oak) Slammed heavily behind them and turned his fearful eyes to Star Glancer, “What do you mean oh dear?

Star looked uncertain, “Well I trust Pinkie Pie of course, but...” Dustpan didn’t feel at all reassured by her tone.

“Well then what’s the problem?” Dustpan asked as he dipped his hoof in the sugary gloop and licked it.

“I really hate Strawberries, “ Star explained, “They bring me out in a rash.”

He cocked an eyebrow, “Well you don’t have to eat it?”

Star shook her head, “No, no; just touching it will cause me to puff up like a balloon and if that’s really Strawberry jam then Discord already knows we’re here.”

Looking, Dustpan saw the pit was probably too wide to jump, but mercifully not very deep: He may be able to wade through? A plan was forming, but it did mean leaving Star behind, “Well you could wait here while I press on?” The words had barely left Dustpan's mouth when a sinister voice called out:

“I would suggest that you start running,” The taunting sound of Discord’s voice echoed down the corridor, quickly followed by sinister laughter.

Before either pony could say anything more a creaking sounded behind them and to their horror, the passageway began to shrink. The door itself began to buckle and split as the green and blue wallpapered walls began to constrict and the ceiling bowed downwards. It was as if a huge hand was squeezing the corridor and the constriction was slowly moving towards the pair.

Dustpan’s wide eyes met with Stars and they both looked further along to see the shrinkage was forcing them forward. Without even a moment’s thought Dustpan threw himself bodily into the pit of strawberry jam and quickly sunk in up to his flank.

“Star; use me as a stepping stone!” Dustpan shouted, bracing his legs and firming his stance.

Star Glancer hesitated, only for the constricting passage to slowly push her forward towards the pit. Frantically she scrabbled with her fore hooves until there was no option. With a muttering curse, Star pushed off with her back legs and landed unsteadily on Dustpan’s back.

The impact of her hooves caused Dustpan to falter and even though he tried his best to be a solid launch pad for Star she slipped. Before he could correct his mistake one of Star’s hooves sunk into the red jam before she pushed off and landed on the far side of the pit.

Dustpan heaved himself out and looked sorrowfully at Star who was cursing loudly as and trying to wipe the jam off against the floor. Discord’s laughter still resounded around the passage as the Star’s worst prediction came true. Even as dustpan watched the contaminated hoof began to turn an angry-red and puff up.

“Sorry Dusty, I told you I was getting too old for this kind of thing,” She smiled sadly, “don’t worry it isn’t dangerous as long as I don’t swallow any; but it does mean I won’t be going anywhere fast I....” Suddenly Star Glancer vanished with a pop.

“As much fun as this is I don’t want your health to be in danger Miss Star: I have no quarrel with you and so I will get you some treatment,” The mocking voice of Discord interrupted, leaving a jam smothered and shocked Dustpan alone in the rapidly shrinking passageway.

“I do apologise about this all Dustpan, ‘Hugh Jelly’ does have a habit of leaving his baths lying around. Such a shame that Star won’t be able to follow you further,” Discord’s disembodied voice called out, following Dustpan as he galloped away from the diminishing corridor.

“I thought we had a deal Dustpan: I would call you if I needed you to come and keep Screwball company, but here you are (In very fetching attire I might add) and so I start to wonder why?” Discord’s words chased Dustpan as he ran forward, the walls all around him bulging and little wisps of smoke began to filter through the floor.

Dustpan counted one turn off before darting down the second just as Pinkie Pie had instructed, The ground under his hooves becoming gritty and he was sure the smell of brimstone forced its way into his nostrils, even through the heavy aroma of strawberry jam.

“I normally would let my dear little Screwball have her heart’s desire you know and until now she’s been very happy with what I provided,” Dustpan’s ears resounded with the sinister voice of Discord even as he counted the junctions in a rapidly dissolving path. With each hoof fall less and less of the disordered finery could be seen, being replaced with desolate wastelands, jagged fissures and green flames.

One, two.... Dustpan counted, doing his best to ignore the constant ramblings of Discord, which now seemed to be coming from right beside his ear in a low whisper, “But then you stumbled into our lives, filling her head with ideas of ‘normality’ and as a good ‘father’ I gave her room to explore and find out: I was patient.”

Three... Dustpan skidded on the grey uneven rock, sending pebbles and loose stones scattering as he dived to the right and saw with a flash of hope the pony he’d been searching for: Screwball was lying belly down, back legs stretched out behind her, chin resting on one fore hoof while the other doodled on a piece of paper.

Screwball was lying on a room sized piece of red carpet, while everywhere else was the harsh, cold stone. Dustpan saw the bed she’d first fallen asleep in, a cupboard with foal like pictures of ponies and scenes from Canterlot adorning them. He saw a little chest carved with dancing draconequui adorning it.

The final furnishing was a dresser, with a heart shaped mirror backing it, Dustpan saw even more pictures: foal drawings of a pony that looked very much like himself, blue cap and all, surrounded by little hearts and his own leaped. She does like me!

Dustpan accelerated, his vision narrowing to the young mare who he realised he didn’t want to be without, “Screwy I’m...”

The crack of thunder drowned out Dustpan’s shout and he was hurled back as suddenly the towering form of Discord appeared in a whirlwind of strange colours and noises, “I can live with all that, but what I will not have is my little Screwball falling in love with a garbage pony: A boring earth pony who has the dullest job I can think of. One who thinks that working hard and earning his way is the right thing to do.”

Discord’s voice was barely more than a whisper, but it shook the very ground that Dustpan had been flung onto by the enraged draconequus’ arrival, “I gave you money, I gave you what you seemed to want out of life, I fixed it so that you never had to see Screwball again, but would you stay away? No of course not!”

Discord was massive, far larger than Dustpan had ever seen him and he towered over the recumbent pony like an angry god of ancient myth. His eyes, two burning coals of darkness easily the size of Celestia, regarded Dustpan with bottomless anger, “What do you have to say for yourself little pony? Will you tempt my anger again?”

Dustpan trembled; he was rightly terrified, but a fire of his own had been lit within him. The fact that Screwball was being denied him because Discord thought he wasn’t good enough was like a raging inferno in his heart. He loved Screwball, Dustpan knew that now. All her little odd ways, all the crazy things she did and even how she scared him at times. Dustpan loved it all and would not back down until he knew if she really felt the same way about him.

Still shaking, Dustpan forced his trembling legs to make him stand before he stared into Discord’s burning eyes. It was the hardest thing Dustpan had ever done, meeting the gaze of those two gateways into utter darkness. The words were forming in his mouth and before he could stop them they escaped into the world, “I love Screwball Discord, and if you truly love her too then you will let her be free to choose for herself.”

It wasn’t a shout, it wasn’t a resounding call, it wasn’t even a raised voice, but it carried all the power of a meteor strike and for a moment even the towering form of Discord full of anger swayed at the force of that statement.

Discord seemed to consider that challenge for what felt like an eternity to Dustpan. The massive head of Discord turned slowly about to study the blissfully unaware Screwball who still doodled peacefully, before swinging around to regard the trembling Dustpan.

In a voice that cracked the world with its quiet threat Discord gave his reply, “No little pony, I think not.” Before Dustpan could move a muscle Discord snapped his fingers and the world went mad.

---

Dustpan floated in the bluish/purple liquid, not sure which way was up or down. It wasn’t a bad feeling of weightlessness once he overcame the terror of being submerged in what tasted suspiciously like plum jam.

He had tried to hold his breath for the first minute or so, but eventually his lungs screamed for air and the desperate stallion sucked in a huge breath of the syrupy mixture. To Dustpan’s utter astonishment he didn’t choke but felt the rich mass fill his lungs with a flavour of crisp grass-scented hills.

Flailing his hooves about himself Dustpan managed to spin around to survey his new situation. There was a pale glow that seemed to have no discernible source: Bouncing off the dancing bubbles which flowed in every direction amongst the other floating detritus within the suspension.

Dustpan looked about with his sun-yellow eyes to see he was not alone in this strange place: Off to one side he saw a grandfather clock drifting serenely, while just ‘above’ his head Dustpan was sure he recognised the huge form of a stone lion statue; caught in mid pounce making steady progress away from the bemused stallion. These were only a tiny fraction of the junk floating all around Dustpan and he couldn’t see an end to the vista before him in any direction.

A waft of movement caused Dustpan’s pink died mane to sweep around and enmesh his muzzle with its untidy strands, feeling like a giant jelly fish was slowly smothering him. Frantically Dustpan cleared his view with a grey hoof and was greeted by the slowly spinning eyes of Screwball regarding him with playful amusement.

Okay I know I’ve seen this before, Dustpan thought even as he tried to remember how he’d gotten here. He slowly spun himself around with determined thrusts of his hooves so that Dustpan was eye to eye with Screwball, “Screwy, are you alright?”

“Of course Dusty, I’m fine, you however have really made a mess of things again,” Screwball commented with a sad grin.

Dustpan floated in the strange fluid as he tried to understand what Screwball was getting at, “I came to rescue you Screwy, what’s wrong with that?”

Screwball winked at the him with twitching eyeball before her muzzle broke into a lopsided grin and Dustpan felt the strange sense of familiarity flow through him. “Oh Dusty, now we will have to hide here for a few years, pop out before we left and then you can meet ‘father’ all over again huh? I think that will be fabulous the third time around and maybe you can finally get on his good side this time?”

Dustpan shook his head, Okay now I know I have done this before, he peered at Screwball with suspicion, “Third time Screwy?”

Screwball giggled as her propeller hat spun lazily, causing further ripples in the sticky material surrounding the pair, “Oh Dusty you’re so silly sometimes, but at least you’re finally catching on to how things work here. Yes the third time, I promised I’d make things up to you and I still plan to, but you’re making it so difficult you know.”

Dustpan glanced around; his suspicions growing further, “All the while helping me get the girl of my dreams huh?”

“Glad we got that point sorted,” Screwball commented in an off hoof way before the strange light all around them dimmed and Dustpan felt another stirring in the ‘air’ as something brushed past his back legs.

Dustpan felt the fear rising in his chest, “No, no, don’t tell me ‘razor clams’ right?”

Screwball followed Dustpan’s worried gaze and released another giggle which trembled the liquid into strange patterns, “Yep, father’s razor clams; they must have smelt us and are looking for food.”

“So you brought me here rather than Discord?” Dustpan asked, ignoring the gathering swarm of bladed creatures circling them.

Dustpan saw the clams clearly this time and was oddly unafraid of those spikes and blades sticking out at dangerous angles. The small balls of quickly spinning barbed wire were becoming more agitated by the moment; their forms spinning faster and faster even as they crept closer to the pair of ponies.

Screwball hugged her tangled tail and spun lazily in the ‘air’ before Dustpan, “Of course Dusty, I couldn’t have father banishing you to Tartarus as a squeaky toy now could I.”

Dustpan conceded the point, “Well no, but call me crazy; being eaten alive by razor clams doesn’t sound much better Screwy.”

She giggled, stopping her lazy spin and finishing upside down before Dustpan with a joyful sparkle in her swirling eyes, “Oh Dustpan I would love to call you crazy, you certainly look the part now.”

Dustpan nodded, “Well that’s true I guess, but the clams?”

Screwball laughed again and removed the brown paper bag from behind Dustpan’s ear, “Clever Pinkie Pie, always thinking ahead that one,” Before Dustpan could ask further Screwball tore open the paper and released a cloud of potatoes into the ‘water’.

The razor clams dived in, their true target now revealed and busied themselves in peeling the root vegetables with every sign of enjoyment. “Told you it began with a ‘P’, and you thought it was ponies,” Screwball giggled and she shook her head in disappointment.

Dustpan watched as the clams finished their work, leaving the slowly spinning potatoes shorn of their skins and sliced into thousands of different party shapes, stars, balloons and little draconequui. He felt the relief welling up inside himself and laughed out loud alongside Screwball as the shoal of clams buzzed off into the distance.

The moment passed and Dustpan looked Screwball deeply in the eyes, noting that she really was very pretty, especially when her mane flowed and danced that way in the jam, but beyond that, it was her playful and innocent soul that drew Dustpan in. Under all that eccentric exterior, Dustpan knew Screwball to be kind, thoughtful and highly intelligent He wondered how he could not have seen these things sooner.

“Screwball I love you, you’re amazing and funny and....” Dustpan began before she placed a hoof on his muzzle and winked playfully at him.

“Oh Dusty I know that already, you already told me twice before,” Screwball said in a knowing way before leaning forward and tilting her head.

Dustpan didn’t fight it and closed his eyes as Screwball’s lips met his. The world seemed to spin around him as they hugged each other tightly and all the worries of the world vanished in that brief moment before Screwball pulled back with a dreamy look in her swirling eyes.

“We still need to resolve things with your ‘father’ Screwy, he made it very clear that he wasn’t happy about all this,” Dustpan said in a dazed fashion.

Screwball only grinned wider as she stroked Dustpan’s mane affectionately, “We’ll talk with him Dusty, make him see sense.”

Dustpan laughed again, hugged Screwball tightly and to his joy she returned it with equal vigour, “So how are we going to do that Screwy?”

She winked at Dustpan mischievously, “Don’t worry Dusty I have a plan.”

---

Discord’s fury was a tangible force: The very air around him rippled with possibility as party squeakers, confetti and small wheels of cheese flashed into existence before transforming into bubbles and in one case a very confused rainbow racoon.

“Dustpan! I know you’re here somewhere, being made a chew toy is too good for you my colt!” Discord raged as he rent reality with every swipe of his claw. One moment the little pony who had caused so much trouble was before him and then in a flash Dustpan was gone.

Several rooms in Discord’s domain had already been ripped apart in his determined search of the realm to find Dustpan and banish him once and for all, “When I get my claws on you the ponies of Equestria will write stories of your suffering!”

Discord slowly demolished another banqueting hall, disassembling the furniture atom by atom before remaking them into every flavour of jellybean conceivable. The normally excited and happy staff of H.I.P were cowering from their patron’s anger: None of them had ever seen Discord this angry before.

Where was Screwball? She could normally be counted on to calm Discord if he ever got like this, but the young mare was nowhere to be found and this only seemed to increase Discord’s fury. He summoned a final blast of chaotic force that tore a rent in reality, boring a massive hole straight through the house before it finally shook the magical wards in place in Canterlot. His wrath spent, Discord sunk to the floor and to the amazement of everypony watching, began to weep.

“You can’t take her away from me Dustpan! I won’t let you!” Discord balled to the world at large and shook as sobbing overcame him; the tears rolling down his cheeks before shattering on the blasted ground as tiny alphabet crystals.

The staff and residents of H.I.P looked to one another all at a total loss. They had never seen Discord crying before and their already shaky grip on reality slipped further. Some of them laughed morbidly, others cried along with their doctor while many simply retreated into themselves until the whole strange event just went away.

As Discord wailed uncontrollably the sounds of determined hoof falls reverberated in the echoing hush that had fallen across Discord’s home. The residents looked up in hope as Screwball advanced along the path of devastation Discord had wrought, her tread definite and confident.

Discord’s miss matched ears pricked up as he heard the sound, before slowly raising his head and asked almost fearfully, “My dear little Screwy?”

Screwball advanced slowly, her expression as inscrutable as stone and Discord seemed to shrink beneath that swirling gaze, “Screwball you came back, I thought you had left me for that colt.”

She stepped up to Discord and watched her ‘father’ with an impassive stare that chilled him to the bone. After a long moment Screwball’s impassive face morphed until she studied Discord with a sad expression, “Daddy, father..” She began and fresh tears welled up in his eyes.

“Screwy listen I...” Discord began before Screwball pouted.

“No dad, for once you listen to me, You have been very naughty and I’m not impressed,” Screwball scolded and Discord flinched as if struck, “You have treated my friends terribly, Star Glancer is in hospital even as we speak and I have been forced to hide Dustpan from you again.”

The assembled crazies of H.I.P had never seen anything like this before as the ‘all powerful’ Discord sat there like a naughty child being reproved by its mother. He fidgeted and looked everywhere but straight at Screwball, “I did make sure she got to the hospital Screwy I....” Discord tried only for Screwball to snort angrily.

“Ah, ah, ah, no talking back dad; she would never have needed to do so if you hadn’t been such a big foal,” Screwball waved an admonishing hoof and to every pony’s surprise Discord whimpered like a puppy caught chewing the furniture.

“But I....” Discord tried again before Screwball folded her hooves in a no-nonsense manner.

“No dad, I don’t want to hear it, now this is how things are going to be: You are going to make a formal apology to Star Glancer, flowers and all, then we’re going to talk about Dustpan and your attempts to 'buy him off',” Screwball seemed tall and terrible, despite being a third Discord's size..

Discord opened his mouth before Screwball cocked an eyebrow at him and she simply said, “Hmmm?”

He closed it again and with a defeated sigh snapped his fingers, “Very well my dear, I have sent flowers, grapes and a very big sorry card to Star Glancer.”

Screwball nodded, “Very good, now about Dustpan.”

At the mention of his name Discord’s fire returned and he seemed to swell with power, “That pony is trying to take you away from me, I won’t...”

Screwball stamped an angry hoof and a flash of lightning lit the room for a moment, “Enough Dad! He is not trying to steal me away from you,” She took a calming breath before continuing on, “Father: I’m a big girl now, I need to start making my own decisions and I like Dustpan.”

Discord’s anger wasn’t spent however and he snarled, “But sweetie he’s just a refuse pony and not even that now, I will not have my daughter marry such a lowly...”

Screwball’s gaze could have melted reinforced steel, “Stop it Dad! You’re overreacting, are you worried he can’t provide for me is that it?” At Screwball’s words the room was suddenly swept up in a storm of raining bits, the gold coins tinkling and jangling all around; forming piles of glittering wealth that would make even Tip-bit salivate.

“Or is it that you think he will make me ‘normal’?” Discord was greeted by the unprecedented sight of Screwball removing her beloved propeller hat. The whole audience gasped as the swirling faded in Screwball’s eyes to be replaced by perfectly average brown pupils. Her mane and tail transformed into ordered black locks and her coat reformed into a chestnut hue.

Her point thoroughly made, Screwball became her old self again before replacing the cap which spun slowly on her head, “Or is it simply that you’re unhappy with the idea of an average pony with no amazing powers; who simply works hard and does his best to be a good, is beneath me?”

Discord starred at Screwball as if he’d never seen her before, his eyes wide with incomprehension and fear. She simply glared up at him and awaited his reply. After a moment of drawn out tension where Discord failed to give any explanation for his actions Screwball snorted.

“Now I know I’m still young and don’t know all that much of about life and such, but what I do know is how I feel, I love Dustpan dad; he’s kind, dedicated and came back for me despite all your attempts to prevent him,” Screwball said her voice heavy with determination, “He's just kept coming back, if that’s not enough to show you how much he cares then I give up on you.”

Screwball stared sadly at her father and uttered the words she’d been afraid of admitting for a long time, “I love you too Dad, but you can’t keep treating me like the little foal who came to you all those years ago. I have made my choice, I want to be with Dustpan and I want you to be a part of that too, but if you can’t get over your own prejudices, then I will leave you dad.

Discord writhed with indecision even as Screwball gave her ultimatum, “Don’t drive yourself away daddy. ”Screwball paused for a moment as she let this sink in, “Now I’m going to bring Dustpan here and you’re going to behave or I will never forgive you. Is that understood?”

Discord scrunched up his face in distaste, looking as if he was about to argue the point when he saw the determined look in Screwball’s eyes and bowed in defeat, “Very well my dear. I will try.”

Screwball smiled and galloped up to hug Discord tightly before the assembled ponies cheered, stomped and in one case barked loudly in approval; Discord smiled sheepishly before returning the embrace.

Screwball turned her head, looking back along the path of destruction before motioning for Dustpan to reveal himself. Gingerly Dustpan poked his still decorated muzzle around the edge the massive hole in the wall and slowly made his way towards the hugging pair.

The onlookers watched with baited breath as Dustpan approached and to their delight bowed, “Lord Discord, I humbly ask for permission to marry your daughter.”

There was a tense moment where Discord seemed to ripple with barely contained energy, before with a definite look from Screwball he nodded reluctantly. Rising to his hooves, Dustpan followed Screwball’s encouraging wave and joined in the group hug. If the cheers and celebrations were loud before, the roar that shook the room was deafening.

Dustpan, Screwball and Discord were soon buried under a tide of excited ponies; all honking, laughing and giggling madly. In the centre of it all Dustpan smiled at Screwball who lent forward and kissed him again. Time seemed to stand still for Dustpan and the cacophony of crazy sounds faded into the background.

“Screwy you know what, I think I could get used to this,” Dustpan said after they broke apart.

“Me too Dusty I...” Screwball began before the world exploded.

“Fear not loyal subjects your Princess is here to save you!” The bellowing call resounded throughout the halls of H.I.P and before Dustpan’s questing eyes could blink he felt himself pulled upwards. He desperately clung to Screwball’s hoof and the pair were pulled upwards to behold a scene of utter chaos:

Luna, glowing and terrible was hovering with steady beats of her wings, while all around members of the Night Guard poured in from every direction. Discord himself was now pinned against the far wall, cracks spreading out from his point of impact and blue a magical glow fastened about his neck.

“Discord you are hereby charged with Ponynapping, endangerment of royal agents and for violating your oath not to disturb the peace of Canterlot,” Luna announced with all the ferocity of a raging typhoon. Light crackled around her and thunder punctuated each word like the hammer of a titan.

Dustpan picked out the puffy face of Star Glancer looking up at him with triumph and it quickly dawned on Dustpan what must have happened, “Oh no Screwy it’s all....” he never got to finish his words as Screwball tilted his head round to meet her's and kissed him again before whispering:

“Just go with it Dusty, it'll be fine,” Dustpan smiled contentedly, shrugged and hugged Screwball tightly as the sounds of utter bedlam unfolded below them.