A magical storm rages across Equestria. Strange crystals fall from the sky each one containing a human child with magical abilities. each child has a mark on their left hands to signify their affinity of magic. Twighlight Sparkle, Apple Jack, Flutter Shy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, The Pincess Celestia and her sister Luna,and the ever adorable Cutie Mark Crusaders Apple Bloom, Sweety Bell, and Scoot-A-Loo try to co exist with the new species. Drama soon follows as they deal with:
Kuro: A 10 year old boy dealing with amnesia and nightmares. Has a habit of losing conciosness due to a wound on his fore head. Lives with Fluttershy
Mina: A young 5 year old girl who has no name and no past, tries her very best to warm up Luna's lonly heart.
Chapters (5)
Wow. You told me this took you two days to finish. It's alot better than my fic bro in a sense that you took the time to edit it. anyway chapter four will be up soon so keep your eyes peeled. and don't over exert yourself or obses yourself with this fic. i had a hard time plastering the wall you busted down. lol not really but still....... You just earned yourself a track and a fav
i will TRACK THIS TO SEE WHERE THIS PLAYS OUT
Tracked. I like the way this story is going, and as for marking them, great idea! Just like cutie marks.
Sun= magic of the light affinity. Basically this means that his magic is mostly healing and defensive, works better in sunlight.
The guy's solar-powered
328015 And I use my phone, also with Wi-Fi. Don't you wish EVERYTHING could be solar-charged?
Bro I noticed one or two mistakes. Please read the chapter carfully to see if you could find any more.
And as for the reference is it Devil May Cry?
My head! It hurts from the strain of trying to remember! He id bald, right?
330810 OWAITRITE. I cannot brain today. I have the dumb
Why did you spell it "Twighlight Sparkle" in the description?
"It was a beutiful sunny cloudless day in Equestria." - ...
It's "Fluttershy", not "Flutter Shy"
Looking at this first chapter, I can see that you need to learn some more about grammar and/or spelling
I shall now point you to... THIS WEBSITE!
when i think of kuro i keep thinking of Axel from K.H 2 and i dont like axel at all
343374 thank you, i know i have ahard time with that stuff, but the wii has no spell check so i kinda have to wing it on that department
343361 Sorry bout that, uh could you give me a list of mistakes then, mainly because I was mostly writng this chapter late at night and usually when i edit somethings escape my eye. I am very sorry if it is not correct.
it dosent bother me it's just who he reminds me of
keep writing get as many people as posssible to proofread and get their thoughts as many people you can bounce the storey off of it's a good storey keep writing
What about the shoutouts you promised. And didn't you say the chapter was going to be big ( around 3000 + words ).
i couldnt care howlong the chapter is as long as there is a next chapter im happy
417546
Thank you. As long as people keep reading it then I am happy.
More humans! and a female no less!
I'm waiting for the point that they all meet each other!
That is, if they do.
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534712 yep
thx
That really brightened my day
lol
534768 Glad i could help
Bro that unicorn you desrcibed was not Lyra. That was Colgate. Lyra is a green unicorn with green hair. The only thing you got right about her is the cutie mark. I highly suggest you make that change to avoid haters.
535498 *AHEM* Lyra IS aquamarine! Do you even know what the color looks like? Not trying to be mean, but you have your facts wrong.
535646 uh dude that is my twin brother...-_-. That aside I thank you and my brother for helping me out with this
535498 bro Blaze_Birn_Crash is one of my fav readers so please don't do anything to harsh to him kk
535646 Whoops sorry. I do have some color blindness so it looks different to me. But I digress, I was just trying to help my twin brother. I didn't meen to upset you, I'm sorry.
535764 oh. In that case, I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Actually, when I first read the comment, I didn't read who the commenter was.
I have suggestions on how to improve based on reading this first chapter.
Get a beta-reader to clean up mistakes that you can't see in your own writing, which happens to even the best writers.
Fluttershy and Applejack are not two words. Many other of the character's names were misspelled, as well.
Beautiful is spelled incorrectly in the first sentence. That kind of error you should not even need a beta reader to point out. Fix your spelling, this was not the only mistake.
Your grammar leaves much to be desired. Please learn to better utilize it before writing, trust me, people will only like your stories better if you do.
Oh, my god! I haven't finished reading even the first line and I already come across some irritating spelling mistakes