CHAPTER 1
It was a beutiful sunny cloudless day in Equestria. A cyan pegesus mare with a rainbow mane and a cloud with a lighting bolt rainbow for a cutie mark, was busy practicing some moves to show off to her heroes The Wonderbolts. Rainbow Dash was cheering herself on as she zoomed in the air trying to see if she could pull off her sonic rainboom again. Cheering her on was a very excitable light pink earth pony mare with a dark pink puffy mane that smelled faintly of cotten candy. Her cutie mark was three ballons.
"YOU CAN DO IT DASHIE!" Pinkie Pie cheered at the top of her lungs.
"Hah easy as pie." Rainbow Dash said as she continued to practice.
Mean while at the PonyVille Public Library a purple unicorn mare with an equelly purple mane with a hot pink stripe and a sparkle for a cutie mark chuckled as she heard her two friends outside. Oh how Twighlight Sparkle wanted to go out and play, but not right now for she had found a very interesting yet very dusty book somewhere in her library and she just had to read it for curiosity's sake. She was just about to turn the page as she looked at a basket that contained a loudly snorring wingless purple dragon with a green belly and green ears, curled around a small firey red and yellow pheonix chick who'se name was peewee.
"Oh Spike." Twighlight Sparkle said while holding back some chuckles, she soon got to reading the rest of her book.
"Oh why can't I find some insperation!" A white unicorn mare with a violet mane and three diamonds as her cutie mark cried while she was looking at one of her fashion dummies. " I have to make some sort of dress in time for the next galla but nooooo.... the dress is either to short or to tall or to puffy or to thin. Why have the fashion gods forsaken meeeee!"
"Oh come on Rarity it is just a stupid dress! Why don't you come out and play with me." An estatic greyish white unicorn filly with a light blue and light pink mane asked the over reacting unicorn.
"Hmmm... maybe you're right Sweety Bell. The galla is about eight months away so I can afford to goof off now and again. Now..." Rarity said as she was looking through her wardrobe. " What to wear on such a fabulous day."
Sweety Bell gave an annoyed grunt as she left her big sister to go look for her friends. Sweety Bell left Rarity's Boutique and started to walk through PonyVille. The pony folk were minding thier own business and going about their own busy scheduales for the day ahead. Sweety Bell was minding her own business when she ran into an orange pegasus filly with a bright purple mane, on top of her head was a purple biking helmet and she was riding a scooter that was atatched to a little red wagon.
"Oh Sorry about that Scoot-A-Loo." Sweety Bell apoligized to her friend.
"Hey it's ok I was just on my to find Apple Bloom." Scoot-A-Loo told her friend
"Wow me to." Sweety Bell said as she hopped into the red wagon. The duo continued on thier way to there destination.
At Sweet Apple Acres an orange earth pony mare with a yellow mane tied into a pigtail and sporting a cowboy hat and three apples as her cutie mark was busy going about her family farm. It was a very fine day for apple bucking and apple bucking is what she was going to do. Apple Jack raised her hind hoofs in preperation and struck at a tree with all her might. Apples started to fall into the carefully placed buckets. Apple Jack wiped her forehead and looked around till she saw a large red earth pony stallion bucking apples as well.
"Is everything ok so far Big Macintosh?" Apple Jack called to her brother in her southern accent. The red stallion looked at his sister and said "Eeyup." And he continued on with his work. Mean while in the barn a young yellow earth pony filly with a red mane and a red bow, was just finishing up her chores. She walked out of the barn and looked around. She saw her grandmother Granny Smith sleeping on her usual rocking chair on the front porch of her families home. The aging green pony mare had her greying mane tied into her usual bun. She was mumbling incoherently as she slept, her cane resting beside her. Apple Bloom Decided not to wake her so she went to find her sister instead.
"Ah got everythang done like ya asked Apple Jack, can ah go play now?" She asked her sister.
Apple Jack nodded. "Just be careful okay Apple Bloom just..." She was telling her little sister when she heard another filly call.
"Hey Apple Bloom you ready?" Scoot-A-Loo called to her friend.
"Sure am" Apple Bloom responded, the young yellow filly hopped into the back of the wagon with Sweety Bell, then all three yelled. "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS BEAR WRESTLING." Apple Jack gasped in shock as she heard those words.
"Big Macintosh can ya handle the farm till ah git back." Apple Jack called to her brother as she ran after the filly's
"Eeyup."
Meanwhile at the edge of the EverFree forest a shy yellow pegasus mare with a light pink mane and a pink butterfly for a cutie mark, was humming a simple tune while she went about her business. Flutter Shy had to make sure that everyone was fed so she was carrying a bucket of food for her animals. Flutter Shy loved her animals so much that she even took to naming a few of them. She hummed and flew to a tiny little rabbit hutch that contained a very irratable white bunny named Angel. Angel was busy eating a carrot, when Flutter Shy flew up to him.
"Good morning angel how are...."Flutter Shy was saying in her soft voice when angel threw his unfinished carrot onto the ground. "Uh...you should really eat more." Flutter Shy said, but Angel had other plans. He just glared at Flutter Shy and went back into his hutch.
"Ok....I...I'll just save the rest for later then." Flutter Shy then grabbed a feather duster and started to dust off her furniture, she yelped and dropped her feather duster as she heard a knocking sound on her door.
Flutter Shy stopped what she was doing and went to answer the door.
"Flutter Shy darling you look absolutly lovley today." A white unicorn mare said.
"Oh...Uhm thank you Rarity." Flutter Shy started to blush.
"Your welcome my dear, but enouph chit chat, I was wondering if you could help me with a little project I was working on?"
"Oh...uhm...ok."
"Splendid now we just have to....GAHHHHHHH!"
Rarity and Flutter Shy, as well as any pony who saw the sky would panic, for up in the sky was a large red glowing circle that seemed to go on for miles. In the center of the circle was a star that was surrounded by several smaller circles. It made loud magical whooshing sounds, and it started to glow.
Crystals started to rain from the sky and almost every pony started to panic. before them some small crystals fell down and impacted creating small holes in the ground. Suddenly some large crystals fell down to the ground. They landed in Canterlot, Manehatten, and at the edge of the everfree forest and any other populated location in Equestria.
Flutter Shy and Rarity looked at the blue crystal. It didn't leave an impact crator, it just floated there. Suddenly it disintergrated into a fine blue dust, and a five foot tall creature landed on the ground with a small thud. The creature looked bipedal even though it was lying on it's back. Instead of hooves on it's forelegs and back legs it had feet and hands, it was hairless except for its head, which was red and was spiky looking. Overall it was stark naked and had fair skin. It was also unconcious.
"Wait what are you doing Flutter Shy?" Rarity asked as her friend cautisly made her way to the strange creature.
"Just making sure that it's ok." Flutter Shy responded. She sat down next the creature to get a good look at it. On it's left hand was a red scar that looked like the sun. Flutter Shy looked at it's forehead and gasped. It had an X shaped scar that took up the entire forehead, and to make matters worse it was bleeding. Flutter Shy hated the sight of blood. She continued to look just to see how much damage was done, It wasnt deep. Flutter Shy also noticed that there were tears running down the creatures ape like face.
"Now now don't cry i'm here." she said as she picked up the creatures head. It gave a grunt but otherwise it was completly oblivios to the fact that something was holding it.
"Flutter Shy is it going to be ok?" Rarity asked.
"I just need some help getting him into my home."
"Ok then let me do it then darling." Rarity's horn began to glow and she picked up the creature with her magic, she then gently placed the creature onter her back and followed Flutter Shy up to her shack.
once inside Rarity helped to tuck the creature into the spare bed in Flutter Shy's shack.
"Rarity maybe you should go get the others?"
"Ok then darling just be careful allright." And with that Rarity left the shack, leaving Flutter Shy to bandage up the creatures wound.
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Wow. You told me this took you two days to finish. It's alot better than my fic bro in a sense that you took the time to edit it. anyway chapter four will be up soon so keep your eyes peeled. and don't over exert yourself or obses yourself with this fic. i had a hard time plastering the wall you busted down. lol not really but still....... You just earned yourself a track and a fav
i will TRACK THIS TO SEE WHERE THIS PLAYS OUT
Tracked. I like the way this story is going, and as for marking them, great idea! Just like cutie marks.
Sun= magic of the light affinity. Basically this means that his magic is mostly healing and defensive, works better in sunlight.
The guy's solar-powered
328015 And I use my phone, also with Wi-Fi. Don't you wish EVERYTHING could be solar-charged?
"It was a beutiful sunny cloudless day in Equestria." - ...
It's "Fluttershy", not "Flutter Shy"
Looking at this first chapter, I can see that you need to learn some more about grammar and/or spelling
I shall now point you to... THIS WEBSITE!
I have suggestions on how to improve based on reading this first chapter.
Get a beta-reader to clean up mistakes that you can't see in your own writing, which happens to even the best writers.
Fluttershy and Applejack are not two words. Many other of the character's names were misspelled, as well.
Beautiful is spelled incorrectly in the first sentence. That kind of error you should not even need a beta reader to point out. Fix your spelling, this was not the only mistake.
Your grammar leaves much to be desired. Please learn to better utilize it before writing, trust me, people will only like your stories better if you do.
Oh, my god! I haven't finished reading even the first line and I already come across some irritating spelling mistakes