Chapter 1
The clock on the wall rang midnight, reminding Vinyl of the time. Upon hearing the final chime of the bell, Vinyl groaned and poured herself another drink. She waited till the glass was completely full, which took a while, considering the size of the glass, then she cleared it in one go. Once she had completely emptied the glass, she put it away, placing it near the other eight already emptied glasses beside her.
She hated this day. Like always, she had tried to drown her sorrows in her drinks. And like always it didn’t work. She sighed in frustration and reached for another glass, but the sound of hooves behind her made her stop.
“Hey, what’s up?” She said without turning around. “If you’re here to chew me out, don’t bother. Everything’s just peachy.”
The other pony didn’t answer her, but Vinyl could still feel the stare of the other drilling into the back of her head.
Vinyl sighed again, knowing that the other wouldn’t leave until she did. So, instead of risking an argument, which she simply wasn’t in the mood for at the moment, she gestured for the other to take a seat besides her. Once the pony was properly seated, Vinyl poured both of them a drink, before going back returning to stare into the space, not paying attention to anything in particular.
The minutes ticked by while nopony moved and for a while it seems as if both were simply content with just sitting there doing nothing. then the pony besides her handed Vinyl her glass, shaking her head as Vinyl nodded towards the bottle, offering her a refill.
Shrugging, she tried to grab the glass with her hooves, her magic momentarily forgotten in her drunkenness, and so instead of grabbing the glass, her hoof went wide and instead knocked her trademark shades off from her nose.
A quiet yelp escaped Vinyl as she immediately lunged for the object, this time remembering her magic, and she hastily tried to place it back onto her nose. However, once the glasses were only inches away from her muzzle, she suddenly stopped. Instead of placing them back on her nose, she kept them floating in the air, just staring at them.
She suddenly she turned back to the pony beside her. “You know” She said before the other had time to react.
”When was the last time you saw me without those?”
The other opened her mouth to speak, but before she even had time to answer Vinyl interrupted her . “Just to be clear,” she said while slowly spinning her goggles in the air with her magic “I don’t mean in private, I mean when we’re out in the open. During a concert or when we’re out partying or something.”
This time the other waited a few seconds to make sure that Vinyl wouldn’t interrupt her again. When she was sure the DJ had said everything she had to, she again opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came out of it. As much as she didn’t like to admit it, there wasn’t a time she could remember that Vinyl hadn’t worn them. Not while others were around, at least.
“Figures” Vinyl said after the pony failed to come up with an answer. “Did I ever tell you why I always wear them?”
The other shook her head. Actually, she had been rather curious to why this was the case, but she’d never actually asked Vinyl.
“Because of those” Vinyl said as she pointed to her eyes. “I hate them.”
When the other pony just stared at her blankly, Vinyl chuckled. “I guess it doesn't make sense to you, does it? Well, we haven’t known each other for that long, I guess. Should I tell you then?” She asked, looking at the other pony.
The other pony hesitated for a moment before answering. While she was curious she didn’t want to pressure Vinyl into anything, but while she watched the DJ silently she noticed it actually seemed as if Vinyl wanted to talk about it so, very carefully, she nodded.
A grin spread over Vinyl’s face as the other mare nodded paired with… relief? It was impossible to tell, since it only lasted for less than a second.
“Well,” Vinyl began, while pouring herself yet another drink. For a second the other pony pondered whether or not she should stop her, but something told her not to.. She couldn’t really tell what, but there was suddenly something different about Vinyl. The Vinyl who was now in front of her was different from the usual laid back, carefree Vinyl. She had the feeling that this mare wouldn’t risk anything stupid like alcohol poisoning. “To understand everything I’m about to tell you“ Vinyl continued, snapping the other pony back into reality. “You need to know, that I wasn’t always who I am now. I wasn’t always that outgoing party loving mare you know, heck, I wasn’t even always Vinyl Scratch. But I guess by now you should’ve noticed that that’s only my stage persona, right?”
She smiled a little as the other pony nodded. “Well, once I was called Vinyl Dream, and I was a different pony.” She took another swig of her drink before continuing. “You remember those ponies from the Gala? Those stuck up, self centered bores? Well, I was one of them….” She smiled as she saw the other ponies eyes widen in surprise. “Yeah, I know! No one would suspect that, considering how I act now, but it’s true; I was one of them! Only concerned about money, only concerned about my image and only concerned about my own fun and privileges.”
“That was at least until something changed all of that..”
Again Vinyl took a sip of her drink, apparently bracing herself for what she was about to say. “When I was younger, barely a mare really, I was caught in an accident. I’ll spare you the grim details, the only thing that matters is that I didn’t come out unscratched.” Suddenly a mischievous grin wormed itself onto Vinyl’s face ”I bet you wonder what I mean with that, right? You never saw any scars on me, did ya? Well, you probably wouldn’t notice if you didn’t know what to look for. Well, to tell you what happened, I was blinded during that incident. ”
Again Vinyl saw the others eyes go wide, but before she could say anything Vinyl raised her hoof. “I know, I know. “But how can you see right now then?”, right?” The other nodded and Vinyl smirked. “Sorry but that will have to wait until later, one thing after the other.”
“Anyway, at first it wasn’t easy to adjust myself to a new lifestyle. There are a lot of things you start to perceive differently once you lose your eyesight. Without seeing you have to rely much more on your other senses.”
“At first it was difficult, but after a while I managed to adapt to it. Sure, it wasn’t easy, and I still needed help with even the most mundane things, but I managed.”
“The only thing I couldn’t properly adjust to was my academical education, but probably for different reasons than you might think. I wasn’t suddenly dumber because I was blind, and even though I missed reading at first I soon learned to use braille to compensate. All in all, it actually went pretty well.”
“No, the real problem was that because of my condition my parents were forced to get me a private teacher, and they deregistered me from my old school. I was still young at that time mind you, and being forced to completely leave all my friends behind was too much for me to handle. I begged, pleaded and negotiated with my parents until, finally, they allowed me back to my old school. It was only for the duration of my last year, but at least I would be able to see my friends again.”
“The first day back in school was the best day I had in a long time and at first everything seemed to finally go back to normal but then something unexpected happened. I started to distance myself from the others.”
It was a slow process, so at first I didn’t even really noticed it but;
*Vinyl and a group of other students were sitting at a table lively talking about the events of the day.
“Do you believe it? Those loser from downtown really believe they could defeat us!?” A brown unicorn stallion said, upset. “I mean us. The nerve!”
“Don’t worry” A pegasus mare sitting next to him grinned “We’ll wipe the floor with them.” Then without thinking she turned around and faced Vinyl. “You in?”
“Sorry.” Vinyl said with an apologetic grin “I think I’ll have to pass out on that.”
“What? But why!?” The mare cried out in surprise. A confused look appeared on her face and she prepared herself to give Vinyl a lecture when her face suddenly lit up in realization .“Oh right,” she said, awkwardly laughing. Before she could do anything to make it more awkward the first stallion grinned. “Well don’t worry. You can still cheer for us. As long as we’re together it doesn’t really matter what we’re doing, right?”
“Right” Vinyl smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll cheer louder than anyone else! You can bet on it!”
With the situation defused, they went back to idly chatting with each other.
But then a few days later the next incident happened
“Hey guys!” A purple earth pony stallion said as he walked up to the group. “My father gave me his yacht for the weekend. Wanna go on a tour?”
A round of excited murmurs went to the rows of the gathered students as they all talked about what they wanted to do on the trip. The only one who didn’t join it was Vinyl.
“I don’t know” She hesitantly said. “I mean it sounds awesome and all, but I’m not really sure it’s worth the risk..
Besides her, one of friends gave Vinyl a slightly annoyed look, but he quickly recovered. “Well then, you can still join us on the barbecue after we return from the trip. I bet the whole thing won’t be that* entertaining anyway.”
“I guess so...” Vinyl said reluctantly , a hint of sadness in her voice.
And then the next…
“Hey Vinyl!” A yellow mare said while waving two tickets through the air, “There’s that new Con Mane movie coming out today! You wanna…?”
Vinyl just gave her a flat look.
“…… Never mind” The mare said before quickly turning around and calling out another student.
And the next…
“Did you see Hoity Toity’s new fashion line? I really like the colors and that lining, simply marvelous!”
“.....”
“Soon after, I finally noticed that all my former friends saw me as was a hindrance. I couldn’t participate in a lot of things, at least not on the same level as they did, and after not to long they started to loathe me for holding them back.”
“And so it came like it had to, they simply abandoned me. Can you imagine how depressed I felt? I had fought so hard to come back and suddenly everyone I once felt close to suddenly left me. And why? Just because I had been disabled in a way they probably would never understand? It simply wasn’t fair!”
“But while I lost my old friends that day, I made a new one. She was a student in the school as well, but like me she was an outcast among the students. I think it was because of her status. As far as I remember, she only managed to join the school because of some deed her father did. But due to the fact that he wasn’t like the rest she was as much disliked by the other students as I was...”
“That was what brought us together, to be honest. Since we were the two most disliked ponies in school, we were often forced to work together on school projects and team assignments, since nobody else would.”
“At first it was a little awkward for us, what with being constantly forced to work with each other despite knowing nothing about the other, but after being forced to spend some time together we got into our first conversation.”
“It didn’t take as long to notice that we had a lot in common. For example we both loved music. Sure our tastes differed a little, what with me preferring the newer styles of music, while she preferred the classics, but it wasn’t to such a degree that we couldn’t find a common ground. We both also liked fashion, though admittedly my interest had sunk a little since I’d lost my eyesight.”
“What” Vinyl said as the pony besides her once again stared at her in disbelief. “Didn’t take me for that type since I dislike playing dress up so much?” She grinned before turning back to the glass in front of her. “Well, admittedly though, my interested in dresses is on an artistic level rather than me wanting to wear them. ”
“But back to my story. Over time we discovered more and more of those similarities, and the more we did, the closer we became, until one day we had become pretty close friends.
You don’t know how happy I was that I finally had someone to talk to again. Soon I considered her the only friend I had left.”
“But while our friendship bloomed so did something else. Right from the beginning, there had been something between us that I hadn’t been willing to admit. Something that became stronger with each day that we spent together.”
“For a long time we did our best to pretend that it didn’t exist. Well mostly me. I’m sure that she would have liked to talk about it, but I wasn’t ready yet to face it and the consequences it would bring. She was the only friend I had left! What if this had destroyed everything. I-I just wasn’t ready to lose another friend.”
“And so we kept pretending that it wasn’t there. For nearly a year we managed to keep up the facade until the final few months of school, when suddenly everything changed….”
*********************
Vinyl was sitting under the usual tree, waiting for her friend to arrive. As she did so, she hummed a small tune. She stopped once she heard the footsteps of her friend arrive. She didn't really need to see her to know that it was her. The two of them were the only ones that ever came here, that was one of the reasons they had chosen this place as their meeting place, after all.
“Hey Vinyl! How are you?” she asked, once she was close enough for Vinyl to hear her.
“Pretty good actually. How about you?”
“Ah, same old, same old.” The mare casually said. Then, with much more enthusiasm, she added, “Hey I need to tell you this. You know Neon Light’s right?”
Vinyl tried to suppress a groan. Of course she knew him, he was one of her favorite musicians, even though only a few ponies knew that.
“Well, I got tickets for his show this weekend.”
Vinyl looked at her in disbelief. “You’re joking!”
“Nope. I’d never joke about something this important.”
While she spoke, Vinyl felt how the mare bowed down to her and placed something in her bags. “You’re in on this right?”
“Of course I am!” Vinyl half screamed in excitement. “Seriously, if there’s anything I can do to make this up to you, just ask.”
To her surprise the other mare didn’t crack any jokes at that. Instead she kept quiet, making Vinyl a little uncomfortable.
“Hey, you alright?” She asked a little worried.
“You know Vinyl, I was thinking… Maybe we could make this more than just a simple meeting between friends?”
“What are you talking about?” Vinyl asked innocently. In fact, her tone was too innocent as anybody would think of it as real. In truth she had a pretty good idea where this was going, but for now she decided to keep pretending that she didn’t.
“Vinyl, I know that you know how I feel about you. I mean, I wasn’t really that subtle about it. But no matter how much I probed you, you never fully acknowledged it, and instead you always changed the subject or talked yourself out of it.”
“So far I somewhat respected that. You are the only friend at this school I have, heck you’re the only friend I have period. But no matter how much I want to avoid losing you, I know that we’ll never truly achieve anything if we aren’t willing to at least acknowledge what’s going on.”
“I’m sorry Vinyl, that I have to put you into this position, but if we don’t talk about this, we’ll never be truly happy. We would simply talk around the obvious and it will ruin our relationship.”
Silence followed her words, and for a while as nobody moved. Then Vinyl finally sighed.
“You’re right...”
“I am?” The mare asked in disbelief. Vinyl slipped a smile at that. Even without seeing the others face, she could tell how much her words had surprised her.
“Yes, you are. You’re right that we can’t avoid this forever, and even though I’d wished that there was still some time left until it come to this, I suppose now is as good of a time as any.” Again Vinyl sighed and she looked up at the sky. “You know, the truth is... I simply don’t know.”
“No, really. I really don’t know. I played out this moment so many times in my head before, and I always wondered what I would say to you. Would I say no? Would our friendship break on this and would we never see each other again?”
“Or would I say yes? Would we walk together into the future and stay together until we are old and grey?”
“I thought about it so often, and yet I was never really able to come to a conclusion. I’m sorry, I’m so, so, so sorry but I really don’t know…”
Depressed Vinyl let her head drop, unsure how the other mare would react.
“Then let’s find out, how about it?”
Surprised, Vinyl raised her head. “What?”
“Let’s find out. Let’s just go and see what happens. Maybe we’ll hit it off, maybe we won’t. But if you really don’t know than that’s the only way to find out”
Vinyl frowned a little “And if we aren’t friend after this?”
“That won’t happen.” The other answered confidently.
“But…”
“No, no buts Vinyl. I swear to you that that will never happen. As long as we believe in it, truly and sincerely believe it, we will always be together.”
Vinyl took a moment to fully digest what she just had been told, before she simply nodded.
*********************
The following weekend we went on our first date. At first I was extremely nervous. After all, this was the day that would decide how things between the two of us would turn out, so it wasn’t really that unreasonable.
But the more time we spent together, the more I started to relax. There simply was something releaving about all of this and it felt as if a huge weight was lifted from my back. For the first time in a long time, I was able to complete the evening, and boy did we enjoy it.
Now, I could go on and on about everything that happened that day, but I won’t. Not only did I promise her not to, but I feel like words can’t do it justice, so it would be simply be a waste of time. It isn’t important anyway, what does matter is that by the end of the day we had become a couple.
What followed after, was what most people would call a whirlwind romance. As soon as had graduated, we moved in together, and we found ourself jobs and we even thought about marrying.
Those were some of the happiest days of my life. But nothing is meant to last forever and soon something happened that change both our lives forever. It was my fault, as well as hers, it seemed that neither of us used our brains.
But I guess you’re wondering what happened, huh? Well...
*********************
Vinyl paced impatiently in her living room, waiting for her marefriend to return. She had just received incredible news and was eager to share them with someone. Unfortunately for her she was the only one at home right now. Her marefriend had left in the morning to look for a job and she hadn't come back yet, so all Vinyl could do was wait.
To her immense pleasure though, she didn't had to wait for long to hear the familiar sound of the door of her flat opening.
Like a lightning she darted over and, before the other pony had time to say something or even completely enter the room, she was already talking.
“Hey, you know what!?” she said excited. “I just got a call from the hospital. They finally found someone!
“They found what?” The other pony asked in confusion. “Please Vinyl can I at least put my things down?”
“No!” Vinyl half screamed. The other ponies lack of enthusiasm made her feel a little upset. “Don't you understand? They! Found! Someone!”
For a second an expression of confusion played over the other ponies face, then, slowly, she began to smile. “Oh... Oh! That's incredible news Vinyl! I'm so happy for you!”
A grin appeared on Vinyl face that threatened to split her face into two. ‘After all those years...’ she thought. ‘I actually started to think it was impossible, but soon I’ll finally be able to see again.’
“I'm happy for you Vinyl.” Her marefriend repeated. “Did you tell anyone else already?”
Vinyl shook her head, her smile not once fading from her face. “No. I figured I’ll tell them when it’s done. Don’t want to get their hopes up if somethings goes wrong.” For a second the smallest hint of fear appeared on her face, but it was immediately replaced with a smile again. “I’m so excited I can’t sit still. Oh, I know! We need to celebrate this. Come on I’ll race ya. Loser’s treating the others for drinks, ok? Ready? Go!”
She didn’t give the other mare a chance to react before she simply darted off into the night.
The other pony simply shook her head and dropped her belongings onto the floor. She then closed the door and turned around. “Coming...” She finally muttered, following Vinyl into the night. If Vinyl hadn’t be so far away already, she might have heard the hint of sadness in the other mares voice .
*********************
“Keep it slow Vinyl.” Her roommate called from behind her, but Vinyl didn’t want to take it slowly. She had taken it slow for nearly six years already. It was time for some action. She wanted to simply tear away her bandages, but even in her excited state she knew that this was dumb. She wouldn’t risk staying blind for another few years, or even forever, just because she couldn’t wait five minutes more.
“Come on” She called over her shoulder to the mare behind her. “Let’s do this.”
“You have to sit down first!” The slightly annoyed voice came from behind her. “We either do it correctly or not at all.”
“Fine...” Vinyl grumbled and sat down “Just hurry up.”
“Already on it.” The other mare sung and indeed Vinyl could already feel her marefriend’s magic flow over her. Slowly and precisely the magic worked, carefully loosening the bandages around Vinyl’s eyes.
Once the fabric was gone, Vinyl took a deep breath to calm her nerves, then she slowly opened her eyes.
The first thing her eyes noticed was a headache inducing flood of light. It was so bad that she had to immediately close them again.
For a split second panic welled up in her, but she suppressed it immediately. ‘No,’ she thought, ‘the doctors told you that your eyes would probably need some time to adjust themselves. This is nothing you hadn't been warned about.’.
Again, she opened her eyes, slower this time. At first she saw nothing. Then little blobs of color began to appear in her vision. Quickly, more and more appeared, until her complete field of vision was covered in color. Then the first outlines appeared. Soon she could shape again, then entire scenes.
Smiling she looked around in the room taking in everything. First the shelves and furniture that stood in her room, then the wallpaper and the paintings decorating the walls.
An uncontrollable laugh escaped her. Finally. She was finally whole again. Finally free.
Still laughing she spun around to finally see her marefriend for the first time.
The moment her eyes landed on the mare however her smile dropped and her blood froze.
She looked exactly how Vinyl had imagined her. Sand coloured coat. A tidy, short, brown and yellow mane with a horn peeking out of it. Everything was exactly how she had imagined her based on what she had told her, everything except one thing...
She was blind.
“You're… ” Vinyl began, but she couldn’t continue. She simply couldn’t find the right words.
Across from her the other mare smiled sadly. “Before you say something Vinyl, let me.”
But Vinyl wasn’t listening. “You're... you’re... ” she simply repeated, over and over again.
A concerned look appeared on the other mares face. “Vinyl, listen. Please.”
But Vinyl still couldn’t hear her. “You're blind.” she finally managed to say, eyes wide in disbelief. “You are blind.”
Now the other mare was really starting to worry. “I swear, I can explain it. I...” She said tears forming in her non-existent eyes...
“Why didn’t you tell me.” Vinyl interrupted, her voice cold as ice.
The other mare was now crying for real. “Vinyl, please....”
“All that time,” Vinyl muttered, “And you never told me.”
“Vinyl…” The other mare tried again.
“Did you ever think about me? How I'd feel!?” Vinyl screamed. She didn't care whether or not she hurt the other mare. In fact, she wanted to hurt her.
“Just listen...”
“After everything I told you… After I told you how much I hated to be blind. How much I wished that it would end. All I ever wanted was to escape this nightmare and now you... you're..... How am I supposed to forget if you constantly remind me of it!” By this point Vinyl was crying as well, tears falling from her face without care. “ I ... I'm sorry Sonar, but I can't, I ... I ... just can't. I'm sorry I … I have to go”.
And before Sonar had a chance to answer, Vinyl turned around and disappeared into the night, and this time she wasn’t planning on coming back..
*********************
Of course, if you’ve paid attention so far you noticed how bucking dumb I was. I mean, how could she have possibly been blind? After all those things we went together, after spending so much time together with her I should have known better, right?
But I wasn’t thinking clearly at that moment. All I knew was that a friend, my lover, had lied to me and I was so hurt and felt so betrayed that I wasn’t thinking clearly.
After that everything changed for me. I didn’t bother to go back. I was convinced I could never forgive her, and to be honest, I didn't want to. She had hurt me, and if I could hurt her by disappearing without her ever knowing where to, even better.
I used all of my money I had left to move to Manehattan, where I changed my name to Scratch to not only reflect the fact that I was someone else now, but also since it was much more fitting for what I had planned. With my new eyes I was finally able to hunt after all those dream I always had but was never able to achieve and I was fully prepared to do so.
And so I forgot about the incident. I was simply too busy to concentrate on something that I quite frankly didn’t even want to remember. My past was my past and I was someone else now, a new pony who wouldn’t let herself be burdened by the problem of someone else's past.
…. It would be another year until finally realized what I had done, what she had done.”
*********************
An extremely exhausted Vinyl let herself drop into her bed, while behind her the door to her small yet comfy hotel room slowly fell into its lock. It had been an incredible stressful day for the white mare. Ever since her move to Manehatten, her music had increased in popularity until she had become something like an underground sensation. It was a dream come true, but with all the fame came a lot of work as well. She was constantly sold out and often she often had to race from place to place without being able to catch a break.
Still, she didn’t really mind. In a way it was fun. In the short time she was here she had already seen more places and had met more people than she would have ever imagined. All in all she had to admit her life had become rather great.
If only there hadn’t been a certain memory that kept haunting her…
A deep sigh escaped the DJ as she forced herself back up. There was still a few things she had had to prepare for an upcoming show and while she would have loved nothing more than to delay it for a while, she knew that if she didn’t do it now, she would probably forget about it later.
So instead of giving in to her desires, she stood up and walked over to her suitcase. She fumbled around with the lock for a moment, until it finally gave in and its lid sprung open.
As it did so, a book fell out of the suitcase to the floor, catching Vinyls attention. Confused she picked it up with her magic and floated it over to her. For a second a quizzically look appeared on her face. She couldn’t really recall packing it, but once she saw the over she immediately remembered.
This was originally one of Sonar’s books. After their break up, Vinyl had asked her parents to pick up her stuff. Only after a while she had noticed that this book had somehow ended up in her possession. Originally she had planned on simply throwing it away, but then a friend of hers had proven himself interested in it, so she decided to give it to him. She was supposed to drop it off at his house tomorrow while she was on her way to a meeting.
A sigh escaped the DJ at she stared at the cover. She had hoped to forget about the past, not to be reminded of it.
Shaking her head to get rid of the memories, Vinyl simply shrugged and threw the book over onto her bed. She was about to dive back into her luggage, when suddenly a movement to her side caught her intention.
A letter had fallen out of the book and was now slowly drifting down towards the floor. Before it could touch it however, Vinyl caught the letter in her magic. For a second she wondered if she should simply throw it away, but in the end her curiosity won out and she floated it over to her to read it.
The second ticked by as vinyl read the letter addressed at her, and with each passing word her expression became less and less readable, until, at the end of the text, it had become impossible to tell what she was thinking.
For a while the DJ simply kept sitting where she was, her eyes still glued to the paper in front of her. Then, slowly she stood up, and walked towards her door. Using her horn she opened it and without so much as looking back she left the room.
*********************
Back in the present vinyl paused and once again smiled sadly to herself.
“I bet you're wondering what was inside the letter?”
“Only if its ok with you Vinyl. You don't have to force yourself if you don't want to.”
“Nah, don't worry. If been through this so often, I don't care anymore.” She smiled, the glass in front of her clear betraying her words. As she spoke, the DJ activated her horn, and a moment later a small box came floating down from its resting place on a nearby shelf. Once it was in front of Octavia, it opened, revealing a small piece of paper inside of it.
Giving Vinyl on last look, Octavia carefully graded it and began reading.
"My beloved Vinyl,
by the time you read this, you’ll already have your new eyes. I hope everything went well and that you were able to adjust yourself quickly to your new situation.
I know that with your new eyes, you’ll have thousands of new opportunities opening up to you and you deserve all of them.
Don’t worry about me, my beloved, I’ll manage. I had more than enough time to come to grasp with my fate, and honestly, I don’t feel any regrets. As long as I know that there’s a smile on your lips, I’ll be happy.
Take good care of yourself and take care of my gift to you my love, I hope they’ll serve you as good as the once did me…."
At that point Octavia stopped reading and just stared at the letter before slowly turning towards Vinyl. For her part, the DJ simply returned the gaze and for a while they both simply stared into each other eyes while none of them dared to move.
Then Octave finally broke their connection and turned towards the collection of bottles before her.
"Vinyl," the grey mare said, trying to sound as composed as possible. "I think I need drink."
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How did the consept of there two be said to be together?
Error
*sniffles*
This...
This is brilliant.
Truly one of the greater stories I had ever read on this site.
The descriptions, the pacing, the way the story is set...
I'm nearly speechless.
Amazing work.
Absolutely fantastic it's always a pleasure to log on and find gems like this.
This is beautiful, well written, feels creating art. I put on my had just to take it off in respect for you. Well done!
4948019
4947939
4947769
um, thank you? I was actually expecting a much more negative reaction, since I consider this one of my weaker pieces. nice to hear that there are people who enjoy this though^^
4947723 um... sorry, but i can't really tell what you are trying to say. sorry
4948549
A pleasure. Not to sound cheesy but if you don't consider this your good work I'm certainly looking forward to finding out what that is.
4948575 the word
Is in the story change it to "nopony"
Or make it a human story
4948581 well maybe I'm exaggerating a little. i doubt that my writing style can get any better than what i delivered with this story (and please don't forget that i had editors who helped me). it's just that i see quite a few opportunities on which i might have been able to improve the story.
The fact that i experimented on this quite a lot dint' help either. for example, the fact that i tried to keep it a secret to whom vinyl is speaking and about whom. that put me into quite the bind, since i couldn't use names and had to be careful otherwise as well, to not give away anything. btw., did i mange in that regard?
anyways. like i said, i think there are at least a few things i could have done better as far as i can tell.
just my opinion though.
4948616 i actually meant the other comment, but thank you regardless
oh, and fixed.
Well I'm not goign to say that was horrible, but it wasn't exactly great either. Which appenrtly you yourself already seemed to think.
From a technical perspective, barring a few minor errors, you need to be careful with how you do your dialogue. At several points it was really confusing who was talking. You should consider keeping the same characters dialogue in a single paragraph and not break it up so much. Also, there were a few times when you put ************ or something like that. That means you're jumping ahead or to a different point in time or place. Basically it means you're jumping away from what you were last saying. But you just had the same scene keep going.
For the story itself I gotta say... it falls to pieces at the end.
Spoiler.
Your reasons for Vinyl and Sonar splitting up are just... terrible. That was so forced that any emotional investment I had went right out the window. I'll buy that Sonar couldn't tell Vinyl what she was up to or going through... but to have Vinyl get THAT upset is just... ridiculous. If they both supposedly loved tachometer so much Vinyl would have gone back. Hell she probably would have cooled off after a few hours and returned. At least that's how you set up the character and their relationship. The fact that she got THAT upset over Sonar being blind is kind of dumb to be honest. At first I thought it was because Vinyl instantly realized what Sonar had done for her and knew she could never see Sonar the same way ever again, but no, it wasn't because she gave up her eyes at all, it was because she was blind. That's pretty lame mate. Even if I was willing to buy that Vinyl was that upset, in all the time, no one talked to Vinyl? Tried to reason with her? Sonar didn't tell her parents or Vinyl's parents? Vinyl seemed to genuinely care about this mare but because she lied to her about being blind that was a deal breaker? to the point Vinyl couldn't bare to even associate with her? You had a good thing going but it seemed like you were desperate to have a really emotional ending so you just forced in what ever you thought would work. And it really, REALLY does not work.
4948665 ah finally some who sees it. well of course there will be spoiler in my comment, so....
-SPOILERS-
i agree on most things with you, but you got it wrong. actually, the break up was the very first thing i had for this story. this was what everything was build around and that's where the problem i had while writing this was seated at.
I knew right from the beginning that it would be tough, if not outright impossible, to pull this off. it is near impossible to make them close enough for Sonar to give her eyes up for vinyl and yet have them estranged enough that vinyl wouldn't realize her mistake.
I tried to do my best i could with that premise, but in the end this here came out.
Deep down i knew this story couldn't work well, i just knew it. Yet i was to invested in it, and i had already spent over two years trying to come up with something (that's also the reason for the many rewrites i mentioned in the author's note).
In the end, i just wanted to be done with this.
Unfortunately, this kinda sets the background for my upcoming series, so i had to upload this. There I'll also explain a few things you mentioned here, for example why they didn't get back together and why Vinyl react the way she did here.
Anyways, i'm somewhat relieved. This was the reaction i expected when i first uploaded this, and somehow it's nice to see that there are still authors who know there stuff^^
4948733
Glad you're not taking the criticism the wrong way. Because I honestly was really invested till the end.
With your explanation of how you had the idea for the ending first I can now see why things went the way they did. You're right, that's a tough one to set up. Still, I am glad you decided to post it and can admire your determination to get it done and posted despite your feelings it couldn't work.
Better to try and fail then not try at all, as they say. Or... well they say something like that.
4948642
You did well in keeping her ambiguous. Although I didn't really think that was overly important at all really. The only benefit that had I think was to the narrative. It sounded very much like she was talking about her.
This natural conversational flow of the story was a style I really liked. I don't think it came off at all like it was pieced together in loads of different styles.
Having read criticisms of the ending, I must admit that's a fair point. But the way I saw it by the time Vinyl had forgiven her they found it hard to contact each other. By the point they do meet again other things could have happened and they're not able to connect on the same level. That is at least how I portrayed it.
But still I very much enjoyed this and will continue to read your stuff in the future. Well done.
4947939 I couldn't agree more.
Jaw hit the floor on the ending, but I must agree with marick, the "breakup" so to speak was very forced and seemed...less than realistic. But I loved the premise and your style and whatnot. I would give this 4/5 stars.
That felt really forced. As impulsive as Vinyl Scratch can be, it just does not click. You`d have to be brain-dead to pull off something that stupid without a single doubt.
I'm sorry to say it, but this story is in need of an editor. The underlying premise is good, but the delivery was just... poor. Ridiculous/unrealistic character behavior, poor dialogue, questionable flashback formatting, copious grammatical errors, repetitive lines, gimmicky plot excuses and a telly style all severely hurt my appreciation of this story. Don't let me get you down, though; we learn from our mistakes.