This story is a sequel to Three Abducted Ponies
Greg Sanders, the human from Three Abducted Ponies and One Stranded Human returns for a third entry.
A lot has happened since Greg left Equestria. An Earth based organization offers Greg a chance to return the equine world and he takes it.
Rated Teen for language.
Added the Crossover tag because the Earth group belongs to my Shadow Killer Chronicles story.
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I honestly don't get why the dislikes. The writing style and accuracy seems decent. If you readers don't like the idea of this fiction, as least give some constructive criticism!
Anyway, try slowing down a bit more. This fiction seems to be tilting to the 'rushed' side. Expand more about what Greg's ideals and feelings are.
3371779
Thanks. I'll work on that.
When Greg says that it doesn't feel right, I can only assume this 'Celestia' in Chrysalis in disguise... I think...
3381129
Maybe... maybe not.
so first of all: yay me for catching up with the story
second:
it seems like you are actually editing this but you're rushing yourself and mixing your ideas together like me if i talk too fast
3396285 Oh, crap. Thanks. I'll fix that right away.
And done. Thanks again for pointing that out.
More please. it was very good
3670586
Thank you. I'll have another chapter published tonight.
Can't wait to see what happens next
I like it. very good
3675173
Thank you.
No problem. keep up the good writing
I think your you've been trading your 'story aspect' for more 'action scenes'.
Please, don't make action factor 10 times stronger than the story aspect. When the story factor goes down, the 'closeness' to the character is severed, thus making the fiction less entertaining no matter how action pack your scene is.
We're here to read and have a good time. When the story doesn't have that clear story driven point, the readers would most likely have trouble getting more hooked. The reason for this: You've found, chased AND defeated Sombra in just two chapters. In my opinion, that is too fast. There is a way to balance the story driven factor closer to the your action sequence:
Choose what happens in the current scene your working on. Go a bit into details about what goes on in the scene like that is their thoughts. Get a bit more deeper and express their emotions about their thoughts (You can't have ponies act like the 'Royal Guards' all the time, it just takes their character out the window because they follow the plan without even expressing any kind of emotion, trust or doubts).
Almost every scene that you've played out, it seems that all the other ponies just became background ponies that doesn't seem right to be fitted as 'support characters'.
I know it's a bit troublesome, but if you spend an extra 5-10 minutes to picture the scene and write down what some of them felt and thought of, I'm sure this fiction will start to attract attention.
3677046
Thanks for the feedback. It's a bad habit with me about getting things done as quickly as possible and pushing main characters to the sideline.