• Member Since 4th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen May 5th, 2019

Slate Sadpony


Male earth pony. Exceptionally weird.

T

Rainbow Dash finally has a chance to join the Wonderbolts. All she has to do is win a series of Timed Aerobatics competitions, which she knows she totally can. Much to her surprise, she does not, and she soon comes to realize it is because the other competitors are taking a drug known as "Morning Sun" which enables them to fly faster, focus more intently, and practice late into the night without getting tired. The drug, however, is banned due to its horrible side effects, and although it grants Rainbow victory, that victory comes at a price. When Twilight realizes what Rainbow is doing, can she save Rainbow Dash from herself?

Rated "Teen" for cartoon swearing, drug abuse, and violence.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 18 )

Drugs are bad. You shouldn't do drugs. Too bad IRL pro athletes are encouraged and rewarded for using them. Not the first RD uses performance enhancers story I've read.

3319662

I'm glad you liked it :)

I know it's not an original idea, but I wanted to put my spin on it. I'm glad it turned out ok.

3319677

I'm glad you think so!

this was good i like :twilightsmile:


You've done an amazing job! Woorali seal of approval on this here story! :raritywink:

3319876

I'm so glad you liked it!

Pushing yourself and taking drugs to enhance yourself are 2 different things. RD should know that, the egghead. Anyways, it was actually kinda funny to read this, but I know it had a serious point to it.

DON'T DO DRUGS, YOU WILL LOSE YOUR CREDIBILITY OF WHO YOU ARE!

Well, that was a trip… It seems a little uncharacteristic (if only slightly so) of Rainbow Dash to use performance enhancing drugs. That said, I find no trouble in her characterization here as a highly competitive stunt-mare willing to go "that extra mile." And of course, her downfall is essentially her hubris. She thinks herself so exceptional that not even a "miracle drug" taken covertly can diminish her star. But as it's said, "a star that burns twice as bright burns half as long." I would have liked to hear some of the more distressing side effects… Yet, I think we get enough of Dash's physical symptoms to understand what the worst case scenario could have gone. 3319662 <--Dude's got a point. I have no doubt that before the MDT, that's exactly the sort of culture the Wonderbolts encouraged. Thankfully, the aren't being managed by Bud Selig… I'm faving this and liking it, too.

FOR PONY!

3323664

She experienced all the side effects that you get when you take a meth for a short period of time - sleeplessness, irrational horniness, irrational anger, and grinding one's teeth into non-existence. And "collapse," which is what set in when she suddenly burned a lot of energy fighting the cops out of several days of using meth and did not have an opportunity to put more meth into her system. She's not Jesse Pinkman. Besides, wasn't having her want to beat her best friend to death with a beer mug enough? :derpytongue2:

She was willing to cheat to win in "Fall Weather Friends" so long as she knew her competition was cheating too. That's what she started out doing here - she knew that the others were cheating, and she started doing what they were doing. Because the bad acts of others gave her "permission" to cheat.

Rainbow seems like the sort of character who does not want to cheat, because it cheapens her. But if she knows someone else is cheating, then that gives her "permission" to cheat, because in her mind, that just means she's leveling the playing field again.

Well. I liked it.
Good story, and rather well written. That said, I did see a few mistakes I would like to point out.
If you don't mind, that is.

“It’s exactly that sort of attitude that made us institute this competition in the first place!” Said Immelman, pointing an accusing hoof at Rainbow Dash.

Said should not be capitalized and I'm fairly sure Rapidfire was the one talking.

As he touched down, the announcer shouted out that, with a score of a mere -3, Fire Streak had beaten Rainbow Dash and ascended to first place.

Either I am very much confused, or it was Thunderlane who beat Rainbow here.

“Those beers were below freezing,” said Tapper

This is totally just me being technical and picky, but if something is below freezing, it should be frozen and thus cannot be drunk.

That's all I saw. This is a really good story and I enjoyed it.
Best of luck in future writings,
Silver Moon

3338875

This isn't you being technical, this is you helping me make a great story even /better/!

I will try to fit these corrections in during the upcoming week. Thanks so much! :twilightsmile:

3339220 Not a problem. I enjoy helping people out whenever I get the chance.
:pinkiehappy:

Well, well, well.

After more delays than I can count, I FINALLY got around to this. This story is... something else. More than I thought it'd be, really. I knew what I was in for when I read your outline, but I didn't expect this.

I'll start with what I liked; Your pacing was oddly reminiscent of 'Life is Not Fair'. And yes, that's a good thing. There was virtually NO useless rhetoric throughout this tale, and it kept me engaged enough to finish. As proven by your intense descriptions of RD's character, your love for her is almost blinding. As such, I hold heavy respect for the direction you chose. I found myself smiling at Rainbow's wild accusations, and even muttered 'tactless idiot...' at one point. And how she came down, became fat and useless, and doubted everything that made her a Pegasus? Nice hook.

As usual, you have a solid grasp on storytelling. While the scenes were a bit jumpy, there was enough info (without being dumpy, thank God) that kept me in the light, and anticipating what would happen next. And though I grinned at the 'Ram Stein Mountain incident' (You cheeky bastard) I'd have LOVED to get more sensory details about it. I suspect you wanted to leave the horror to readers' imagination, and since mine is well-versed, I imagined Wonderbolts savaged and broken with torn wings and mangled legs. Do I have problems? I think not.

I think you MASSIVELY improved Twilight's personality in this fic. She was indefinitely more authentic and less 'bitchy', as I recall your other fics. Her interactions with RD, while one-sided compared to the other Mane Six, got the blood pumping. And the moment I started leaning forward, I knew I'd favorite this. Rainbow cursing that poor alicorn to Hell was delicious, and that same alicorn arresting the bitch was even SWEETER! You, sir, are a wonderfully daring son of a bitch! :pinkiehappy:

Now release that held breath, 'cause here come the problems!

My biggest issue with this was the forced character inserts. This is just me (I think), but the interaction with the other Mane Six seemed stale and useless. The passing explanations behind Rainbow's diet and Wonderbolt outfit were good enough only because it answered questions and moved the story along. But damn-near everything they said was completely, infuriatingly useless. It seemed like a bunch of 'filler' to me, and though it was underplayed for the real juiciness, it distracted me from it. Yes, it made sense to have all of her friends support her. More believable that way. But perhaps they'd have been more useful if Twilight wasn't the only one to FULLY intervene. Hell, having all of them do so would've surely propelled your story to the 10,000 word count you'd planned. How did you cushion this error? With your OC's. Rapidfire, from the very beginning, had classic Military bravado, compete with disciplined temperament and snarky reprimanding attitude. And the bartender, while underplayed, was fit perfectly, and I couldn't help but chuckle when he said "Get her out of here! Now!"

*Clenches fists* Oh my God, I swear, if you keep making these engaging OC's, you'll be able to make a spinoff series...

Anyway, your scene changes, as I've mentioned before, were passable enough to keep me engaged, but the end result felt rushed, and (as I also mentioned) jumpy. Though I wasn't particularly bother by this, it may have been jarring for many readers. I think the meatiest example of this was the finally scene change. Eleven months, Slate. Eleven. Months. Passed up in just a few page-break stars and a passing mention of RD's restored training regiment. While you kept it fresh with RD's sudden consciousness about her weight, I think you could've done a LOT more with the scene. Perhaps, yet again, the other Mane Six could've played a more important role in intervention if they were shown helping poor fat little Rainbow Dash.

I may be cruel, but I'd laugh at that until my lungs bled.

My final problem is just a nitpick, but something I HAVE to say. His name is 'Snowflake', god dammit!

Overall, this tale, like many others I've read (will continue to read) of yours, was a gripping read, not only for its character building, but for it's character destruction as well. This story has garnered my like, and just barely snatched a favorite from me.

7 out of 10. A good read.

Craine...

3405849

I love Rainbow Dash very much. Although I imagine she'd be upset to see me portraying her as a drug addict who cries over dead children. Fortunately, she isn't real, and therefore can't kick my ass.

"Ram Stein Mountain" = "Rammstein Air Show Disaster" = "Largest Air Show Disaster in History by Fatalities, which necessitated a complete re-do of how all air shows are performed." My idea was that something as horrible as that happened, forcing the Wonderbolts to re-evaluate their airshow protocols, which is why Rainbow Dash (and Thunderlane and Lightning Dust) aren't in the Wonderbolts despite demonstrable talent. They're "rogues" and thus dangerous and they need to prove that they can turn off their maverick nature when required. What better way to do this than to force them to repeat maneuvers somepony else did, and to force them to slow down to somepony else's pace?

Twilight is the only one who intervened because she's the only one with the knowledge to realize that Rainbow Dash is on drugs. Also, as princess, she (probably) has the obligation to intervene and halt illegal activities. Everypony else is just confused as to why Dashie is acting strange.

Rapidfire is a member of the Wonderbolts who has been mentioned but not shown:
http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_Wonderbolts

The bartender is just doing a good job of removing those who would harm his property or patrons. Good bartenders pay close attention to the customers and kick out or have arrested those who pose a threat.

I didn't use Snowflake's fandom name because it's a bit obscure and obtuse (as opposed to Derpy, Dr. Whooves, etc.) and he only has one line. Everyone knows who he is.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!