Male earth pony. Exceptionally weird.
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When Pinkie Pie finds out that Luna hasn't celebrated a birthday in over a millenium, she is determined to help Luna make up for missed parties with the biggest, best Un-Birthday bash ever. But all Luna wants is quiet, personal time with ponies who care about her. Can Pinkie learn to understand what Luna needs from her little pink friend?
Featured on EQD 10/7/2013:
http://www.equestriadaily.com/2013/10/story-un-birthday-for-princess.html
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Premise seems good. I'll give it a read.
I liked this. I liked this a lot.
However, you should really leave a space after every paragraph. When text is bunched up together, it just makes reading the story rather difficult.
Nevertheless, this was a really interesting premise for a story. Really sweet.
3181715
You just wanna see Luna cuddling a pet rock.
SO DO I.
3181819
Now that you mention it... yes, I do.
That would be uber cute, especially if done in a picture by JohnJoseco.
3181840
That one's on you, I don't have the money for commissions.
3182060
I'm just saying. I didn't really mean like commission him.
And I am broke.
3182108
Me too!
Let's form a club! With an entry fee, so that we can't afford to join!
3182179
That's... quite the paradox.
And an awesome one at that.
3182256
I don't want to join a club that would let people like me be a member anyway.
3182304
Why not?
A very cute story, and one I plan on sharing with some groups. Needs a quick proofreading once-over at the beginning, though. (There's a spot where "Ponyville" isn't capitalized, "smiled" used in place of "smile", small stuff like that.)
3182179
That's okay. I once formed the procrastination club. I had to keep postponing the meetings.
My brother set up the psychic club. He kept cancelling due to unforeseen circumstances.
Yes. I know those were bad, but I couldn't help it.
3303140
Went in and fixed what you pointed out.
Glad you liked it :)
Pet rock...And Luna doesn't mind about it.
You just turn something that was an insult to something wonderful(?)!
3307044
What do you get the princess with everything? Something that's nothing but marketing!
My goal was to have Pinkie give Luna 1) a gag gift 2) that Pinkie would probably own herself 3) that was mostly marketing 4) that Luna and Pinkie could both have a good laugh over.
Therefore, pet rock. Which was a real thing back in the 70s, go look it up.
I know my original comment was somewhere in the atrociously bad to horrendously awful range, using two puns like that, but i've now actually read the story.
Slate, that was absolutely beautiful. Sure, there's a few places where it could be touched up, but the feelings the story produces are just powerful. I mean, i don't think i ended a story smiling that wide outside a strong comedy story. At times i almost fell into the scene myself, it seemed.
I also wish to join the 'Wanting to see Luna cuddling her pet rock' club, just because it's such an awesome mental image.
3308863
I'm really glad you liked it!
And Luna should totally have a pet rock. A moon rock.
3308921
But not named Skippy, that's too overused.
3309651
I was thinking "Neil" but in the story I named him "Rocky" for obvious reasons.
He's an Italian boxer from south Philly with a lot of heart.
3309959
Headcanon accepted.
"Un-Birthday" Em... that title could be used for a whole different mature story... You probably don't want to know.
Great job!
3314277
Let's not go there. For I have been there. And I did not like it.
I'm glad you liked it
3314277
I see what you did there :)
3314434
One wishes she had not.
This fic was actually amazing. I loved every moment of it.
3314864
I'm so glad you liked it!
Sweet little fic. This gets a like from me.
Not bad, dude!
3315404
I'm so happy you liked it!
Such a sweet little story. I think what I like most about it is that it's a story about throwing a party for Luna, and yet it's Pinkie who ends up learning the most from it. Something about character development for Pinkie always works with me. The idea of her maturing makes me smile.
As for anything to critique, or anything wrong with it... Maybe I'd have to read it again, but I didn't find anything that really detracted from the story. It helps that it's a short(ish) one shot that leaves little room for improvement. It gets across what it needs to, does it concisely, and without overstepping what it needs to be. I like it!
Awww! Pinkie and Luna are soo adorable together.. *squee* I love this!
3315963
I am so glad you like it!
I wanted to make it short and sweet, and it sounds like you believe I succeeded.
3316105
I'm so glad you like it!
3316250 you're welcome!! It made my day!
Editing time!
The word 'ya' makes more sense with a country accent than 'yew' in this context.
It is bad practice to use a word twice in one sentence.
Missing a comma
Remove the comma
You might want to shrink that down to
You mean grinding to a halt?
It was not bad. If I may, however. Having Luna stop and tell Pinkie that she was not thrilled by the party was a mistake. What would have been better would have been to have Luna grin and bear it, but show her discomfort, then after the party have the confrontation initiated by Pinkie. Having Luna do it, and in the middle of the parry no less, makes her look ungrateful and inconsiderate.
Just...that.
3317336
Corrections made!
Thanks so much for helping me make my work better!
3317700
We all like Rainbow's butt!
It is the most awesome of all butts!
3317381
I disagree, which is why I wrote it the way I did.
I'm glad you like it nonetheless!
3309651 NMM: Skippy! How did you even get up here? SO MANY FRIENDS ON THE MOON FOR ME!!"
Skippy: Your friends are so dead!
A cute story. I can actually see Luna with a pet rock. And I can DEFINITELY see Pinkie commanding it to 'attack'.
3322495
Pinkie grew up on a rock farm. She knows how to keep pet rocks in order, and how to keep them stampeding.
Have you ever seen a rock stampede on the show? Exactly - Pinkie is keeping their butts in line!
This was extremely cute. :)
3323797
I'm so glad you liked it!
3308921
With a thousand years having nothing but rocks for companions, I am sure Luna is well aware of the proper care of pet rocks.
3327016
All the more reason for Pinkie to give her one! She can be certain that the rock will be properly taken care of.
You know how violent abused pet rocks can get. Sometimes they break windows just out of spite!