• Published 23rd Sep 2013
  • 1,641 Views, 47 Comments

What's Wrong With A Little Shipping? - Salnalus



Discord is bored. So he takes up writing shipping stories. And they become real.

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Beauty Where It Counts

After a normal, yet seemingly interesting breakfast time with Princesses Celestia and Luna, the ever-lovable draconequus returned to his room within the tall tower, a smug grin on his face. Discord, no matter what, couldn’t manage to keep a straight face at the rather unfortunate events that occurred earlier at the royal dining table.

“Hah, oh that was rich! What did I tell Celestia? Her sister really needs to get that stick out her flank. Just makes playing with little Lulu all the more fun!” he cackled as he walked back to his seat perched on the balcony. “Seriously, it’s like she’s never heard of a joke in her long-lived life. It’s sad, really.”

As he sat down, leaning back comfortably upon the couch, he picked up the book once more. With a quick snap of his fingers, the magic window appeared once more. From what he could see, Pinkie Pie was now chasing Applejack around the barn, basically having fun as if playing a game of tag while the orange mare tried to keep her distance from the hyperactive Pinkie.

“Stay away from me, Pinkie!” Applejack yelled, jumping around behind haystacks in an attempt to avoid her pink assailant. “Ah don’t wanna do that again!”

“Come on, Applejack,” Pinkie pleaded as she kept up her chase on the cowpony, matching her exact movements. “It was getting good! I mean, I don’t know how we ended up that way, but it wasn’t a bad thing!”

“Ah said no, Pinkie!”

Discord blinked his eyes while watching the two ponies, who eventually ran out of the barn together. “What happened while I was gone? I thought they were getting to the main action. What a bore.”

He rubbed his forehead as he groaned in disappointment. “Oh well, guess I’ll just see who’s next on the list.”

In an instant, four picture frames replaced the space that the magic window took up. Each picture showed four other mares. The first was a brash-looking cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail, her face expressing a vibe of bravery and heroism.

“Rainbow Dash, you tenacious speedster. Hmm, I never seen you as the loving type, but what do I care? This is just a one-time thing for my own amusement.”

Discord shrugged his shoulders and looked to the next frame. The next pony to be shown was an elegant white unicorn with a royally-styled hairstyle, striking a rather impressive pose.

“Rarity. Your beauty knows no bounds. And that can just make things easier when you are set up with one of the others. Can’t let your looks go to waste, now can we?”

The next frame showed a timid yellow pegasus with long, pink hair. From the view, she looked rather shy, hiding a bit behind her mane in a cute fashion.

“My little Fluttershy… the one to reform me in the first place. I must say, I should repay the favor for giving me your friendship. How about I set you up with a good friend? Trust me, you’d be much happier.”

As Discord said this, he traced the air with two fingers, forming a small red heart with a smaller profile of Fluttershy in it. It soon disappeared as he looked to the last frame with a coy smile.

In the last frame stood a proud lavender unicorn with dark blue hair adorned with purple and pink streaks. She was looking down at what looked like a book, signifying her love for them.

“And finally, Twilight Sparkle, the one pony bearing the strongest of the Elements of Harmony. I suppose I have you to thank as well for releasing me and giving me a chance like Fluttershy did. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have so much fun playing with the Princess of Boredom...”

Discord rolled his eyes. Sure enough, he could have sworn he heard a slight groan coming from somewhere in the castle, to which he snickered at.

He then placed his paw on his chin, pondering the options at his disposal. “Hmm… we have four more ponies here. A brash speedster, an elegant fashionista, a timid animal caretaker, and a geeky bookworm. Oh, the possibilities are endless!”

With a quick snap of his fingers, all four frames started to mix together, swirling around rapidly in a mini tornado in front of the draconequus. After a few seconds, they stopped and returned to their positions, but facing away from him so that he couldn’t see the four mares.

“Guess we’ll choose at random. Let’s see… let’s go for frame number one!”

The first frame turned around to reveal Twilight Sparkle, earning a raised eyebrow from Discord..

“Twilight, huh? Was kind of hoping she would be in the third pairing. Oh well. Let’s see who you shall be doing stuff with. Let’s try… number four!”

After the second and third frames faded from existence, the fourth frame revealed itself to Discord, earning yet another raised brow.

“Rarity? Well, how coincidental is it that the random selection chooses both unicorns?”

Suddenly, two small figures of the aforementioned ponies appeared in his hands, much like the same figures of the two earth ponies from earlier. Discord playfully bounced each figure around as if to pretend play with them.

“‘Oh, my dear Twilight, you’re looking fabulous today!’ ‘Oh, thank you, Rarity. You’re too kind.’ ‘Oh, you’re too smart.’ ‘You’re too beautiful.’ ‘Oh, anypony can be beautiful, dearest Twilight. I can show you.’”

Discord then pressed the muzzles of both ponies toward each other, making them kiss each other with actual kissing sounds being heard coming from them. He snickered from the silly, yet beautiful sight of the two toys making out with each other.

“Now that I think about it, these two will go perfect with each other!” the draconequus exclaimed in delight, but quiet enough so that nopony outside the room could hear him. He poofed back to his seat and fetched his binoculars, looking through the glass to find the two ponies.

Twilight was walking through the streets of Ponyville, noticeably away from Sweet Apple Acres, looking a bit distraught. “I wonder what was going on with Applejack and Pinkie Pie. It’s not a usual occurrence that Pinkie chases around Applejack for no reason. I’m just going to chalk it up to Pinkie just being Pinkie. She’ll stop soon.”

Discord laughed at Twilight’s words, knowing fully what she meant. “Oh, Twilight. You have no idea what went on between the two. Perhaps if you asked them... actually, it was a good thing you just left them. It’s just hilarious to know they’re still at it!”

A few more seconds of laughing like a hyena, and Discord calmed himself. “Alright, enough funny business. Time to get to loving, but first...”

He moved the binoculars around, spotting Rarity also walking through the town, but away from the path near the Everfree Forest. Her mane was ruffled a bit, which made the unicorn wince in disappointment.

“If only you knew how important your owner’s mane is to her, Opal darling…” she complained while holding part of her mane in one of her hooves. frowning at the dreadful sight. “It was so beautiful. At least Fluttershy doesn’t mind taking care of you. I must relax at home anyway. This was a long work week, and I am simply exhausted.”

Rarity raised a hoof to her forehead dramatically as she continued her way towards her home, the Carousel Boutique.

“Ok, not really sure what to do here,” Discord pondered as he tapped his hairy chin for a few seconds. He held the book in his hand, writing into it as the screen continued to focus on the white unicorn. “I’ll just try to find a way to make them attracted to each other. Applejack and Pinkie were easy to do. Doesn’t take much to get them two drunkenly aroused when cider is involved. But with Twilight and Rarity, it’s going to take a bit more to make both unicorns horny.”

Once he realized what he said, he burst into laughter at the hilarious pun he had just made. “Horny, oh how funny that is! Because unicorns have horns? I swear, it’s so easy to come up with puns like these.”

As Twilight was trotting her way down the road, she spotted Rarity not too far from her location. She changed the direction of her path as she walked up to the white mare.

“Hi, Rarity,” Twilight addressed, looking quite shocked at Rarity’s manestyle, but stifling a giggle at the same time. “Having a bad hair day?

“You could say that...” Rarity exhaled tiredly. “Opal’s been giving me a hard time this morning, but luckily Fluttershy didn’t mind taking care of her for the day. I am incredibly stressed out from this week’s events, so all I want is a day or two to rest.”

“What about Sweetie Belle? Shouldn't you look after her?”

“Applejack and I agreed to let her stay over at Sweet Apple Acres for the time being. She didn’t mind. I just hope my sister doesn’t cause trouble for them.”

“I’m sure she won’t. If you’re not going to be doing anything all day, how about I join you?”

Rarity rolled her eyes, looking back at her home, the Carousel Boutique. “Twilight dear, I’m trying to rest myself, not tire myself more.”

Twilight shook her head. “No no, I meant just spend time with you in Carousel Boutique. Even if you want rest, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be alone with Opalescence out.”

Rarity looked back at the lavender mare with a frown. “Oh no, I couldn’t impose on you to spend all day with me. I’m sure you’re rather busy with other things, and besides, you can’t leave Spike at the library alone by himself.”

“Oh, he’s not alone,” Twilight chuckled as she waved a hoof. “I had Owlowiscious watch over the library and Spike while I’m gone. Spike got a little envious when I didn’t pick him to watch over, but he’s been slacking off a bit more recently. So this way, I’ll know if he’s been doing what he needs to or not.”

“Oh. Well, that’s reassuring, I suppose...”

Discord grinned devilishly while he looked up at the magic window. “Now to let the book’s spell take effect.”

A small poof of magic dust appeared in front of Rarity’s eyes, which cleared away instantly. She blinked her eyes as she looked around frantically, earning a confused stare from Twilight.

“Rarity, what are you doing?” The studious mare asked in wonder.

“I could’ve sworn I saw something in front of my eyes…” Rarity blinked a few more times, just to be sure.”I must be more tired than I thought. Let us make haste to my home, please.”

“If you say so,” Twilight replied with a shrug. Both unicorns then started to make their way towards Carousel Boutique.

As soon as they entered the establishment, Rarity immediately plopped her figure onto her couch which was seemingly already in the middle of the room. Why it was already in the center instead of placed up against a wall where it wouldn’t get in the way of movement, Twilight didn’t know. And she’d be comfortable not finding out.

“Twilight, could you be a dear and fetch me something to drink? I just need to stretch my hooves for a bit.” Rarity then proceeded to carry out her stretching while Twilight rolled her eyes.

But she walked into the kitchen anyway and looked in the fridge, finding a few things varying from milk, apple juice, water, and even a few bottles of Dos Equine brand wine.

“Rarity drinks wine?” Twilight asked to nopony in particular. She was just staring at the bottles with curiosity for a few seconds.

And apparently, so was Discord.

“Well well well, looks like our little fashionista likes to get herself wasted sometimes. Who knows, maybe her little sister even tried some. She really needs to stash those somewhere private or something. Who wants to see a drunk filly?

He chuckled once more. “Ok, maybe I would. Does that make me a bad draconequus? Either way, this is going to be easier than I thought.” His quill was set to write more, but then he stopped, staring at the window, focusing his gaze on Twilight.

“Hmm, I wonder if Twilight Sparkle has had any of those drinks before. Looks like we’ll just have to see about that!” He continued scratching his writing utensil upon the pages.

Just as Twilight was about to reach for the jug of water, a sprinkle of magic dust appeared before her, which made her blink her eyes. She shook her head to clear her vision.

“What was that?” She looked around, figuring it could’ve just been some dust in her eyes, though how it got there, she wasn’t sure. Without looking, she activated her horn, and one of the wine bottles floated out of the fridge before Twilight closed the door and proceeded to walk back to the living room.

She rubbed her eyes as she passed the bottle to Rarity, who took it into her own magical grasp. “Thank you, darling. This isn’t exactly what I thought to drink, but it’ll do for the moment.”

She popped off the top, and lifted it to her muzzle, gulping down a little of the beverage before setting it down on the floor. “Oh yes, a bit better.”

“Rarity, I didn’t take you as a drinker of wine, or any drink of that kind for that matter,” Twilight commented to her friend’s choice of drinks.

“Oh Twilight, I have been drinking this for a few years now,” Rarity replied, lifting up the bottle above her with her magic. “Once you get used to the taste, it’s actually pretty good. Have you never tried any?”

Twilight put a hoof to her chin, staring at her white-coated friend. “No, I haven’t actually.”

“Well, you simply must try it! Here, take this.” Rarity rose from the couch while passing the bottle back to Twilight, who grabbed it within her own magical grasp. “I’ll just fetch myself another bottle.”

Before Twilight could offer a rebuttal, Rarity walked away from her into the kitchen herself. Twilight looked back at the bottle, eyeing it with wonder. She lifted the bottle to her snout and took a small whiff of it. The odor emanating from it made her nose scrunch up.

“Oh, this stuff smells horrible!” Twilight muttered as she pressed a hoof to her nose in an attempt to block out the smell. “Why in Equestria would anypony want to drink this?”

Rarity could hear her from the kitchen, and yelled back in response. “Just try a sip, darling! They always smell like that, but the taste is actually quite nice!”

Twilight looked from the door back to the bottle. She gulped before lifting the bottle up to her muzzle and downed a tiny bit of the drink to taste it. Afterward, she stuck her tongue out in disgust.

“Ugh, it tastes horrible, too...” Twilight spat out while looking at the drink distastefully.

Discord sighed. “Ok, so she doesn't like the drink. I didn't expect her too.”

He stared at the bottle himself for what almost seemed like minutes when seconds had only passed. He knew Twilight wasn't a drinker, so as such, alcoholic drinks were disgusting to her taste buds. But that didn't mean he couldn't have fun with it.

“Oh well, too bad. You're going to drink it anyway!”

Before Twilight could set the bottle down, she felt more magic dust form in front of her. She shook her head once more before rubbing the side of it with a hoof, trying to regain her surroundings. Shrugging it off quickly afterward, she looked back at the bottle once more.

Before she knew it, she started to down the whole thing like it was the best thing in Equestria since sliced bread. She couldn't have enough of it, and within seconds, the whole contents of the bottle were gone. Twilight let out an exasperated breath, which most notably reeked of the smell of the drink.

Once the bottle dropped on the floor, with Twilight's magic carefully setting it down of course, she quickly regretted it, and a really bad taste was left in her mouth.

Rarity could hear Twilight having difficulty keeping down the drink from the other room. After grabbing herself another bottle from the fridge, she trotted her way back to the main room, opening it on the way.

“Enjoying the drink, dear?” Rarity asked while drinking some of the bottle herself. if anything, Twilight looked slightly disoriented, almost as if she was about to throw up.

“Not enjoying the drink, I see. Well, as I said, it does take some getting used to. And uh, you weren’t supposed to ingest the whole bottle in a few seconds.”

“Lesson learned...” Twilight responded, her tongue still hanging out in disgust. “I don’t want another one. That was worse than the cup of hot sauce I drank the day I came here.”

“Oh, lighten up,” Rarity said while waving a hoof nonchalantly. “It’s not so bad. It’s when the drink’s effects take over you that you’ll start to feel better.”

“I think I can already feel it…” Twilight grasped her stomach, breathing a bit heavily.

“Do you need to lay down?” Rarity asked with a bit of concern. “There’s the couch if you need to.”

“Thanks, Rarity.” Twilight proceeded to lay back upon Rarity’s comfy couch, the soft leather adjusting well to her body. She let out a sigh, rubbing her head of the dizziness she felt.

“Hmm,” Discord groaned in impatience, “You would think that it would’ve affected her by now... wait, duh! I’m the one writing this, so whatever I say goes! I can be so forgetful sometimes.”

As if some outside force was controlling her from within, Twilight suddenly felt highly intoxicated, and the fact she was already about to feel heavily drunk made it feel even worse. When she looked over to Rarity, she put on a rather devious smile, as what she saw was anything but the normally regal white unicorn she knew.

“You know Rarity, I never knew what wonderful eyes you have," she said to her.

Rarity was taking a sip of her own bottle while hearing this, and proceeded to spittake her drink out. She took a step back in surprise while looking back at Twilight. "Pardon? Did you just say..."

"You have the most beautiful red eyes I have ever seen, Rarity."

The fashionista examined the bottle carefully, checking its alcohol levels. "I never realized this brand could be so strong on a pony. If she's seeing things like this after only one bottle...”

Rarity looked back at Twilight, a bit concerned. “Dear Twilight, my eyes are blue, not red. Though I imagine red eyes would leave a deep impression."

She looked back at Twilight, but now the purple mare was watching her with all her attention. Twilight almost seemed to be inviting her over to the couch.

"Your eyes are like red embers, swirling around in that head of yours," Twilight stated, taking the tone a poet would use. "They burn like fire, and I cannot look away for a second."

Rarity took another step back. It was almost like another pony had taken Twilight's place, and some romantic writer was there instead. A very, very drunk one, if she was seeing red in her eyes. Then Twilight sat back down on her flank. She was steady on her hind legs, though her breath still reeked of the wine.

"And your white coat is so beautiful. It is like a sky full of clouds came together to form it, and I want to rest my head on it. Then I remember that I am just a unicorn, and then I'm scared of falling."

Rarity couldn't believe her ears. There was no way this was happening in her house. She grabbed the other glass of wine with her horn, and threw it out the window. This was just too unbelievable to, well, believe.

"But what about you as a pony?" Twilight asked, getting her rump off the sofa. "You are like a Daring Do book."

She closed the distance between her and Rarity, and the white unicorn could smell the wine with every breath she took. There was less than an arm's reach between the two.

"How am I like a Daring Do book? I don't understand the metaphor at all," Rarity admitted.

"You are one of the bravest mares I've ever known, not afraid to go on adventure, and your life is full of dangerous animals."

"Dan… dangerous animals?" Rarity raised an eyebrow in confusion. Clearly, she had no idea what the drunk mare was going on about now.

"Your cat, Opal, is one of the most dangerous animals in the world. And your sister, what was her name? She scares me too."

At that moment, Rarity didn't know what to say. She knew it was the wine talking, but at the same time, she had heard nothing like that in her lifetime. At least, not to her. And there was only one way to react to this.

Without even thinking about it, she tackled Twilight Sparkle to the ground, pinned her down with her front limbs, and began kissing her friend all over her face. She relentlessly kissed her cheeks, forehead, and almost on the lips a few times. Twilight didn't react at first, way too drunk to even know what was going on.

Discord slapped his thigh as he laughed at the top of his lungs, watching the fireworks for himself. This was everything he wanted to see when he first decided this was a good idea.

"So all I have to do to pick up mares is get drunk and insult them through a poem? Why didn't I think of this sooner? I need to try this with Celestia some time. Its going to be priceless. Or maybe even Luna. At least, if it’ll get her to calm down more and stop acting like a big baby."

As he kept watching, Rarity never stopped kissing Twilight. But the purple unicorn didn't move a muscle, just lying there underneath the fashionista's hooves.



"Come now, Twilight. You've got to get in the spirit of things!"

“Alright, let’s change things up a bit,” Discord said with another flick of the wrist, and another dusting of magic formed around Twilight's eyes. After a few seconds, all the alcohol left her system, and she was able to regain her senses. But by then, she found herself assaulted by kisses all around her face.

"Rarity! What the hay are you doing?"

Rarity didn't hear her at first, and kept on with the kisses. Twilight then tried to nudge her way out of her grasp, but Rarity was too heavy for that.

Desperate, Twilight grabbed Rarity with her magic, and threw her over to the sofa. Rarity landed back on the cushions, and her mane got out of shape with the collision. Truly the worst thing that could happen to her.

"Rarity, what were you thinking?" Twilight asked. "What all happened when I passed out?"

"What's gotten into you? We were in the middle of a sweet embrace, and then you turn around like I'm not good enough for you anymore!"

"But... why were you kissing me?!"

"Its that poem you said for me, darling. I knew you weren't thinking straight, since every compliment you said about me was either dead wrong or an insult, but it was the thought that counts. And your thought was so touching!"

"What? I don't even remember saying anything at all! And I'm not into you like that!"

Rarity's ears came down to the sides, stung with those words. "I was afraid it was just the wine speaking. It was so beautiful when you said those things about me. I had actually hoped those words were spoken with full truth and honesty..."

"Well, Spike says a lot of nice things about you too. He just hasn't said them to you yet because, well, he's nervous a lot of the time. But he really loves you."

Twilight blinked for a second, and looked around frantically, expecting a certain pink earth pony to pop up out of nowhere and yell “forever!”. She sighed knowing that didn’t happen, then looked back at Rarity.

"He does say things like that about me? I knew he had a crush, but I didn't know he was hiding that much from me..."

"Trust me Rarity, whatever I said can't compare to what he writes about you."

Rarity paused, and then gave it a little bit of thought.

"I know he has a crush on me, but given that he is so young, I thought he might grow out of it. It doesn't seem as such. I guess I'll give it a year, and if he still loves me then, I'll go out with him. But you must tell me what he says about me."

Back in Canterlot, Discord stuck out his tongue in disgust. He had slapped himself in the face numerous times right there, watching all of his work go to waste. He immediately regretted turning Twilight back to normal.

"If she doesn't like playing by my rules, I'll just have to fix that."

He gave another snap of his fingers, and suddenly Rarity's mane had turned green. The fashionista screamed in horror, and fainted on her sofa. Twilight had come to her aid, but Discord turned off the screen before it could get any worse. He rose from his chair and stomped out of the room. This was a major disappointment.

"I'll just have to create more chaos to feel better about myself. Make the Guards have polka dot coats, make it rain peppermints, and replace the clouds with Fluffle Puffs. Anything but that!"

Comments ( 12 )

There DOES seem to be a criminally low number of RarityxTwilight shippings. :raritydespair::twilightoops:

Shipping fail!:rainbowlaugh:
I have a strange feeling that when he tries to ship RD and Shy, he'll be shocked as Shy says, "Rainbow, it's not Thursday."

FLUFFLE PUFFS.
YOU WENT THERE.

And Dissy, turning her mane green was your downfall, Celestia is going to know about this via letter I'm sure of it :facehoof:

No.
Love the idea
Strongly dislike the execution.
Just awkward and face-palmy.
It's not really funny. Or arousing (not that I would want it to be) or sad. It's just... There. I would suggest a few things. (And these are just my opinions)
1. Discord stops talking to himself like there are people listening. It's kinda annoying and forced. Just narrate it. And show don't tell. I don't care if he's laughing and reiterating how much he enjoys messing with Luna. Show us.
And don't tell us directly what he thinks. Narrate it
2. The magic dust. Have it control them until he wants it to stop. Otherwise it's out of character. For the M6 to act attracted to each other wouldn't normally fit and feels off. But in character doesn't have to be a problem If we know that discord is controlling them. And then he won't just give up when they don't naturally start making out. I mean... He's supposed to be causing chaos. Why bother if it only takes I tiny push to do that. Then it's not really chaos. Just a slightly strange situation.
2.5. Better determination. He's the spirit of chaos and he just turned and sulked when it didn't work. He really have up that easily. Wasn't his intention to control them? So why isn't he controlling them? He's just sitting there doing nothing.
3. There was definitely a 3rd thing. But it has escaped my mind. Oh well.
Anyway. I don't want you to stop this story but maybe take my suggestions into consideration.
When it comes down to it, it is YOUR story. So you can do whatever you want with it.

Oh! I remember!
Redundancy. Never a good plan to just keep telling the same story over and over and just calling it something new each time. You tried the "Exact" same situation as the last chapter. He is in control of their minds. That's better than any form of intoxication. You had two entirely different characters and an entirely different set up. But instead of just using anything unique to get a new situation and a new "love" story. You just try to get them to make out by getting one of them drunk. And even if they were drunk, there is no guarantee that they would immediately become aroused. Twilight is probably a dorky drunk anyway. So those two chapters had discord guiding them to romance. So why bother with the alcohol? Just make them fall In "love".
So much potential. You could have them fall in love in some generic way. Or you could have rarity make twilight some glamorous 60s show girlish dress and go on from there.
Rarity was tired And bedraggled. Twilight could offer to help her clean up (maybe start off as twilight helping her get some twigs out of her hair since rarity can't see the back of her own head) and then she helps her wash or something. Or when going to get rarity a nice housecoat, she finds some random "suggestive" outfit in the back of her closet (maybe discord put it there. That would make it even more hilarious when they regained control of their minds)
Or maybe they could go to the spa and something would happen there.
And I'm pretty sure this isn't a smutfic so it'll stop right before things get too bad. So don't get the wrong idea when I say that I haven't even mentioned the scenarios including their horns! I mean magic. Or.. Maybe not. I don't know.
So yeah. That's why I didn't like it. I really was hoping for something more creative. Different from the last chapter. Not to mention the great set up! You basically gave yourself the opportunity to do a shipfic with a reasonable explanation for any out if character moments! That gives you so much to work with!
So.. Yeah. I don't know if you're a new writer, and I don't know if you'll consider redoing this chapter (and I you did and used one of my prompts, I wouldn't be the least bit upset since I didn't actually write it out. I would still want to read them in story form) and if you don't plan or wan to redo it, maybe you'll take it into consideration for your next chapter? The next one has a little less potential. The characters still need their cores to stay the same so fluttershy would probably be the "submissive" (surprise surprise!) and by that, I mean that she probably wouldn't (and shouldn't) initiate anything. Unless discord were to go and say that he wants fluttershy to act a certain way. But you would need a legit reason.
(And I think it might feel less awkward if he thought aloud as if he were talking to the ponies he's manipulating. Y'know, like how people will talk at their TVs?) anyway. That's my 2cents. Best of luck in the rest of the story. I will continue to follow it ^.^

Sorry. One more thing!
If there is anything I said that didn't make sense, please just ask me. I did my best to be clear and to explain myself (hence the wall of text) but I most likely left some stuff out or ended choosing what it is not the best wording for something and therefore making it unclear.

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Woah. You didn't exactly need to go in-depth with everything. I'm just a writer doing what he enjoys: writing. I believe everything I did was fine (though honestly, I like the first chapter better).

One thing you said caught me though:

I don't know if you're a new writer, and I don't know if you'll consider redoing this chapter (and I you did and used one of my prompts, I wouldn't be the least bit upset since I didn't actually write it out. I would still want to read them in story form) and if you don't plan or wan to redo it, maybe you'll take it into consideration for your next chapter? The next one has a little less potential. The characters still need their cores to stay the same so fluttershy would probably be the "submissive" (surprise surprise!) and by that, I mean that she probably wouldn't (and shouldn't) initiate anything. Unless discord were to go and say that he wants fluttershy to act a certain way. But you would need a legit reason.

First off, if you noticed my other stories, no I'm not a new writer. Been writing for about six or seven months now.

And second, please understand that not everybody does everything the best with every character. What I made Discord do in here... he's fine. Could be better, but not really OOC in my eyes (otherwise, wouldn't really write him that way). But I didn't expect the highest hopes for my writing when writing this story.

I'm not the best writer. I could be an awesome writer, but am just having a bad time with this story. That's why I experiment with different types of stories to see what I'm best at. Also using different characters too. This thing I tried with Discord, I'll just say it's somewhat better than a lot of other stories with Discord in them, believe me.

As for this chapter, it's hard to come up with ideas for Twilight and Rarity. You can't stomp on me for that, honestly.

Also, I am having a bad experience with my laptop, so don't expect me to make any sort of reply to whatever you say for perhaps a few days. That's exactly why I had to wait 2 days just to check this story for new comments. Sorry for the inconvenience.

I appreciate your comments, though. Makes me happy to know people are interested enough.

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Hello,
Yeah. I don't know why, but I've been leaving lengthy I comments on everything lately. I don't know. I'm not a writer so I wouldn't expect you to take my comment into deep consideration. I Do, however enjoy reviewing and when mlp starts up again, id like to start reviewing the episodes so maybe I'm just taking everything into a much more critical view. Anyway, I would like to say that your story is pretty good, and it's awesome that you love doing this and you're confident in your work.

Thank you for replying. /)

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Well, thank you. It's nice to know someone's taking a story of mine seriously... I think that's a good thing, at least.

And yes, if Discord makes a reappearance in Season 4, I will be pretty happy though he's not one of my favorite characters. Princess Luna is actually my favorite character (poor Luna in this story, though).

"And your little sister... She scares me too." - Twilight (best line)

This is actually really funny! Glad I read it :D Discord is pretty good, although you have him talk to the reader a lot. ^^' Idk.

looks like discord isn't as good as a shipping writer than he thought.

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