Discord is bored. He's really bored. He needs some entertainment in his life. But ever since being reformed, his time spent has been nothing but dreadful. He's all alone, up on some tower looking out at Equestria wondering what would've become of it if a little chaos appeared here and there. That's all he ever wanted. A little chaos. Then the perfect idea came. Harmless chaos... and the perfect kind of it.
It was time for Discord to take up writing, and what better writing is there than stories that are true? There's really nothing wrong with a bit of romance between ponies, right? With Discord as the author, what could possibly go wrong?
Chapters (2)
Good plot
Can't wait to read more
Ps First
Well...this looks...interesting...
I'll give it a watch, see where it goes.
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Good kind of interesting, or weird kind of interesting?
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That depends on...
writingclassesforkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/What-Happens-Next2.jpg
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Here, you saw Pinkie and Applejack get a little crazy. Guess who's next?
I don't normally read shipping stories, but when I do, they are always by Discord.
P.S. Oh Pinkie, she's so random and sexually driven.
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Twilight and Rainbow Dash?
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She's really random, but that's Pinkie Pie for you.
And I dunno, sexually driven? Probably felt like that was fun, and really wanted more of it.
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Close... but don't worry, you'll see in due time.
I may or may not reveal later pairings in future blog posts of mine.
This is actually really funny! Moar please!!
Discord is a serious troll.
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I'm sure he appreciates the, umm... compliment.
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He does
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Thanks. I never really thought of Discord as some sort of pervert, but since he's doing this...
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And then magically put it away, lol.
OK, WAT.
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Yes?
Aww, I was hoping Dissy would start jerkin -w-
hueBut all that aside, I pray there is more to come. ~rubs hands evilly and cackles~
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Yeah... if I did that, then I would have to make this fic M-rated. Sorry!
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What's wrong with that?3253417
Well, for one, this isn't supposed to be a clopfic. If it was, it would have an M-rating. At first, I was thinking of making it a clopfic...
But then I was thinking, "I dunno..."
3253551 Well I say go for what you think is best.
I don't see why there's so much worry over clop, if anything, I always saw it as a wonderful writing experience to deepen my vocabulary.
So personally, I'd let this become a special clopfic story of Discord learning about his own sexuality as well as realizing maybe his interest in Celestia? But that's probably just me~
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There might be some Celestia, there might not be, you'll just have to wait and see.
Also, this was sort of a challenge, see if I could write clop... without writing clop, if that makes sense. I do have a clopfic you can read if you're into that kind of stuff.
3251715 I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN.
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Is... that a good thing?
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Do tell do tell
I see now what you're doing it sounds ever hard and you're doing a great job teasing us. xD
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Secret.
Thank you for the comment. I'll get more sometime, so stay tuned! I have a bit started on Chapter 2 as of now.
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As Pinkie would put it
i1.ytimg.com/vi/mHHJsrXEQvY/maxresdefault.jpg
I'M SO NERVOUSCITED
3258107 Honestly
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
Oh, this is GOOD.
So many possibilities, i can't wait for next chapter.
There DOES seem to be a criminally low number of RarityxTwilight shippings.
Shipping fail!
I have a strange feeling that when he tries to ship RD and Shy, he'll be shocked as Shy says, "Rainbow, it's not Thursday."
FLUFFLE PUFFS.
YOU WENT THERE.
And Dissy, turning her mane green was your downfall, Celestia is going to know about this via letter I'm sure of it
No.
Love the idea
Strongly dislike the execution.
Just awkward and face-palmy.
It's not really funny. Or arousing (not that I would want it to be) or sad. It's just... There. I would suggest a few things. (And these are just my opinions)
1. Discord stops talking to himself like there are people listening. It's kinda annoying and forced. Just narrate it. And show don't tell. I don't care if he's laughing and reiterating how much he enjoys messing with Luna. Show us.
And don't tell us directly what he thinks. Narrate it
2. The magic dust. Have it control them until he wants it to stop. Otherwise it's out of character. For the M6 to act attracted to each other wouldn't normally fit and feels off. But in character doesn't have to be a problem If we know that discord is controlling them. And then he won't just give up when they don't naturally start making out. I mean... He's supposed to be causing chaos. Why bother if it only takes I tiny push to do that. Then it's not really chaos. Just a slightly strange situation.
2.5. Better determination. He's the spirit of chaos and he just turned and sulked when it didn't work. He really have up that easily. Wasn't his intention to control them? So why isn't he controlling them? He's just sitting there doing nothing.
3. There was definitely a 3rd thing. But it has escaped my mind. Oh well.
Anyway. I don't want you to stop this story but maybe take my suggestions into consideration.
When it comes down to it, it is YOUR story. So you can do whatever you want with it.
Oh! I remember!
Redundancy. Never a good plan to just keep telling the same story over and over and just calling it something new each time. You tried the "Exact" same situation as the last chapter. He is in control of their minds. That's better than any form of intoxication. You had two entirely different characters and an entirely different set up. But instead of just using anything unique to get a new situation and a new "love" story. You just try to get them to make out by getting one of them drunk. And even if they were drunk, there is no guarantee that they would immediately become aroused. Twilight is probably a dorky drunk anyway. So those two chapters had discord guiding them to romance. So why bother with the alcohol? Just make them fall In "love".
So much potential. You could have them fall in love in some generic way. Or you could have rarity make twilight some glamorous 60s show girlish dress and go on from there.
Rarity was tired And bedraggled. Twilight could offer to help her clean up (maybe start off as twilight helping her get some twigs out of her hair since rarity can't see the back of her own head) and then she helps her wash or something. Or when going to get rarity a nice housecoat, she finds some random "suggestive" outfit in the back of her closet (maybe discord put it there. That would make it even more hilarious when they regained control of their minds)
Or maybe they could go to the spa and something would happen there.
And I'm pretty sure this isn't a smutfic so it'll stop right before things get too bad. So don't get the wrong idea when I say that I haven't even mentioned the scenarios including their horns! I mean magic. Or.. Maybe not. I don't know.
So yeah. That's why I didn't like it. I really was hoping for something more creative. Different from the last chapter. Not to mention the great set up! You basically gave yourself the opportunity to do a shipfic with a reasonable explanation for any out if character moments! That gives you so much to work with!
So.. Yeah. I don't know if you're a new writer, and I don't know if you'll consider redoing this chapter (and I you did and used one of my prompts, I wouldn't be the least bit upset since I didn't actually write it out. I would still want to read them in story form) and if you don't plan or wan to redo it, maybe you'll take it into consideration for your next chapter? The next one has a little less potential. The characters still need their cores to stay the same so fluttershy would probably be the "submissive" (surprise surprise!) and by that, I mean that she probably wouldn't (and shouldn't) initiate anything. Unless discord were to go and say that he wants fluttershy to act a certain way. But you would need a legit reason.
(And I think it might feel less awkward if he thought aloud as if he were talking to the ponies he's manipulating. Y'know, like how people will talk at their TVs?) anyway. That's my 2cents. Best of luck in the rest of the story. I will continue to follow it ^.^
Sorry. One more thing!
If there is anything I said that didn't make sense, please just ask me. I did my best to be clear and to explain myself (hence the wall of text) but I most likely left some stuff out or ended choosing what it is not the best wording for something and therefore making it unclear.
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Woah. You didn't exactly need to go in-depth with everything. I'm just a writer doing what he enjoys: writing. I believe everything I did was fine (though honestly, I like the first chapter better).
One thing you said caught me though:
First off, if you noticed my other stories, no I'm not a new writer. Been writing for about six or seven months now.
And second, please understand that not everybody does everything the best with every character. What I made Discord do in here... he's fine. Could be better, but not really OOC in my eyes (otherwise, wouldn't really write him that way). But I didn't expect the highest hopes for my writing when writing this story.
I'm not the best writer. I could be an awesome writer, but am just having a bad time with this story. That's why I experiment with different types of stories to see what I'm best at. Also using different characters too. This thing I tried with Discord, I'll just say it's somewhat better than a lot of other stories with Discord in them, believe me.
As for this chapter, it's hard to come up with ideas for Twilight and Rarity. You can't stomp on me for that, honestly.
Also, I am having a bad experience with my laptop, so don't expect me to make any sort of reply to whatever you say for perhaps a few days. That's exactly why I had to wait 2 days just to check this story for new comments. Sorry for the inconvenience.
I appreciate your comments, though. Makes me happy to know people are interested enough.
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Hello,
Yeah. I don't know why, but I've been leaving lengthy I comments on everything lately. I don't know. I'm not a writer so I wouldn't expect you to take my comment into deep consideration. I Do, however enjoy reviewing and when mlp starts up again, id like to start reviewing the episodes so maybe I'm just taking everything into a much more critical view. Anyway, I would like to say that your story is pretty good, and it's awesome that you love doing this and you're confident in your work.
Thank you for replying. /)
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Well, thank you. It's nice to know someone's taking a story of mine seriously... I think that's a good thing, at least.
And yes, if Discord makes a reappearance in Season 4, I will be pretty happy though he's not one of my favorite characters. Princess Luna is actually my favorite character (poor Luna in this story, though).
Beautiful, simply beautiful. ;)
"And your little sister... She scares me too." - Twilight (best line)
This is actually really funny! Glad I read it :D Discord is pretty good, although you have him talk to the reader a lot. ^^' Idk.
Do I sense Discord Celestia shipping?
looks like discord isn't as good as a shipping writer than he thought.