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Big Macintosh Vs. The Clowns

Big Macintosh has always been thought to be a rather fearless stallion, but what happens when his fear of clowns gets the best of him?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 6 )

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SpaceCommie

SpaceCommie #1 · Sep 15th, 2013 · · ·

"That's why Ah have these." Big Mac said as he pulled out a wagon of bear traps behind him. "Now excuse me AJ, Ah've got a fence to build." Big Mac said as he continued with the fence.

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PonyTom

PonyTom #2 · Sep 15th, 2013 · · ·

Alright, I'm torn on this.

The story is very funny and entertaining, but a lot of it seems... missing. You pack a lot of things close together to the point that sometimes it's hard to keep track of what's going on, and it makes it a little difficult to read. My suggestion? Try to put a little more length to what you're writing - don't be afraid to give more detail. Try to avoid shortcuts - if you just write 'they went inside' you typically give the idea that they're just outside of something.

That aside, this was an entertaining story - loved Big Mac's out-of-the-blue rage.