My Little Scrubs: Medicine is Magic

by Bombastic Bookpony

His Little Frustration

AN: Change of plans, might be a bit longer before JD gets back in the fold. I'm thinking of giving each pony of the mane 6 her own chapter instead of cramming all of their stories into one. Guess I'll see when I get there. Anyway, this chapter's all about Cox!

"Just about that? I mean, I'm not complaining, but some boobage would be nice too!"

....Shut up Todd.

---

Cox

"Bobbo, you can not be serious!" Bob Kelso has done many evil and/or stupid things, but he wouldn't do this to the hospital!

"Oh, but I am Perry. These are the Elements of Harmony, bosom buddies with Princess Celestia herself! Do you expect-" He suddenly drifted off, his face looking like an old man with idle memories, fondly recalling the days when he strolled through Pangaea with his pet T-Rex, but to those who knew him, well, it was the sign of the perverted, depraved fantasies that only Bob Kelso could muster. I did the usual things to entertain myself while he was off in his happy place. I spat in his face, ruffled his hair, and the immature but nonetheless hilarious coup de grace, drew a mustache in the fine tradition of Dick Dastardly(a name that fit Kelso in more ways than one) on his face with permanent marker. Finally, he snapped out of it, shaking his head as if to clear those wicked thoughts. Course, he'll probably tell whatever Zebra chick of the week to reenact said fantasies the best she can. Anywho, back to Bobbo. "Sorry, I was just thinking of those six young mares snuggled up with that foxy Princess Celestia."

"I figured, Bob."

"Do you think they get naughty, Per? I mean, they have to, right? What's the point of having all of the Elements be female if they don't make some private harmony, am I right?" Then he did that awful chuckle of his and lightly tapped me on the shoulder with his clipboard.

"Totally agree, sir! Air-bump!" The surgeon with the maturity level of a Parasprite put in, apparently too busy trying to see through blinds to walk the short distance to physically commemorate the bond of two disgusting beings.

"Maybe later, sport. Now, what were we talking about?"

It took all of my effort not to unleash all of my most evil fantasies on him. Here's a sample!

---

Bob Kelso, struggling against his ropes, was lowered into the sea in a cage. With scuba gear on, of course. I didn't want his suffering to end too quickly, obviously. I watched with a smirk on my face from my ship, the SS Red Wings, at the pain he was about to endure. You could vaguely hear giggling from below.

"What the hell is down there, Perry!?"

I grinned a wicked grin. "You'll see Bobbo! You'l see!"

Lowered in, there is a pause of complete and utter.... silence. Then-

"Shoop-bee-doo-shoop-shoop-bee-doo!"

"No! NO! I thought they were a myth! Captain Megan was denounced as a loon when she wrote about them! NOOOOO!"

Then, the abominations would show themselves. Deformed seahorses with the head of a pony, they sang a utterly awful song to all who heard it. If you merely saw someone hearing it, however, it was a delicious piece of schadenfreude.

"Helpful as can be ponies - simply signal SOS
If you find you're past the drift and haven't got an oar (oar)
Count upon the Sea Ponies - they'll see you to shore
Shoop-bee-doo-shoop-shoop-bee-doo"

"No, Perry! This is too far! TOO FAR!"

Wait until he heard the special guest!

"Mares and gentlestallions, here to sing with us today, Hoove Jackstallion!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" he'd scream as I cackled.

---

Please, understand. I know that is the most awful thing you could imagine happening to another pony being, but I'm not a bad pony, and Kelso is not a pony being. He brings out the absolute worst in me. Anyway, for a reason that eludes me even now, I instead decided to remind him of our 'discussion'. "We were talking about giving Poindexter's(my nickname for that unicorn student of Celestia's) friends free rein-damn, I'm on a roll with the horse puns today- of the hospital!"

"Oh, that. They're staying. What do you expect me to do, Per? Risk the ire of the Princess and the 6 ponies who turned the last guy to piss them off into stone? Better safe than sorry."

"But Bob-"

"Hey Per? Who has four hooves and doesn't give a crap?" He then lifted his hooves and pointed at himself. Ugh, I hate this 'gag'. "Bob Kelso. You must be getting forgetful in your old age. We've met twice before!" He then sauntered off, that cocky grin plastered on his face. I growled before heading to Poindexter's nearby room, where the boneheaded surgeon from before stopped me.

"Hey, Cox, you going in there? You mind taking my phone with ya and photographing them for me? Totally hot group hug in there. I can't rein myself in, you know what I'm saying?" He said with a wink. Ugh. "Horse pun-bump!" I, like, totally left him hanging there, dudes and dudettes, but I had a plan.

"Sure, I'll take your phone."

"Really? Cool." He brought his phone out and handed it to me. I then proceeded to throw the phone into the Janitor's bucket of water, where it made the most satisfying sizzle sound.

"Never steal my horse puns."

The Janitor threw in his one cent too. "Hey, Todd! Looks like your phone just lost all of it's.... HORSEpower! Eh? Eh?"

I shook my head in disappointment before finally getting into Poindexter's room. Looks like The Thing was right. They were sharing a heartwarming group hug. Obviously they just had a moment that will forever strengthen their friendship. Weeeeeel it looks like it's time for Dr. Cox, Moment Killer!

"Is this the part where you all start making out? I guess the rumors are true!" They quickly let go of the hug, all of their faces looking completely red. Ah, how I loved other ponies' embarrassment, fear, and/or shame.

Poindexter let out a quiet sigh. "Great. You again."

"Yup! What, did you think your little show from before scared me off forever? Well, just between you and me, I did spend quite a while in the Janitor's closet, weeping about why nopony liked me and why did my life go wrong and waaah waaah. Orrrrrr are you disappointed Newbie isn't here? I bet the next time I open this door, the two of you are going to have kinky nerdy sex right on this bed, huh?" She blushed furiously.

The rainbow one got mad. "Hey! Quit picking on her!"

"Ooooh, I'm gonna back down right now cause your rainbow colors are so intimidating! Quiiiiick question though. Are the rainbows showing you're proud of who you are or is it a hiding in plain sight kind of thing? If the first, you go girl! If the second, don't worry honey, your friends won't judge you. And who knows! Maybe they feel the exact same way and you'll all have that great big makeout session you've always dreamed of, Ellen." Despite the fact I was looking at the mares, their faces all filled with a tasty rage by the way, I could literally feel The Thing ready to comment behind me. "Go. Away. Now."

He gulped. I mean, really, who gulps in real life anyway? "Gotcha."

I decided to intercept any of the other ladies' statements as I was already growing bored of them. "Congrats, my little ponies! Due to Kelso fearing that either you'd turn his ass to stone or Celestia would- by the way, such good PR you guys have! Don't get me wrong, it's not that I wouldn't love to see Kelso turning into stone. In fact, that may be the only way you ponies can get back on my good side! But I digress. Anyway, you now have freedom to go anywhere in the hospital you please! Isn't it great to be 'important', Poindexter? I'd say Celestia help us all, but considering you're her student that would be an even bigger waste of time than usual," I finished before trotting off.

Celestia, I hate this place.

Comments

[Bombastic Bookpony]

267776
Either that, or they ditched all their old friends to hang out with their new, cooler ones. Ouch.

[Roach of Wrath]

its The Todd
Dr.Cox is so funny

[Bombastic Bookpony]

268414 268452
I'm glad Dr. Cox is entertaining and in-character. As I said before, he is my favorite character from Scrubs. I was worried I was making him too mean, but then I figured he had every right to be, considering these 5 ponies could possibly put patients' lives in danger because Kelso was too afraid/practical to wave them off. Sure, we know they aren't bad, haughty ponies who look down on others, but he doesn't. Thanks for the input!

Or were you talking about JD, Wragnaroq? I'm glad I have him down too.

[BrassHeart]

"I gave him the finger"
The what now.

[Bombastic Bookpony]

268750
xD. Damn. What would the pony equivalent of the finger be?

[M4xwell]

268791

The 'Fore-Hoof'?

[Rainy Meadows]

Hoove Jackstallion?

I see what you did there!

[Rust]

YES.

[Bubbler]

I wonder how any of them will interact with Turk. Pinkie and Elliot, Applejack and Carla, but who would be funny with Turk?

[Bombastic Bookpony]

269083
I'm leaning towards Dash, but eh.

[Kamina7]

Who has two thumbs and loves this story
static.fjcdn.com/comments/Bob+kelso.+how+ya+doin+_b1ece48c03cba4a8f82773db54ab04bc.jpg
Kamina7. How ya doing. cant wait for more

[BrassHeart]

268791
I think you can probably leave it. Just imagine that Cox hates Kelso so much he grew fingers just to flip him off.

[Vortex36]

269106
Okay. Now I want to see Pinkie playing those silly games along with JD and Turk.
Anyway, that's a hard choice. Personally, I don't think RD would really fit with Turk, but there's no better choice I guess.

[Bombastic Bookpony]

270553
Right now Imma hankering on
Fluttershy-Elliot
AJ-Carla
Rarity-Cox
Dash-Turk
Pinkie-All over the place, mostly with the supporting cast such as Ted, Todd, etc.

[Vortex36]

270572
Rarity and Cox? Now I want to see that.
Anyway, yeah, I think those couples are the most appropriate. Good choice.

[Bombastic Bookpony]

270729
Thank you. AJ-Carla was obvious. hard-working and the most normal of their groups. The others took a little more thought. I especially like the idea of Elliot helping Fluttershy become more assertive. because once upon a time Elliot was just as neurotic, worse in her own way, but now is a stronger, more confident character.

[ThatGirl2147]

That's hilarious; Dr. Cox is such an ass.

[Everypony]

FREAKING LOVE THIS STORY! Sorry I'm a bit late on reading/commenting, but for some strange reason, I thought story updates of stories I was tracking was suposed to give me a notification.Anyway, only one thing I have to say about something. Dr. Cox's rage mode was awesome and all, but seemed little too vulgar for his taste. Like him saying they're all going to have an orgy and everything... Just seems a bit out of character for him. But hay (does that count as a horse pun?), still a great story!

[Bombastic Bookpony]

283201
I see your point and agree. Do you think "and you'll all have that giant makeout session you've always dreamed of, Ellen," is any better?

[Everypony]

283265
That's defiantly a lot better in my opinion. But it's your story!

[Bloodcaptain]

I fucking love Cox, keep it up dude!

[artemis arrow]

I just discovered this story and I gotta say, I love it. I honestly didn't expect anything when I searched "scrubs" lmao Well done! Keep it up! Um.. If that's okay with you.

[Everypony]

*Cough Cough* Sooo..... How's Sacred Heart?

[Dragonfire2lm]

so freaking awesome keep it up!

[Everypony]

*Cough* Anybody home? *Cough*

[L4]

one of a kind fic that stays really in character and I cannot await the moment you do your pairs.

Turk and dash are perfect for one another -compitive spirited and unable to do emotional(LOL remember when JD for the first time try to hug him? LAWL)-

Rarity.... what about Jordon? Is cox married/with jorodn(divorced?)? does he have a colt?

[kingtiger666]

5 chapters? Well isn't that just amazing, you've surpassed my expectations entirely. Now if only you'd get around to finishing it, you might get even the slightest modicum of respect around here, since you apparently can't be bothered to do your job. I assume you went to fanfiction school, otherwise I'm gonna have to call security to show you out. Hey janitor!

Yeah Doctor Cox?

Teach Bookworm over here a lesson in perseverance.

It'll be my pleasure.

[MoonLily]

I'm giving Applejack two hours before she either bucks Dr. Cox or Dr. Kelso right into a wall

[Blake Winter]

This is great.

[GuardianofRoin]

*reads description* You know, this looks like it has some real promise! I certainly hope it's complete or still go- *Sees the cancelled icon* FUCK!

[Spidey Viewer]

**reads what Dr. Cox said in the description** **sees cancelled icon**
Oh the irony

[zzwolf]

You do know the show is on Hulu right?