djingledjango
Joined 25th Jun, 2012 ·
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I really liked this.
Glad you're back, my friend. I'll be keeping an eye on this fic.
I'll read but only because The Obly Thing Better than Flying was like the best abiotic ever so even though I usually don't read horror I'll give this a chance.
It's like creepy pasta, without the pasta
Dash should know the rules of Horror, as I like to call: Horror 101:
-Creepy house
-Middle of nowhere
-Dead of the night
-Heard a scream.
This has #NOPE written all over it.
Can't wait for more!
I Luv luv luv it!
3017196 Glad to be back, man!
3018316 Yeah, Rainbow can definitely be a little headstrong.
3018044 Without the pasta? I'm afraid I don't get it...
Things are going great for chapter two. It'll probably be up day after tomorrow!
3020840 take the word pasta out of [icreepy pasta
3021643 Oh, haha I feel dumb. I just though the pasta in Creepypasta had some sort of meaning.
Well so far this isn't as scary as my first horror story but that was Cupcakes,but if the other chapters are just as creepy it will definitely surpass it in every way.
This should be a horror game....
'The house
A MLP based horror game'
C'MON PEOPLE
This is... Well.. It's kinda weak...
Not to be rude... But you got a bunch a build up to... A scream.
Now, maybe the next chapter will be better, so I'll read it before deciding...
~Skeeter The Lurker
I took a look and a read, and was forced to reject from Twilight's Library.
For the details, check right here.
Don't feel bad, though! You can always resubmit if you do the suggestions.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3037302 Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. I meant for the pacing to be slow in the first chapter, as this isn't exactly just a quick read. Its in progress. I suppose I do need to add the gore tag, and looking at the scene in the house I'll add the sex tag. I don't really mind being rejected, though.
3037627
Don't take it too badly... Like I said, it can always be resubmitted.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3037636 Perhaps I'll resubmit it after I get more chapters in. I'm not going to lie, I was slightly offended at first. (I'm barely into the story, and the whole pacing complaint seemed to reference the story as a whole.) But I know you're just doing your duty as an admin of the group. I'll probably resubmit it at a later time.
3037666
We'll be awaiting it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
The suspense is literally killing me right now. This was an absolutely amazing chapter and I can't wait for the next update.
You...
You truly know how to make cliffhangers...
Make more or ill get the 5th army to hunt you down.
This was an amazing chapter you actually made me feel sad for someone/something that I previously hated.
You better write more...
Or ill arrive at your house in a black van.
I have two words for that house.
Fuck and that.
I love it.
Dude... This is fucking creepy. It's doing what most stories can't: getting a phsyical reaction from me. I can feel chills while I read this
I would read more, but I want to actually sleep tonight.
3126569 Haha well I'm very glad you're enjoying it!
Holy crap the suspense in this story is great and I can't wait for updates. I NEED MOAR!!
This is a great story it's got the perfect amount of horror and suspense. I can't wait for the updates.
TWILIGHT CAN READ MINDS
This story is so good! I can't wait to see what happens next.
You most certainly know how to make a story exciting...
Wow, this is an interesting development. Spring Moon's actions and situation kinda accurately represents the relationships and mindsets of ponies at that time period. Since during the 1940's to around early 70's the same situation can be seen in a number of couples with short tempered husbands and neglected wives. So I guess you can say that Spring Moon's murder was partially her own fault for not seeing the signs just because she was angry at her husband and decided to cheat on him instead for a bit of comfort.
So I guess the next step is for her to see her husband once again, if he is still alive that is, and explain to him what she's done and if she can ever be forgiven.
I also hope that you can get through this rough patch and that things will improve as time goes on.
Hope to see the next chapter soon!
Well, now those three made themselves parts of a revenge murder.
Good going.
I'm sorry for your loss...
I, unfortunally, know how it feels...
Great chap though!
Can't wait for the next one
I'm sorry to hear about your loss, I've been there so I know it can be hard. On a happier note I really enjoyed this chapter, and I'm very excited to see where you go with this story.
Great story! I ussually don't like from dark but this was really good.
Wow, just wow. Okay now THAT twist in the end is gonna pick at me for days. Great Job! I loved this, you really got the mood in the story.
Dat ending! I really enjoyed this story and I'm kinda sad that it is over. Also you coould definitely make a sequel.
now i think this is very fiting to listen to while reading the begining of the chapter
you sir have written an awsome horror story thats well done and delivers the feelings perfectly, and for that i award you a mustache
I'm scared. No really, I feel fear. More intense than when I play Amneia and allow myself to become submerged within the story and stuff. I'm not a fan of horror movies. I don't enjoy playing games like Amnesia, but I get this feeling that I must, if onlt to allow myself to experience things like it. And horror stories... having a wild imagination and a strong empathy towards almost everything is not an advantage. I'll say, well done, I'm almost crying tears of fear, well done.
Now that I've read it all... I can't say I feel "complete" like I usually do after a great story. A good read, but the opening and second chapter drew me in and set the standard, though everything after that was good, it wasn't what I was expecting. It did give me a good scare, and connecting the events that happened to Applejack and Rainbow to what the story of what happened in the past was a real treat, but like I said, it didn't follow up what the first chapters delivered.
Summarized: Great story, just not quite there. Any author should take note that the prologue or the first chapter(s) usually contains the stuff that will follow throughout the entire story, or at least the current act/season in the case of a longer story. Not a set rule, but it really helps.
Hope you take this to heart, and not feel offended.
3654398 I appreciate the constructive criticism. And while I'm not entirely sure I share your opinion, I am thankful you are being courteous about it.
oh my god, i can feel the horror, and as i was reading i thought i heard a door creak shut in my house
I totally see the tie in now with a little piece of heaven, and the ending for chapter 9 just left me mouth open staring at my screen. You are one clever bastard
This story is told from the wrong point of view. It would have been interesting to start the story at the point that Spring's relationship to her husband started to slowly fall apart, and when she first met Silver. It would end with the murder and how it affected all of Ponyville's residents. I felt like this after I finished reading this story,
.
I'm sorry if it seems like I'm bashing this story, but the writing took a big leap in quality during the flashbacks. There were good moments in the rest of it, but on the whole the flashbacks were better. The author really had something when telling us about Spring's life, it's just a shame that it's not the focus of the story.
I know that what I'm essentially saying is to rewrite the story, but I know that I have no grounds for saying that. It just really makes me sad to see such potential for a great story be wasted like this. I never really got immersed into what Rainbow Dash and the others were doing, but I did when reading the parts about Spring.
One weird thing that bothered me is, why are the characters sighing so much? After almost every line of dialogue, the characters would sigh, why?
If this comment comes across as arrogant, I'm sorry. It just seems to me that the horror/mystery approach to this story is the wrong one. It should've ended with the effects of Spring's murder on everypony and the cover up afterwards. It would be a 'rhetorical cliffhanger' of sorts. Sad stories do it all the time on here and it works. This is my review of this story and sorry if I upset anyone with it, but I'm passionate about good writing.
4342927 Your opinion is your opinion, and I thank you for the constructive criticism. But I definitely feel like you're saying the story is poorly written, when I've gotten many good reviews. I also believe the like/dislike ratio for this story speaks for itself. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop speaking of your opinion as if it was a fact.
I also believe that the "Sigh" complaint is unfounded. I just sped through the first few chapters and there is one, two, maybe three "sighs" per chapter.
My goal with this story was to focus on Rainbow Dash, Twilight and Applejack, and how it affected them all as they unraveled this mystery. You are completely entitled to your opinion that the horror/mystery approach was the wrong one to take, but myself and almost everyone else who has read the story would disagree with you. But again, I thank you for sharing your views.
3036977
Dude this is the first chapter! You can´t just go all in right at the beginning.
Oh i´m looking forward to review the hell out of this =)
5363190
Old ass comment you be replying to...
True enough, in any case, but you want to have that irresistible hook to it. You want people to go "Ok, I wanna know more..." and this... This sadly didn't have it in my eyes.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Hello there bronies and pegasisters,
I am here today to review "The House". Here is the point now... I can´t do it. I really liked it in the beginning and djingledjango really got me interested in this, but totally blew it after chapter 3 in my opinion.
Looking trough my notes now i cant do this without sounding like a complete jerk. This story isn´t actually bad so I would want to evade being a jerk.
If the author is interested I will do a full review(like i did with "Archmage" and "Moonstone" from Loyal). but for now I will leave this story without a verdict.
NightmareShredder
5363303
I know what you mean but as a hobby critic I try to form my opinions after reading the whole thing. It just doesn´t feel right for me when a promising story is rated right from the beginning.
NightmareShredder
5365626
Constructive criticism is welcome. :)