Reality Hits you Hard

by TheFIMguru

Chapter two: Dead..?

Chapter two; Dead?

Running...
Staggering through a maze...
Blood... I’m covered in blood...
Searching... Searching... Searching...
Why am I here..? Where is here..?
Agony... Pain... Immeasurable pain...
I looked down at my wounds... My arms were practically lacerated... My leg.. Splintered...
My chest... Horrendously large slashes all over my chest... But that wasn’t it...
The pain was coming from somewhere else... Deep deep down...
Searching... Searching... Searching...
Red and yellow eyes...
Soul piercing red and yellow eyes...
Searching...

I woke up with a start but kept my eyes closed. I woke... I woke up!?

My eyes shot open and span in their sockets. ‘Where the hell am I?’

As my brain calmed down and my heart started to pump blood again I began to take notice of my surroundings.

A meadow. A massive expanse of glittering green grass covered in trees with raindrops hanging off them like perfect, tiny little Christmas decorations, glittering in the sunlight and reflecting the brilliant blue sky. This was new...

I grunted as my the rest of my senses came to. I could hear the wind whistling in the emerald-green trees and the distant cry of far away birds.

I relished in the smell of damp grass and gripped it in my fists... That was until my fingers sprang apart again from the pain.

Only now did I think to look at myself instead of everything else, and I was horrified by what I saw.

As my eyes slowly drifted down my broken frame the most noticeable difference was the bone splintering through my left leg and collarbone. On a normal day that would have made me pass out in an instant, however, today was was anything but, so I continued to stare at myself in a horrified trance.

I was simply unable to tear my eyes away from the disgusting sight before me as more injuries slowly came into focus.

My right knee-cap was screwed, absolutely screwed. Plates of bone had split and drifted apart from each other, a third of the remains had remained where it was, but the other two segments had slid down either side of my leg.

My wrist was shattered, more visible bone was puncturing my flesh and allowing my precious bodily fluids to escape, all of this was terrible, absolutely horrendous, but the headache... I don’t even think it could be labeled as a headache it was that bad.

Imagine having bricks replacing your brain and being shaken by the worlds strongest man until they crack open your skull from the inside-out. Imagine being strapped onto a gong and being thrown down an infinitely long flight of stairs until your ears bleed, and then some. Imagine having the world’s worst hangover, but the party’s still going on inside your head. Only the whole of the local police force turned up… And joined in.

It was so bad that I couldn't even concentrate on anything for more than a couple of seconds; my vision would fade in and out showing me brief glimpses of sunlight while my ears would catch the occasional snippet of audio. It was as infuriating as much as it was terrifying.

The panic was setting in once more, and I could feel my sanity draining even faster than my blood as I began to frantically spin my head in all directions to try and find someone, anyone who could help.

I couldn’t make anything out anymore, my vision was slipping away again and my ears were loosing their responsiveness once more. There was nothing more that I could do.

I relaxed the muscles in my neck and let my head fall to the floor again, allowing tears to flow freely down my cheeks. I had given up on everything. I had lay my head down to wait for death, but life decided to have one last pop at me.

‘SNAP!!’

My body was shocked into working again as I gazed confused into the great towering trees above me and noticed an orange and pink something plummeting faster than a meteor straight towards me.

I screamed as I braced myself for impact just before it landed on my left shoulder, millimetres away from my head, worsening the condition of my collarbone as more shards of white splintered out of my upper-chest staining the ground and spraying the poor creature with my blood.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhoooowww!!!”

The orange and pink something shot away and screamed back at me, clearly equally terrified, but just before I could finish screaming and ask it for help, another two snaps echoed through the startled and otherwise silent air.

As I raised my head to the sky once more, my vision grew darker still. In my dazed and petrified state it took a good couple of seconds realise what was about to happen again.

“Thud, thud!!!” I didn’t even feel the impact as more bone broke the surface of my skin, sending more of my blood into the sky to plaster itself across the nearby trees the two new foreign creatures, nor did I flinch when they both screamed in unison with the first. I could no longer control myself again and was fading back into a state of unconsciousness.

I no longer cared. I just wanted it to end. I just wanted to escape from this living hell and cut myself free from my mortal coil.

I just wanted it to end.

*****

Poke…

Poke poke…

Poke poke poke poke poke poke…
Slap!

“AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!”

My eyes snapped open, dilated and and frenzied, trying to find something close enough to be able to properly focus on. My whole body was quivering in a spasmodic fashion, violet covering the whole of my body.

As the purple force intruded upon my body I gave another agonised scream and arched my back, thrashing around trying to free myself, yet I met no friction of any sort and came into contact with nothing but air.

It felt like an invisible force was delving into every orifice, oozing into my body, ripping parts of me apart and stitching others together, and then... Nothing... It all stopped.

The first thing I saw after that experience I lashed out at, wildly throwing half-punches at a wave of blonde, bellowing out a war-cry until the previous mysterious force pinned my arms by my side and my arse to the floor.

“Now ah did NOT expect that”

‘Holy shit, that’s a persons voice! I’m saved!

I tried to cry for help but my jaw was slammed shut again.

“Uh Twi, what’n the hay IS that thing?”

‘What? What’s there? I can’t see anything!’

“I’m not sure Applejack, I mean, I’ve never seen anything like it before!”

‘A second persons voice! But... What are they talking about?’

“Twilight, I don’t like this one little bit, really, I’m scared... Why was is hurt so bad... What could actually DO that to somepony!?”

“I DON’T KNOW APPLEJACK!”

‘That didn’t sound too friendly... Are these people really hear to help me? Oh fucking hell, I’ve been kidnapped!’

“Twilight, I’ve gotta go get the girls and Spike, this is really bucking creeping me out now. Can you manage this thing by yourself..?” There was no reply.

“... Twilight, what’re y'all thinking, I know that face and I don’t wana be around when you use it.”

‘Ok, this sounds bad.’

“I’m going to release it and see what it does”

“EXCUSE ME!?”

‘This sounds really bad, I’m gonna fucking die’

“Twilight, don’t you DARE! Didja see what happened to mah sister!? She’s covered in blood, gosh darn it! You let that thing out and I’ll cave it’s Celestia damned head in!”

“WE HAVE NO CHOICE! The sheer amount of energy I’ve used attempting to heal whatever this... This THING is, has left me completely empty, if I keep this up for much more than a minute I’ll pass out!”

‘They really are talking about me, aren’t they?’

“Twilight, I swear upon my Grandpappy’s grave, if it tries to hurt us again ahm gonna splatter its brains all over the meadow”

‘Thud!’

I was on the floor again with my back against the tree that had hurt me so badly just moments ago, trying to work out my next move... I had just had my life threatened. Twice.

‘Do I risk it and run for freedom?’

I knew I couldn’t just simply lie there forever, I had to face my captives at one point.

I fearfully began to open my eyes a crack, just to get the basic outline of the two people before me.

As my vision began to clear up I noticed they were both standing firm at the other ten feet away and that they were... Aliens?

My eyelids allowed me to open them fully and stare at the one closest to me... She was... Purple.

There was an honest to god purple alien standing right in-front of me, and we were just looking at each-other, taking in as many details as we could manage.

It had enormous dinner-plate amethyst eyes, four oddly proportioned legs with no visible knees, ankles or feet, silky-smooth purple fur wrapped around it’s whole body and a giant horn poking out of its forehead.

As my continued to stare at the... Unique sight in front of me, my brain tried to piece together the information I had already taken in and compare it to anything, anything at all I knew of that would fit this creature's description, until finally, the stars suddenly aligned and the dots connected.

“Sorry to trouble you in your state, but can I ask... What are you?” The unicorn asked.

When my mouth kicked into gear again and my tongue decided to come along for the ride, I managed to find one simple word that could summarize all of todays events.

“Nope” I wheezed before passing out for the third time that day.

Comments

[all of your enemies]

[mattman1313]

Man this story is looking like it could turn out to be a really good one. I would be happy to be an editor for you. Just PM me!

PS: I think I know what's going on.

[Bronybro 117]

Please don't make him fuck up first contact by telling the ponies that Humanity are monsters and he isn't.

[TheFIMguru]

2980023 Glad someone got the reference XD I had no idea what to call my story, so I thought "Hell, why not memeify it?" and the title seems to fit quite well.

2980059 Glad to hear! I'll send a PM within an hour or two when I'm not busy and I'll see if we can sort something out between us.

2980064 Oh trust me, he's not gonna do something as stupid as that considering his current position.

[good0bye]

awsome pleaz wright more

[TheFIMguru]

2983455 Thanks you, and don't worry, I will

[Pearple Prose]

I was expecting this to be hated and reviled, Turns out you didn't actually do that bad, apparently.

I can't be arsed to read it though, or review it. The former will make me cringe due to HiEness and the latter will be incredibly biased due to aforementioned HiEness.

[TheFIMguru]

2984923 I'm just as surprised as you man, I thought I was gonna sink. The internet works in mysterious ways...

[Pearple Prose]

Okay, my opinion.

So far, this is...

Not bad. Not great, needs work, but good and by no means terrible.

The concept is tried and true. I think. I almost never read HiE, save for a couple of exemplars, so I have no idea if this actually does anything different. Seems pretty cliche to me, but whatever.

For one of your first attempts at a story, the writing is surprisingly good. I have a few complaints below, but they're minor nitpicks, for the most part.

I'm quite biased, since I hate HiE, but my personal bigotry aside, I think this is shaping up to be pretty decent. What i would first recommend is getting an editor, but you've already realised that, so moving on.

The problem mostly lies in your narration, really. You overuse adverbs and have a tad too much physical description.

Also, the tone shifts around rather abruptly for my liking. I might have already told you this, but yeah.

As for the characters, the OC seems to analyse things logically at all times, when he really should be panicking and generally indulging in his self-preservation instinct. I dunno, just seems a bit too unbelievable at times.

The ponies themselves seem a bit OOC. Twilight and AJ wouldn't really behave with that much hostility, since all the guy did was fall to the earth and get a bit of blood and bone on some children. Surely, they would just try and make sure the "animal" is, you know, not dead? And then politely question him? I don't think killing is really in their mindset.

So yeah, not bad. Just get a competent editor to fix the mistakes in grammar, reword a few sentences, and I'd give this a thumbs up.

Also, for the love of Discord, please don't be too cliche.

[The Shade]

As an active HiE Reader, I can say that this story is somewhat unique.
But somewhy I just wanna punch you in the face, dunno why.

[TheFIMguru]

2989133 As an active comment reader, I can say that your comment is somewhat unique. Somewhy I think I want to punch you in the face too. lol

[The Shade]

2989488 Believe me, that would be the worst decision in your life, whenever I get angry I lose all feelings and simply go full-blown hulk, heck, if I were angry enough I would probably headbutt the Hulk.

[TheFIMguru]

2989493 ... YOLO *Punch*

[The Shade]

2989504 ...
*Breaks your arm of like it was a toothpick, proceed to stab you with the bone.*

[TheFIMguru]

2989507 *Spontaneously turns into a platypus and scurries away singing "Shooby dooby doo waa"*

[The Shade]

2989520 *Suddenly appears in front of you, punching you in the face sending you flying into a tree*

[TheFIMguru]

2989523 *My sexy, sexy duck-bill broke your knuckles. Also, the tree was Fluttershy, who nursed me back to health and scolded you for being nasty.*

[The Shade]

2989533 *Logic suddenly starts working, and everything that previously happend resets*

[TheFIMguru]

2989535 *Since none of that actually happened, I thank you for your feedback and state that I would love to hear of what you have to say on my next chapter when it is uploaded.*

Have a nice day good sir.

[TheMainManeMaineBrony]

2989488 Is this story dead? Because it's been a good 12 weeks...

[TheFIMguru]

3411164 No, the story's alive, but my computer and then my internet were not. For a damn long time. I've posted a couple of blog posts explaining things like this and a sneak peak at the next chapter, so you can go and have a look at that if you like.

The main problem right now is revision. I've got a load of mock tests in a week that I have to prepare for, but I am working on my fanfics and both groups when I can. Sorry for all the inconvenience

[Blue Whirl]

3411164
3411239
Been almost a good three years now...