I'm that teen-aged Yorkshireman with the vast collection of hats and a pair of mutton chops.
This is the tale of a seventeen year old colt that goes by the name of "Firecracker". He travels all of Equestria performing daring acts full of flame as a living while he searches for the story of his past. How he will wish he never found out...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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IT'S RANTING TIME.
First of all, this isn't a prologue, it seems more like Chapter 1. ANYWAY:
The narration was a bit lacking. It doesn't flow very well, and the descriptions were bland and uninteresting, with the few occasional similes and adverbs that just seem out of place.
The character, from what I've seen of him, is meh. He has the air of a Mary Sue about him, and the whole "calm and collected" trope should die in a fire.
The dialogue seemed off as well, and not very believable. Try sticking to what YOU would personally say.
Also, Eternal Flame is the shittest name for any character ever. In history.
VERDICT SO FAR: Lackluster, needs work.
2912367 Feedback noted. It is a prologue and you'll see why later, I'll try to improve the description and narration and like I say, it is only the prologue so you won't know that much about the main character just yet and I can assure you that he is not going to be a Mary Sue though, so don't worry about that one.
Also, the reason he's calm in his act is because he's been performing it for years, it's his profession, and he knows his tricks inside-out. As for the dialogue, I WOULD say most of that, but as you know I'm a very odd person.
Thanks for the feedback.
Great job on the fic cant wait until its done! you could have made the start a bit more interesting
but otherwise keep up the good work :D
2916359 Fair enough, it's gonna be a LONG long time till it's complete, but it WILL be completed! Thanks for the feedback.
3254746 Honestly, you will shit bricks. XP
4276367 Congratulations, you wasted a couple of seconds of your life stupidly commenting on a story that has clearly been inactive for a very long time without checking the many blog posts tagged to it that describe a horrible life that has managed to tear me away almost entirely from the fandom for over seven fucking months!
No need to tell me I wasted a couple of seconds on my reply, I enjoyed it. Try to have a nice day.
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