Loyalty

by Knight of the Raven

Celestia

Worry clawed at the edge of Celestia's mind when she entered the room. Rainbow Dash was slumped against the edge of the window, chin on her forelegs. She stared on sadly, shoulders sagged.

Celestia approached her quickly, hoping she could help her. "Are you alright?" No reaction. "Your friends are worrying about you."

A long sigh left the pegasus' lips as her shoulders sagged further and her eyes looked more forlorn.

Celestia walked to the window and lay down by Rainbow Dash's side. She glanced at what the pegasus was watching, Cloudsdale and her heart tightened slightly as she thought about Discord's concept of entertainment.

"I told them I'd look for you so that they may keep enjoying the celebration." Fear had now replaced Celestia's worry as she spoke. "Are you alright?"

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, Rainbow Dash shook her head.

Celestia resisted the urge to wrap her wings around her to comfort her. "What's the matter?"

Rainbow Dash breathed deeply and sluggishly pushed herself to a sitting position. She turned her head toward her just as slowly.

"I fear I might have betrayed you," she lipped.

Celestia's suspicion grew at those words. She didn't believe Discord whenever he claimed Laughter was his favorite Element; she'd always suspected it was Loyalty. He loved mind games and psychological torture, and conflicting loyalties were sure to entertain him, more so than ever when they didn't need brainwashing to hurt their owner.

She chose to confirm her suspicions before continuing however. She pulled one foreleg from underneath herself and gently lifted Rainbow Dash with her gilded hoof until two purple eyes looked back at her, brimming with tears.

"What do you mean?" Celestia asked softly.

More tears spilled as Rainbow Dash closed her eyes an instant. She gulped and reopened them before speaking. "Discord made me choose between Cloudsdale and Equestria..." A sob escaped her as she struggled to form her words. "I chose my home..." She sniffed. "...but I don't know how much of it was Discord and how much was me..."

Celestia felt a little part of her already tired heart break at the pegasus' words, a feeling she'd grown used to across the years. "I understand." She placed her foreleg back underneath herself, leaving Rainbow Dash's head to sag pathetically as she wiped her eyes dry. "Hard decisions are a lesson I wish no one had to learn."

Anger flared in her heart as she spoke the next words, gazing at Cloudsdale. "A lesson Discord loves to teach for his own amusement."

The faces of all those who lost their life or sanity to his games never ceased to haunt her dreams.

Celestia then chased these thoughts away; she couldn't help them anymore, but she could help the pony next to her. "I'm certain you'd have made the right choice with your free will intact, Rainbow Dash."

To her surprise, this didn't ease the pegasus' mind. Her ears flopped down onto her head as her composure slumped further and she bit her lower lip for a few moments before speaking. "I should have fought him harder. I should have chosen Equestria from the start." Her sob broke a little more of Celestia's heart. "I should ha-"

Celestia stopped her right there. "Don't blame yourself, Rainbow Dash. It's very difficult to give up what's close to your heart, even for the sake of others."

She turned her head to gaze upon the moon, discreet guest of the afternoon sky.

"It certainly was for me," she finally said.

She noticed an expression of utter shock on Rainbow Dash's face from the corner of her eye before speaking on. "Tell me, Rainbow Dash, do you know what the eternal night wished by Nightmare Moon implied?"

Rainbow Dash just blinked at her, lost. "Uh..." She scratched the back of her head with a forehoof. "Dark and cold?"

Celestia nodded. "And starvation as well, since nothing could grow."

Not even Nightmare Moon's heart, she lamented idly as silence filled the room. Memories from a millennium past surged forwards in her memory. Luna refused to lower the moon, citing ungratefulness from the inhabitants of Equestria as a reason. Celestia tried to reason her, but there was too much pain in her sister's heart, and that pain had turned to hate in a dark twist of fate.

Celestia watched her ponies soldier on despite the cold and hunger after she'd chosen to bow before her sister. She'd been so certain Luna would come back to her senses once she witnessed the suffering she inflicted.

She'd been so wrong.

"The first victim I was made aware of was a very young filly," Celestia told Rainbow Dash at last, "barely older than a foal. Named in my honor."

And dead because of her, along with all the other casualties she'd learned about after banishing Nightmare Moon. The old, the weak, the young... All counted on her.

"I could have saved her."

She could have saved them all. Celestia allowed herself to mourn this loss; her most loyal subject could see her cry.

"Instead, she starved to death, because I chose to indulge my sister even when it was painfully clear she was no more, twisted into the hateful Nightmare Moon." She turned to Rainbow Dash. "I regret having to banish my sister, but if I could change the past..."

They'd have lived.

"I'd choose Equestria over her as soon as she proved unreasonable."

Please forgive me Luna, thought Celestia as the room fell silent once again.

Rainbow Dash just looked back on Cloudsdale. Her eyes still betrayed pain, but Celestia could now see some peace in there. She lay down beside her, resting her head on the side of Celestia's foreleg. "Do these choices ever stop hurting?" she asked softly, almost a whisper.

Celestia wrapped one wing around the pegasus. "No," she stated. "But you're not alone."

Celestia's thought drifted to her sister, to her student, to the Elements of Harmony.

And neither am I, now.

Comments

[dragondude2201]

this is good.please continue.

[Rocket0007]

Can we expect to see more of this in the future? This was short and beautiful.

[Metool Bard]

Okay, I'm confused. I mean, I know what you're trying to do here, but I'm not sure if it's working. Why would Dashie make the same bad choice again when put into that situation? Did she learn nothing? And furthermore, what does the the banishment of Nightmare Moon have to do with Dashie's corruption, and what is this first innocent death that Celestia talks about? These things have to be explained properly.

Also, this is kind of a weird note to end on. I mean, nothing was really resolved (unless that's the point, in which case both characters did a pretty good job of hiding these wounds throughout the rest of the second and third seasons). They just talk for a bit about their guilt, and... That's about it, apparently. Um, deep?

This story left me wanting more, but not in a good way. The details are too vague, it doesn't end so much as stop, and while telling the same story twice from both perspectives seems intriguing and original (points for that), the word count is leaving me to believe that you did that so that you'd meet the thousand word minimum. I don't know if that's actually the case, but it feels like it. I see that this is your first story, and I'll admit that it's a decent first attempt, and you clearly have potential as a writer. I've certainly seen worse stories from first-time authors. The problem is I've also seen better.

[Knight of the Raven]

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Thanks for the reviews. I don't plan any continuation for the moment, but inspiration strikes whenever it wishes.

2896532
This is exactly the kind of review I like and seek. Thanks for taking the time to write down these excellent points; I hope I'll be able to use them.

There are two points of views because I initially couldn't decide which to use in this story, which led me to write the same scene twice, and I felt submitting both could be interesting (in addition to learning if I wrote said points of view correctly). It has nothing to do with word count; it would have been easy to add five words to Comfort, after all.

As I said, I'm not sure I'll be able to use your constructive criticism correctly, but you're certainly given me things to think about.

[Celestias Paladin]

2896586
Ok I'm with Metool on this, there are a lot of things unanswered and the vagueness certainly doesn't help matters. Though I feel that I can take a guess at what the "First Innocent Death" that Celestia is talking about, the first to die due to starvation or the cold of the Eternal Night correct?

[LeopardCay]

Eherm....
My review of this story;
Good concept.
I like it. Buuut... A little more details?
The foundation the house stands on is cracked.
There are concrete missing on many places.
First question is allready mentioned. Vauge Details.
First innocent death?
My reaction; Wut
What is that. If it is, like 2896661 's guess of The first pony to starve or freezy to death,
Couldn't you make like a flashback or something with the guards mentioning the bad news?
And...
I can understand why Rainbow has such big greif on what happend. (Belive it or not)
It... was an inncident where i had to choose to help a wounded cat, or go and be with my freind but Thats not the point.
It has small crack's here and there bacuse of the grammar and misspellings but thats not so many. Remember that the biggest crack is the Vauge Details.
My rating;

7/10 Photo Finish Purrfection

-NekoThaCat out-

[Knight of the Raven]

2896661
Thanks for the comment. Yes, it was the first death due to starvation and/or cold.

2897744
Thanks for the detailed review. Would you mind telling me about the grammar and spelling mistakes? My spellchecker didn't spot anything.

[Ex-Machina]

This fix is amazing, you've got my like and favourite!

[Knight of the Raven]

4220599 Thank you. I'm happy to get a comment after the story's rewriting.

[chuck-vic-norris]

My only complaint is that I didn't see this fic until now
1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ehxr80e0IUw/Uk3hAdi1aPI/AAAAAAAAAHc/879Idw5SayA/s1600/Cry+Forever.gif
SO MUCH FEELS

[Knight of the Raven]

4582492 Glad the story had the intended effect. Thank you for commenting.

[TrackingTarget]

Never read the original version, but this is pretty good.

[Knight of the Raven]

4591994 Thank you.

[Starbolt Sunshine]

I recently started reading you work and I have to say I enjoy reading it. I know I look forward to any future stories you decide to make. Good luck with your future works! <(^.^)>

[Knight of the Raven]

4602246 Thank you for the comment, your appreciation and your support.

[PresentPerfect]

Nicely done. I feel like Dash's chapter is the stronger of the two, but maybe it's just my dislike of repetition clouding my mind. You did capture Celestia's deep regrets well, at least. :)

[Csquared08]

This felt a tad repetitive, but the mirrored scene was still effective.

This was a nice read.

[Knight of the Raven]

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Thank you for the comments.

Rereading the story, it happens I find Rainbow's chapter much weaker than Celestia's, because the narration in the latter matches Celestia's voice whereas it doesn't get Rainbow's at all in the former.

[Rainbow sparkle1]

Darn! Oh well, i’ll have to read other fics to see dash burst into tears