Job Application Four: Animal Caretaker
It was one week later, and Wario's butt had finally healed from the incredible fall from Canterlot Castle. He landed right on it, too, and every time he farted for the next week, it hurt like heck. His butt had finally gotten around to feeling better, and he was now ready to find, yet again, another job. He wobbled around the neighborhood, and he took notice that ponies no longer looked at him strangely. The townsfolk had finally accepted the fat man as one of their residents. Wario didn't care.
He looked around on the walls of buildings to see if any fliers were hanging from them, and what do ya know, there was one, sitting on the wall of a red building written very neatly.
"Hello," it began to read, "my name is Fluttershy, and I need to get out of the house and do some activities. However, my animals may get grumpy with nobody there and may do something naughty. I need someone to volunteer to take care of them in my absence. If I come back to see things in order, I'll give you a babysitting job and some money. Thank you."
Wario looked up from the piece of paper he had ripped off and smiled.
"WAHAHA! I GOT IT!" He cheered. "Wadio will be ultra-amazing animal caretaker!"
Wario then ran off in the direction of Fluttershy's cottage, money-seeking and full of excitement. After all, how difficult could taking care of animals be? It's not like there's fifty of them or anything.
The fat man huffed and puffed his way to Fluttershy's cottage, eager for the job. This job may not pay as much, but it sure is easier than the rest... or so Wario thought. The cottage was on the outskirts of town, alone and happy; a little too happy for Wario. There was a nice little bridge that ran over a creek and it smelled like animal poop. Flowers bloomed all over, but couldn't cancel out the smell. It's a good thing Wario's nose has been immune to horrible scents because of his constant flatulence.
Wario had never dealt with animals before, and he didn't know if he could. As long as he doesn't burn the house down, all will be good and he will get a rockin' sack of coins. It's an absolutely brilliant plan.
With a hard pound at the door, Fluttershy answered, nearly stunned by Wario's appearance.
"Oh, um... hello... may I help you...?" She asked quietly.
"Yeees! Wadio want job on paper!" He shouted, pointed a finger in the sky.
"O-Oh, you actually saw my paper. Nopony ever does. I-I guess I shouldn't judge you by your appearance. If you really want the, um, job, then your first job will be to, um, care to my animals while I go out to get some groceries. If I come back, and everything is good, then you'll get the job and, um, get paid." Fluttershy explained. Wario grinned like an idiot.
"Ohhh, Wadio understand. Wadio want money!" Wario shouted. "Go! On your way! Wadio take care of animals!"
Wario then rushed inside, closing the door on Fluttershy behind him, startling the poor pegasus. When he turned around, he saw at least five hundred tiny eyes looking at him with anxious eyes.
"Why you stare at Wadio? Go away." the fat man scoffed as he went to go sit down on the couch, completely forgetting the task he took on.
A mini horde of bunnies stared at him with anxious eyes, awaiting to be fed, for it was their dinner time. Wario did nothing but begin to fall asleep, enraging the bunnies. One of the bunnies, Angel to be specific, then threw a book at the dozed off Italian man, hitting him on the right cheek.
“Wah!” Wario roared as he pointed to Angel from the couch. “No! N. O. No. Wadio sleeps!”
Angel then grabbed the book and opened it, revealing a picture of a salad on one of the pages. He pointed to it.
“Bunny wants food?” Wario asked.
Angel nodded intimidatingly and with a crude face.
“Fine. Wadio make plant pile.”
Wario spent at least half a minute getting himself up and off of the couch. As he waddled his way toward the kitchen, the mob of animals followed him. When he arrived at the kitchen, he grabbed a wooden bowl and set it on the table.
“Hmmm…” Wario thought, “how does Wadio make salad?”
Then, like a shining coin, it caught his eye. There was a small plant in the window, growing in the sun. It reminded Wario of a growing boy awaking on a nice sunny Sunday morning. The sunlight twinkled like fairy dust onto the plant, making its wealth shine and glitter. He ripped it out and put it in the bowl.
Wario then thought of what seasoning he could put on the salad. He looked over, and saw a salt shaker. He picked it up, ripped off the top, and poured it all into the bowl.
“Sugar good for salad! Trust Wadio.” Wario explained to the group of animals, who stood there with concerned faces. Wario had now completed the amazing salad as seen in the cookbook.
Wario dropped the bowl on the ground, splashing salt all over the floor tiles and putting on a smug look like he had just won the lottery. Angel then went up and slammed the bowl with his foot, spraying salt in Wario’s eyes.
“WAAAAH!” He cried as he ran with hands over his face around looking for a towel or something to wipe his red eyes. He then ran himself into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cookbook angel had left in there into the burning fireplace. The book slammed a piece of firewood and it fell onto the rug, setting it ablaze.
The fire spread quickly throughout the house, and all the animals then escaped into the wild in fear, never to be seen again by Fluttershy’s eyes. Wario eventually stumbled out a window and rubbed his eyes against the grass. When they stopped hurting after maybe a minute or so, he opened them, and Fluttershy’s house was completely unseeable, for the fire was too thick. Wario stood there, with eyes completely open as a piece of Fluttershy’s house exploded out of the side of the inferno. As always, he could only think of one thing to say.
“D’oh, I missed!”
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Poor guy can't stop lighting important things on fire, can he?
This chapter's idea was brought up by my friend. On Fimfiction, he goes by Shadowbot739. All thanks goes to him!
...he tried to make a salad out of what was obviously Fluttershy's favorite plant and a shaker of salt, and then burned her house down...in less time than it took for her to get some groceries.
... ... ...wow.
...Well, I'm never letting Wario do any of my cooking after this. I could forgive him for burning pastries, since baking is a science on his own, but a salad? Anywho, this story is hilarious so far. Keep up the good work author!
3323484 Nope.
3323524 Epic fail at its finest.
Job application five suggestion: Substitute Librarian
Twilight's hiring someone to fill in for her while she and Spike are elsewhere. Wario wants the job, but Twilight heard about what happened with Flutterhsy. First half of the chapter is trying to convince Twilight to let him try. Second half ends with the library in ruins.
Job Application six suggestion: Fashion Model
Rarity tries to redesign Wario's wardrobe for a fashion show. Practically writes itself.
Job Application seven suggestion: Foalsitter
Applejack hires Wario to watch over the CMC while they try and get their Cutie Marks, under the logic of "he can't be any worse than they are normally". Wario manages to prove her wrong. While hopefully some of Ponyville is in one piece at the end of the day (though unlikely), Wario actually does manage to keep up with the CMC and keep them from getting hurt, so Applejack actually has to pay him. Wario is super happy, but can't figure out why no one else will hire him for the job.
3324012 For Rarity, I was actually thinking about him sewing, and big surprise, he catches something on fire. I won't spoil how.
Though I'll take the other two into consideration. Maybe not in order, for I got my own ideas first, but yeah.
I couldnt stand the hilarity of all this, I bursted out of laughter before reaching the end
3324012 Wario and the CMC together?
Got dangit Wadio, stop being so stupid! Dumber than Homer Simpson!
Hmm maybe he can try weather control? Well other then the lack of wings...
3325598 Wadio not trying to be stupid. It not Wadio's fault bad things keep happening to Wadio.
3325649 Wadio know nothing about weather but Wadio do anything for money. Wahahaha!
Wario'd make a good replacement for TF2's Pyro....LIGHTS EVERYTHING ON FIRE
3328142 Wadio no like fire. Fire always bad for Wadio. Because of fire Wadio no get paid.
None of this was wario's fault,except for the first one. It's Cranky's fault for opening the door it,it's Luna's fault he didn't become guard and broke the window, and it's Angel's fault for getting salt in wario's eyes and burning the house... Yeah.
(I'm using my phone so I can't use emotes) <-- probably unnecessary... So was that,and that,and that...U no what...i know its been about a year but i was going to write a "Wario in equestria fic" and i was looking for ideas
normally i wouldn't support the idea that wario is stupid, hes ignorant and is easily blinded by is ego but is also very clever and usually tries to get money using dishonest means
but for the sake of comedy this fic is a freaking gut buster i love ever sec of it, my comment will encouage you to write more maybe?
anyways
i just though this video and this fic matched so well