A Simple Day
The soft murmur of the morning crowd made its way through Ponyville's streets, as the weather ponies finished setting up the partly cloudy skies.
The sun had been up for a couple of hours, and most were going through their normal weekday routines. Such was the case within the Golden Oaks Library, where two ponies were having breakfast at the small kitchen table.
"Twilight?"
"Hmm?" Twilight looked up from her morning paper, taking one last sip from her cup of coffee.
The mare in front of her had been fidgeting for a while now, and Twilight noticed that she hadn't touched her food either. A quick glance also revealed that there was probably a very defeated mane brush sitting on their dresser upstairs, judging by the unruly tufts of pink bed mane.
It suited her just fine.
"Can we go out?"
Twilight put down her empty cup with a confused frown on her face. "Of course we can, Pinkie. We go out all the time."
"No, I mean..." Pinkie scrunched up her nose, looking down at her plate of pancakes as she tried to find the right words. "I mean like this. Could we go out?"
It was just for an instant, but a cold shiver ran down Twilight's spine.
Pinkie shuddered.
Clearing her throat, Twilight reached out and patted the other mare's hoof, lowering her volume to one more appropriate for a library. "I don't think that's a very good idea, dear. It could cause a lot of problems."
Pinkie took Twilight's outstretched hoof between her own, caressing it softly and staring at nothing for a few seconds.
With practiced ease, Twilight levitated her cup and saucer into the air, silently placing them in the sink.
Not once did her gaze wander from Pinkie.
Taking a deep breath, Pinkie perked up again—her eyes regaining their summer sky-like brightness.
"You're right. I shouldn't get all mopey about silly things like that! We can go out, have fun, and we'll still have each other at the end of the day!"
"That's the spirit!" Twilight grinned. "Now, hurry up and finish your breakfast. We need to go and buy some things at the market before I open up the library today."
Pinkie giggled, before scarfing down both of her pancakes at once. "I feel bad for asking, but when's Spike coming back?"
"Oh, don't remind me." Twilight said with a pout. "It'll still be a couple of weeks."
Pinkie lapped at her plate, enjoying its syrupy goodness until she could hear the squeak in squeaky clean. "Remember to give me a few days' notice. We should prepare a big welcoming party for him!"
Twilight smirked and rolled her eyes. "Sure, if he survives the other one."
The two chortled in amusement at the thought of a partied-out Spike, as Pinkie set her plate down next to the sink.
With an unspoken cue, they both left the kitchen and headed for the front door. With a flash of her horn, Twilight opened up the nearby closet, floating out a couple of woolen scarves.
"Here," Twilight said, wrapping the deep blue garment around a very grateful Pinkie's neck. "The days are starting to get colder."
Pinkie nuzzled her in thanks, before her ears perked up. "Ooh, I got your saddlebags!" She darted off to the open closet, grabbing the bags between her teeth and flinging them into the air so that they landed squarely on Twilight's back.
With a satisfied nod, Twilight finished putting on her pink scarf and opened up the door for them to leave.
Once outside, they settled on a leisurely pace, keeping a few inches of distance between them. There was still enough time before the library's regular opening hours—or what had become the regular hours, after Twilight had taken charge of it—so that they didn't have to rush.
The streets were already filled with ponies hurrying off to work, to the market or simply to treat themselves to a better breakfast than the one they had at home.
As the first few market stands came into view, Twilight summoned her shopping list and gave it one last look. "Alright, we'll split the items and get this done real quick. I need you to get the potatoes, the corn and the lettuce. Got that?" she asked, passing the parchment over.
"Yup!"
The couple stopped where the street opened up into the larger market area.
"We'll meet back up here in about ten minutes," Twilight said over her shoulder as they both parted ways. She got a nod in response, before the crowd of market-goers filled her vision.
Twilight sat at the edge of the road, letting other ponies walk by unobstructed. She was checking the contents of her saddlebags, making sure she'd purchased everything on her side, as well as taking the time to do some weight distribution.
"Okay, I think I'm not missing anything."
Putting her bags back on, she looked over to the stands and market-goers. She still had some time and a few extra bits left.
"Hmm, I should get something special for her, though. She's doing so much for me, after all."
Twilight's eyes came to rest on the flower stand, where a white-coated pegasus was just leaving with a fresh bouquet between his teeth. She smiled and walked up to the familiar salespony.
"Hi, Roseluck."
Rose looked up from the bits she was storing and smiled at her newest customer. "Oh, hello, Twilight. I'm guessing Spike's still away?"
Twilight snorted, puffing up her chest and trying to sound indignant. "Hey! I can do my own shopping, even if he's around."
Rose just kept smiling.
Eventually, Twilight deflated. "Yeah, he's still on his trip."
With a chuckle, Rose walked over and patted the mopey unicorn on her shoulder. "Aww, don't be sad, Twi. We all miss the little guy. Now, what can I get ya?" She swept a hoof towards the array of colorful flowers covering her stand.
Twilight hummed as she looked over her options, gasping as she spotted a particular species being held in a large pot, almost hidden between the daisies and the lilies. "Ooh, Ophrys speculum? Those must've been really hard to grow."
Rose beamed with pride. "Oh, I have my ways."
Giving the exotic flowers a closer look, Twilight nodded in satisfaction. "I'll take a dozen of these, please."
"Coming right up!"
In a few seconds, bits were exchanged, farewells were traded, and the bouquet rested within Twilight's bags.
She trotted back to the meeting spot, noticing that she was the first to arrive. While she waited, she double-checked the contents of her bag, and placed the flowers in a position that wouldn't crush them.
An elegant voice coming from behind her made her ears perk up. "Good morning, darling. How are you on this fine day?"
Twilight turned to look at her friend walking towards her from across the street. "Hello, Rarity. Getting some breakfast?"
"Well, I had to get something, since my kitchen suffered a... well, let's just say it suffered horribly." Rarity floated a bag from Sugarcube Corner into view. "Pinkie was kind enough to offer an alternative. I also happen to be enjoying a day off."
"A day off? Really?" Twilight tried to hold back her incredulous smirk, but didn't quite manage it.
If Rarity noticed, she didn't seem to mind. "Strange as it may be, I'd actually reserved these next few days to finish an urgent order for Cloudchaser. She was going to wear it to her anniversary date with Thunderlane."
Twilight expected the story to continue, but Rarity seemed content to just fiddle with her mane.
"Uh, I take it something happened?"
"Hmm?" Rarity frowned. "You mean you haven't—Oh, right." She tittered into her hoof, before moving closer to Twilight and falling into a conspiratorial tone. "I heard through the grapevine that the two had a terrible fight yesterday. Why, their very relationship might be over."
"What?!"
"Shh!"
"Oh, sorry." Twilight folded her ears back and gave a sheepish grin, before returning to a more concerned demeanor. "B-but they were always so sweet to each other. I admit, I don't know them very well, but I got the impression that they were a very loving couple."
"They were, of course." Rarity leaned back into a more relaxed position, just a hint of sadness flashing through her eyes. "They were even foalhood friends, if you'll believe it. But that's how these things go. Even the strongest friendships can sour terribly when you get love involved."
"I know," Twilight mumbled under her breath, hiding the words behind a sigh.
"Well, enough about that. We'll eventually see how the story ends—nothing's set in stone, after all." Rarity's eyes made a quick pass over Twilight's figure. "By the way, darling, I love your scarf."
That got a smile back on Twilight's lips. "Of course you do. You made it."
"Yes, but I mean I love how it looks on you—"
"Hey, fillies! What's up?"
They both turned to look at the owner of the well-known voice—a white unicorn mare—coming out of the marketplace. Her wild blue mane bobbed along with her head, while her eyes lay hidden behind tinted shades.
"Scratch, dear. What a pleasure." Rarity gave her a composed and practiced smile.
"'Sup, Rares. Hey, Twi, I was wondering if you could give me a hoof looking for some books on classical music composers." Before anypony could get smart with her, she added, "It's for Tavi."
Twilight glanced at the woolen, deep blue scarf wrapped around Vinyl's neck. If Rarity had been paying a bit more attention, she would've noticed that the piece was also a product of her own knitting. However, she was too busy giving a politely uninterested look at the ponies passing by.
Twilight also gave a quick look in the direction of the large grocery bag being held in Vinyl's magical grip, before answering, "Sure, I was just heading home."
"Cool. See ya 'round, Rares." Without waiting for an answer, Vinyl set off for the library.
Twilight was about to say goodbye, but Rarity cut her off. "Weren't those two fighting again?"
To Twilight's fortune, Rarity was squinting at Vinyl's retreating form, unable to notice her eyes widening. "Oh... well..." It was always hard when something didn't match up. Some little detail of everyday life that had to be clumsily covered up with a hasty and fragile lie, always elevating the risk variable in the increasingly complicated equation that her life had become. "S-she's probably going to use the book to smooth things over, right?"
Rarity looked sideways at her, with something dangerously resembling suspicion growing in her gaze. Had she noticed the nervous tone? Maybe the way she'd fidgeted slightly? Or the fact that her lie was so transparent that it pushed forward more questions than answers?
A quick shake of the head—passed off as a mere fixing of her mane—and any hint of suspicion was gone from Rarity's demeanor. "Right. That must be it."
Twilight gave an internal cry of relief, and an external, "Yeah, so, I should go help her with that. Bye, Rarity!"
"Ciao, dear. I hope you have fun tonight."
Already in the middle of turning around, Twilight froze. "Tonight?"
Rarity chuckled as she walked away, breakfast in tow. "Oh, you'll get it soon."
As Twilight and Vinyl approached the library, the former willed open the door, and shut it behind them once they were inside.
Twilight gave a quick look around, making sure that all of the curtains were closed and that nopony had decided to sneak inside out of an unmitigated desire to learn—however unlikely that may be. Certain that they were both alone, she began unpacking and levitating all of their groceries, while moving to the closet to put away her saddlebags.
As she was taking things out, she noticed the bouquet she'd bought. "Oh, right. Here, I got you a snack." She floated it out and turned to pass it on to Pinkie, who'd just finished untying her scarf.
Pinkie grinned and pounced on the flowers, immediately chomping one off of its stem and happily chewing away at it. "Mmm, sweet!"
With a light magical tug, Twilight removed both of their scarves, stuffing them into the closet before closing it. "I had a feeling you'd like them." Levitating their purchases next to her, she gave Pinkie a peck on the cheek and moved towards the kitchen. "I have to open up the library soon, so go upstairs and read for a while, okay?"
"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie said through a mouthful of colorful flowers. She stopped eating for a moment to zip around the main room, looking at the bookcases for something light to keep her entertained during the long hours ahead. As she eyed a few of the cookbooks they had in stock, an idea popped into her head. "Hey, can we bake something tonight? I wanted to try out a new cake recipe I got from Sugarcube Corner."
And just like that, a heavy silence saturated the entire building.
No birdsongs from outside. No rambling from the passing ponies out on the streets. Not even the gentle rustling of tree leaves.
There was only silence.
A cold breeze seemed to snake its way through the room and up Pinkie's spine—even though there were no windows open—making her feel very uncomfortable.
Finally, Twilight's muffled voice came from behind the kitchen door. "Were you careful?" She sounded decidedly neutral. Her emotions strained, like a taut lifeline, about to snap at the first wrong move.
"Super duper careful!" Pinkie tried to keep a chipper tone, but her body sagged as she continued, "Y-you're not mad, are you?"
Even with the door between them, Twilight's sigh could still be heard. "No... No, I guess I'm just overreacting again. If something had happened, I'd probably know about it by now."
Pinkie perked up, feeling a pleasant warmth wash over her and waiting for an answer to her initial question.
When none came, she decided to prod a bit. "So..."
"Yes, we can try it tonight."
"Woo! Triple layer mocha marble cake, here I come!" Pinkie grabbed her flowers and a book at random from the shelf in front of her, before darting up the stairs and into the bedroom.
Several hours and a couple of books later, Pinkie was lying on their bed, finishing up Agate Crystal's latest mystery novel.
Every couple of minutes, she'd glance over to the bedroom's lower level, where Twilight sat at her writing desk scribbling furiously into her notes.
It had been a slow day, with little to no ponies visiting the library. Thus, Twilight had decided to close up early and take the time to advance her research.
"Ugh! This makes absolutely no sense!"
Or at least try.
"Not doing so good, sour plum?" Pinkie called out with a grin.
Another scrunched up parchment was thrown onto the growing pile, next to the desk. "I just can't find a way to disprove this theory! I've been looking for some kind of loophole for the past two hours… and I think my eyes are starting to hurt." Twilight huffed. She lifted her cup to her lips, only to groan as she found it to be an empty reflection of her misery. "Also, it's sugar plum."
"You seem pretty sour to me," Pinkie quipped.
Twilight couldn't hold back a chuckle, shaking her head. "Oh, sure. Let's all make fun of the pony who's slowly going insane. That's a really good idea."
Pinkie looked up from her book with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Oh, don't feel bad, sweetie. You wanna come play on the bed?" She patted the edge of the silky blue covers with her hoof. "I can think of lots of fun games that'll keep you up all night." Pinkie grinned as innocently as she could, considering the circumstances.
Twilight tried to hide her blush by focusing really hard on the words she'd just jotted down. "I'd love to, but—"
The tell-tale noise of the front door slamming open and hoofsteps quickly rising up the stairs rang through the room, calling their attention to the door. It flew open, letting in a pink blur of springy happiness that landed from her summersault right in the middle of the room.
"Hi, Twi!"
Twilight recovered from her surprise, settling into an amused smile. "Good afternoon, Pinkie."
A mint green shape up in the loft drew Pinkie's eyes. "Oh, heya, Lyra!"
Lyra turned with a smile, as she levitated the book she'd been reading back into its shelf. "Hey there, Pinks."
"So, Twi, I came to tell you that you're invited to a superrifi—er, I mean, a calm and relaxing picnic tonight at seven! I was thinking we could go for a change of pace, since we've just been meeting up during the day lately. We could have some tasty treats and maybe even look at some of those shiny stars you love so much!" Pinkie's eyes shifted a bit, as her voice slowly lost steam with each word. "I-I don't know much about constellations, but perhaps you could, um, teach me?"
Twilight might've noticed Pinkie fumbling with her words, if she hadn't been so thoroughly entranced by the mare's mere presence. Noticing that an answer was expected of her, her brain quickly pieced together what had just been said, coming up with the quickest non-answer she could get out. "A picnic?" She shot a glance at her parchment-covered desk.
Sensing the moment of hesitation, Pinkie leapt forward, landing snout to snout with Twilight. "C'mon, you can lay off your research for just a teensy little bit, right?"
Twilight's cheeks flared at the full glory of the deep pools of azure hogging her vision. Her breathing grew just a tiny bit heavier and she couldn't quite bring herself to blink.
"You feeling okay, Twi?" Pinkie edged forward, carefully avoiding the horn as she touched their foreheads together. "You're pretty hot."
"S-speak for your—" Twilight coughed, gently pushing Pinkie back to a more comfortable distance with her forehoof, and taking a deep breath to compose herself. "I'm fine, Pinkie. And I'll be happy to join you girls tonight."
Pinkie's pupils shrank to pinpricks as she grinned a bit too widely. "Right! Us! As in, all of us! I, uh... I gotta go now. Yup, lots of, heh, preparing to do!" Pinkie forced out a laugh as Twilight tilted her head a bit and blinked. "Well, I-I'll see you later then!"
Pinkie bolted out of the room. The sounds of her hooves echoed throughout the hollowed tree as she made her way to the front door, slamming it shut as she left in a hurry.
Twilight looked out through one of the bedroom windows, seeing the mare running at a full gallop in Carousel Boutique's direction. "That was strange, even by her standards." She turned to glance back up at the loft, where Pinkie lay on the bed, looking towards the same window with a subdued smile. "Everything okay?"
"Huh?" Pinkie snapped out of her reverie and beamed down at Twilight. "Sure! So, whatcha gonna do while you wait for the picnic?" Her voice grew silkier and her gaze turned half-lidded. "That offer still stands, you know?"
Tapping a hoof to her chin, Twilight considered her options. "I should probably keep trying to get some work done, though I doubt I'll have any breakthroughs today. What time is it anyway?"
"Party time!" Pinkie screamed in glee, hopping up and down on the bed.
Twilight sighed and gave a tired smile. "You know I would, especially after that," Twilight gestured towards the still-open entrance to their bedroom, "but the responsible thing to do would be to try and finish up this paper, before I get ready to go out tonight." She looked back at the collection of discarded inkpots and worn out quills that had been growing at an alarming rate.
"Aww. Not even a little cuddling?"
Twilight brought her gaze to the loft once again.
She really shouldn't have.
The full-blown power of the pouty lips and teary eyes that hit her would've been enough to make Rainbow quit flying.
Hyperbolically speaking.
With the weight of inevitability upon her, Twilight just gave a resigned laugh. "Okay, okay. A little cuddling."
As the moon rose higher in the sky and the bedroom lost some of its warmth, Pinkie slowly opened her eyes and yawned.
She was still lying in their bed, under the soft covers.
With a lazy hoof, she outlined the body that was missing on the sheets beside her. She'd wanted to rest her eyes for just a moment—right after Twilight had kissed her goodnight—but she'd somehow fallen asleep.
Lifting her head a bit, she looked out the window into the clear night sky. There wasn't a cloud in sight, and the stars were shining beautifully. She smiled, noticing that one of the room's smaller telescopes was also missing from its usual place.
A paper on their nightstand caught her eye. It was the cake recipe she'd wanted to try out, before more important activities had swallowed up the later hours of the day.
She tapped a hoof to her chin, hemming and hawing as she made up her mind. Finally, after a resolute nod, she took the sweet-scented paper between her teeth and climbed out of bed.
Going down the short flight of stairs, she stopped for a moment to really take in the mess that her beloved researcher had wrought. Her eyes scrolled over the pile of rejected parchments that had scattered a bit across the floor, along with the two inkpots that had rolled off the heap.
She sighed and shook her head, as her smile turned somewhat wry. Nonetheless, it was still a smile.
She tucked the recipe into her mane and stepped up to the desk. After some quick searching around, she found and lit a new candle, using a few drops of its melted wax to affix it to one of the empty holders that were lying around.
She couldn't risk turning on the lights, after all.
With some proper illumination, she went about gathering all the discarded materials and placing them into neatly tied up bags.
She made sure not to touch anything on the desk itself, though. Twilight had been pretty grumpy about her work lately.
Once she'd cleaned everything up, she checked that the recipe was still safely tangled in her curls and fetched the candlestick, taking them both downstairs with her.
Pinkie walked across the main room of the empty and silent library. Shadows played along the bookshelves and walls as she made her way towards the kitchen. Sometimes it got kinda boring and lonely—especially when Spike was also away.
But that was okay.
Whenever Twilight went out with her friends, she would always return full of laughter and love. And Pinkie would always welcome her home with lots of hugs, kisses and cuddles.
Hopefully, she'd also have cake this time.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Valtyra · 1.9k words · 56 6 · 2.5k views
- Jamin P Rose · 1.9k words · 39 21 · 2.7k views
- butboifranko · 1k words · 82 2 · 3.4k views
- Hivemind · 3k words · 60 8 · 1.9k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.088 seconds
Total duration
671 users online
972,876 hits today, 2,205,040 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Why didn't you write this soon after "Too Many Pinkie Pies" if that is what you based this off of?
2809547
It's not based on that episode. In fact, it has very little to do with it. It can take place at any point between the end of season 2 and the beginning of Magical Mystery Cure.
I enjoyed the story quite a bit. That said, though, I was a little bit confused by the awkwardness when Pinkie mentioned that she had gotten the recipe from Sugarcube Corner. I'm not sure if I missed anything, or if it just wasn't really explained. Also, Scratch kind of seems to awkwardly disappear from the story after she and Twilight enter the library, which seemed a bit weird. Overall, the story was a nice read, and I like that it was about my personal favorite pairing. It wasn't quite as good as Wonderbolt, but I think it's deserving of an upvote.
I do like the story, but it feels like I'm missing something through out the story. Kind of just seems like some mildly related scenes, and not much else. I mean it fits Slice of life, but I feel I am missing the point of the story. What is with the whole Rarity gossip bit, and the no breakfast outside thing? Those made me wonder if they were implying anything.
Did I miss something? It seems that Twilight is with Lyra who she calls Pinkie Pie and who thinks she is Pinkie in her own head?
So Twilight fell in love with a Changeling that stays looking like Pinkie? And changed into Lyra when the real Pinkie snuck in? Probably should explain that better.
2809615>>2809690>>2809731
This guy 2809777 pretty much got it
She was also Vinyl at one point.
Totally stealing that.
This sort of story is the one where you want the reader to read twice -- the first time for the A story, the second time for the B story (which is the real story behind it). The problem is that the A story here is fractured and disconnected. Read on the second pass, with the spoiler given, there's a coherent story.
My suggestion would be to make the A story -- the story a reader reads without knowing any better -- stronger.
Very creative story. I totally missed the point when I read it, but got it out of the comments, lol. Enjoyed it a lot though.
2811337
Yup, that's the long and short of it
To tell the truth, this is the first time I've written something without a structured planning phase. I wanted to get it out of my system as fast as possible, because I knew I'd be tempted to pad it if I sat on it for a while.
In the end, that might be a weakness. Since there is little to no padding, every scene moves the story forward. But it moves the B story forward. I did want the A story to feel jarring and strange—precisely so that the reader would look it over again—but I might've overdone it a bit.
The padding might've helped it feel more fluid, but then I ran the risk of the reader thinking that that was the actual story, and that there were simply lots of inconsistencies throughout: "Why is Pinkie there if she just went inside with Vinyl?", "Where the hell did Lyra come from?", "Why was it important to mention that Vinyl was wearing a scarf that's the exact same color as the one that Twilight gave Pinkie?", etc.
It could work if I spelled out the spoiler at the end of the fic. However, the fact that it isn't spelled out, and that the reader has to piece together all of the clues to come to that revelation, is kinda the whole point of the story. So I really didn't want to do that.
2814340
Thanks
2814574
This.
The trick with a story like that is that your A story needs to work too, and this gets too choppy to do that, IMO. The problem is that if nobody reads it for the A story at all, then nobody'll read it to figure the B story out.
Having said that, I think you might have had a better time with it if you'd made everything fluid except the jarring transitions. As it is, the story's minimalistic (not necessarily a bad thing) but minimalism requires one to operate under assumptions.
Whereas if you had a very descriptive process, still giving away no secrets, and then when it came time for a "switch", you made that as jarring as possible, I almost think that'd have come off better. It would have communicated an intentionally disjointed narrative, whereas a casual reader could look this over and write it off as being unintentional, which would leave them ignoring the B story again.
Anyway -- I'm sorry if any of this came off harsh, I didn't mean for it to. It's just a sweet, weird little B story that I wouldn't want people to miss for the sake of the mechanism involved.
At first I was very confused then I read the last couple of paragraphs a few more times and must say very interesting can't wait for the next chapter im gonna favorite this and up vote
2814630
Nah, don't worry, that wasn't harsh. I'll probably go over it again and patch it up... or I could finish writing that other thing I should've finished a month ago.
Ah, decisions.
2809914
Before reading I'm going to assume the description is supposed to alternate between Twilight and Pinkie. So "Twilight likes to read", "Pinkie doesn't have time for books", etc.
Unless that's intentional
Anyways, onwards to Twinkie
My first time reading, I thought Twilight was dating more than one pony, and... pretending they were all Pinkie... or something. Or maybe Twilight was away and Pinkie was using a few of her unicorn friends as substitutes while she was gone.
Reading it a second time, it seems that Pinkie is actually transforming into these other characters, Lyra and Vinyl Scratch. And I see now as I read through the comments that my suspicions have already been confirmed.
Though this still confuses me.
Unless Rarity is in love with a changeling of her own, impersonating Twilight?
This kind of story is tricky to pull off, the kind of story where your entire story is really just a vehicle for a ruse or twist. I think the problem here is a lack of subtlety. It's too obvious that something's up. It's disjointed and confusing. "Something's up" is more or less your entire story. I always point to The Sixth Sense as an example of a movie that got this type of twist right. On its own, without the twist ever being revealed, The Sixth Sense's still works on its own, but there are enough little hints scattered throughout that the twist (or the story B) still makes sense when it's revealed.
The story beneath your story is actually a very interesting and cute one, but it's lost in this ruse you've manufactured. But you got me to think, and the ruse itself was still well put together. Good fic, could have been better, perhaps could have benefited from some more careful planning and set up.
Good story.
Confused the hell outta me but still...
Good story.
It's hard for me to know what to feel about this story as I come away from it. The "Pinkie" character hidden in Twilight's house doesn't seem malicious yet I can't really tell what I'm supposed to feel for her. I guess she's a changling or a magical construct or something but all of the who, what, why, and hows of it are left open. I guess it's a good being? Or maybe it has Twilight under its thrall/feeding on her... or maybe Twilight controls it? Why is it with Twilight? How does she feel about it compared to the real Pinkie? With so much unknown I'm left with confusion as to Twilight's feelings, a mix or apprehension and sympathy for the "Pinkie" in the library, and just a general air of unease regarding the overall situation.
Edit: Ah I read the comments section and now I know what it's supposed to be. Still leaves me not knowing what to feel but I guess that's inevitable with a story like this.
3897626
Yeah, I'm actually gonna give this a pretty thorough rewrite. After getting feedback from the readers, I realized that it ended up being far too subtle, which just managed to confuse you if you didn't get what was happening initially.
I'm all for going against the Viewers are Morons trope, but I guess I went too far in the opposite direction this time.
This is one of the things I'm currently working on, and also the hardest. Trying to strip away most of the ambiguity and still making it an interesting read is bumming me out a lot. I'll also try to make the not!Pinkie's intentions clearer in the new version.
The story was good and all, but I kinda got lost near the end.