A Trying Day
Reiver fidgeted nervously in the plastic seat, really wishing he still had thumbs to twiddle, if only to relieve the tension.
The waiting room of Ponyville’s dental practice was about what you would expect, plastic chairs, white walls, out of date magazines, and a carpet that had been out of fashion on earth for about thirty years.
He tried to focus on his breathing just like his therapist had taught him, visualising the fear nestling in the pit of his stomach as a gold mist before exhaling it and inhaling a blue smoke of calm. In, and out, in, and out, no matter how many times he repeated the exercise it did little to help him.
“You alright there, Reiver?”
Reiver looked up at Applejack, who sat to his left.
“Not really,” he replied. “I’m trying to stay calm, but this place reminds of a doctor’s office.”
Applejack took his hoof and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
“Don’t worry partner, I’m with you every step of the way.”
That thought actually comforted the colt. He had been nervous about this visit ever since he told Applejack about his toothache. That morning he had barely spoken a word as his phobia welled up from inside him. He had been tempted to run and hide when Twilight teleported in to take them to his appointment. It was only Applejack’s presence that kept him from having a full blown panic attack, as she kept reassuring him and holding his hoof when his fear got too much for him to bear. It reminded him of how his mother used to act when he got scared.
“When did Twilight say she would be back?” he asked nervously.
“After your appointment,” she replied. “Don’t worry, Colgate is the best dentist in Ponyville. You’ll be okay.”
Reiver just sighed, and tried to return to his breathing exercise. However, he was interrupted by a nurse poking her head around the door.
“Applejack, Reiver. Colgate will see you now,” she said.
“Time to go,” he muttered, reluctantly getting to his hooves. Applejack, seeing the colt’s reluctance, gently laid a reassuring hoof across his shoulders, and he tried to relax as they entered the examination room.
The room wasn’t that different from those on earth, it had a dentist’s chair, desk, and the instruments that might be required for a tooth extraction. Reiver rubbed his cheek nervously as he tried to remain calm. This was not a doctor’s office, it was a dentist. Applejack was here, and would not leave his side, he would be fine.
“If you would like to wait a moment, Colgate is just washing up before we start”, said the Nurse.
Looking across the room, Reiver saw the mare in question by a small sink, and was surprised to see that it wasn’t the pony he expected. The Colgate he was familiar with had a light blue coat and a dark blue mane with white streaks, giving the impression of toothpaste. This pony was completely different; her coat was white as snow, and her mane was toned in stripes of red, white and blue. Her cutie mark was a toothbrush crossed over a tube of toothpaste, set against a pearly white molar. She was wearing a set of blue scrubs and Reiver could see a horn poking out from her mane.
“Howdy Colgate,” said Applejack.
“Hello Applejack, it’s so nice to see you again,” replied Colgate. “I trust everything is going well at the farm?”
“Darn tootin,” she replied. “Thanks again for helping Big Mac the other day.”
“It was no problem, that type of wear and tear is typical of a farm pony. Just make sure he uses the grind guard when ploughing from now on.”
Colgate moved over to Reiver and lowered herself so they could speak eye to eye. She gave him a friendly smile as a way to set him at ease, but that just caused him to swallow nervously.
“You must be Reiver,” she said. “I’m Colgate, it’s nice to meet you.”
Reiver remained silent as he tried to hide behind Applejack.
“He’s afraid of doctors,” she explained. “This place is making him a bit nervous.”
“Ah,” replied Colgate. “Don’t worry Reiver, there’s nothing to be afraid of. I’m just going to take a look at your teeth.”
“And pull one out with a set of pliers,” Bedlam's voice echoed in Reiver's mind.
“Not helping”, he hissed angrily.
Taking a deep breath, he came out from behind Applejack and stood in front of Colgate.
“…hi,” he practically whispered, as all his energy was going into remaining calm.
“Hi,” she replied. “Applejack said you’re scared, it’s okay, everypony gets scared now and again. You don’t have anything to worry about; it’s just a simple operation. Once that tooth is out, you’ll feel much better.”
Reiver remained silent; he really didn’t want to be here.
“If you would like to take a seat, we can get started,” said Colgate, gesturing to the dentist’s chair that seemed to embody Reiver’s darkest nightmares. He swallowed hard, why couldn’t he keep a lid on his feelings? Back home he might still have been scared of the dentist, but at least he could control himself so that it didn’t interfere with his appointments, whereas right now he could feel himself shaking like a leaf in a storm. Maybe it had to do with his sudden change from man to colt, he simply didn’t have the maturity to keep his feelings in check anymore.
Right now it didn’t matter either way; he wasn’t going to leave until that rotten tooth was out. With a look up at Applejack, who smiled reassuringly, he took his seat in the dentist’s chair.
“Hold still now," said Colgate. "I'm going to use a spell to numb your lower jaw.”
She lit her horn and a white glow enveloped the affected area, Reiver felt all feeling leave it a moment later.
“It works wonders on little colts that are afraid of needles,” she replied.
Reiver just smiled nervously. He had to remain still, but that was like asking a puppy to stop chasing its tail. It wasn’t Applejack’s hoof touched his own that he felt even the slightest measure of calm.
“Don’t worry Partner; I’m right here with you.”
Reiver looked at her gratefully before turning back to Colgate, and paled at the sight of several dentistry tools in her magical grip.
“Okay then, open wide for me and we’ll have that tooth out lickety split.”
“I can’t do this,” he muttered.
“Don’t worry mate, I’ve got this,” replied Bedlam, before Reiver’s world went white.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Reiver was adrift in nowhere, he couldn't feel anything around him, just infinite nothing. No noise at all, yet there was a strange warmth that enveloped his body.
“Shhhh, it’s alright,” said a soft voice.
He knew that voice, there was no mistaking it or the love that it held. Opening his eyes, he looked up, and saw that he was in the arms of his mother.
“It’s okay,” she soothed. “You’re safe now.”
This had to be some sort of dream, but the colt knew that it couldn't be. It was definately her, the delicate features, the soft blue eyes, and the chestnut brown hair were unmistakable. She had her arms wrapped around the colt’s body in a comforting embrace, running her fingers along his back like she did when he was little, the tension he felt evaporating as the familiar action made him relax.
“This is a dream,” he said, finding his voice.
“What makes you say that sweetie?”
“Because I’m still a pony, because all around us is a white void…and because you died,” he sniffed. “You died because I didn’t do anything to save you.”
She sighed.
“It was always one of your best qualities, taking things to heart. It helped you grow into a man who wanted to help and inspire others. But it was always something of a weakness, wasn’t it?”
She gently caressed his cheek, wiping away a tear.
“Your confidence could get undermined so easily at times over the littlest of things, yet you always found a way to let it go and grow as a person. Please, don’t blame yourself for what happened to me.”
“But if I had just seen the signs, noticed that your depression was getting worse. I could have taken that blasted pill bottle and locked it away for good. I’m your son; I was supposed to look after you after dad…left.”
He started to cry, wrapping his hooves around his mother as he buried his face into her shoulder.
“My beautiful child, you did not fail me. I failed you.”
Reiver looked up at his mother, seeing the tears that brimmed in her eyes.
“I wanted to keep you from seeing me at my worst, so I buried it as deep as I could. There were nights I would cry over what your father did to us, sometimes I wouldn’t cry at all, I’d just think about if I had been a good enough wife? Had I offended him somehow? I went over a hundred scenarios and in the end, I just gave up.”
She pulled him close, and Reiver returned the gesture.
“I’m so sorry; I wasn’t in my right mind. Please, don’t blame yourself for my mistake.”
Reiver held his mother tightly in his hooves as she began to cry as well. The colt soon joined her as the weight of her confession hit him and in this strange white void, mother and son wept until they had no more tears to shed.
“I miss you,” croaked Reiver.
“I know,” she replied. “I miss you as well.”
“Is this where I wake up now?” he asked, looking up into her eyes.
“It is, I’m sorry,” she replied.
“I don’t want to wake up yet,” he sniffed.
“I know, but you have to.”
Reiver started to tear up again and threw himself against her as his vision started to go white once more.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Applejack pushed open the door to the waiting room, to find Twilight sitting on one of the chairs, her face buried in a magazine. She looked up as the two entered and saw Applejack was holding Reiver close, the colt was shaking and tear tracks scarred his face.
“Is everything alright?” she asked.
“No,” replied Applejack, seriously. “Twilight, get us home, now.”
Wordlessly, Twilight obeyed, and the three ponies vanished in a flash of lavender light.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Winona had been snoozing on the living room couch when she was startled by a flash and a POP. The collie yelped in surprise and bolted through the flap in the back door. If anypony had noticed, then they did not acknowledge it as both Applejack and Twilight were too focused on the shaking colt. His hooves remained tight around Applejack’s middle as she gently stroked his back in an effort to calm him down.
She gave Twilight a look that asked for some privacy and the unicorn excused herself to the kitchen, leaving her alone with Reiver. She held him in a comforting embrace, even as he buried his face in her chest and silently wept.
The two ponies remained like that until Applejack lost track of time. Twilight would poke her head in from the kitchen every so often to check on them, but she would always signal for her to leave. Reiver needed time to recover, and having two ponies crowd him might have made things worse.
“Shhhh…,” she soothed, running a hoof through his mane.
“I’m weak,” he finally said, voice barely above a whisper.
“You’re not,” she reassured.
“But I am,” he snapped. “I tried to stay calm, but that whole experience…”
He hugged Applejack tighter as he sought some form of comfort and security.
“It brought back too many memories, too many bad things, too many…I couldn’t save her Applejack, I should have seen the signs but I didn’t. How can I move on from that? I was her son, I should have protected her…I should have saved her…”
He started to cry softly into her chestfur once again, Applejack continuing to hold him while he worked out this latest bout of tears.
Reiver was a mess, the anaesthetic spell would at least ensure he wasn’t in any pain for a while, but that was small comfort for the farm pony. It seemed that the colt’s phobia had gotten the better of him while he was in the chair and she wished she could do more than just hold him, even though this was what he needed most right now. She tightened her grip on the colt in an effort to reassure him that she was there, that she would never leave
While she might have been outwardly calm, her mind was running a mile a minute. She knew from Big Mac that Reiver had found his mother's body, that event alone could traumatise anypony his age. But what she hadn’t expected was that, for somepony so young, he had recognised what had happened, and continued to blame himself for what happened, believing that he had failed in his role as a son.
A whine near the kitchen caught her attention, looking up, she saw Winona had returned and was cautiously peering around the door into the living room. Twilight had also reappeared and was gently restraining the collie with her magic, but Winona’s whines had become increasingly anxious. However, her appearance had also given Applejack an idea. Signalling to Twilight to release Winona, she opened a hoof and let her beloved pet run to the sobbing colt.
Reiver was a bit startled by the cold wet nose that pushed its way between himself and Applejack’s warm body. As the collie gently nuzzled against his face, using her tongue to try and lick away his tears, he did not push her away. Instead, he started hugging her like he had been doing to Applejack,.
“It’s been a long day for everypony,” said Applejack. “I think you could do with some rest.”
Reiver sniffed a little as he allowed himself to be led upstairs and tucked into bed, Winona jumping onto the mattress and settling down beside him. As the colt wrapped a hoof around his furry guardian, he felt Applejack place a soft kiss on his forehead.
“Good night,” she said.
“…night,” he said quietly.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Reiver awoke a few hours later to a dull ache in his jaw, he had expected it to hurt more than it did, but pony magic was clearly more effective than the most powerful painkiller.
He shifted under the bedcover as he snuggled into Winona, the dog’s warm body providing some comfort. He just wanted to forget the whole day, the...'vision', of his mother combined with his near freak out had left the colt feeling emotionally drained.
“You feeling okay there mate?” echoed Bedlam's voice.
“Not really,” he replied. “What did you do back there?”
“Something I thought would help,” said Bedlam. “I can’t tell you exactly ‘how’ it was done, I just wanted to do something, so I looked into your memories and…that happened.”
Reiver remained silent.
“So…was that really her, or was it you?”
“Heck no, that wasn't me, who do you take me for?” huffed Bedlam indignantly. “She’s my mother too you know…well, kind of, you know what I mean. I just wanted to help.”
“So, was it her?”
“I...don’t know,” he replied. “When I looked at your memories, it was like...something looked back. I couldn’t tell you what it was, only that it reached out and...took my place for a moment. All I can say for certain, is that it wasn’t me.”
Reiver remained silent for a moment.
“…sorry…I didn’t mean to upset you, and thanks.”
Bedlam sighed.
“Don’t mention it mate, get some rest, goodness knows I am.”
Reiver heard the strange entity yawn as his voice faded into nothing. Settling back into the mattress, the colt tried his best to go back to sleep, however, his rest was fitful at best. He tried his breathing technique and even snuggled closer to Winona, but it didn’t help as the events of today kept surfacing in his mind.
Tossing and turning for the best part of an hour, Reiver was shaken from his state by the door creaking open. Turning over, he saw Apple Bloom tentativley poking her head through the gap.
“Reiver?” she said, cautiously. “You okay?”
“No,” he replied.
“Oh…um...okay.”
She started to close the door.
“Wait!” he exclaimed, raising a hoof. “Could you please stay for a bit? I really don’t want to be alone right now.”
The farm filly nodded and the door was pushed slowly open to reveal that she wasn’t alone, her fellow crusaders stood by her with concerned looks.
“Applejack told us about your appointment,” said Scootaloo as they approached the bed. “Colgate really sucks, I swear she’s part mad scientist.”
“Maybe she’s just bored being a dentist,” suggested Apple Bloom.
“Can we talk about something else, please,” asked Reiver, just a little bit desperate.
“Sure,” replied Sweetie Belle. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Anything…” he replied. “School! How was school?”
“Great, we went on a nature hike!” replied Apple Bloom happily.
“Of course Diamond Tiara was complaining the whole time,” said Sweetie Belle.
“But did you see her reaction when that giant beetle got stuck in her hair, priceless,” added Scootaloo with a laugh.
“I know,” giggled Sweetie Belle. “The look on her face, it was hilarious!”
“She was all ‘AHHH, it’s going to eat my brains!”, said Scootaloo, uncannily impersonating the spoilt filly.”
The Cutie Mark Crusaders dissolved into fits of laughter, even Reiver cracked a smile.
“That must have kept her quiet for the rest of the trip,” he said.
“Meh, kinda,” replied Scootaloo. “It didn’t stop her complaining, but she did stick to the back of the class with Silver Spoon.”
“It’s funny, I never really liked hiking,” he replied.
“Why's that?” asked Apple Bloom.
“I’m just not the outdoors type,” he replied. “It also didn’t help that I was never very fit.”
“Maybe if you got out more, then you would get fitter.”
He gave her a deadpan look.
“I’m housebound right now, remember?”
“You know what I mean,” she replied, lightly swatting his shoulder. “When you’re all better you should go hiking with us,” she replied, “You might grow to love it.”
“I’m not saying I didn’t try, it’s just that my…my dad. He treated every outdoor activity like a military exercise. We went stomping for miles along obscure routes, through mud and twigs and things I would never want to step in given the choice.”
“That type of thing will happen on a hike,” replied Sweetie Belle.
“That’s not the point, these things are supposed to be fun, but he would not stop to rest, not show sympathy to exhaustion and he would constantly remind me that ‘if I got out of those useless books more often I would be able to make something of my life!’ Well I’m sorry; you can’t make me into something I’m not by forcing your interests on me, DAD!”
Reiver was huffing a little as finished his rant, and as his sense cleared he realized that he had not only stood up, but had been practically yelling at the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who looked taken aback by the scorn that laced his words. Even Winona was awake and looking at him with concern.
“Dude, calm down!” said Scootaloo. “You just got out of the dentist; I don’t want you going to the hospital because you busted a vein.”
Reiver took a deep breath and slumped to the mattress.
“Sorry,” he replied.
“So…” ventured Apple Bloom cautiously. “I take it your daddy wasn’t that great.”
“You don’t know the half of it. He was never around for most of my life, always doing something to help that career of his. The few times that he was home were a nightmare. He never understood my interests and never cared about my dreams. I could never enjoy the smallest things without him mocking it or creating some kind of exercise.”
“But…you can’t have been with your dad all the time, what did you do when he wasn’t around?”
“Read, listen to music, I even used to write.”
“Really?” said Sweetie Belle. “What did you write?”
“Science Fiction, fantasy, I even did a few crime stories. But I prefer old fashioned adventures the most, where evil doers are thwarted by good guys who never give up. I may not have had a large fan base, but I am proud to say that people enjoyed my work.”
“That sounds awesome!” said Scootaloo excitedly. “Maybe you could write a story about us?”
“Yeah!” replied Apple Bloom. “We could be Cutie Mark Crusader Action Fillies!” She struck a dramatic pose, like the heroines in comic books.
Reiver smirked.
“Maybe, but aren’t you already the heroes of your own story?”
“You just had to make it cheesy didn’t you?” she deadpanned
They all laughed, Reiver’s mood having been brightened by the conversation.
“Speaking of books,” said Sweetie Belle. “We went to the library on our way home and had some more ideas about Bedlam.”
“Really?” he replied.
“Yup,” replied Scootaloo.
“After ruling out Changelings, Slendermane and generally evil creatures,” said Sweetie Belle.
“We started looking at good guys and made a list based on what we talked about last time,” continued Apple Bloom as she produced a roll of parchment.
Reiver gently took it from her hoof and unrolled it.
“Wow,” he said, scanning the list of creatures. “I didn’t think you three were this thorough.”
“It was SO boring,” groaned Scootaloo. “I’m just glad we didn’t get a cutie mark for list making.”
“Well, there’s a few we can rule out immediately,” he said, handing the list back to Apple Bloom. “Bedlam isn’t a physical being, so anything with a body is out.”
The farm filly took a pencil from the bedside desk and promptly scribbled out several names.
“I also learned recently, that he’s got a pocket dimension he can hide in.”
“Really?” said Scootaloo
“Yeah, so anything with reality bending powers is a possibility.”
Apple Bloom crossed out most of the list, reading the few names that remained.
“That’s definitely made this a bit easier,” she said. “I wish we could get Twilight to help, she’d have this figured out in a second.”
“Actually,” said Reiver, rubbing his neck sheepishly. “There's something I should tell you, Twilight already knows who I am.”
“What!” she exclaimed. “How?”
“She found some of my belongings in the Everfree Forest. I…kind of took one of them when she was watching me the other day.”
“And when she found out, she freaked out and you had to tell her to calm her down?” finished Scootaloo, already aware of how scary Twilight’s ‘freak outs’ could be.
“Something like that,” he replied. “I would have thought she told you herself, she did ask if anypony else knew and I had to tell her about you three.”
“We have school and crusading to do,” replied Sweetie Belle. “It’s not like we see Twilight on a regular basis every few weeks.”
“I should have guessed,” muttered Reiver. These ponies had lives outside of what he saw on the television, and in life, children don’t really hang out with grownups.
“So…did she say if she was going to do anything?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“She’s not going to report me to the Princess if that’s what you’re asking,” he replied. “She also doesn’t know about Bedlam and I’d like it kept that way for the moment. However, in return for her silence I have to help her understand my home and the belongings she found in the forest.”
“Hold on!” said Scootaloo. “Why does she get to know about your planet when we knew about you first?”
“Yeah,” replied Apple Bloom.
“You never asked,” he replied.
The three fillies deflated a little as they realised he was right.
“But, I can tell you about it now if you like?”
“That would be cool,” replied Sweetie Belle. “Does your world have ponies too?”
“How do you control the weather?”
“Do you ride everywhere in spaceships?”
Reiver chuckled a little as the fillies bombarded him with questions, this was going to be fun.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
As the Cutie Mark Crusader were leaning about earth, Applejack sat downstairs, apprehensively sipping a hot cup of tea. Twilight Sparkle sat next to her, having decided to remain with her friend until she felt everypony had calmed down sufficiently.
“Worried about Reiver?” asked Twilight.
“He did his best, but I think that trip took a lot out of him”, replied Applejack. “I’m glad I left Winona to keep an eye on him while he slept. I would have stayed with him myself if it weren’t for this darn weather threatening the crops.”
“Still, I wonder what could frighten a colt to such a degree?”
“Let’s not push him for an answer until he’s better. Frankly, this whole incident has gone and worn me out faster than a piece of cheap string. At least he won’t have to worry about that tooth any more, but I’m worried about the effect this will have on the poor guy.”
“If you don’t mind me saying, when he came out of the dentist it looked like he had been crying.”
“You don’t know the half of it Twi. It took a lot of effort to for him to calm down and get into the chair in the first place, but then Colgate went and brandished her tools at him like some sorta mad scientist. I expected him to start screaming to the high heavens, but instead he kinda…shut down.”
“Shut down?”
“He just, froze up, wouldn’t respond to anything except Colgate’s instructions. When she was pulling the tooth out the tears started, but he didn’t even sniffle, they just quietly rolled down his face like a river. It wasn’t until he got out the chair that he started acting normally again.”
“Foals are known for being more open with their emotions, it’s possible his mind was overwhelmed and that was its way of coping,” she suggested.
Applejack sighed.
“Hopefully seeing Apple Bloom and her friends will help. It’s nice to see them getting along after their ‘introduction’.”
Indeed it was, Twilight had overheard Apple Bloom and her friends talking about Reiver when they visited the library. From the sounds of it, he was helping them with one of their crusades, one that involved a lot of reading and research. It was nice to see them doing something that didn't involve inherent danger or explosive chemicals, yet she wished it hadn't taken an alien-turned-pony to do it.
From a psychological persepctive, she found it interesting that regardless of his apparent adult mind-set, Reiver was still a colt. He acted like a colt when around Spike and the Cutie Mark Crusaders, however, when she confronted him, he showed adult levels of maturity and understanding. Armed with this knowledge, along with what she knew from the Apples, it was clear that Reivers 'colt' was dominant in situation of excitement or stress. When he was calm, the 'adult' side took over, but it could never shake off the emotions and energy that came with being a child.
Which could mean that his recent experience might traumatise him like a child. Therefore, what he needed right now was some cheering up, and she knew just the pony for the job.
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too much pink energy is dangerous twily, words you best heed thoroughly.
Excellent!
Ah, the joys of a child s brain chemistry. Making the mind it's plaything.
Awesome to see this update.
Yeah, this was worth the wait.
From the warning on this chapter, I expected something dark and unsettling. Instead there were many feels.
Good to know that Bedlam isn't an evil character. Now I'm just curious as to what happened to that other pony that got taken to the hospital, we haven't heard about him in a while. I liked how you adapted to Colgate officially being named Minuette as well.
As ever, no worries about the wait, you really don't need to apologise. You keep writing, you haven't cancelled the story or put in on hiatus, and the quality has never declined. Keep up the great work.
Step carefully, Twily. Sometimes Pinkie can be too much, even when she doesn't intend such.
Least th' fillies are givin' th' lad sommat t' focus on 'sides th' appointment.
Also, 6688173 Dostoron ... dat reference! A fellow Zordon-Era Ranger, I see!
Pink pony time...
Cute! Not too dark. I think you handled it well.
6688367 I agree. certianly not dark enough for tag. just a serious look at why Reiver mindset.
6688624 thank you for your thoughtful to-do list. What I was trying to say despite mangled phrasing and being not exactly at my best was this; history in schools is mostly propaganda, if we were learning so we could create great civilizations like their were in the past or build monuments that last the ages I would like it more. Want to know a secret? I don't remember the context of my previous comment. And I've done many things you have listed, but not on purpose or due to curiosity but accidents. Now I make sure to stop people from putting gas on a fire, being on fire because of someone else's mistake sucks. Thanks for the bucket list though.
6688173 But without Pink Energy, we don't have this:
6688205 6688215 Thank you, glad I could live up to your expectations.
6688367 6688527 6688484 Thanks for the kind words, we will see some more of the hospitalised stallion a little later, theres really not much going on with him right now. I added the warning because I felt a bit uneasy about how people would react to the subject matter being used.
6688386 Love your profile pic, Pinkie in Pink PJ's is Positivly Perfect.
The next thing below this last line was a banner ad prominently featuring Pinkie Pie. It took me a second to realize that wasn't part of the chapter.
6688205 My Nightmare is coming back... The painful one.
Anyway, awesome chapter
CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY!!!!
Loved the chapter, moody and sad and all!
My Wishlist...
Reiver gets to stay with Applejack!
...that's it!
oh carp.
pbs.twimg.com/media/BvdaRspIIAIo0IB.png
6689047 You, too?!
Man... damn. Reiver melted the hell down over there. And apparently this cosmic insanity goes beyond Bedlam's existence.
Fleetlord, you just tore open an 18L can of worms.
6689047 Heh, mine featured a Daring Do plushie.
This chapter had an advertisement for dentistry for me.
This wasn't a bad read, but yeah, two and a half years, barely 60000 words? "Slow" doesn't really begin to cover it. It doesn't help that it feels like the story hasn't even really started yet - the main character has barely even so much as left the house so far. I'm not really expecting to ever see the ending of this.
You may want to correct a tiny typo in the 2nd chapter from the end:
It goes without saying that I can't wait to read the next chapter
.
It goes without saying that I hate you so much. Man the time between each chapter is deafening, but I love this story so much that whenever a new chapter comes out I can't help but forgive you. GAH BIPOLAR MUCH!
Keep it up can't wait to see the next chapter with Pinkie Pie
Professions are not proper nouns.
Partner is not a proper noun.
Ahm not sure our friend Reiver is da Pinkie type O child.
6691006
I'm not sure this story is goin to consists of much more than two central plot events.
One of which I guess we're about half to two thirds through.
Soo, give it four years more?
Pinkie... well, she'll definitely cheer him up. Just try to make it so she won't go completely nuts
Lovely chapter though, thoroughly enjoyed it. Found a few typos here and there, but those were just minor things.
Why do I have the feeling Pinkie is going to trigger his wheat allergies on accident... This can only end well.
While it can be fun to think of Pinkie as some kind of terrorist, f you know what I mean, I think it would be alright if he would actually enjoy it. I just like it if there are some ponys, that can resist Celestias, or Pinkies natural happiness magic, aura or whatever.
To give you a example for what I mean is, that there exist a story with two Human girls, and no Pony ever get´s used to how cute they look, and have to say it everytime, but I think it would be more realistic, if they at least wouldn´t say it ooud loud everytime, like they never saw something like this before.
While it took a while to read all this, I can say I like this story. I don´t even mind those small things I´m complaining about.
May be traumatised, throw the pink pone at it.
LOGIC!
“Really?” said Scootaloo
Would Scootaloo know what a pocket dimension is?
Not sure if pinkie will traumatize him even more or make him feel better...
6698605 Honestly, I didn't notice that
Buuuuuuut, if you consider that Bedlam has been inside a book he may have assimilated the language much faster than Reiver.
6700046
Yes.
Its the only right answer to that.
Because Pinkie.
6699818
Yes because Pinkie (Because Pinkie) and Spike (his pockets) and Rarity (convenient sofa) do it all the time.
Typo there.
6708733 it would make what Discord did to Ponyville look like child's play.
Whoa!Whoa!Whoa!Whoa! It means Twilight hasn't yet connected the dots!
There was her & Spike's concern that the CMC were researching stuff that could bring about the end of the universe as they knew it--
--but NOW, once she realizes there is a real interdimensional alien involved....
....in....3....2....1....
NASA: "We have Freakout!
"
Bedlam concerns me. He is most definitely not benign. He has used mind magic on his host before and controlled him bodily. Are we seeing a nascent nightmare growing up and getting more powerful?
Maybe sweet child?
Enter Pinkemena Diane Pie. A pony all giggles and bouncy spry.
6849591 If you like, and it doesnt take up too much of your time, I am looking for additional proofreaders at the moment.
Fluttershy?
No, Rainbow Dash!
I have really enjoyed what I have read so far. Hope this story continues in the future.
7061496 I think thats the best theory yet. Maybe everything is just a massive, alchohol induced hallucination.
love to see twilight react to hear nasa human land on moon. i bet that break her . and her mind
I need a small reminder of how much they know about him so far, because I don't really want to read the whole thing over again.
7628113 Understood. Removed them from the latest chapter.
Oh sweet Celestia, it better not be who I think it might be.
...
It's Pinkie, isn't it?
How does nobody hear this
Ponka Po hath arrived
It's always interesting to see the trope of "mind of an adult in the body of a child" play out properly like this. The body and physiology plays a much larger role in the state of mind and mental fortitude than most people realize. We think with our body a lot more than people know, and I'm glad you've got that playing its part in the story.
pleasantly surprised the age issue was addressed.