AbsurdistScribbler
Joined 8th Nov, 2012 ·
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This was great! I love the characterizations. And anything that's humanized realistically. I don't know if I would've stuck with MLP names like 'Canterlot,' but that's really just a stylistic choice i suppose. I can't wait for more.
I like this story. The plot is unique, the characters my favorite, and, compaired to most other stories with these characters, a nice change of rolls.
There is one problem, however.
These: ""
You need them to communicate that someone is speaking. While I was able to understand that people were talking, it felt awkward. Also, the format was tighter than I'm used to, but doesn't need to change. Lastly, there should be more obvious POV transitions. Something like *** or a title stating the new POV.
Overall, I'm interested. Definately going to follow this. If you ever want any help, contact me and I'll be glad to do what I can.
2748029
ahahaha, I thought that would be brought up. my use of single quotations is really more stylistic than anything; it's more of an accepted technique in British novels, or works like Salman Rushdie's The Satanic Verses or Timothy Findley's The Wars. I know must people are used to double quotations, but I liked the less bulky look of single quotations. but that's just me.
on POV's, I've generally not liked using ***, which is really just my own choice. I try to make the changed views as clear as I can, but I tighten that up if need be. third person omniscient does allow for a bit of room in views.
and I'm glad that you're liking it so far!
I'd wanted to give them roles which still fit them, but was different than most other fics. I liked the contrast of the older, more weary Octavia to the young, outgoing Vinyl, as well as the roles that Lyra and Bon-Bon played. glad that you will follow, and if I do need some, I'll contact!
2747894
happy you're enjoying it so far! I was thinking about the names, but as it is still a pony fic, some element of Equestria had to remain, while still keeping the humanization. more will be coming... sometime. yeah.
2748402
I'll be here, and thanks to summer, more often then not.
Also, by POV, I should have said narriator. Third person omniciant (however that's spelt) is a fine way to write a story, the one that I use most often. That is, with the exception of a story that I have in the works right now. Speaking of, would you care to pre-read it and give your opionon on it?
2748498
same, though I'll be busy fixing my computer (using another one right now) and working my own writing during the summer.
sure, if you like! I can try to read it sometime and then I'll give my opinion after.
If it's not too late, I'd really like to see more of this.
3047391
shit, people actually want to read this. dammit. I swear that I'm writing, but getting back to school plus other duties take my time. but I have the next chapter almost done (just need to finish and send to my editor).