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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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One last refresh before bed, and what a wonderful update to see! And is this the longest chapter so far? Sure looks like it!
Definitely gonna read this one right away.
EDIT: Looks like you're on the feature box once again, Distant! It was probably my fault, sorry!
I laughed out loud when Jade showed up with her camera. Just the mental image of Jade's innocently smiling face popping up from behind the couch and snapping shots out of nowhere.
Peach Pit is definitely one of my favorite characters, despite how few scenes she's been in so far. She's just the perfect mix of cute, loyal, and earnestly sexy.
It seems like Ms. Zest is going to play an important role in things to come. I can't help but wonder if Deal will end up marrying her some day down the line, hopefully with a little assistance from the Smoke. Or, perhaps a marraige arrangement would be too obvious; in any case, I see big things in her future!
And thus we grow ever closer to the theater's grand opening!
More delicious goings-on, I see. Excellent!
The continuing delight of Citrus' involvement certainly had me smiling as I read. Done also handled that sticky situation with the toughs quite well. His thoughts as the events unfold are very grounding: I can believe him as a character, wondering if he's responding correctly in a hair-trigger of a situation even as it threatens to explode all around. This right here is what keeps interest in characters.
Not sure what my thoughts are on teat play, let alone piercings to sensitive spots... But the whole end scene, Peach being desperate notwithstanding, was just as enjoyable. Can't recall anything looking off this round, so I'mma just wait patiently for the next chapter!
This is an amazing chapter, and I look forward to reading more.
And honestly... I wanna see Done marry Peach. They'd make a cute couple, and I feel that after a wedding, sexy times would ensue. Lots of sexy times.
An maybe even have Peach carry Done's foal. I don't know why, but I think if Peach became pregnant with a child of Done's it would be a really cool addition to the chaos of Done's life.
6263390
One of these things is planned. The other will never happen. BUT WHICH IS WHICH?!
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It’s a mystery. Or at least it would be a mystery if you hadn’t already mentioned what’s going to happen future down to road on the Smoke tumblr.
6263390
Heresy! Done and Deep Tissue are the OTP!
Peach seems more like a stalker then a girl friend/wife....
buuuut.... that being said, it would be funny to poke Done with a kid.... his kid... if you know what I mean...
And you do.
Edit: I had a thought.... ever see the movie the son of the mask?
What is Done has a kid and it gets all weird and smokey like the kid in son of mask got all weird and... masky...
im not sure id know what to think at that point...
I want to see Jade, Peach and Day get pregnant.
...
And I still maintain that you should make a comic relief chapter where Princess Luna has spontaneously decided to visit every primarily-night-based non-explicit business in the country, and have Done act like the Cakes did when Celestia visited them.
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One of these wishes will be granted.
6267282 I actually hope for the comic relief above the others.
6266316 SHHH! You'll give the author... IDEAS!
DUNDUNDUN
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This story has a tumblr?
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This story does in fact have a tumblr. Once upon a time, FimFiction made a bit more sense than it does now, and blogs could be tagged as NSFW, allowing NSFW images in them. They got rid of that though, and considering that a lot of Smoke art is going to be very NSFW, I needed a place to put it. Thus, tumblr. FimFiction also does not allow linking to NSFW sites, which means I can only tell you where the tumblr is in a PM.
...or, because the rule is incredibly stupid and poorly thought out, you could actually click the story statistics button (underneath the chapter list, and directly beneath the word count; it looks like a little line graph) and look at the referrals chart. Fimfiction actually tells everyone where the NSFW tumblr is right there, because they didn't think their cunning plan all the way through.
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Well hello there, url.
Isn't Peach Pit a bit young for him? Not that I'm complaining :D
So looking forward to see Princess Celestia attend the theater's grand opening! I'm sure she'd like to meet Done and I'm sure it'll result in some interesting scenes.
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That would be why Done didn't bother trying to defend himself when Peach gave her age!
Please don’t tell me that Primavera is a now a recurring, or worse, a main character? This is my very biased opinion and has no influence on the overall quality of the story but I really, really, really hate her guts. Before she got smoked she was a total jerk to Best Smoke Pony and now she act’s like a scared cat whenever Done is around which is very annoying to me. Can’t she just die on the way to her home planet or something like that? (Again just personal dislike, not influencing my opinion on the story.)
Toss deserve some credit. Instead of charging at the juggernaut called Bruises, like all the other goons in the story did, he kept his cool and continued talking waiting for the right moment to strike at Done. If it weren’t for Peach this could’ve ended very badly for Done. And for him, because I doubt Bruises would’ve been able to hold back if Done had been injured or worse.
Looks like Whittle is going to be a thorn in his side. It will be interesting to see how Done deals with her. Getting her alone is hard, “adjusting” her personality in a subtle way so no-one notices that something is wrong is even harder.
Maybe it’s just me but recently Pirouette seems to complain and nag a lot. It makes sense due to her being not as heavy smoked as the others and thus playing to role of Done’s conscience. Yet, it would be good if she acts a little bit nicer instead of bossing him around. Even if Done is causing her a lot of stress due to his antics.
I’m confused. Breasts on ponies feel wrong, but theses piercings are pretty dam sexy. Except for the pain part. The idea of Peach going to a painful procedure in hope of pleasing Done, however, is a bit unsetting.
***
This chapter was loooooooooong, but in a good way. Lot’s of character interaction and story progression without making it feel unnatural. There was even a large clop scene at the end as bonus.
Some readers may not like that the focus is on pleasuring the mare, but I think it was very well done. It doesn’t always has to be in-out-done. Taking the slow and pleasure the woman as much as possible can be very erotic for a guy.
Also, breast piercings. That’s always a huge plus for me.
But again, it felt like a rather painful experience for Peach and I’m starting to get a bit worried about her. I think skottyboy1 summed it up best.
In a certain way she seems to be worse than Bright Jade. While Jade only wants to be useful, Peach Pit tries too hard to be perfect. The way she tells him to use the Smoke to change her any way he wants is unsettling. Maybe there will be some serious consequences future down the road or maybe I’m just reading too much into it.
This chapter made me like her a lot more. In her first appearance she didn’t strike me as a very interesting character. She was too happy and far too willing to let him use to Smoke on her. It felt odd. But I think I finally understand her.
Her childhood was pretty bad. Dead mother, father being a ruthless crime boss, big sisters blames her for the death of the mother, only other people she know are members of street gang who treat her like crap…. Done was probably the first kind person she met. Even Rose seems to be mostly indifferent toward her. It’s no wonder she fell for him and the Smoke made it even worse. Let's hope she's not going full Yandre and tries to get rid of the "competition". ;)
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Pirouette is going to get some exploration in the upcoming chapter, so I'm interested in why you feel this way. Right now, there are a total of two mares in the story that are willing to say 'no' to Done, Day Planner and Pirouette. Day only does so when it's pragmatic, and Pirouette fills the role of checking his ego and bounds. The problem is, checking Done's ego requires a pretty firm 'no' to dissuade him; asking sweetly can incite him to action, but not stop him. The only way for Pirouette to function as intended in the story, from what we can see, is if she is naggy. If you see another way, though, I'd be glad to hear it.
I completely agree. I just wish that it was done with literally any mare other than Peach Pit.
6311087
Most of their conversations are about Done’s sexual activities and his treatment of “his” mares. Pirouette often disapproves of his actions which naturally results in a stern talk with him. So perhaps there should be more interactions that aren’t about him sleeping around.
They must have some common interests, like their club, they can talk about. Let them reminiscing about old times or talk about future plans. Pirouette was once a dancer, right? Maybe she always wanted to open a dancing school but never had the time/money? If she told Done about this, I’m sure he would be very eager to help. She can still be naggy, but there would be more friendly moments between them.