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5857064
Fixed, thanks. That chapter is nearly 2 years old; it's amazing people let me get away with that for so long.
Iz besd...
no, seriously. I love your story bro, so much entertainment and"fun" for all.
~Iz Bezd~
5857169
Thanks! Glad you're enjoying it!
I saw this update on my feed, but it's not showing up in my bookshelf. Might want to send out a blog post to let everyone know it updated.
5858229
You're the second person to tell me as much. Annoying. I'll do so, but I was working on a survey (up to date favorite mare, what would you like more of, etc.) in Google Forms, so I could solicit more than just multiple choice. Probably best to finish the survey so I can yell about both at once.
I'll just leave this here. Hopefully Shimmering Scales has a better taste in comics.
„And then we can take over the world. MUHAHAHAHA… sorry Mr. Dea, I got carried away.”
I agree with Done, this is a pretty bad idea. That stuff is far too dangerous to sell. One glass was enough for Amber to give a stallion she just met a blowjob. Not to mention that it only needed to touch Shimmers lips for her to start making out with Done. Even if they only sell it at private parties or via the Trotties, word will get out that there’s some sort of new, crazy drug that makes people really horny. It will be only a matter of time before the local authorities and criminal competitors will start looking for the source of this strange, black liquid.
I like where this is goning. Looks like there will be some roleplaying in the near future.
Still I’m kind of confused about this addition to the cast. The title of the chapter indicates that she’s a main character, yet she’s looks nothing like the Pegasus in the picture. Was she created after the picture was done or is Done going to change her color schemes somehow? Or I’m just thinking to much about this?
it's the least I can do. :) Not right now, but within the next days.
5861401
Selling it through the Trotties is a Bad Idea, for precisely the reasons you mentioned. But keep in mind that Shimmer was suggesting to sell it to the rich and famous directly. People who have a public image to maintain, despite their addictions, and can afford the privacy to drink with those they trust without drawing undue attention. That's not to say that authorities and competitors are not a concern — they absolutely are. But it means that Done and Shimmer have a good window of time to make a killing before they become too big a problem, and that they can just stop making the tainted champagne if the heat becomes too intense.
I told Distant that people were going to think the title was referring to Amber. 'The Ol' Bubbly' as a chapter title was meant to refer to the champagne, as 'Bubbly' can be used as a noun to informally refer to carbonated alcohol. It was not intended to refer to Amber, who is not the featured pegasus, nor will she be a main character. She's planned to become a side character like Deep Tissue. The yet-unnamed Pegasus in the image will not be introduced for a while.
5861944
You did, and I stand by my choice. Everyone I informally polled knew what "ol' bubbly" meant. That said, Perky indirectly raised a point I don't think you did:
While you absolutely warned me people would think "ol' bubbly" was Amber, I hadn't realized that it collided with my naming convention of "The X" for major characters. The convention is the strongest argument, and I may rename it to avoid that issue, but I'm keeping the "ol' bubbly" in there. I will take it to my grave.
5862083
5861944
I assumed “The Ol' Bubbly” referred to both champagne and Amber having a bubbly personality.
5861944
It still sounds pretty risking. Rumors spread fast even among trustworthy people and all it needs is one big screw up like a guy trying to use it as date rape drug. If Done wants to pretend he has a clean vest and trying to avoid unwanted attention, drug dealing is a bad idea. ;)
Calling Deep a side-character, after everything that happened in the last few chapters, seems kinda odd.
5864686
It's absolutely risky, yes. But, and I'm not sure if it's going to be called out in the chapter, if there's the slightest indication that a potential customer might use it as a date rape drug, they're not getting anything. Also, the fact that Done can produce it minutes before he sells it helps keep cops from looking in his direction. Regardless, you're right in that it's absolutely risky, and probably a bad idea. But then, what's a story without a little excitement and potentially ruinous risk?
I use her as an example to showcase just how much development side characters can get. Bear in mind that she (originally) started out in a PC chapter, doesn't work at the Tall Tail, and went for a long stretch between Nine Stitches and Catch Me a Catch without so much as a background cameo, barring an appearance in a PC chapter. She is a side character, as you may see when this current arc is over.
You are as sorry to add a pegasus as I am sorry to read this story.
We both know you enjoyed it
5865554
Yes, though it was more interesting writing her weird personality than the sex scene, pegasus or not.
5867428 I know exactly what you mean. I get comments that I have amazing premises and I have porn in them. Really I can write porn without thinking, I just like the set-up. Humor, romance, action, stupidity. You know, same stuff in Smoke :P
Keep it up. Your story keeps popping up and each time I enjoy it more and more. Amazing powers without turning into a Mary Sue with actual internal conflict and character development. The fact that Done hasn't gone completely psychotic without compromising somewhat basic morals is pretty good.
Not being able to guess the endgame is really impressive.
There's obviously the plot, but I also enjoy the actual plot. Taking over Primavera's restaurant was incredibly exciting, it feels like Deal's finally getting back on track with his ambitions to take over Manehattan and make it a better place. Still, we haven't seen much of the theatre or the Trotties these past few chapters. Will they be revisited soon? Or will Deal look into chasing down bigger ambitions? Or find ponies who will be better assets in achieving this? Say, a lawyer bent on cleaning up Manehattan, a despairing policemare who thinks she can never win the good fight, a strong-willed up-and-coming entrepreneur, a hardboiled manehattan detective, a Briddleway stage director with a lot of vision and little sense, a certain shy down-trodden Briddleway costume and fashion designer desperate for work, a salt smuggler caught for a crime she didn't commit, etc.
5934656
In a word, yes. That's not a plot arc to be abandoned anytime soon, even if it has been sidetracked. While it's not going to be picked up in the next chapter, which was originally going to be a part this one before it was split, that arc will come back into focus very soon.
Wow! I really regret not having caught up to this sooner. But here I am! I hope it's not too late to do your survey, I filled one out for you.
6017990 Welcome to the Smoke Lounge!
5968387
Hey, I can actually understand this comment! Your previous one left me totally baffled. Glad you're enjoying it.
6017990
Welcome back! Glad to hear it's still fun for you.
6039751
That would be telling, but it's going to happen. Bound to, the way this is going, really.
6039751
None, because the Smoke made Done impotent. ;)
6042765 Ah, but a gun doesn't control your mind. Might want to reread the first chapter closely if you think the smoke is just a tool.
6042770
I am far more aware than most of the nature and impact of the Smoke's changes to Done's mind. But even if it was a cursed gun that controlled the wielder, what would it look like to an outside observer? Couple that with the fact that the changes are irreversible to Done, and the argument remains the same. Under the influence or not, he's mind- and physically raping ponies, and would be held accountable for his actions under Celestia's law.
6042789 I think he would classify innocent under insanity. He would be locked away until they find a way to reverse what happened, but if it really is permanent, then I guess innocent or guilty wouldn't really matter since he would be locked away either way. Wouldn't you say your mind and thought patterns being irreversibly changed against your will is a mental health episode? Honestly, he is as much fault in this as the mares are for letting him rape them. Morally and logically, this is true. Even if he is considered of sound mind and tried as guilty, then the charges of rape actually couldn't be pressed because by that logic the mind controlled mares are 'sound of mind' and fully consented. Unless, since you are editing, the author gave you some insight onto how the smoke isn't actually corrupting him and he is the same pony as before? If that is the case, then I retract everything. But, I remember reading a comment by the author that said it corrupted him.
6042870
I cannot disagree more. Let me put it this way.
In 1848, an iron spike shot through the man Phineas Gage's head, damaging much of his left frontal lobe. His personality was irreversibly changed, and his friends unanimously agreed that he was no longer Gage, but he was mentally functional, and in control of his actions. This is as Done is right now. Changed, less social inhibitions, and not getting better. If Gage was arrested for a crime, he would go to jail, not a mental hospital. Damaged or not by the blast, he is responsible for his actions, much as Done is responsible for his own, and why Bruises getting mentally altered would not make her go to a mental ward instead of jail if she assaulted another pony. The corruption is just who they are now, and does not absolve them of crime unless it makes them nonfunctional as a person. Judgement on whether or not Done is still functional is best left for a hypothetical trip to the psychiatrist.
On the other hand, the Smoke is like an aerosolized roofie that Done uses, except that it causes permanent mental scarring on the victim. This is worse than date rape. His use of it to obtain assent and change a pony is a morally bankrupt act, and illegal under the law. Under real-world precedent, Done is guilty of doing wrong, and the mares should not be blamed for getting raped.
6042935 I don't see how brain trauma that changes who you are, and insanity that changes who you are are any different. This is to the point of how you and I view semantics pretty much. So, agree to disagree? If not I could go on for a few more dozen paragraphs.
6042950
The difference is primarily that Done does not lack the substantial capacity either to appreciate the criminality of his conduct or to conform his conduct to the requirements of the law. He understands that if he were discovered, he would be put in jail, and is capable of suppressing his actions. Thus he is sane in the eyes of the law, even if his mental status was changed. Or, using the equivalent time-period standard of the insanity defense, he a) understood that his action was wrong, as indicating by his hiding the use of his smoke, and b) that he understood the nature and quality of his actions, as he knew that he was placing the mares under his control. Thus insanity could not be plead.
Irregardless of the semantics, in the eyes of the law, he is guilty. In the eyes of Celestia, she would not care that he was affected by the smoke. In his eyes, he knows that what he is doing is wrong, as he's hiding it and understands the ramifications of being caught using it.
If that does not convince you that Done is legally responsible for his actions, then I do not know what will convince you. I supposing agreeing to disagree on the morality of it is... tolerable, though I will emphasize that, according to the greater population that put in place the guidelines on what one is and is not morally responsible for, most educated opinions agree that he would be responsible for his actions.
6043094 If we are going for what the majority thinks is moral, that isn't a good argument. The majority of people still seem to think it is a worse crime if a male rapes a female, than a female raping a male. Logic dictates that both are equally immoral, but society seems to think one is worse. Men raping women get harsher punishments than women who rape men, on average that is. The same goes for pedophilia. The majority has never known what's best, and they never will. It doesn't help that some issues are subjective, like if bestiality is immoral or not. But that is a whole other issue...
I'm not really talking about the mind control thing anymore, so don't take this as an argument for that. I will ask one more thing though; Who do you think would be at fault if Sombra cast some type of brain rearrangement spell on Twilight, and Twilight's modified brain convinces her to want to kill everyone she sees, and then Twilight killed Spike right then and there? Note that her physical brain is changed, so it is permanent. Would that be Sombra's fault, or Twilight's fault? I would say that is all Sombra's fault by my personal morals. If your personal morals say otherwise, not the law (Because at this point Celestia would go by her emotions and not the law), then I think we have to agree to disagree because nothing will change either of our minds on this subjective issue.
Anyways, I'm tired, both physically and mentally, and it's late, so I am going to sleep. I found this conversation interesting.
6043136
It's the only objective argument applicable to the situation that I am aware of.
Sombra will inevitably be to blame, but that doesn't absolve Twilight of all guilt. If she doesn't see murder as bad anymore, then she would be insane and not responsible for her actions, but have to be locked up for the safety of everyone around her. If she was physically forced to perform the action by Sombra, then it wasn't her fault. If she was convinced that killing Spike would save the crystal empire, she was responsible for her actions. Bad information or no, that's on her, though she might get a royal pardon. If she just has the urge to kill, but it can be suppressed, then it is her responsibility for not suppressing it. It depends on the specifics.
6043203 Exactly my thoughts on the second point. The first point, however, just doesn't work when most of the population is religious. Religion creates morals that make zero sense, sometimes, and since the majority are religious, that means most people are choosing their morals from outdated sources. Hell, if every religious person followed their religion to a tee, the world would be on fire. Metaphorically, and literally. I could go into this more, but then it would cause a religious debate, and that never goes well on the internet.
6043229
6043203
I hate to contradict you, Fable, but I've actually said in the past that Done's mind is warped in such a way that he doesn't actually consider it wrong. He hides the smoke because he knows it'd cause problems, especially if the connection to Sombra were realized, but he actually does generally see himself as entitled to do what he does. His city, his rules, and the mares he takes are his. Now, that may not change any of your opinions on his culpability, and I certainly doubt he'd be let off any hooks, but one of the pillars of your argument is that he knows better, and as long as the mares end up generally happy in the end... he does think he's acting reasonably. See his remark in "Consequences," that Deep Tissue had been out of line to attack him. Also his thought at the end of Corrections, that such silly ponies couldn't possibly be villains. Through the lens Done sees the world now, the most questionable thing he's done is kill Born Leader, but because of the good it generally did the Trotties, the reduced crime it caused, and the removal of a major factor in Manehattan's decline, he's not bothered by it at all. He sees himself as doing the greater good while (often) having fun with ponies to which he's entitled. Right now, he doesn't even see the tool itself (the smoke) as bad; he's just aware that others would/would be scared of him.
6046875 You really shouldn't judge it so early in.
6043203
Except it isn't objective at all.
Um, I know that writers love feedback. So I guess I'll lay out my favorite part of the story. You make a damn good cast, and a perfectly good protagonist. The kind of protagonist that has a hard time being classified in the normal binary sense of hero or villain. Question?
Is that eponymous smoke grey by chance?
6120302
The smoke is black. It could look grey, if Done were using a very light concentration. <_<
6127860 I guess he doesn't use it for everything. By the way if he can modify bodies and objects with the smoke and he has shown that he can be effected by the smoke could he not use it to heal himself. Well, I should ask if he can heal people at all with it. Is he like Dr. Manhattan in Watchman and have no way to fix injuries? Or conversely can he straight up kill with smoke? I imagine if he needed to he could just make a persons heart valves disappear of any number of other killing modifications. I don't mean to pick holes it just seems like the guy really doesn't have all the kinks of the smoke worked out. Then again testing all of this out would require a Mengela level of medical brutality. It would be cool if he just made someone's heart pop or something.
6128444
To respond to things one by one:
Yes, he's still figuring it out. He's not in a particularly big hurry.
No, he can't REALLY heal with it: the smoke is inherently corrupt. It changes some in the hands of its user, so for Sombra it was all about power and intimidation, and for Done it's very sexual. The changes to a pony run along one of those two lines. Bruises would be an example of physical and mental corruption (mass of muscle, loss of intelligence), and Pirouette and Peach Pit's changes were sexually inclined, for beauty. He hasn't tried to just make a specific change that doesn't work down one of those two lines yet, but it wouldn't go as planned if he did.
He probably could kill with it, yes, by causing corruption extreme enough that a vital organ couldn't function properly, or was over strained. That's not really his MO.
It is truly a sad day... I have reached the end of the available chapters.
When I saw the art that watsa did and started to read this story, I had no idea what to expect.
What I found was a very well crafted story that does fantastic in both the clop and actual story sides of things.
Everything works and makes sense, and nothing seems to be done without a purpose for things to come(except for the PC chapters, of course).
I can not wait to stick my dick into the next chapter when its finished.
6131969
Ok so trying to use the Smoke to make someone a regrow lost kidney wouldn’t be such a good idea. But what about stuff like scars or skin conditions or even a crippled limb? Sure it’s not going to work for lil’ Jimmy the orphan living in the gutter but what If it were a mare Done showed interest in? Technically speaking it would still be some sort of healing even if it’s based on his desire to make her more beautiful.
6131969 Couldn't he get one of those sexy cylon spines? cdn.instructables.com/FGM/KS8D/HNM4CK8W/FGMKS8DHNM4CK8W.SMALL.jpg
Joking.
6134184
He can do cosmetic surgery with it, but not general surgery. He might be able to make withered limbs look normal, but he can't repair whatever damage struck them down in the first place.
He could make scars become beautiful or maybe make them disappear. He could hide skin cancer, but he couldn't make the tumors go away. He could make a rash stop being red, but he can't make it stop itching (though he can force the pony to stop scratching). Does that help?
6142522
6134184
Fable nailed it. That said, the corrupt end of the smoke could probably stop bleeding by creating a growth... but that's not exactly desirable.
6132611
I'm workin' on it; I'm workin' on it! Someone come do my dishes so I can eat tomorrow without wasting time on that when I could be writing!
6142756 Can you write a side story about some poor bastard that can survive any injury by regeneration, at the cost of being a barely mobile tumor. Or somebody should. Put a nice spin on the whole radiation to super powers trope.
6142756
6142522
Is there any chance that we might see Done trying to use the Smoke to heal someone and failing? Because that sound like a really interesting plot for a future chapter.
6143226
Give the poor guy a break. Distant Gaze is already working to capacity with Smoke. Besides, I’m not sure if he would be comfortable writing such a dark story. Compared to the majority of stories involving forced mind control Smoke is rather "tame" and he explicitly stated that there will be no gore ever.
6143226
I could, but it wouldn't really fit as a Smke side story. Spinning the radioactive superhero trope probably makes more sense, but it's not a story I'll be writing.
6143631
Is there any chance that we might see Done trying to use the Smoke to heal someone and failing? Because that sound like a really interesting plot for a future chapter.
This is something that could happen if I find a place for it. Part 2 is planned to be significantly darker for a good stretch of it at least, and violence will come with some of that. It'll be published as a sequel, separate from part 1, and won't have the no gore promise (though rest assured I have absolutely no intention of making it grimdark). With one exception, for the violence, Smoke would get away with a PG-13. The second part would be R. That'll be a much more fitting time for Done to try and fail at healing with smoke.
6143226
Someone wrote up a similar concept once, and even made a comic book out of it.
That main character in that story is now known by the name of Deadpool.
6145282 Shit, well I feel stupid now. Thanks for the information though.
6143811 If he can kill people with something analogues to a Viagra overdose that would be hardcore. Literally.
'sides, Viagra is basically just a blood thickener. Wait could Done just murder someone by making their blood clot to an extreme degree.
I could deal with that, especially as he becomes more and more Sombra-esque. He strikes me as kind of a pragmatist when it comes to violence. And the smoke other than being a god tier aphrodisiac seems to be making him slowly but surely less averse to violence.
6145440
The long and short of it is that he could do far, far worse to you than making the blood stop in your veins, what with corruption having near-limitless detrimental applications to the body, but why would he when he could just control you instead?
Plus, using the smoke requires concentration and effort on his part, making it difficult to release in more than a smokescreen in pitched combat, and cruel and unusual means of death tend to get investigated.
Done doesn't want to get investigated.
6145685 You make good points, I might just be one of those people that in an abstract way are prone to direct means of solving problems. Still, you could make the death subtle. Destroying the liver of heavy drinker or destroying the oxygen absorption membranes of their lungs just enough to kill someone who smoked a lot. Wait do ponies in this little universe smoke? Investigations are bad for budding emperors though so I understand. Truly, I think most in the city would be glad that the smoke isn't being used to kill people I guess. That might just make Done the lesser evil 'of the people' which is honestly what intrigues me more than anything else in this story. Subtly is pretty nice as a narrative element, I'm sure you're aware.