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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Pretty good, though it bugs me a little that the plot has to pretty much stand still in these chapters.
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That's fair. The inspiration for the PC chapters as a concept is Ghost in the Shell: Standalone Complex. The series has two kinds of episodes, Standalone and Complex. (The title also has a greater meaning in the context of the series; it's not just for that gimmick.) The complex episodes tell the overall story of each of the two seasons. The standalone episodes are canonical and in the same timeline, but are self-contained. Smoke's are a bit less self-contained (that is, the greater story has more influence on them than it does on GitS: SaC's standalone episodes), but they're still designed to allow for entries that are just for fun. Trade gunfire and cyborgs for sex and pegasi.
Of course, for GitS, the point was to bring the season up to the full 26 episodes, which isn't a concern for Smoke. In my case, they're to allow me to write clop without the usual stress of ensuring I'm not damaging the main story by including too much for its own sake. The intent is to let readers who want less clop pass the PC chapters over, and users who want more to read them all. In your case, I might suggest saving them for when you're in a more clop focused mood and the plot has already moved on. That way they won't feel like they're not going anywhere (since the plot is already past them). If that doesn't make them any easier for you, looking ahead the next three chapters are all plot chapters. (Though Cheerilee's appearance will feel like it was PC until later, it does in fact have significance.)
(On the note of upcoming chapters, my goal is still to get done everything I laid out in that December post. I'll be working hard over my Christmas break, and hope to finish 5 chapters in the next 10 days. Historically doable. During December, questionable.)
For some reason, I want to see more of Matchstick. Maybe him getting loose and going all pyromaniac on Manehattan and Done stops him to save his club and get peoples love/respect.
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Now that's something I wasn't expecting! I'm sure Doomunicron will be happy to see your comment. As for actually doing it, I strongly suspect he'd allow it (it's Doom's character; I'd never use it again without clearing the use by him), but I'm not sure it's something I'd do. Strawberry got a permanent home in the Smoke universe because her role is pretty small.
A magical arsonist would be a fairly major event, and what's planned would have to take a back seat. I'll keep it in mind, though, for the distant future. I won't say what yet, but I have plans that'd let me do things like this without damaging the plot--after Smoke is completely finished. That's a long way off, though. In the meantime, all I can suggest is following Ask Torchbearer, Matchstick's tumblr of origin, and seeing if Doomunicron updates in the near future!
You know, I find myself really liking Done Deal as a character. He's ambitious without being evil, which is nice to see in fiction. Still does some sketchy shit, but that's pretty much the whole reason we're even reading this.
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I'm glad to see this comment. It's unquestionable that Done is doing some really evil things, but I don't ever want readers to feel like he's a moustache twirling villain. I very much want to keep him more complex than that.
Well in a way not all of it has to be "evil" yet some of it is dark. He does for the most part keep ponies happy, and actually REALLY cares for his girls.
I love reading new chapters of this.
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Oh, it certainly is dark at times. I suppose what I want Done to be is a character who, should he get away with everything, readers wouldn't feel like it's a cop out, and should he be published severely, readers wouldn't find it unjust. As a consumer of fiction, I personally want more heroes whose armor could use polish, and more villains whose motivations extend beyond greed/megalomania/wanton destruction. I'm desperately tired of the villains Dr. Evil parodied, but they keep coming. I hope when Smoke is finished, readers don't feel like Done was a stock character in either direction, even if he does lean heavily to one side.
Also, I'm glad you're loving new chapters. :)
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I have to answer carefully, as I don't want to step on LightMask's toes: I am the writer who left the project, which is what got it put on hiatus. Officially, my role was converting LM's greentext from Sleepychan into prose. Unofficially, large amounts of the story were from my suggestions.
Zecora and AJ: Some other reader.
Pinkie: Complicated. Some other reader wanted her, I suggested sweets make her super horny and following her, LightMask made it an orgy.
Cakes: I suggested spiking sweets, LM made that a hand job from Mrs. Cake.
Redheart: I suggested the hospital (and I made the hand job painful). LM went for Redheart, but really, who else could I have aimed for at the hospital? LM had Redheart trust Blank as a doctor and go into a drug storage. I added the sexual activity there, the changes to Redheart's personality, and the drug patients bit while writing.
Spiral Dream: I suggested a pet who would love assisting Blank. LM named her, made her a unicorn hypnotist, and made her perky. It's exactly what I'd have done personality wise, but the hypnotist idea? He gets all the credit there.
Bough twins: I think I suggested testing Spiral by having her bring Blank a pony,and I think I suggested twins, but I know making them fraternal was his idea. Playing them off each other, and the scent fetish were mine.
This is where things started to go off the rails. Originally, Blank was only supposed to have 24 hours, though it was never clear if that meant 24 hours with a given change to a pony, or 24 hours total. I pushed to have Discord let Blank keep Spiral permanently; the other gifts were LM's idea. I suggested going into town to see the chaos, and he kept going to Fluttershy's house, determining on his own never to have sex with her. (So not a decision I'd make!)
The spa was him, reacting to a reader who wanted an agent of order added. He had no sex there; I added some.
Then the trouble really began. Originally, he had Discord give Spiral and Blank gender swap powers. I declined to continue--I don't go for R63. As a concession, he changed the green text to disguise powers, and I stayed on, but the problem had revealed itself. Working with a greentext in progress, there was no guarantee I wouldn't hit my squicks.
I'm pretty sure RD was LM combining his own go home idea with a reader idea. Illusory Spitfire was definitely a reader idea. Having Rarity and Fluttershy show up from the spa was LM's idea.
Here's where the collaboration died. You can see this play out in Blank Sheet's comments, and my long time readers like November Wolf and Sako the Great will remember: Because Rarity and Fluttershy are my favorites, and I wanted to do them well, I asked for and got permission to do chapter 13 entirely my way, in return for which I'd take a back seat and just do conversion from then on (my high degree of participation was a problem for LM; he wanted others involved, but no one had been suggesting things until about that point). What happened was I turned out the story's longest chapter, a double header that saw Fluttershy get pregnant... while he did the greentext on his own at the same time. He posted what I wrote, I guess not realizing how different it was from his green text in which Blank actually told Spiral that he didn't want to be a father yet. Major difference! I was unhappy and asked how to reconcile things, and he asked for a rewrite. I did the rewrite and sent it, but he never posted it. The damage to my morale was done though, and I decided to pursue something where I'd not risk any more situations I didn't want to write.
I'm not credited over there, but that's partly because initially I wanted total anonymity. I didn't even have an account here. If you follow the comments, you'll see me posting under the name greentext, announcing I'd sent chapters right before they went up, and announcing my departure right before chapters stopped coming. Greentext had one blog announcing that he's me. That's all the proof there is of what I said above. I don't resent LM. I'd never have started writing clop without Blank Sheet. But the partnership wasn't going to work anymore.
Thank you very much for your praise though. I love hearing that I did good work, even on pure fap fuel.
For your other questions, OCs in Smoke were a drawing of sorts last month. Follow Smoke or me; if I do it again, it'll be announced there. It won't be soon, though. As for planning, I work oddly. I know where Smoke is going, and the major points on the way, but I can't say how long I planned it. I plan in the loosest sense possible, just milling story ideas around in my head while I drive, eat, shower, etc. The plan that exists past what I've announced is very loose and subject to change wildly. Keeps me from getting bored just fleshing out chapter outlines, you know? On a macro scale, there's a general plan. On a micro scale, I'm wingin' it.
Please forgive typos. I wrote this whole thing on my phone.
The funny thing about Blank Sheet is that he’s portrayed as a good person who made some bad choices and still can be redeemed. Yet compared to Done his behavior makes him look like an utterly selfish bastard. Which is kind of funny because Done, who is supposed to be far worse than Blank Sheet, ended up begin far more likeable.
I know that this has nothing to do with the story, but I just had to say it, sorry.
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Blank Sheet was blinded by the power rush, for the most part. While I was writing him, he more or less had three goals: get off, keep Discord happy, and at the very end, keep from getting caught. The story had no comment on his morality at all.
Done is not on a power rush at all, but his world view is skewed by the smoke. He no longer sees things the way a normal pony would. In that sense, he's less culpable than Blank Sheet was. He's more culpable in that he's acting with forethought for his own interests as much as Manehattan's, versus Blank just acting in the moment, never considering consequences.
Which is the better pony? Who would you rather be say the mercy of? Who would you rather have your daughter at the mercy of? I think those are interesting questions, and relevant to deciding how one should think of Blank and Done.
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Maybe I remember things the wrong way but I thought there was a comment about him getting redeemed in the end because he’s not a bad stallion. Which I find hard to believe considering that he’s not even trying to resist and instantly starts screwing up ponies left and right. I guess it was just a post from a reader or something similar I mistook for an actual Word of God.
These are difficult questions, but I guess you would be equally screwed no matter if it’s Done or Blank. The former can be very vengefully while the later just screws up people for his own amusement. But I think I would pick Done, because he seems to be the lesser evil. You can actually reason with him and with some good arguments you might be able to get away relatively unharmed. Unlike Blank Sheet who only wants to satisfy his kinks, Discord or both at the same time. A small chance is still better than no chance.
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I had all sorts of possible endings in mind, some of which did end with him redeeming himself, but there was no "Word of God" there, because it was written based on a green text. My control was very finite, and my ability to plan, non-existent. Of course, whether or not the punishments and penance I could've dreamed up actually would've redeemed him for the damage he'd done is up to the reader.
Additionally, Done is more likely to make sure that whatever your new circumstances are, you're taken care of. (Barring a vengeful reaction like Lightning Dust got.) Blank just had his fun and moved on. Depending on your view, that's better or worse. With Blank, you're stuck with what he did, but you can generally go about trying to lead whatever life you choose. With Done, if he's got a long term use for you, well... at least he'll make sure you're content in it.
Finally found the time to read the newest chapter.
Main Event might be a huge jerk but I still feel a little bit sorry for him. The whole incident at the Starlight took a heavy toll on his sanity and Done just had to twist the knife a bit future. Which probably means that Done made himself a very powerful enemy. Main Event doesn’t looks like the forgiving type and more like the kind of pony who would try to make every single minute of Done’s life a living hell. So he might be the first real antagonist Done has to face and overcome.
Great to see Deep Tissue again, she’s one of my favorites despite begin a rather minor character. It’s kind of funny to see here teasing and seducing Done, the guy who’s supposed to be the seducer. Hopefully this wasn’t her last appearance in Smoke. I wouldn’t mind her showing up in other PC chapters from time to time.
Not much to say about the chapter itself. It’s a standalone so what happened during the session will probably have no impact on the overall story. Still it’s interesting to see Done coming up with some convoluted plan that involves some exhausting use of smoke just because Torchbearer was slightly annoying. Guess he really has anger issues.
What I don’t get was the effect the Smoke had on Torchbearer. It somehow made him very obedient to the commands of not Done but Downdraft. But why? Was it because Done told him to follow all her commands? It would’ve been helpful if you had told use how exactly he used the Smoke to manipulate the doctor.
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I'm still debating just how large Main Event's role will be, honestly. The possibility you raised is one I've considered, certainly.
She's Day Planner's sister, and the second most gorgeous OC mare that will ever appear in the story. While her original chapter started out as a PC, I changed that. She'll continue to make appearances, more often in PC chapters than plot chapters, but she's not going anywhere.
More like control issues. If it were just anger, Done could simply have asked to talk with him more privately in the first place, and ruined him on the spot. His thought process was laid out pretty bare, there. In Done's mind, he was giving Torchbearer a taste of his own medicine, but also a present.
I deliberately avoided that, because I didn't want to spoil how he was going to react and take the fun out of that scene. I felt Torchbearer's behavior after being under the effect of the smoke would imply it strongly enough. Sorry it didn't work for you. In a nutshell, Done left him unable to reject Downdraft's advances, for Torchbearer having refused to allow Done to reject his offers of marital help.