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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Pegasi wings and shower antics, all in one chapter?
100% yes!
Awesome chapter, especially with that gorgeous OC. I really enjoyed the little bits with Pirouette as well, I can see some interesting character development being teased here. Looks like we'll be seeing some more from Pirouette going down the line.
I noticed one mistake about halfway through, looks like you missed an end quotation mark in this paragraph:
That's the only thing I noticed, other than that this chapter was fantastic!
Not to mention uncannily relevant, since I've got a killer headache myself right now.
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Fixed. Thanks for the correction. The newspaper article you wanted is up, too; check my blog if you haven't.
Doing Flying Grace was kind of interesting. She's really Done's type; giving her back to her owner required me to create a detail from his past to justify him letting her go. I'm cool with that, though; I haven't established much of Done's past, and adding details like this on the fly doesn't bother me. I just have to keep consistent.
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Mmhmm, I was just reading that Manehattan article a second ago. I laughed out loud, especially at that little chart on the bottom-left of the first page. Great job with that whole thing.
Backstory for Done Deal, you say? I am intrigued, I guess I hadn't really yet thought about the fact that DD doesn't yet have any established backstory beyond "owner of the Tall Tail, long time friend (more?) of Pirouette,
badawesome luck with ancient corruptive magics".And there's the wing fetish chapter. Gotta say though, it feels like Done uses his smoke on every pretty mare that he comes in contact with. Not that I'm complaining though, I always love reading how the smoke hugs and coils around its victim before taking control. That never gets old.
Despite being literally surrounded by mares, Done's pretty thick when it comes to picking up their signals. Then again, Mares...
I liked it! Very enjoyable with a nice bit of slice of life and we get to know pirouette a bit more. Wonderful!
Wow Rich was quick to call our dear smoke buffed unicorn! HA though am curious as to what her tuxedo well look like!
may a gentle breeze guide you your path home, and a warm smile on your return.
Kind years to you dear friend, and a strong path though the coming one.
3720197 Agreed!
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It'd feel a lot less like every mare he meets if I'd finished a story chapter or three as intended, but yeah, in an MC story, it's going to be super frequent during chapters with an emphasis on sex, plus Done's world view is such that he's not seeing a reason not to.
Glad you enjoyed it. You might want to use an indefinite article with "wing fetish chapter" though. I've been restraining myself, but there will be more wings, especially as long as Smoke is. >_>
I can see why you like wings, that was a very enjoyable chapter, I really liked when he used the smoke again on her at the end
Does this mean that we get a bit of character development for Jade? Because she‘s always seems a little boring compared to the other female characters who all have their little quirks while Jade is just kind of there.
These two thugs should consider themselves really lucky that they are still breathing. It’s great to see how fast Bruise can switch from super-cute to super-badass. And please, someone has to draw a picture of Bruise in a stylish-looking tuxedo.
Overall this was a chapter that really showed Done’s softer side. It looks like his offer to let Pirouette teach Grace’s daughter was a genuine act of kindness and not an attempt to get into her non-existing pants and then he even let her go in the end. Looks like there are some thing he won’t do even if it means letting a perfect girl slip through is hooves. It was also pretty hot how he used the Smoke to manipulate her into begin very, very "thankful".
Just out of curiosity: If he had kept her what would’ve happened next? She has a family, which makes things complicated. I’m assuming Done wouldn’t kill or hurt someone. But what else could/ what else would he do?
Also, any thoughts on todays episode?Nevermind, I just saw your blog post.3734218
Jade is fundamentally broken. If you bounce over to the Smoke tumblr where I put the character outlines, you can see that she'll never have as much development as the others. That said, it doesn't mean I can't do anything with her, and I do have plans, but the way she was claimed in "The New Girl" was damaging, mentally. Don't expect much nuance to her; she's a bit one note, because her other strings were cut.
kotowari.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/bouncer.png
Picture her in that, with the tie being a bit less bat-like.
Yep, he was honestly trying to be nice to poor Flying Grace, at least down in the club. Getting into her "non-existent pants" was an afterthought when she showed up at his door when he was tired, angry, and in pain. He really wasn't trying to get Pirouette to do the teaching, though, he really was just talking about references all along. (Pirouette may be closer to him than his other mares, but she's still his, and detracting from the shows by spending time teaching some brat isn't something Done would want.)
Done is twisted by the smoke, both inherently and through the natural temptation that comes with power. He sees himself controlling Manehattan one day, and getting what he wants--but what he wants isn't what Sombra wanted. He genuinely wants what he believes is best for
everyponyponies that aren't in the way/haven't made him too angry. That ALWAYS means "what he says," (though he's actually open to debate, which has been shown) but it doesn't always mean "everything is his." I am deathly tired of lazy characters who want to rule the world with an iron fist, claiming everything as their own.Bear in mind that this is someone else's character, so nothing I'm about to say ever could/would have happened, but were Flying Grace purely a character in Smoke, and had I decided Done were going to keep her, the in character thing would've been to make Grace happily accept her new place with him. Then, off to meet her family. Any members he decided he wanted, he'd have made his own as well, letting Grace "keep" them. Any members he didn't want, he'd have left with her husband. As for her husband, he'd have been given eyes for some other mare, and that mare in turn would've found herself happily accepting the husband's advances. It would've been convoluted, time consuming, and annoying to Done to make all those changes in all those ponies, but the net result would've been Grace running off to Manehattan to be with Done (maybe taking her filly with her), and Grace's husband finding someone new to raise a family with (with Done ensuring he was truly through with Grace, and that he and his new mare would be happy together). Part of that is old Done not wanting to leave ponies miserable when fixing it is simple, and part of it is pragmatism. If the new family is solid and happy, it's that many fewer loose ends.
Grace would've ended up in either a wife or "first concubine" type position, not sure. She was really his type. It wouldn't be like Deep Tissue, where she's an employee that he occasionally wants for more.
(As a side note, in her story of origin, Grace has an adult son, and her daughter is Scootaloo. THAT I couldn't touch with a 10 foot pole. If an OC I accept is from a story involving canon ponies, I have to dance around that, otherwise I'd have to incorporate THEIR canon into mine, should a canon pony ever appear in Smoke.)
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Poor girl. The Smoke has broken her in a way.
I can totally see her wearing a top-hat to that outfit. I don't know why but it would fit almost perfectly.
Never would've guessed that. Kind of ironic that her name is Flying Grace, considering Scoots problem in that matter.
And ballet lessons for Scoots? Somehow I doubt she would really appreciate it.
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At some point, I plan on rewriting the first three or four chapters to bring them up to the standard Smoke has reached since. They're obviously not there. One thing that's very badly communicated was that the "something" leaving Done in chapter one was the power he was gaining. He wasn't ready for all of it yet, and was "packing his bags" in Jade. In the second chapter, after the smoke has had a night to settle in him, he unpacks, but he doesn't know what he's doing. That's what's going on when both he and Jade pass out. Forcefully yanking that power from Jade did damage. The character notes on Jade actually mention that she's not that interesting by herself. As I said, I have some plans, but she's damaged by design, not as an artifact of careless writing or neglect (not that you were accusing me of those; I'm just making clear that she's not accidentally less fleshed out).
A top hat is probably a bit TOO formal for The Tall Tail, even for staff. Then again, Bruises is Bruises. If she fell in love with a fancy top hat, Done might buy it for her, both to avoid disappointing her, and because she's been extremely good since she was hired, and he does believe in rewarding employees.
Flying Grace's series (it's not solely about her, but the one from which she comes) is over 700,000 words, with the longest story in the series being related to the CMC (215k words). I've not read all of it, as I didn't have time for a single guest appearance (and because I really don't read fanfics!), but it started WAY before season 4, and I'm willing to assume that with that many words, the author developed characters in ways the show alone wouldn't lead us to assume.
you okay? its been a while since you updated
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http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/307263/snores-and-motivation
Mmm, in anticipation of oncoming updates, I've been rereading some of my favorite older chapters.
This truly is a wonderful story, and I can't wait to see where you go from here, Distant.
Good luck with your writing!
After recently discovering this, I have to say, good show. The plot and characters are strong enough to stand on their own without clop elements, and were the character development, pacing, and story not so skillfully tied into the sex scenes, I'd advocate a clean version of this just so your work could reach a wider audience. As it is, this story is criminally underrated.
Eagerly following this and anticipating its return.
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Thanks for the strong praise! I'm working on Smoke a bit tonight, though there's no way I'll have a chapter done before I need sleep. Some ridiculous work scheduling has left me too tired to properly keep at this, combined with a couple of more personal roadblocks. That said, as I recently mentioned on my blog, I've got newer motivation, and I dropped $1500 on a Surface so I can write away from home. Now if I could just get a month off of work to write... (and still get paid!)
As for a clean version, the idea crossed my mind, but the sexual elements are pretty interwoven. I can cut PC chapters entirely with little effort, but the regular chapters would still require major re-writing to bring to a teen standard. I'm proud to hear you think it would stand well without the titillation, though, and that it's underrated. Kill Joy, the artist behind the cover picture and my avatar, has also complained about it not getting enough exposure. (He's also complained that I don't eat properly. He's right about at least one of these.) I'm not sure what to do about that without either making a nuisance of myself or attracting the wrong sort of attention (It's hard to maintain < 10% downvotes on a fetishy clopfic like this), though.
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There’s a site for mature fics called Equestria After Dark - and I’m sure that’s not the only one. Maybe you could post your story there to promote it without having to worry about people getting offended.
A clean version sounds like a good idea but I’m not convinced that it will draw in that many new readers. Even if you cut out all the Clop parts it’s still a story about a guy who uses mind control on mares with the intention of having sex with them. Someone who doesn’t like this kind of stuff or tends to avoid mature stories in general isn’t going to change his or her opinion just because the sex only happens “in the background”.
Loved this chapter! The scenes were great and the characterization was delightful a well. Lots of character development in this one, especially the unresolved tension at the end with Pirouette. Leaves me wondering what "pure clop" really means here.