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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
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Sometimes OCs are lazy self-inserts that don't even deserve to be referred to as characters for their lack of characterization. Other times they are genuinely well-rounded characters, sometimes self-inserts anyway, which fit well with the rest of the cast.
Then there are stories like this one, which have entire casts of OCs, all of them well-rounded and complementing each other. Stories like these make the My Little Pony universe feel huge, taking advantage of everything we know or can infer based on canonical information. When such a story also involves the cast of the show at some point, which this one probably will during Ponyville Week, AND has new side characters and cast members being introduced every chapter? Yes please.
This is exactly the kind of story I love to read, and even though it had a rough start it's certainly on a roll now. I'm glad another chapter has been released, and am looking forward to more. WOO‼ Jade chapter!
Good work!
incestuous threesome is go
next chapter
do iiiiiiit
Well, I'm not entirely deciphering this one. I think some part got lost in transit.
Aside from that, another great story development chapter. Looking forward to seeing more of all those adorable mares.
This actually came out nicely, I was thinking as I opened up this chapter "Man I should read the first, haven't seen Jade in a while."
Bam. Jade Chapter.
Fuck yeah.
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What the actual... Okay, that's fixed. Fortunately, that paragraph was meant to be unchanged from an earlier draft, and I was able to fix it. It was borked in Google Docs, too, where Fable and I did the final edits, but not in my last revision in Scrivener before moving to Gdocs for editing tools. My best guess would be my cursor wasn't where I thought it was, and I accidentally selected text with my Surface's track pad.
...that's what I should've done today. Bought myself the Surface Arc mouse.
Let me know if you see any other screwed up places. I should probably read over the whole thing again in case, but it's my birthday and I don't wanna.
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You can thank Fable for that. I'd written her off as nothing but a thoroughly broken shell of her former self, and he convinced me to at least make her a more interesting thoroughly broken shell of her former self.
Well, with Jade usually doing the polishing it's nice to see her character polished in return. Good job.
It has been a long time since Bright Jade was in the spotlight. In fact, she almost disappeared into the background after the first three chapters. Now we finally got a bit more insight into her new personality and with Exposé (yay!) as her photography teacher there’s a chance for future character development. Even if it’s just her really starting to enjoy taking all kinds of random pictures. She’s still my least favorite character but overall I believe it’s a huge improvement.
Deep has fallen in love? I can honestly say that I didn’t saw it coming. Sure she always enjoyed flirting with/ teasing Done but I never thought that she had genuine feelings for him Smoke or not. Still the way she explained it, really makes sense. So what’s going to happen next? Done being all lovey-dovey and going on dates seems so very wrong but so is going back to business like nothing has changed.
The second big surprise was that the others convinced Jade to go along with their plan. Jade, the one who’s only purpose in live seems to be to be useful to her master. For brainwashed followers, they all seem to have a surprising amount of independency considering how often they work behind his back to make things happen. I’m starting to think that Day is the actually mastermind who just uses Done to future her own goals like making sure her sister get's a new job or getting back at Primavera.
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Well, for Done, nothing really has. You'll notice he didn't say "I love you too." She's definitely his favorite at this point, but she knows not to expect an equal relationship. We'll see how things develop.
Not one mare has been told "Do what I say, exactly what I say, and nothing else." There will certainly be mares who are more altered in terms of their thinking, but Done runs a cabaret because he likes mares. He wouldn't be any more interested in a bunch of mindless thralls than you'd be as a reader. (As for the specific example, after Done fell down the stairs, which can be fatal, "being useful to Mr. Deal" meant "protect his life" a lot more than "don't risk him being upset.")