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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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when did done become a human?
4613127
ugh. Like I said in the blog post, this didn't get proofread at all, due to writing it in D.C., on the National Mall. Normally, I have a list of words I search for (like hand) to keep reality from slipping into pony by force of habit. When I get back from D.C., I'll fix it, and do general proofreading. Sorry. See the blog, I wanted to upload from D.C. for a reason. (Mainly "the fun of it.")
Update: errant use of the word hand corrected. Further proofreading to come when I'm not exhausted.
Another great chapter, and one of the funniest ones so far.
Also, I hope we'll see a little more of Exposé dressed up, even if it's just a small note in another chapter.
Sweet shit, first Peach Pit begging for Done's foals and now this fetish? Oh I am loving Exposé!
Hmm, fuck yeah, this is a great chapter! I hope there's more of Exposé, it'll be so fun seeing more of Bruise's little dolly, hehe. Great work.
I believe this sets a new in-story record for most heavily dominated character. I mean, Jade's personality was essentially erased, and Peach Pit has been made loyal to the point of worship, but Exposé is owned. It's a significant milestone, I think.
Great chapter as always. Also, yay, more pegasi! And of course, Bruises' fabled fetish-fuel fillyfriend which you've been teasing for quite a long time!
Does that mean everypony in the cover art is accounted for now? I'm not sure about that pegasus to Done's right (our left), but we definitely have everyone else!
After several chapters of Done being rather kind toward others, this one serves as a reminder of his darker, more ruthless side. If he sees you as a threat the gloves are off as Exposé learned the hard way. His actions in this chapter were probably among the evilest thing he’s done so far.
It’s too early for a final verdict but so far Exposé made a good first impression. We already got a glimpses of her old and new personality and learned that she doesn’t like it if someone mistakes her for a filly. This may or may not intentional but I see some parallels between her Bruises who got/ gets rather angry if someone who isn’t Done calls her by the nickname she got due to her look. Hopefully the next chapters will reveal more of Exposé's (new) personality and shows some interaction between her and Done that doesn’t take place in the bedroom.
Sadly the matchmaking itself was a bit of a letdown. I assumed Done would help Bruise looking for the right mare, perhaps someone who shows at least a little bit of affection towards her, and uses the Smoke as “encouragement”. Instead it was: “Hey whadda think of this random Pegasus mare spying on us? Think she’s cute? Ok give me a sec and I’ll smoke her.” What makes matters worse is that Bruises always stated that she wanted a marefriend, a soul mate to spend her life with, but instead Exposé is her personal prosperity who has to refer her as “Miss”Parapet. To me she looks more like Bruises dress-up doll than her marefriend.
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There'll be more. Notice the chapter title? There's a pattern. Major characters are introduced in chapters named for their role. That's why Peach Pit and Deep Tissue's chapters aren't "The Fangirl" and "The Masseuse." They're recurring, but they're not driving events. Exposé will be reappearing, both with and without the girly getups Bruises puts her in.
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It does not. The pegasus you called out (next to Done) has yet to be introduced, but she's super critical. Additionally, there's one more major character yet to be introduced who's not in the cover art. After that, no more major characters for part one of Smoke. The roster is pretty damn big as it is.
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Sorry you didn't care for that, but this was the plan an entire year ago. Remember that art of Bruises holding down a mare, and a smoky kiss on a roof top? I commissioned that June 21 of last year. Done's not even catching on to Pirouette's flirting. He's not cut out to play matchmaker under normal circumstances.
You're jumping to a couple of conclusions. First, when did Bruises ever say she wanted a "soul mate?" She wanted a fillyfriend, absolutely, but Bruises is a little simple for recognizing a real soul mate now (at least consciously), even if that's what she'd said. She wants someone to love and to love her back. Depth and complexity aren't things she thinks of as prerequisites. Also, who's to say they won't find things to like about each other beyond sex, despite the circumstances?
Second, yes, the doll thing is there. It's going to be a big part of their relationship. Don't forget, though, that Exposé snapped at Bruises for telling Done more than she wanted, and rode on Bruises' back into Done's bedroom, without being put there or invited. She'll think of herself as Bruises'; she'll do what Bruises says--but she's quite capable of scolding, snapping, or arguing. Her preference in the bedroom is to be dominated and played with, and it does scoot outside of the bedroom some--Bruises dressing Exposé up. That doesn't mean that's going to be the entirety of who she is.
Exposé's the brains in the couple (and would've been even if Bruises hadn't lost a fair bit of intelligence). "Owned" or not, there's no question, even in Bruises' mind, who's smarter and more capable of making important decisions. Don't expect their dynamic to be as straightforward as Jade considering herself Done's property. Where Exposé is concerned, she wasn't "forced" to be that way in a direct sense--I made a point of Done using the smoke lightly, to lure her into wanting it for herself rather than forcing it on her. Exposé wasn't made to be Bruises' doll--she was made to WANT to be, badly. Their relationship will be a bit complex, and will grow with time. Bruises is the one in charge; both of them want it that way--but Exposé's not broken, and the relationship will grow with time.
Edit: In fact, I made a point of saying Exposé being a doll and being firm was a thing:
So don't worry. Their relationship may be getting founded on kink, but it can't stay there forever. Exposé wouldn't stand for it.
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Exposé/Bruises confirmed for Master Blaster.
timesyours.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/masterblaster.jpg
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Oh, I certainly did notice that. I just wanted to leave a comment.
And just because we'll see more of "The PR Lady" doesn't mean we'd see more of that cute little dolly, too.
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If Done ever opens a secret underground fighting club in the Tall Tail theses going to be their stage names.
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Yes I saw the picture and knew that this was foreshadowing an event in the story itself. The only thing I didn’t realize was that the white mare was the same one that was standing atop of Bruises in the group picture. Instead I assumed it would be the other, still missing Pegasus mare. Probably because I never compared both images. Then I would’ve realized that it had to be Exposé due to the brown mane.
Anyway, I’m glad to hear that their relationship will evolve and turn into more than just kinky sexy time with the occasional dress-up. While I had no doubts that we would see some nice bounding between them a part of me was worried that this would turn into another Done/Jade relationship.
The biggest issue, however, is the way how it happened in the story: The sole reason for their relationship is the Smoke. The only reason why Exposé has fallen in love is because Done told her so. A few seconds early she was kicking and calling her an ox and probably wasn’t even into mares.
Yes I’m aware of the fact that it’s downright ridiculous to complain about mind control in a story with a large amount of mind control clop but these are my personal and very subjective feeling about the matter. Still, I feel that there’s a difference between Done using the Smoke the sleep with mares and using to Smoke to make someone fall in love with someone.
It’s hard to explain so I’m trying to use an example: Peach Pit had rather positives feelings about Done and viewed him as someone who tries to improve the lives of everypony even before he actually used the Smoke on her. So if she and Done got married I would believe that at least some of her feelings a genuine. Bright Jade on the other had been brainwashed into being obedient and loyal. If Done asked her to marry him she would say yes but only thanks to the Smoke. Therefore I wouldn’t feel right.
You can call me a hypocrite if you want, I won’t blame you
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Well, going beyond this would be spoilers, but Expose (no accent this time; it's a pain on this keyboard) doesn't love Bruises because Done made her. Done never said "fall in love." Right NOW, she doesn't LOVE Bruises at all. She's turned on by her. A hell of a lot. More will come with time.
I won't call you a hypocrite, either. It seems to me that what would fit you best would be a more romantic take than Smoke offers. Something with mind control themed around consent and adventurous sex, perhaps. Mind control for manipulation and conquest doesn't seem to be your cup of tea. There's nothing wrong with that--but I feel obligated to warn (or perhaps just remind) that Smoke has a dark tag, and Done is, at best, a very mixed blessing. It's been my intention all along for him to juxtapose good and evil. His moral compass isn't shattered, but it's way off. I can't promise you that there won't be a future chapter that crosses the line for you, only that there's always going to be something to point to to say "He's not entirely gone."
Same here.
Detective Bruises was great.
Also, any PC chapters coming up in the near future?
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There will be. I just didn't want to do another PC chapter right away. There were a couple of complaints when I did the cameos about how many PC chapters were clumped up.
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I await the Jade Shine chapter with bated breath
I think you should consider re-tagging this story. Sure, it might seem a little Dark (Though even that's debatable, after the first chapters), but just the lonely Dark tag up there doesn't seem right to me...
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The events of "Nine Stitches" (especially right before the final scene transition) are pretty dark as well, and the future does hold more ponies landing on the wrong side of Done's good graces. The second "season" of Smoke will also be substantially darker for bigger chunks. (Not all dark all the time though; I don't think I'd be able to stand that.) I don't really want to risk people getting started on something and then bumping into horrible surprises.
I agree in principle, though. This is much less a dark fic right now, and more a fic with some dark patches, but I'd prefer to err on the side of caution. Additionally, sexual mind control is considered dark inherently by a lot of people. I've seen it considered worse than violent rape. I've seen people in /d/ (4chan's scariest area in some respects) call out MC fetishists as sick (pot, kettle, kettle, pot...). Someone with whom I correspond, who doesn't generally spend much time with MC related things but likes Smoke was rather surprised to find, when he asked others, that they felt that way too, but they did. I'm actually personally... traumatized isn't the right word, but I'm EXTREMELY fearful of people's reactions to this kind of thing, which is why Distant Gaze is a completely different identity than I use anywhere not related to MC. With all that potential offense tied up in the very nature of the plot, I'm much more comfortable with more warning than less.
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Well, I never said you should delete the tag. I did point out how even now it might seem Dark for some people who are less acquainted with Hypnosis/MC.
I'm just saying that this story could need one or two tags aside from Dark. Every time I look at the cover page, I realize how it doesn't really fit, because the story is so much more than just Dark.
Don't ask me how to tag it, though, because I have no idea...
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Ah, I see. Sorry, since you didn't suggest other tags and took issue with dark alone, I thought you wanted it out. I agree that dark alone doesn't fit. It's going to be easier for me to put more tags on the second and third "seasons" (assuming I ever get that far...) than on this one, though, because seriously, what else do I use? FimFiction only has 12 tags, and the others are just as situational. Comedy? Sometimes, but it's not really a funny story overall; It's just got comic relief. Romance? Yeeah, no. Tragedy, Sad? Not in the cards for part one, anyway. The rest are just completely inappropriate: Human, anthro, slice of life, adventure, crossover, alternate universe, random. No way.
Until/unless I can tag things on a per-chapter basis, it's really just stuck as is.