Assist me!! Princess Luna!

by Hallowedsoul

Ch. 9: The Magician Pony's Boast

The Great and Powerful Trixie will graciously accept your help!!
Princess Luna!

---

The lights dim as the curtain rises, revealing a room regally decorated in dark blue with a large bed covered in fine silk sheets, and an elegant wooden desk set up across from it. It appears to belong to some kind of royalty.

A spotlight shines down from above on an equine-like creature with a dark blue coat, a mane and tail that flow as if being blown by a calm breeze, both of which also appear to have been taken straight out of the night sky, along with a pair of large wings on her side and a long horn on her head. The hair on her flank is black with a white crescent moon and a single white star on it, and she is also wearing an onyx tiara and neckpiece along with silver slippers on her hooves.

She looks straight ahead when the spotlight shines on her and smiles sweetly.

“Greetings, wayward foals, I am-” She begins but is interrupted by music suddenly blaring throughout the stage and a new sign appearing in front of her.

Ulala’s Swingin’ Report Show!

Almost immediately a young woman with pink hair style in pig-tails, wearing a micro skirt and tight-fitting shirt with a blue five in a blue circle that revealed most of her midriff and plenty of leg, white knee-high boots, white elbow-length gloves, a white headset and what appeared to be a jetpack on her back came sauntering into the lab, her arms swinging and her hips swaying in time with the music. She was followed closely by some kind of floating robot that flew around her, filming her every step.

“Hey there, space cats!” she said into a microphone she was holding “This is Ulala, reporting live once again from the Dreamscape where we are joined by our prestigious and gracious host, Princess Luna!”

Luna growled in annoyance “Greetings, Lady Ulala. It is… such a pleasure to see you… again. Pray tell what brings you back to our stage?”

“I missed you!” The reporter replied cheerfully “And our viewers didn’t get to see you last time, Lu-lu –is it okay if I call you ‘Lu-lu’, wouldn’t want to upset you or anything – so I decided to stop by and help you with your show!”

Luna gritted her teeth; she did not want to be dealing with this woman at the moment but the show had already started so she sighed, did her breathing exercise, and faced forward again, smiling sweetly.

“Greetings, wayward foals.” She began “I am Princess Luna; Raiser of the Moon and Ruler of Equestria alongside my sister, Princess Celestia.”

“Oh, you’re a Diarchy?” Ulala interrupted, an interested smile on her face “Can you tell us a little about your sister?”

“Not during the broadcast, Lady Ulala.” Luna replied irritably then coughed and smiled once more “We are not in Equestria at this time; I am merely projecting my bedchambers in the royal palace into the Dreamscape.”

Luna began to pace slowly in the manner of one giving a lecture. Ulala watched her with interest while the floating device followed the Moon Princess closely.

“To assist you in understanding, ‘tis a mysterious room; a room where you can do as you see fit.”

She stopped and faced forward, her expression serious.

“In all honesty it is a sanctuary for the sad, wayward foals who were unable to attain their true purpose in life. ‘Tis an ‘Avalon’, so to speak.”

She paces back to the center of the stage with the robot still filming her.

“If you are among those fools who believes they do not require assistance – Applejack – or who only desires to uncover hidden secrets, THEN BEGONE FROM THIS PLACE” Luna exclaimed, ending with a proclamation in the Royal Canterlot Voice and jabbing a hoof offstage.

“And with that, let’s give a warm welcome to tonight’s guest!” Ulala exclaimed, gesturing to the other side of the stage much to Luna’s irritation.

Instead of a pony entering as normal, there was an explosion of purple smoke. When it cleared, there stood a mare with an azure coat and a silvery mane and tail wearing a pointed purple hat and a long purple cape. She stood on her hind legs, her forelegs raised high and stretched out to either side.

“Behold!” She cried out triumphantly “Consider your grand fortune, for standing before you is the Great and Powerful Trrrrrrixie!”

Luna gave a deadpan stare off to her right “This is revenge for episode three… is it not?” She asked quietly.

“Ooo, a magician! Things just got exciting here, space cats!” Ulala cried out.

Trixie stared at Ulala with a look somewhere between confusion and terror before she coughed and assumed a superior stance, looking down her muzzle at the reporter.

“Trixie demands to know what this… thing speaking to her is!” She stated haughtily and Luna face-hoofed. Ulala, however, just took it in stride.

“I’m Ulala from Space Channel Five; it’s totally groovy to meet you, Great and Powerful Trrrrrrixie!”

Trixie blinked in confusion, then held her muzzle in the air in a snobbish manner. Luna, however, merely trotted over to her cushion and laid down, pulling a pair of glasses and a magazine about the trends of ponies in that day and age.

“Trixie hasn’t the faintest clue what ‘Space Channel Five’ is, so she shall choose to ignore you and speak instead to Princess Luna.” She proclaimed and just for the briefest, tiniest second, Ulala’s picturesque smile faltered just a tiny bit.

“That’s totally okay, I’m mostly just here to watch along with all of our viewers!” Ulala replied cheerfully but her statement caused Trixie to fix her with a bewildered expression.

“What do you mean viewers?!” She said and then noticed the floating robot “Wait, what is that?” She asked, pointing a hoof at the robot.

“Oh, this?” Ulala replied looking at the robot “This is an independent recording unit used by field journalists, such as myself, to film events on-scene without having to put together a-”

“Wait, wait, wait are you telling me that thing is filming me?! Filming Trixie?!” The magician exclaimed in disbelief. Ulala blinked at her in surprise.

“Well… yeah, it’s been filming since before you appeared on-stage.” Ulala replied and the magician’s eyes opened wide.

“H-how many p-p-ponies are w-w-watching Trixie right now?” She asked quietly.

Ulala placed a finger on her cheek “How many ponies are watching? None, since we’re not airing in Equestria.” Trixie’s ears drooped slowly, her expression becoming sad “But Space Channel Five has a regular viewership totaling somewhere in the billions spread out across the galaxy.”

“WHAT?!” Luna exclaimed in shock while Trixie’s eyes bugged out and her mouth plummeted to the ground.

“B-b-billions?!” Trixie whispered in awe “There are b-b-billions of eyes gazing upon the greatness that is Trixie this very moment?”

“Uh, yeah, that sounds about right, cutie.” Ulala replied with a smile and wink. Trixie continued to sit on her haunches, her eyes wide.

Then her mouth began to morph from absolute shock into a huge smile and she stood back up on her hind-legs and spread her fore-legs out again, her magic creating fireworks behind her as her cape began to wave erratically.

“Greetings, viewers of Space Channel Five!” She proclaimed in a bold voice “You have the grand fortune of witnessing the splendor and majesty that is the most powerful unicorn in Equestria; the Great and Powerful Trrrrrri-”

“Enough expository banter!” Luna exclaimed and flung the magazine and glasses away, with a distant shattering sound coming from offstage followed by an irritated sigh “Let us move along with the broadcast; Beatrix Lulamoon, what happened that led you to being here tonight?”

“The name is Tri-” Trixie began but cut herself off when Luna glared at her “I-I-I mean, Trixie had run away from Ponyville after that unicorn, Twilight Sparkle,” She spat the name with venom in her voice “Completely humiliated Trixie in front of the entire town! Ever since then, Trixie has experienced nothing but misfortune; Trixie has had to sink so low as to work on a rock farm! A rock farm! Since then, Trixie has sworn her revenge upon that obnoxious unicorn!”

Luna had read the report on this particular incident. What happened was the fault of neither Twilight nor Trixie, but it was instead caused by two fan-colts of the magician. The end result was that Trixie couldn’t handle it despite all of her outrageous boasts and more-or-less ruined her own reputation.

“Did you ever consider that maybe it was your overt claims that caused your downfall, not Twilight Sparkle?” Luna asked calmly and Trixie glared at her.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie never said anything that was untrue!” She retorted hotly “Trixie was simply feeling under the weather that night with the beginnings of Blue Flu.”

“Blue Flu?” Ulala asked quizzically “Sounds bad. You’re not, like, contagious or anything are you?”

“What?! Of course not, Trixie is as healthy as a horse!”

“Lady Ulala, please refrain from asking questions at this time; you are disrupting the broadcast.” Luna stated and the reporter blushed and made an exaggerated zipping motion over her mouth. The Moon Princess returned her attention to Trixie “Miss Lulamoon, I am going to blunt here; your boasting is causing you more problems than you can handle. If you are unable to swallow your pride, you will eventually find yourself in a situation you cannot escape from.”

“As Trixie has stated many times before, Trixie has said nothing that is untrue!” The magician countered, turning her nose away from Luna, who narrowed her eyes at the rather bold display “Now, if we are finished here, Trixie would like to return to her beauty sleep. It isn’t easy maintaining this level of perfection.”

Ulala and Luna exchanged dubious looks. Luna sighed and then turned her attention back to Trixie, who still had her nose in the air.

“Very well; the purpose of this was to give you advice. Whether or not you follow it is entirely up to you.” She said and waved a hoof dismissively “You are free to go, Miss Lulamoon.”

The magician stood and trotted offstage without so much as a bow to Luna. After a few minutes of silence, Luna turned her attention to Ulala.

“Pray tell, were we live?” She asked the reporter, who shook her head.

“Um… no, we weren’t.” Ulala replied carefully.

“Are you… going to air it?” Luna continued.

“Actually…” She held out a hand and the robot flew over to her. She tapped at a few buttons on it’s side for a moment before it flew away again “We’re not. I just deleted the footage. My boss isn’t gonna be happy with me, but I’ll tell him what I got was unusable. We’ll just have to try again some other time.”

“Such a shame.”

Luna and Ulala stared at each other for a moment before breaking out in hysterical laughter as the lights dimmed and the curtains fell, signifying the end of the broadcast.

“Did you see the groovy look on her face when I told her about our viewership?!” Ulala exclaimed in between bouts of laughter “It was absolutely priceless, I wish I’d taken a photo!”

Comments

[Dirty Bit]

Hehe, the ending was hilarious. I had almost expected Luna to inadvertently encourage Trixie to further her ambition for revenge in a fit of anger over Ulala's intrusion, but this is just as good

[Alkem]

Confound the intricate forces that have guided me to discover this story. Must. Stave. Temptation. To. Read.

To think, I find this just about a week after the latest chapter of my own BB/MLP story introduces the help me series. And I too cast Luna as the one helping the characters.

I'm torn. Dare I peek. Do I risk having to change my future chapters to avoid similarities?

Ah screw it. I'll just read and enjoy. Yeah!

[Hallowedsoul]

3892396 Ah, but the treasures held within are too much to resist. I just pray thou returns with thine sanity.

[Hallowedsoul]

3892396 And just so you know, I wouldn't mind if you used similar elements. Maybe less nutty.

[Alkem]

3893131

'Maybe less nutty.' Heaven forbid.

The point of the help me segment is to be as nutty as possible, what with breaking the fourth wall and such. It's an inversion to the norm; not to be bound by the rules of the rules of the story--or in your case, episode--it's following.

To put it bluntly, the nuttier, the better.

[Hallowedsoul]

3895843 Trust me, I'm always looking for new ways to hit sense out of the park with this one (it's why I brought in Ulala). It's just... so much fun when you don't have to worry about something silly like the Fourth Wall.

[Cerulean Voice]

Beatrix Lulamoon

Trixie's name is Beatrix.
...
HEADCANON ACCEPTED!

[Hallowedsoul]

6054102 The set of "AMPL" is filmed outside of your pitiful space and time. Your rules do not apply here. At all. Period. End of story.

Lol

[MEGA LM ShiroHige Pony]

If anypony has ideas for fics, I created a crossover group, here