One Fine Day

The apple trees are beginning to bloom and the air is ripe with adventure! Or dirt, depending on your particular perspective.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders, at the end of a weekend long crusading binge, manage to uncover something that leads them on a romp through the farm. For their marks! For adventure! For -- not ending up covered in tree sap!

Follow along as they piece together a little mystery.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

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Baby Boo

Baby Boo #1 · Jun 22nd, 2013 · 3 · ·

Cute, sweet, simple. I like!

MalWinters

MalWinters #2 · Jun 22nd, 2013 · 1 · ·

2761079

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

peachcheeks12

peachcheeks12 #3 · Jun 24th, 2013 · 2 · ·

Creative, heartwarming, and well written! I loved it! ^^ Fave!

MalWinters

MalWinters #4 · Jun 24th, 2013 · 1 · ·

2770535

Thank you for the kind words and the fave!

Flippedoutkyrii

Flippedoutkyrii #5 · Jun 26th, 2013 · 2 · ·

Very charming, filled my insides with plenty of feels

Great work!

MalWinters

MalWinters #6 · Jun 26th, 2013 · · ·

2780843

And your comment brightened up my morning! Thanks!

Casca

Casca #7 · Jul 15th, 2013 · 1 · ·

Mmm... this falls into the awkward territory of being bland despite well-written. Let's try to put these feelings into proper critique.

The style is simple and light and the piece is well-edited. Your characterization is true to children, and nothing ever seems unnatural or out of place. There's a pleasant Slice-of-Life aroma surrounding the whole thing, like how the scent of apple pie is to the smell of seared steak.

However, a lot of your events were what I'll call visual translation. They rely on a greater investment on behalf of the reader to actively imagine what goes on. A lot of the antics are physical, and almost all of the jokes were visual gags. While this is similar to the show, it didn't translate well to writing - the best jokes, I found, were the cleverly written errors Scoots made. Perhaps I wasn't in the mood to comply, but I floated through the story without much ways of a concrete setting. The scene in the berry bushes come to mind - what exactly am I supposed to be seeing? More description, weighter scene-building would have helped establish your story better.

In addition, there was nothing more to the scenes than what we saw. There's no undercurrent of meaning evident, nor is there much in the way of conflict-to-be-overcome - the scenes lack that silver thread of connection, and feel more like a collection of scenes rather than one complete flow. The mystery of the treasure itself is hampered by the lack of strong setting, although I can see where the imagining was beautiful. This in itself is not a problem. It's just an explanation of where I'm coming from, and how I got to this conclusion: again, perhaps this is personal fault, but I didn't feel mentally stimulated, let alone challenged by this. Having them bicker a little more, test the bonds of their friendship a bit more, show us more intrigue on the characters' behalf so that the ending comes in more smoothly - turn up the heat a little, I guess, is what I'd suggest.

Basically, it's fluff, written in a fluffy style. It's easy to take in but there's not much pressing urge to continue on. It is nevertheless well-written, and is not bad by any means at all. This story, all in all, achieves what it set out to do - describing the CMC on an adventure. So in that aspect, you've done well - this is just an alternate angle on how you could have made it better.

I hope you find this helpful in its small capacity. Keep writing.

Page-Mistress