Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #91 · 6:00pm Dec 4th, 2023
I should have touched on it last week, but Make Your Mark officially ended on November 23rd*. I could have addressed this with my usual “the show ended on exactly the whimper we all expected” sentiment. But instead, I figured, why not celebrate it, for what it’s worth? And after my love of animation, I am a gamer. So, I took the opposite direction, and played some MLP. Scratch that, it wasn’t played, it was streamed.
* Not having survived past its initial episode order, while the much-cheaper webseries Tell Your Tale will continue for two more years. Allowing G5 to wind down or at least keep selling *some* merchandise at a can’t-lose-money cost, while Hasbro plans for the brand’s future direction, all the more important.
Technically, it wasn’t played by me. 
A bit of a story here: last Summer, the replacement voice actor for Sprout in G5 media after A New Generation, Joshua Graham, posted a video where he and Izzy's new VA Ana Sani played through the first chunk of the G5 console game A Maretime Bay Adventure. It came with a giveaway, where of anyone who left a comment about what they liked most about G5, three people would be randomly selected to win a copy of the game (or a gift card of the price, if they lacked a system to play it on). Not thinking much of it, I left a semi-extensive breakdown of why the quality of the animation of the film mattered so much for its effect, and how much the artists achieved with how little they had (for a theatrical-intended CG film). Least it was unique, honest and truthful.
Well, a month later, I was randomly chosen as one of the winners. 
At that point, I could have just taken the game digitally on Switch or Steam, played it in one sitting, and be done with it – by then, I was well aware the game was 100%-able in under two hours on a blind playthrough. Just a brief diversion, and then never played again. But that seemed like a poor way to mark such a turn of luck.
Thus, after okaying it with Mr. Graham, I instead had the game gifted to one of my UK-based Pony friends I know from UK PonyCon, DodgyCur, who streams casually. Mostly small-scale gritty games, or others in the indie scene. The intention being that streaming the playthrough would be a fun experience for our group. Sharing is magic, as they say. 
And Dodj was even receptive to my request if I could voice-guest on the stream. 
I toy on-and-off with potentially streaming casually what I'd be playing anyway (it would be much like these Ponyfic reviews, making a relaxed hobby a scheduled one without changing it much otherwise), so I liked this as kind of a fun, casual, low-stakes go at that.
It was never meant to take this long for said stream to happen, but as the game did precede Make Your Mark back in May 2022 by one day, it's fitting we got around to it last Tuesday, just four days after the show concluded. You can watch the VOD of it on Dodj's Twitch here (or, once that's gone, via the YouTube upload of the VOD – trimmed of some slight fat at the start, though also lacking the chat comments we responded to at times throughout).
Now, the game is a really short fetch-quest interspersed with basic minigames, aimed at the under-ten set, and nowhere near worth its default $40 price tag. 
So the gameplay isn't really the point. This is more about the hang-out, one where alongside shooting the breeze, Dodj and I touched throughout on various things regarding MLP and G5, but in a more casual, offbeat, less pre-prepared and analytical/critical manner than I normally do. Well, I touched on them; Dodj is largely content to just watch and enjoy media, but did make plenty of points there, and outside of Pony too. Bits range from fandom 3D animator DJTHED being Animation Director on the game, to a small-but-correct amount of quotes/laughs at classic bits of British comedy, to how the game's story does some things better than the actual first chapter of MYM, to the history of 3D collect-a-thons either side of Donkey Kong 64, to me being introduced to the infamous Japanese game show, Takashi's Castle, which I had never heard about (but gather is the quintessential one American media always takes the piss out of).
Then there's admiring the reasonable-for-the-time-and-budget visual work (which didn't stop Dodj noting Sunny's pouch being stitched to her model much like the lad’s actual Sunny plush 
), our disbelief at Izzy still committing attempted bodily harm on Sprout by moving a billboard for him to skate into even in the friendly replay of said activity after the story, my breakdown of what we can take from the mere 18 people who worked on the game in the credits (as opposed to publishers, executives, QA, voice acting, music and specials thanks, who are only involved for short periods for specific parts), likening Zipp's mini game to Superman 64 (Dodj's comparison, not mine), musing on Zoom's new squeak over her prior deep bass, and in between all those highlights and many more, bouncing between light, relaxed gameplay and fun asides, observations, and banter. As Skinner once said, "A good time was had by all, I'm pooped!" Minus the lying, flaming kitchen and nonexistent Aurora Borealis. 
So while the stream is technically three-and-a-half hours (we reach credits in two-and-a-half, with the remaining time given to picking up the few collectibles we missed and trying the minigames out with characters besides Sunny), it's a very breezy, fun, and light one. Perfect for background playing/listening, if that's your sort of thing!
And if you've never heard my dulcet tones but always wanted to (which, hey, I've mentioned Cartoon Karma on YouTube enough times, so if so, that's on you 
), you can do that too. Just with the kind of effects from someone on an audio call lacking a fully-dedicated recording setup (though a mic and pop filter do their fair share!). 
Okay, definitely enough of a preamble. The stream deserved it, though. Five fics and their reviews below.
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
Ink by Peregrine Caged
Off The Edge Of The Map by Daetrin
The Good Ship Lifestyle by A Hoof-ful of Dust
A Cut Above the Pest by FanOfMostEverything
One Fine Day by MalWinters
Weekly Word Count: 48,911 Words
Ink by Peregrine Caged
Genre: Dark (Horror?/Comedy?)
Twilight, Owlowiscious (also Spike)
2,264 Words
February 2013
Every the Number One Personal Assistant can have his off days, and so it is that a mishap totally attributable to Spike leaves Owlowiscious doused in black ink in from claw to feather (and some books, which is also a travesty) . Twilight’s anger and resigned frustration soon turns to curiosity when Spike notes that a feather of the owl soaked with the ink makes for a quill with unusual properties…
This fic at first reads like a clumsy darkfic, the kind where Spike and Twilight act OOC with little motivation except Because Fic, and contrivances happen aplenty (beyond Owlowiscious’ feathers making for quills that produce ink lacking the normal deficiencies). For the first half or so, I was wondering how it was well liked (and also how it got on my list). Then the second half does a tonal lurch that makes it all fit better, playing into the animal exploitation angle with some horror yet also feeling a parody of a bad darkfic that is much better than the fic it’s parodying.
Were it not for the final scene, I would still say the fic isn’t really for those adverse to the genre. But the final scene does make it satisfying for such folks, like myself. A muddled, gimmicky fic, but one that pulled through for me in the end.
Rating: Decent
Off The Edge Of The Map by Daetrin
Genre: Adventure/Romance
Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy
34,891 Words
August 2011Reread
Rainbow Dash is attempting a trick that can only be done high above the ground, meaning most of her friends can’t watch it. Thus, when it goes all wrong and creates a wayward magical storm that teleports her to the middle of the ocean, Fluttershy is the only one with her. Thus begins a long, arduous journey, first to find land, then to get to the continent, and only then to get home. A journey that will include an island spirit, a maze of ice caves, caught in the middle of a dragon squabble, and making amends with the dead.
As one might expect from one of the more well-known early-fandom “exploring distant lands” Ponyfics, the worldbuilding is the main attraction here, with the story being basically a road novella split into six parts that mostly correspond to different locales. Unlike some examples of the form, there isn’t much connective tissue between them, largely just dispensing the challenge the two pegasi have to overcome, having some exposition and/or implication about it, and then, once the path forward is clear, moving on. And some of them end up as just backdrops for the thrills rather than having much beyond the concept; in particular, the island of ruins gives nothing to work with on how it ended up that way. But on the base level of what we get being interesting and tantalising in that old-school “outside lands are vast, foreign and dangerous” way (and this is time-stamped to 2011 less than most fics in that regard), this largely has the goods.
It has far less of the goods otherwise. The sad truth about old-school “beyond Equestria” adventure fics, back when such a thing could just be done and the show’s further worldbuilding and lore hadn’t yet made such a thing impossible or forced into a very particular box, is that most of them tend to not be well-written, either for being debut or early affairs from fresh writers, or falling victim to the pitfalls of fics that are improvised as they are written in a burst of creative adrenaline. Off the Edge of the Map is little exception, though the improvisation of the content isn’t too damming, largely because even at a dense 35K, it can’t descend into the worst of serialisation that the novels do. Especially the 100K+ examples.
The writing is rather rougher, and I don’t mean what you expect in Lavender Unicorn Syndrome, which is present but minor by 2011 standards. Nor the rather amateur errors that get less frequent as the story progresses but don’t vanish altogether, from paragraph breaks in scenes that continue uninterrupted, to different character dialogue in the one paragraph (this was the most immersion-breaking for me). Mostly, it’s the awkward descriptions, lapses into telling, one-note dialogue, and inability to hold or establish tone that makes a lot of it a rather flat affair (certainly, the attempts at scenery porn don’t go much of anywhere).
You’ll notice I haven’t mentioned our lead characters since the blurb, and that’s by intent, for this isn’t really a character story. Which is fine in principle, an adventure story of this kind doesn’t need a stock character arc, except far too much attention is still given to Fluttershy and Dash’s fatigue as they shoulder on. And it never modulates, or has narrative escalation. The stock character story you’d expect here, of Fluttershy and Dash rising to challenges they didn’t believe themselves capable of while also learning more about themselves and each other, has the slots present but not filled in; every moment of reassurance or one of them caring for the other’s injuries feels no different from any other, and the one-note dialogue and interactions between the pair rob any possibility of feeling they’ve developed. Such that the final obstacle before home feels like an obligation and a distraction with the least stakes or tension of a story that’s struggled at those things throughout.
Granted, that’s probably hamstrung further by the malformed stakes and pacing, with moments of lingering over calms between storms just as likely to instead be getting through the release after a setpiece of tension in mere paragraphs (the lost locale they find upon returning to Equestria being the most egregious example). Itself not helped by overlong chapters that really should have being split in two for the six-act structure going on here.
Oh, and the Romance tag is a blatant lie, with not the slightest implication of anything beyond friendship until the last few paragraphs, and even that registers only for the tag’s lack of presence to that point.
It does feel a little unfair to note that much that drags the story down, especially as in every major review of this story I could find, Daetrin acknowledged the mistakes and said his burst of writing that started with this shows its flaws and then some. And the concepts and context for much of the world-building here did scratch my itch a decent bit, if not enough even in isolation. The story may well suffice in that regard for worldbuild and adventure Ponyfic aficionados. But it’s not one I can really recommend, and thus yet another old timer of my legacy Favourites list goes bye-bye.
Rating: Passable
The Good Ship Lifestyle by A Hoof-ful of Dust
Genre: Comedy
Cheerilee
3,039 Words
July 2012Reread
It’s bad enough her mother nudges her about being single. Now, while out at the market getting groceries like any other day, Cheerilee finds herself asked by pony after pony who her special somepony is. Things only escalate when she clarifies she’s seeing nopony, and the whole deluges her on who she should see.
Once this fic moves from the territory of “Hearts and Hooves Day”, it becomes more or less an outside looking at a shipper’s arena, showcasing just how nutty such things can get, when a pony simply having interacted with another is enough grounds to pair them, even if they’re already in an existing relationship. Also, apparently, everypony is dating Rainbow Dash and was not aware it wasn’t exclusive.
Obviously, this is that kind of heightened, absurd fic (how Cheerilee never before noticed this behaviour that the fic clarifies everyone has been doing for ages is never addressed), looking at something in a way that might have felt mildly fresh and topical in 2012 but cannot possibly in 2023. That said, within that framework, the pacing is snappy, the jokes manage to get the explanations across without expositions, and it pivots away from the “Cheerilee accosted by a mob” angle halfway through to find other observations to make on it. Certainly, the 3K flew by, and even the half-joking half-serious ending managed to fly.
Ultimately, this makes the shipping lampooning, if not fresh, at least funny enough for the duration of reading it, and with a romantic comedy, that’s often all you can ask for.
Rating: Decent
A Cut Above the Pest by FanOfMostEverything
Genre: Comedy
Zephyr Breeze, Babs Seed, Fluttershy, OC, Other
3,057 Words
February 2018Reread
Graduating from mane therapy school was a big step for Zephyr Breeze, but a pony does not turn their approach on life around so easily. Hence the quick return to slouching around at his folks’ place once again. Because she loves him, Fluttershy intervenes and gets him a job that uses his new skills, one where he won’t slack. Though that may have less to do with knowing he’s decent and being interested in the profession of manes, and more to do with the filly spouting off at him for intriguing on her turf.
Even over five years on, this is still the only story on the whole site, going by tags, that pairs together the two canon ponies whose talents involve or are adjacent to haircuts, which is kind of baffling. It’s a match made in heaven, especially under FoME’s pen: it would be easy to have Zephyr slouch and not change at all, but this does show him, once he’s in the shop, honestly trying to change his whole mindset. He never considers giving up, even with Babs giving him a load of verbal. Being that this is for Aragon’s old “Comedy (Is Serious Business)” contest, there’s a good balance between the story and characters, and some really biting zingers, from Fluttershy’s barbed tough love insults at her brother, to one of the better nods to a certain Manhattan-set movie I’ve seen in a while.
It putters out a little at the end. Not for ending on a laugh despite slightly mending bridges between the two, for the balance between comedy and pathos is kept from ever being saccharine while remaining character-based. Even the bizarre extra character ported from one of FoME’s rare longform fics, used as a plot point to mend bridges between the two, while warped and weird, does largely roll. Mostly, it’s because the fic just ends abruptly, and while what we got between these two is great, it’s little enough as to make the reader crave for more.
Regardless, for the time it lasts, this is a solid blend between comedy and character. Worth it for the dynamic between these two alone.
Rating: Pretty Good
One Fine Day by MalWinters
Genre: Slice of Life
CMCs, Applejack
5,660 Words
June 2013Reread
This weekend has not been in vain for the Cutie Mark Crusaders! No sir, once Scootaloo hit upon the idea to ‘borrow’ Twilight’s metal detector to help in acquiring gold-mining cutie marks, they struck a different kind of gem – a box with a riddle pointing the way to buried treasure! With adventure on their minds, they set off into the woods. Just watch out for the tree sap. And the bats. And the run-down abandoned shed with rickety floorboards.
For most of its length, this is just following the CMCs over the farm and its outskirts on the treasure hunt. And other than the reader connecting the easy-to-connect dots over the true meaning behind the riddles and who they were meant for, it’s pretty much just that surface-level stuff until the end, with the kind of short, fragmented scenes acting as a shorthand for visual energy this might have were it played out onscreen. This does make them a little flat, with the dialogue bits tending to land better, due to light description of what’s going on, and also makes much of the fic feel like a collection of scenes rather than a whole story. Thus, the ending that tries to inject pathos into the point of it when Apple Bloom returns to Applejack doesn’t feel altogether earned.
That being the case, the CMCs fumbling about doing their thing is fun, and their antics don’t tip over into being shrill or annoying. Thus, their solid interactions, filled with reasonable one-liners true to their characterisation at the pre-Season Four time, suffice. And the ending, while flat, isn’t absent of any feelings either. So it stimulates fine for its purpose.
Rating: Decent
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 0
Pretty Good: 1
Decent: 3
Passable: 1
Weak: 0
Bad: 0
I can def see the game being fun in the right crowd... which is do say chatting over and occasionally vaguely commenting on the game itself. But hey, ponies.
The only one of these I've read is Off the Edge of the Map. I liked it a bit more than you did on the whole, though conversely I did find the LUS a bit much. Mind you, I read it in 2017. I strongly suspect it would be a two-star fic for me now rather than the three I gave it six years ago.
First, I have to say that “DodgyCur” is a terrific pseudonym! Second, I’ve bookmarked the YouTube vid for one of my mandatory (self-imposed) relax and do nothing days.
I really like the phrase “legacy Favorites list”. I recently went over my bookshelves and had several WTF moments, even without re-reading the stories. Legacy of a time when half-way competent work that fed my MORE PONY obsession was considered exceptional.
This makes me wonder if my personal ratings ought to be a matrix rather than linear, quality of craftsmanship being one axis, and my personal enjoyment being the other. Hmn... Maybe a third axis being elements "pertinent to my interests?" But that seems like a subset of the second... or maybe layers delineated by tags? Honestly, if this was 2011, I might have tackled a 125+ shelf sorting system, but now I don't think I'll even bother correcting some of the works on my current shelves.
5757989
Well, you do have something of a sixth sense for that, my friend!
And yeah, the difference in rating standards shifting over the years is quite a thing, isn't it?
5757981
The game is so easy and for the single-digits set that, for an adult, playing it alone is akin to watching a non-narrated playthrough. And as I'd already done that, I didn't think I'd get much out of playing it. But chatting with a friend playing it while others chime in via chat, and it can be watched back later by others? Oh, yes!
5757991
I must ask where it came from, actually. Never pondered on it before.
Just remember, I ain't the on-camera chap. That be Dodj. I be the disembodied voice from nowhere.
Ooh, wish I'd done that now. By now I'd say I've taken off twenty-odd fics that used to be on my Favourites, and only a handful of them could I re-find by searching 'favourites' in my folder with the docs of all these reviews. But honestly, that folder was almost more for fics I wanted to make sure I could find again (I had not yet copped to have folders to have every fics I'd ever read put somewhere), so many of the ones I've removed since after a reread were never true Favourites.
Even now, I have noticed a handful of my really early reviews don't hold up to their original rating, so I do still feel what you do.
Well, as Robert Warshow once said, "A man goes to the movies. The critic must be honest enough to admit that he is that man." Part of what I've learned as I've gone on is that no one can truly eliminate their subjective preferences from how they regarded works of art. They can acknowledge them, say others may get more out of it, judge what the work is trying to do over what they want it to be. But ultimately, certain things are always going to work for them more than others.
For your situation, with as many fics as you've read over the years, I can't say much more than to do what feels right. Hopefully that helps?
5758001
So, I poured myself a kitchen (just a short pimple, I didn’t want to get scotch) and sat back in my lion’s to have a butcher’s at the vid on the custard. So far, so Robin!
(You can probably guess what part I’ve gotten to!
)