This damn site...

I dunno.

I thought i had made a few good friends here. Making friends is hard for me. Those that do know me know i have issues, which i won't go into here.

Still, in the past year i've opened up, made a few good ones whom i've gotten to know rather well. Then there are those that i thought i knew, and have today revealed themselves.

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So this is a thing that is actually a thing?

I guess you can't ride them, but OMG so cuddly. So much the wubs.

Fun stuff aside, I'm still struggling 24/7 to find a treatment for depression that works again. The latest attempt is failing so far, so in a week I'll be shifting gears to some other chemical. Hooves crossed.

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Depression is one of the many terrible conditions people suffer under in this world. It might be brought on by traumatic events, by grief and loss, perhaps even extended periods of boredom. It is a spiraling, downward path that tries to suck people into the black hole of oblivion, either by rendering them broken and useless, or convincing them to end, or attempt to end, their existence.

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My name is Darkstar.

I live in Canterlot. I’m twenty years old. I’m a pure white unicorn with a long grey mane and yellow eyes. My cutie mark is three black stars arranged in a triangle. I stand about five and a half foot tall.

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I don't know how long this will be.

Currently I'm battling depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed with it about a year ago, but I've suspected that it's been there longer. There are days where I just feel like life means nothing and that mine is a waste.

Right now it's after midnight and I haven't even gotten up out of my bed to get ready. I dunno why. Sometimes I feel like the struggle is worse than I say it is. I dunno.

IN WHICH I ACTUALLY DID SHIT, SORTA
It's been awhile since I wrote a blogpost. Sure, no one cares, but I feel the need to say something just in case anyone stumbles upon my profile and gets curious about my lack of updates. Follow me across the jump for a rather insane tale of illegality and insanity – not all of it mine for once.

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I’m posting this today to share some facts. I don’t want to sound whiny or like I’m seeking pity, so I’ll be forthright and as brief as I can manage.

The Doom That Comes To Canterlot is officially going on hiatus. I don’t know for how long, but I can’t imagine it will be more than another month or two.

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1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

The window lingers.

A simple phrase, with only two answers sitting on it.

[Continue?]

[Yes] ◇[No]

The icon flashes, waiting for confirmation.

My eyes unfocus from it, allowing the circling darkness to frame my sight in inky nothingness.

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that is all.

I would like to start by ordering the movies from my most favorite to my least favorite along with a list of adjectives that I would use to describe each movie.

1. The Friendship Games: fun, exciting, relatable, inspiring
2. Equestria Girls: inspiring, delightful, funny, cute
3. Rainbow Rocks: exciting, unsettling, epic, triumphant
4. The Legend of Everfree: disturbing and depressing

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Feeling down. Killing my inspiration. Need to do edits for Chasing The Briny Neighsayer. Apparently it's close to making it to EQD. Shopping for proofreaders and editors if you know any into pirates!

Welp, after a month of writing with a 30,000 word goal, I can definitely say that I completely and utterly failed to accomplish much of what I set out to do.

At best, I managed a bit over half of that. I intended to have it all contribute to my primary project, but I got stuck on it quite a few times (seasonal depression didn't help), and about a third of what I did write went to other, mostly minor, projects.

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I'm doing a stream for the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance tomorrow. Be on the lookout if you either want to support me or donate to them.

https://youtu.be/Y4LIFYlzpfE

To anyone who needs to see this right now... You are special, no matter what others may say, and no matter what your brain is telling you. There will always be someone there to make you feel special. It takes some time to feel whole again, I know that for a fact, but it is possible.

If you are feeling down, don't be afraid to show it. Showing weakness does not make you weak. it makes you strong. Accepting help when it is offered is not weakness, it is strength.

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Well I had to make Close Combat a mature story because writing is my therapy and I began to realize that a lot of my sexual hangups and love hangups are intertwined. The biggest hangup I have would probably be just letting anyone that close to me anymore. I'm just not sure if I really want to be intimate? I admit, I'm kinda scared because after seeing how awful people can be, I'm just not so sure it's a great idea! And so, I'll also need to explore Guyrin and Marybelle's more intimate couplings

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Fimfiction author darf has thousands of followers, but that might be because they mostly write clopfics. I don't see a lot of chatter about them on my feed and this is my second post on the topic.

darf lives with mental illness and is currently in jeopardy.

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Before anyone freaks out, no, I am not attempting suicide a third time!

Now that this disclaimer is out of the way, I wanted to let everyone know that my psychiatrist told me to delete each and every one of my socials permanently, if I am to keep my mental health in check.

Depression and anxiety suck, and being online has made some symptoms worse.

Twitter and Discord have both been deleted (2 weeks for Discord to permanently delete, and 30 days for Twitter to permanently delete).

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IN WHICH I SORT OF RETURN
So, yeah. I've been away for awhile. I promised I would make public one of my finished one-shot stories and I didn't. I apologize for that. I just couldn't bring myself to deal with the bell icon while also dealing with other things.

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If you look for pony things these days there rare to be new on sites like youtube and most popular bronies have left the fandom or have stoped obsessing about it which depress me deeply.

This website is one of the few places left full of pones and sutch ;-;

Long live Fimfiction.

MicTheMicrophoneZero

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