You keep sayin' somethin' about bein' male and "human" before you showed up in Appleloosa. I'm not sure what you're talkin' about, stranger, but I can certainly tell you're pretty darn mad about what happened. Sit down a spell, will you? Tell me more about this "Trask" feller...

Cover art by Trinityinyang.

Flash Sentry is having a very bad Hearts And Hooves Day.

His date has been cancelled.

He has to work a double shift.

And for some reason, stallions are hitting on him at a bar...

Yeah, really bad Hearts And Hooves Day.

Edited by MythrilMoth.
Special thanks to Weeping Angel for pre-reading and JaquelinDreamz for permission to use her artwork.

This is 100% Approved by Twilight's Library

Lotus Blossom's twin, Aloe, isn't exactly as similar as everypony would guess. In fact, the earth pony has a rather large secret that HE doubts very much everypony would react favorably to. However, when he starts having trouble properly focusing around one of the hoofful of ponies who know his secret, he starts to worry he may be falling head over hooves. If he pursues her, will his secret be able to hold, or will he have to abandon it to get what he truly wants? Not to mention, can a pony who's so rough and tumble work with one who bruises so easily?

“You know how when you're at a party, and you use what you didn't realize was a magic letter to Princess Celestia to roll a joint?
I guess maybe that's not, uh, a thing, but yeah, I did that this one time. It was at that huge party Shannon and Adam had a while back. You know, Max's friends? …No, Celestia's not one of—They wouldn't know each other...
But anyway, yeah, in case you were wondering why I'm all like, a girl unicorn now, that was kinda the short version.”

Meet Rob, a 27 year old musician who gets more than he bargained blah blah blah
Get a front-row seat in his brain for the Long Version, as he wracks it trying to weasel out of being a pony, or at least not let anything slip by as he takes it one freaky moment at a time.

What will the other lost-weekenders think when they walk in on him passed out on their couch? Will he be able to get through the city and at least back to his apartment, if not to normal? Will he learn anything about REAL friendship along the way and stop being such an insufferable hipster? What if some blowhard fan author just couldn't “turn it off” and ended up trying to write a pony story as actual sci-fi? Will Ahuizotl get the statue? Does P=NPony? Can you grab me another beer while you're up?
And did that letter ever get to Princess Celestia?
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Your standard pony Trip Report, with your standard pseudo-autobiographical narrator, written to flush out my creative plumbing and play around with, uh, like, good...thinkies and word-putting, and because the urge to do it just wouldn't leave me alone, so I just had to get it outta my system. I just really like the juxtaposition of humans and ponies, I guess.

Title is obviously a reference to M-Theory and Tristram Shandy, respectively. Because I can never pick just one thing.

Rated T for Adult Situations, gratuitous overthinking, and fuckloads of swearing. Oh and I guess drug use.

Have you ever had a dream that just seemed so real, that it was impossible to say for certain that it was even a dream at all? A dream that, despite all of its impossibilities, seemed to re-write your entire perception of reality, re-writing your sense of what—and indeed, who—you are? Accepting change is hard enough as it is. But when you're a somebody who wakes up as a somepony, how do you cope with the impact such a drastic change has on your mind and body? With changes like these, it must surely just be a lucid dream—albeit a suspiciously accurate one—just brimming with potential and ripe for exploration. So you might as well suck it up and make the most of these distressingly…unusual circumstances, and seize this psychological adventure before you wake up and the dream ends.
After all, this couldn't possibly be real, so the dream must come to an end eventually…right?