We've all had this question since Twilight became a princess. Why doesn't she have any guards. It would seem like a smart idea to have them around, even if they're just there to look pretty. Well, Sunset's gonna be the audience stand in for us today.

Sunny Starscout and her friends have achieved what many viewed as impossible, return magic to the land of Equestria. With its restoration, she heralds the reunification of the tribes and the rebirth of harmony in the world.

An old dragon witnesses this coming of a new age of friendship with a renewed sense of hope.

However, his friend is not so sure.

There's really no way to prevent it. No matter how careful you are, regardless of one's dedication to personal cleanliness, they're going to get in eventually. And for most ponies, it's a moment of deep gross-out, followed by scrubbing down their entire pantry, kicking out far too much of what's in it, and ending with a regretfully expensive shopping trip to replace what was lost.

But this is Rarity. The situation was unacceptable. And her intention was to take out the problem at the source.

Now if she can just find a way of explaining that to the jury...

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Rated C for Crackfic.

All Mr. Rich wanted was a court-arranged signed promise stating that Rainbow wouldn't practice stunts over Barnyard Bargains any more. But judges are fickle creatures, and so the ruling put her in the aisles. Working off the damages while supposedly learning some respect for the store itself.

She wants to be a good employee. She's dedicating herself to this.

It's odd how all of Rainbow's interests seem to end in that one crater the same way.

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Why do they keep coming back? Maybe it's wounded pride: they were humiliated once, and so they have to get one con over on Ponyville to heal their egos. Or a lot more than one, given all of the successive embarrassments. But either way, the brothers have returned to the scene of their crime(s) so often as to give Pinkie a tail twitch configuration just for their presence. Something which leads her and Twilight to a huge tent in the Everfree, one which has free drinks, slot machines, and happy ponies who haven't lost so much as a tenth-bit.

They can't lose.

As far as the latest con goes, that's just part of the setup.

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Cover art taken from an image created by DrXFizzle.

Luna's still settling back into her full duties, and finding out she's somehow responsible for overseeing Equestria's annual freedom festival came as something of a shock. All she really knows about the holiday is that ponies like to celebrate it with explosions. Fireworks, cannonfire... somehow, her citizens have linked 'freedom' with 'stuff blowing up.' So if there's a citizen willing to blow herself up as part of the festivities -- well, what could possibly be more appropriate?

...it seemed like a good idea at the time.

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She's only been here for a few minutes, and yet she knows more about how things should work than anypony alive. Meet the expert on all things Equestrian, except how to pronounce or spell it (and if you're pointing that out to her, then you're just being racist). She knows how to fix everything, and all that's required to do so is to let her speak with the manager!

...the Princesses?
Are you sure there isn't a higher authority available?

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Rated C for Crackfic.
This story has no purpose in existing beyond my wanting to kill a Karen.

After you've tried to celebrate it enough times, a holiday might start to feel like nothing more than a group of traditions which all chose the same day to kick you. The bulk of Equestria may see the palace's annual gift-receiving ceremony as their chance to show how much they love their Solar princess, but Celestia mostly perceives it as something she has to get through without dying or actively longing for death. She's usually 50% successful, and most ceremonies end with her convinced it was the wrong half.

But maybe this year will be different.

One of them has to be.

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Cover art by BonesWolbach, used under open permission. Please contact him with any special background rendering requests.

The palace is ancient. So it makes sense for Celestia and Luna to order a complete overhaul of the waterworks, especially since the old system has been making strange sounds within the walls. All they really wanted was to wash up without dealing with new leaks.

They didn't get it.

They weren't expecting the magical lasers either, but that's plumbing for you.

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Rated C for Crackfic.

Missions come with risks. They usually don't think about that. They have many ways of not thinking about it and given how many missions they've been on, some of them have not been thinking about it for a very long time.

They were just waiting for a new mission to start. Then somepony came along and asked them to write down every medical circumstance under which, by their own legally recorded desire, they would prefer to die.

And now the thoughts won't stop.

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