Vinyl Scratch (aka: DJ PON-3) thought she was disk-jockeying a perfectly normal gig in Canterlot, but when she shows up, she finds the Royal Night Orchestra has taken over the club and her clients have disappeared. Attending the Orchestra's party only deepens the mystery, as it seems somepony is trying to conquer all the musicians of Equestria using the musical talents of the bowed beauty Octavia. If Vinyl wants to have any hope of winning Octavia's hoof and getting to the bottom of why her show was cancelled, she'll have to pour all her Bass Power into winning the Royal CanterlotWar of the Wubs music contest to attain a Royal Rank as a musician herself!

As if that would stop her. The power of Harmony (Remixes) will prevail!

With special thanks to prereader MidnightShadow!

After a night out on the town, Vinyl ends up filling Octavia's inbox with voicemails.

...This should be entertaining.

If you came to hear a story, I’m sorry to disappoint. I suspect this’ll just end up as one big confession, really. When you’re the first Teutscher to set hoof into Equestria, I suppose that’s to be expected. And when you’re the universe’s favorite chew toy, doubly so. Still, with enough wit, some Prussian ingenuity, a droll sense of humor, and wanton murder, I might just survive this. Then again, when you’re going up against an unending list of things like government conspiracies, that guardian angel who keeps telling you to kill ponies, psycho Equestrian girls with allophilia, a lunatic princess, the legions of the Inferno, the Equestrian culture itself, swashbuckling sword fights, and laissez-faire economists, you begin to realize why there’s a big “if” in the middle of your life.

Your thoughts/critiques/deathreats are welcome in the comments. Spoilers are also encouraged. If you don’t have anything to complain about, do please tell me what you liked so I know what worked.

Now on TV Tropes. Posted on the Equestria Daily 5/28/13. Now in ePub format for your convenience.