If you came to hear a story, I'm sorry to disappoint. I suspect this'll just end up as one big confession, really. Still, with enough wit, some Prussian ingenuity, a droll sense of humor, and wanton murder, I might just be able to survive.
Crushric, n. — A narcissistic masochist, a Southern gentleman, and snarky smartass. If you're looking for someone to disappoint you, he won't disappoint you.