A Simple 6 Part Guide to Becoming the Greatest Writer in the Fandom · 3:10pm Nov 9th, 2012
Hold on Chromosome, that's a bit of a pretentious and presumptuous title, now isn't it?
Well, you may or may not be aware of this, but my middle name just so happens to be pretense. I'm serious. You can look it up. "Chromosome Pretense Sullivan Pony" It's on my fanfiction license and everything.
Well of course I have a license! Wait... are you practicing fanfiction without a license? Oh man. I'll pretend I didn't hear that, and let you solve it yourself.
But let's be serious here. Fanfiction has always suffered a negative connotation. People immediately associate the word with self-inserts, ridiculous plots, and out-of-character homoerotica. And to be fair... kinda with good reason. But in celebration of an upcoming online fanfiction panel that I'm going to be partaking in alongside shortskirtsandexplosions, Vimbert the Unimpressive, and Cold in Gardez, I'm going to do my best to share the things that I believe are essential to finding success and contentment in the realm of fanfiction. Because hey, I've got way too much time on my hooves. And of course, don't forget to clicky clicky that blog link to leave questions for myself as well as the handsome rogue's gallery I'll be lucky to join.
1. Frederick Herzberg Apparently Wrote Fanfiction, Too.
Frederick Herzberg was a psychologist and is still a well-known name in business management. He proposed a two part theory on what it is that was required to maximize worker efficiency. This was called the Motivator-Hygiene theory. In a very rough summary of his theory, he essentially stated that hygiene in a work environment is required in order to prevent motivation from declining. However, excellent hygiene alone did not a motivating work environment make. For that, other factors needed to be introduced to motivate workers to work more efficiently.
And guess what? A similar concept applies to fanfiction. Introducing the Story-Grammar theory. Solid grammar and formatting in a story will keep it from suffering from grammatical criticism, and is essential to having an excellent tale. That being said, having flawless grammar will not make a story good, but it will make sure a story isn't terrible. And that's the crucial thing. So how does one develop flawless grammar? Practice, effort, and practice. Find guides online, run your story through the wringer with editors, and maybe, just maybe, pay attention in English class! Learn to take the time to pre-read yourself and find simple mistakes, and you'll find that both editors and readers alike will love you for your easy-to-read spelling and formatting. Not only does it make their lives easier, but it will naturally make them look on your story more favorably.
2. No One Cares About You.
Tough truth, huh? Don't worry, I'm still here for you. I've got plenty of hugs to share. Except you. You smell terrible. Go wash up.
Though this does not necessarily apply in the world of literature, as autobiographies are a pretty well-received genre, it most certainly applies here. No one here is here to read about you. They are here to read about their favorite technicolor donkeys, and if they think that you write them pretty darn well, they'll stick around. What they are not here to read about are your self-insertion fantasies. It's hard, it's brutal, but it's true. Self-insert fantasies are only interesting to you, not to those reading them.
However, this doesn't mean that you can't apply your real life experience to what you write. Not at all! In fact, draw from what you've learned in human interaction and in life and pour that into your characters. Give them that pop that makes them go from words on a page to a believable character. Just be sure that you don't end up writing yourself into your story. Write about characters you don't know, push yourself to take that extra leap of faith, and you'll find yourself rewarded whether you succeed or fail.
3. This Ain't the Mafia, Son. It's Worse.
Consider this a minor extension to part 2. In this fandom, you will not agree with everyone you meet, be it a reader, a critic, or a fellow writer. And that's just fine. You don't have to agree with everyone, but that doesn't change the fact that you should do your best to be respectful of those who don't share your opinions. This especially applies to when you receive critique on your stories. Don't treat criticism as a personal insult, treat it as a learning experience. Thank those folks for taking the time to write out a long, thought-out review rather than simply writing "dis fic sux". But don't be naïve either: separate the trolls from the people who are actually pointing at flaws in your work.
What happens if someone doesn't agree with you and you get upset? Should you write a harshly worded comment questioning the person's intelligence and their mother's sexual integrity? Or perhaps take it to a journal post, complaining about the offender in a passive-aggressive manner that makes him look like the true villain that he is?
No. And if you considered doing so for even a moment, slap yourself with a 2x4. Hard. You wouldn't believe how many times this happens, but this is not tumblr. Be mature about your disagreements, talk it out, and do not bring your followers into your petty disputes and quarrels. Resorting to such devices would be heresy. Don't be that guy who cultivates drama like pungent bacteria on agar. Just don't. Your followers and fellow writers will respect you for it, and it'll save you a whole mess of trouble.
4. Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail.
When setting out on writing your first epic, it may seem attractive to simply dive right into it and start getting to those juicy bits that you've been crafting in your head. That's rarely the right thing to do. You'd be surprised how deceptively forgetful the human brain can be. All your important scenes and killer one-liners can be bullied out of your cortex and replaced with the lyrics to Duck Tales if you don't have them written down. Make an outline, get your ideas down in text, and you'll find that not only can you remember your stories after long periods of neglect, but you can sort around your ideas and flesh out your concepts far more efficiently. It's an extra bit of effort, but it's one that's well rewarded.
5. Consistency is Key.
This... is the hardest step. I say this because I'm stuck on it as well. It doesn't only help to write well, but also to write often. If you keep a strong frequency in your updates, you'll be able to keep your readers interested and have them remember what it was they read the last time they were there. More importantly, pushing yourself to be consistent and frequent will improve your skill with a keyboard, drill you into a strong writing ethic, and make writing long, complex scenes relatively effortless. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, why don't you try it?
6. The Superfast Jellyfish.
What the heck is a superfast jellyfish? To answer this, we need to look to a Gorillaz song of a similar name. Which, in case you're living under a rock or something, is the best goddamn band to have existed. But that's a whole other story.
A superfast jellyfish is an analogy for mass-marketing. A jellyfish is a blog of an organism, with no bones, no heart, and a slippery, malleable body that is easily swallowed and offers very little flavor. Make that thing superfast and consumable in a few minutes, and you have a superfast jellyfish.
If a superfast jellyfish doesn't sound like a fic you may or may not have recently read, I have good news for you: you have excellent taste in fanfiction.
We see superfast jellyfish all the time. Usually in the featured box. You know what I'm talking about. "Luna goes to the Supermarket". "Fluttershy discovers Jawbreakers". "Vinyl Scratch and Roseluck Make Out". Ok, I'll admit, I'd read that last one. But I'm getting sidetracked. These are fics with no heart, no intent, no true emotion in them. They are cotton candy, they are easily consumed in under 4k words, and they are hailed by every My Little Dashie fan and their mother as the greatest thing ever to be written by man. They're not hard to write, easy to sell, and can make you popular overnight.
I have but one request for you. A plea, if you will, from the sincerest corner of my heart. Do not write superfast jellyfish. This guide is one to make you the greatest fanfiction writer within the fandom, nothing more. But I have not promised to teach you how to be popular. The superfast jellyfish is the simple answer to that. Being great is more.
Allow me to drop the comedic facade for a moment to speak with you heart-to-heart. Truly great stories never stem from the desire to be popular. They stem from the desire to write, to create, and to express that which is buried in some abandoned, dusty corner of your soul. Do not write for popularity, for it is empty. Write for yourself, write to empty yourself of the infinite ideas and thoughts that bounce around in your skull to keep yourself from going mad. Write to capture the sound and fury, write see the stars, write to accomplish the impossible.
Those who create and eat the superfast jellyfish are content and sated. Those who do not are stung. But it takes a true writer to ignore the sting and pour his soul into his pencil, pen, or keyboard. It will always be the harder road. It will always be the road less taken. But it is the nobler one to walk.
You've reached the end of the simple 6 part guide to becoming the greatest writer in the fandom. If you've accomplished these tasks with accuracy, diligence, and a strong soul, then congratulations.
You've become the greatest writer in the fandom.
In my book, at least. For what it's worth.
Yes.
I only write superfast jellyfish. I CRAVE ATTENTION! LOVE ME LIKE MY PARENTS NEVER DID! WHY AM I SHOUTING?!
Seriously, I like a quick easy-to-read 'fluff' story every now and again. It's not bad to write or read these stories. But don't expect to be hailed as a great author by many, simply as a popular one. Don't expect your stories to touch anyone's hearts or to really stick with anyone. They will be forgotten in a day and if the work happens to even be gifted with a semblance of a message, it too will be forgotten.
But how does one differentiate between a short and sweet one-shot and a super fast jellyfish? I have a less than 2k fic that I'm not sure how to categorize on that point.
For what it's worth, it's good advice. Thank you.
I'd contest that no one cares about Self-Inserts. They're not my thing, but I have seen many pop-up here and several become insanely popular. Don't ask me why, they just do.
And now for my two bits. From what I've seen and experienced, popularity, especially in the fanfiction community, is overrated. Seriously, it creates more pressure and drama than I'm willing to deal with. The small amount of followers that I've gathered are plenty, but if more decide to give me a watch, then that's fine too. I welcome all!
I've dabbled with superfast jellyfish fics from time-to-time but I always feel a little guilty for it. I'm one of those authors that tends to look down on anything below 5,000 words because I feel anything less just doesn't set up a story properly. Obviously, this isn't always the case, but it's one of those quirks of mine. Deal with it.
Nice write up! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Don't you mean you
487007>>487004
Length has only a small role in a superfast jellyfish. It's hard to precisely describe what makes a superfast jellyfish what it is. I suppose it all comes down to why the story was written and what sort of value it holds. Just enjoy the gritty crunch, and let me know if it tastes just like chicken.
487014
I freakin' knew one of those would pop up.
This might be the greatest thing I've ever seen.
If it wasn't in the section on proof-reading, I would't of bothered pointing it out. That was the only one I detected though.
Also a very nice guide mate.
I'll take the opportunity to do as I always do, whenever someone posts a writer's guide, and supplement it with Vonnegut's eight rules for writing a short story:
1 Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2 Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3 Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4 Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
5 Start as close to the end as possible.
6 Be a Sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7 Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8 Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.
With that said, here's my thoughts on your post.
0) Fan fiction is a type of derivative art, nothing more and nothing less. As with any other art form, it contains both innovative, imaginative pieces that can bring tears to the eyes of a man made of granite, lowest-common-denominator trash with mass and fleeting appeal, and utterly forgettable garbage. We're gradually getting it to be more well received; it's been around for a very long time (anyone know their Sherlock Holmes history?) but has only really moved ahead now that the internet is here to help it along.
1) As with everything else, nothing lasting can be built without a solid foundation.
2,3) the phrase "your own worst critic" doesn't, to my mind, really mean you judge your work more harshly than it deserves. It means you can't make an impartial judgement of your own work. If you want to know whether you have any skill, cast it out into the wilds of the internet, and disregard every review (both for and against) that is anything less substantial than several paragraphs of well written, well thought out scrutiny. (And as an addenda, I saw what you did there, and I would propose an alternate/additional tip: No One Is Out To Get You)
4) I used o have a graphic for this, from an engineering class. It boils down to: the more time spent in planning, the less time needed for revision. (also, diligent note keeping can save your ass if someone sues you)
5) There is a quote from some musician or another, I can't recall which, that went along the lines of, "If I don't practice for one day, I can tell the difference. If I don't practice for two days, my family can tell. If I don't practice for three days, my audience can tell". You'll never get really good, and you won't stay there, unless you practice your art.
6) I'll admit, I really love the metaphor. While those stories can be fun to read, they're quickly forgotten and never remembered.
I agree with the fundamental message, just not the presentation (do things for yourself the way I'm telling you to do them for me, it is inconsistent). I give you a B#.
487007
The same way you recognize anything else, "I did not like it, therefore the writer is a hack."
Value judgments are silly.
I really need to renew my license. Haven't gotten a new one since before I joined this fandom...
I hate superfast jellyfishes. When I write one shots I try to draw roots to Hemingway and other short story authors and Itry to put in symbolism and stuff.
I don't think many who follow you are common readers of superfast jellyfish, or at least not brave enough to admit it on a page full of people who hate them.
I thank you for your advice. I might as well be rather noble now and stop being too cowardly to upload a story I doubt people will like.
Wait, no. I need to get a license. Then I need to finish the plan of that story. And then write it. And then upload it. And then be proud of my nobility.
And apparently I live under a rock.
My name is Obselescence and I approve of this message.
I disagree with many of these, particularly number two. In fact, one of the reasons I love FiMFiction so much is because I get to associate with very talented people who write very good stories. It is people that matter in the end, after all, and your connections and relationships with them. Friendship is Magic and all that jazz. aaaaan'f
Wonderful blog is wonderful. But I have one question.
What if we enjoy writing both superfast jellyfish and killer whales at the same time?
That last step was the greatest and most important.
487201
FTFY.
Always a pleasure to read things like these, especially if they're competent and entertaining to boot. I'm guilty of violating point #5 too, though, so I'm probably gonna lock in tonight and get to w-
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I KNEW YOU CARED.
487062 There is no such thing as a B# - That would just be a C natural.
Superfast Jellyfish :D Man, that term had me giggling.
487029
Hmmm, I'll have to look up that guide, it looks useful.
Isn't Superfast Jellyfish ALL comedy writing
I mostly agree, but:
- Writing yourself into your story is fine, and in many cases improves a story by making it more realistic and personal. Many great authors do it. Tolstoy wrote himself into War and Peace. You seem to be confusing this with writing a "self-insert", which has come to mean something entirely different.
- There's nothing wrong with wanting to be popular. Most writers want to be popular, and should stop pretending that their only ambition is to express their inner muse. There's nothing wrong with enjoying reading and writing superfast jellyfish. Even if you hate them, there's is nothing wrong with deliberately writing the superfast jellyfish in order to get attention for your serious stories. If you're a good writer, you'll write a better, faster jellyfish, and I will appreciate it.
- I recommend that people stop thinking in terms of "noble fiction I uphold" vs. "lowbrow trash I despise", and think instead in terms of "things I like" and "things I don't like". Many people like the Three Stooges. Many people like clop-fiction with no character development. They aren't wrong. They like those things. What's wrong is trying to take away the simple pleasures of people who weren't as gifted with intelligence and opportunity as you were, while claiming it's for their own good.
487256
There is no such thing as a note- That would just be a sound to which a signifier has been applied.
487719
You're contradicting yourself. The ability to enjoy simple pleasures isn't a matter off being dumb or uneducated.
Someone who is truly discerning can enjoy both the high and the low things in life, such as a Glenmorangie scotch or a can of Pepsi, for their respective merits.
Bookmark'd.
487007
The way I see it, a good one shot, like any good story, should be memorable in some way. It should pull the reader in, and leave them feeling something at the end.
Superfast jellyfish fics don't do this. They're just a quick little things, usually no themes or messages, and completely forgettable. They are usually comedies and most follow along the same lines as their predecessors. A perfect example of a superfast jellyfish is a 'Pony x verbs a noun' fics.
I suppose you could argue that some of the short fics with the intent to elicit feels from the reader are also jellyfish (one of the many stories following Celestia as Twilight dies, for example).
487817 In this context, that sounds like you're using your ability to appreciate 2 different things as an excuse to dismiss a third thing that someone else likes, but you don't.
On a related and important note: write down ideas for pony names whenever they occur to you, because you can never think of one when you need it.
This means so much to me, but the most important point covered was popularity. Popularity is hard work, and at the end of the day, if you're churning out stuff that you don't enjoy writing, you're gonna hate it, and you're gonna hate yourself. I'd rather never be featured, or blow up on the internet for what I do. I do it for self enjoyment, and creativity. Sure I feel great when others like my work, but I don't write entirely to please my crowd, there will be things that people like and don't like, but if I like it, I don't care! When I'm inspired by well drawn art that catches my eye, I really enjoy writing about it, because my creativity comes from that picture alone!
487990
?
I dismiss nothing. All things have value, even if I don't understand what it is. It has nothing to do with education, just a matter of taste.
I was protesting the use of "gifted with intelligence and opportunity," which (to me anyway) sounded like you were saying, "The poor dears just don't know any better. Have pity on them and their clopfics."
Oh, discerning. Mm, probably a bad word. I mean, "appreciative?" "Educated palette?"
"The sort of person who is able to observe the favorable and negative qualities of a thing, to the extent that they can appreciate that thing as itself, without preconceptions or a desire to be adored for their taste." <- A word which means that.
I am Midnight Shadow, and I approve of this message.
488007 Sorry, I jumped to the conclusion that you were saying that in order to say something like, "The things I call lowbrow should not be excluded because I can still enjoy them. These other things, which I don't enjoy, are bad and shouldn't be tolerated."
Yes, I was being condescending, not because that's what I really think, but because I was trying to talk to those who think they know good taste from bad, without being dismissed out-of-hand. A poor rhetorical trick.
487194
When I say "No One Cares About You", it's more of a snazzy title and less of an actual application. It's always good to make connections and acquaintances with readers and writers. What I'm saying is that no one cares about you in the context of your stories.
487201
Consider working for Sea World.
487250
I'm still mad at you for what you said, though. I don't know if I can find it in me to forgive you.
Oh hell with it, GIMME A HUG YOU SUNUVABITCH.
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I will write Superfast Jellyfish. It will be about ponies, only they are jellyfish, and Rainbow Jellyfish is super fast.
488277 Oh.
fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/310/8/f/_ponkysheepish____mini_by_pianoponky-d5k8qp5.jpg
488277
icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/funny-animal-gifs-animal-gifs-tackle-hug.gif?w=630
Looks like I'll have to toss that "Twilight discovers a bookmark" idea straight out the window.
I'm the worst type of person, FORGIVE ME, MIGHTY CHROMOSOME.
Well, I'm a bit late to the game here for once.
487719
I have to agree with Bad Horse as hard as I can here. Let's be honest, if I wasn't interested in getting known for my ideas, I wouldn't bother writing them down. I'd stare at the ceiling and just think about how cool this or that would be (i.e. My initial draft process
). I'm not a fan of the "superfast jellyfish" either, and I've only considered writing one as a social experiment (entitled can "I get some views out of a formula or am I really invisible?"), but the point of writing, to me, isn't to have ideas, but to share them (and really, "express" is the same as "share" here), so writing for me seems kind of contrived and pointless.
Then again, I don't know why I'm making any sort of contribution. I don't even write anymore.
I think a good follow-up to #6 is to not overtly focus on hitting Feature Box status or being on EQD's front-page. Those are both measures of something to be sure, but be more concerned with getting your ideas and your thoughts out into the wild.
It's hard to resist succumbing to writing a super-fast jellyfish fiction when a whole mess of them make other writers well known, and leave the truly remarkable ones to eat the scraps. However, I am always proud of my story when it gets just one more thumbs up, just one more favorite, even just one more comment, because after that, it's a ruly remarkable feeling when you know you were able to reach out and give just one passing-by reader a few good minutes of enjoyment.
That's what I strive for, and I only hope my fellow writers can say the same.
