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  • 312 weeks
    I Believe A Proper Explanation Is In Order

    Uggggggggh.

    Oh yeah, right. My bad.

    Well, uh, people... yeah, it's been rough. On me at least. You guys on the other hand could still be having a rad time. Or something. I'm not trying to put you down here. Just trying to be... real? I guess.

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  • 318 weeks
    Whelp I Guess I Should Mention My Vacation Thingy

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    ...

    Eh. So how are you guys doing?

    14 comments · 1,034 views
Sep
28th
2015

I Believe A Proper Explanation Is In Order · 7:12am Sep 28th, 2015

Uggggggggh.

Oh yeah, right. My bad.

Well, uh, people... yeah, it's been rough. On me at least. You guys on the other hand could still be having a rad time. Or something. I'm not trying to put you down here. Just trying to be... real? I guess.

See, one of the main reasons I didn't come onto the site for over a month now was because of my job. But some other things got into the mix as well. Messy, messy things.

Like... see, I've always had a kinda addictive personality. Once I stuck to something on a consistent basis I just wouldn't give it up. And something like this was useful for a lot of things: working out, being organized, loving someone. It just made it much easier. But then the good came with the bad and what you end up with is a drinking problem that hits you right in the gut. And just fuck that. Fuck it so fucking much.

Ugh, like I said, this is real. For realz real. Like, I had been dealing with this since college. I had to go through rehab and all that shit. But I thought once I got out of it I could be fine in moderation. I just kept on fucking telling myself that. And it did work. It worked really good. But then my promotion just put all this stress on me... I could hardly handle it. I drank more. It affected my job, my friends and family, and even my wife. And then I just knew moderation couldn't be handled. Not in the least by me.

So, in the end I just gave it up. I'm over one month sober now. I took a vacation to detox. I even have a new house now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's been rough. And I know many of you have it rough as well. I know my problems aren't the worst out there and I have it much better than other people, but at the same time I just felt like it was all an impossibility. Like it wouldn't matter in the end. But still, I tried to stick through it, I have, and I will continue to do so.

Anyway, the alcohol withdrawal has been hitting me pretty good lately. Like right now I'm better because it's been a while, but earlier it was really fucking bad. I was very unsocial during such a time period. Probably the biggest factor of why I haven't been on the site so much lately.

But now I'm back, though not as much as before. Still busy at work and in life. And also the other messy little details.

A lot of my motivation and inspiration for writing came from my drinking. Write drunk, edit sober, and you know the rest. But now in a sober state of mind I often enough can't get my thoughts into words. And usually what did turn into words just read as complete garbage. But now that I've had time to develop my writing again the words are springing forth once more. Not as much as it used to be, for what had once been a gushing river had been reduced to a trickling spring, but now the quality of the water (writing) is much better. So much clearer. Less incoherent. None of the usual mistakes I would typically struggle with. It's like one of the first times of my life I could see my writing in a much cleaner style than I would have ever thought possible.

So yeah, lots of things have changed. I think I can write better now, but shit if it isn't hard just to type out all the words. That's probably the worse of it all. But at least it's a step in the right direction. I think.

Fuck, I just realized how much I just babbled. I'm typing this on my phone anyway, so whatever. I'm just hoping this serves as a good explanation of my absence.

Oh, right, and my writing. Uh... well, I do wanna keep on writing pone, yet at the same time I feel horribly ashamed of my old writing. I might just make a secret alt account and publish my new shit in there. I'dunno if I can ever go back to writing my old stories or updates since reading my old stuff sounds really awful right now.

Eh. We'll see what happens at least.

And I guess that's it. The realz of the realio. And something. You know everything now, so go forth and just... whatever.

Honestly, being sober hella sucks.

Comments ( 51 )

3426657
From time to time at my friend's house, but my wife hates the smell so I don't usually do it.

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But good to know you're keeping yourself going, man. Hope it gets better for ya.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

Hey man, getting addicted to shit happens. I've been there. It's nice to see you out on the other side in one piece.

If you ever need to talk let me know. Not the same thing, but I've having similar problems after medicating my Bipolar. I used to write in a manic frenzy and have the time of my life, and now I struggle. Lately a lot of my stories have been pretty dark. Meh.

Maybe we just need to figure out how to write in a different mind state?

Comment posted by RarityEQM deleted Sep 28th, 2015

3426664
Ahh, we have a fix for that, darling. Whoops. That link will probably end poorly. Let me send it to you PM.

I am happy you are feeling a bit better now, and I really hope it will improve further.
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Good luck getting through the withdrawal, both the physical and the mental. I've never been there myself (beyond going through medication withdrawal, but I am not going to even pretend those are close)

Glad to hear you are doing better, just keep doing what ever is needed to get through to the other side. We're happy waiting. Well, I am, and if others aren't, fuck them, because I am the only one who counts. Or something.

And good luck finding your new muse. :twilightsheepish:

Being honest here, my dad was addicted to cigarretes, hed smoke at least 2 packs a day, a slow day, he had to quit after his heart failure, first couple of months, he was edgy, irritated, anxious, had the worst time, but now he managed to discover new ways to relax himself when thigs get tough, what im tryin to say here is that, yes things sucks right now, but woth time and perseverence you will manage to find a way to do everything you did before, and better, so even if you feel like your stories look crap, you can claim to yourself " this is my story, not alcohol's, mine, my own mind made this" and us as friends and followers will, no matter what, even if its slightly off, are gonna stand up and say " yes it is buddy, yes it is"

Everyone's problems are quite literally the world to the person having them. I'm glad to hear you're working through yours with such ditermination and wish you the best of luck. I hope you keep all your works up; for one, because they're awesome :rainbowdetermined2:; and two, because they show other struggling authors on the site that they can improve with practice and diligence. If you must make a separate account, at least tell us what the name is so we can follow that one too. :twilightsheepish:
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Ouch. I had no idea.

Withdrawal sucks. Hope you can push through it, because you're awesome. Best of luck!

You'll be in my prayers and you got my skype if you need to talk, amigo. Guess that's about all I can say on the matter. Good to have you back, though.

aCB

Yeah, I've been through similar shit. For me, the drinking was a self-fixing problem. I did something that got me arrested while drunk, and now I can't get a job because I have a record. The only reason I can get away with drinking in moderation is because that's all I can afford.

Oh well. At least I'm bored enough that I can actually write sober on occasion. I can appreciate how tricky it is. Best of luck to you.

Good to see you back around here, bud. I have high hopes that you'll come out of withdrawals. Keep your head up and eyes faced down the straight and narrow. You can do it! :pinkiehappy:

Shit, dude. Drug addiction is never fun. Glad you're doing better now.

I'm glad to hear that you are on an upward slope.

And don't worry about pony fiction if it presents issues with staying on the wagon. I'd prefer no more stories from you again to finding out you're sacrificing your sobriety for it.

I'm sorry to hear that man. Hopefully you'll recover in time because we all miss you!:raritydespair:

But we'll be waiting if you need more time.

Good to read you're on an upward swing. *Hugs* Don't worry too much about fanfic. Worry about you.

You've recognized the problem and you're doing something about. That's a good chunk of the battle already won. Keep it up. :pinkiesmile:

Bobbeh!
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Glad to see you still around and kicking.

I'dunno if I can ever go back to writing my old stories or updates since reading my old stuff sounds really awful right now.

Word of advice: start fresh. Go back if, when, and not until you feel like it. Feeling burdened to write in the past is probably the best way to guarantee you never write again :pinkiesad2:

In any case, in the immortal words of Uncle Red: remember I'm pullin for ya. We're all in this together.

*hugs*

Sorry, bawb. But we're here for you. And a lot of us have been through similar issues.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM/Skype me.

Glad to hear that you're off the sauce; I know it's something a lot of people enjoy from time to time but in the long term it's shit for your insides (in more ways than one, :twilightoops:)

Though considering how much Mountain Dew I chug I probably shouldn't talk, :trixieshiftleft:

Give it some more time, Spongeman. Stuff like this is always looks like an uphill battle with no end, but if you put your head down and keep going, one day you look back and wonder when exactly it was that you crested the mountain and started going down the other side.

... You might also wonder why that mountain goat is looking at you funny; don't worry that's just Harold. He does that.

Being sober hella sucks now, but in time you'll be glad for the change, I'm sure. Congrats on taking that big step, Bobby.

I know the feels man i had a bad set of habbits i picked up after my sister died started with pills then meth then just kept moving to the next high it took me literally dieing for four minutes to give it all up so now im seven years clean and it sucks i still miss it but i really hated who i was back then more anyho stay strong find support either through friends or fam you can do this also i enjoy most of your work so if you make a new account you better send me that info

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Here's to a month, buddy. :B And just remember, even if your problems aren't the worst, they're still problems, they're still yours, and you deserve to be helped with them if need be.

It's wonderful that you're overcoming this, but don't you think going completely cold immediately could hurt you just as much as staying on the thing? Withdraws are really bad shit, and people have died from them. :twilightoops:
Anyways, congratulations on overcoming this!

EDIT: Sorry, I don't know shit about alcohol apparently.

Dear gods. I'm really sorry to hear you're going through that. Cheers to starting sober, Bob.

I struggle with addiction to myself sometimes. I have to physically pull myself away from the mirror in the morning. It's hard because you can't just go cold turkey on something like that. A passing reflection in a shop window is all it takes and I relapse. Even those really bad mornings where the veins are showing in my eyes and my hair is doing a sideways peacock, I really trouble with. I just look so damn good sometimes it hurts.

But glad to have you back, man.

There's a lot of alcoholism in my family, so with those examples in mind, I can say it's good you're getting it out of your system now, rather then waiting to develop serious health problems. Regarding writing, quality is better then quantity anyway, so there is cause to be optimistic that your best work has yet to be written.

Keep it up!

Why don't Dreamingnoctis and I come over every now and then? I can bring tea. Or we can have lunch/dinner at Downtown (location redacted).

I'm sorry to hear you were struggling with the drink, but I'm glad to hear things are looking up for you now, and are getting better.

I don't think you need to make an alt account, though; you're a cool dude and I'm sure people will appreciate your new stuff.

Then again, I've never really understood the concept of shame.

3427157
FYI, going cold turkey is actually usually the best way to quit any habit - people who quit cold turkey are the most successful at stopping the habit. Going cold turkey from most things isn't dangerous, just extremely unpleasant. The only real danger from alcohol withdrawl is seizures, but they're pretty rare, and take place pretty much right after you start detoxing.

Given Bob made this post, he's fine.

3427535 Ah, my apologies. I thought going cold turkey from any addicting substance was possibly lethal.

3426664
Weed smells like skunk. I dunno how people can stand the stuff. My parents have been telling me that skunks sometimes get into people's back yards, but I didn't believe them, thinking it was just people blazin' in the back alley. Well, one time my mom was driving in the back alley and it started to smell like weed. My mom said it was skunk. I spotted, to my surprise, a pair of skunks wrestling in the empty wheelwell of our neighbor's jank car he had parked in the alley and immediately told my mom not to park in the garage and make a lap around the neighbourhood and they maybe would've left. But yeah, weed smells like skunk and skunk smells like weed. Also, I don't think those skunks were wrestling :unsuresweetie:

3427269
You should do this. This would cheer up Bob up a lot I think.

Addiction... I have an addiction to buying stuff. And it's pretty terrible. Like, I buy stuff for hobbies, but don't do to much with them nowadays. The real thrill for me is that rush of obtaining something rare. I really should stop. But I can't. I know I'm just overcompensating for something that's lacking in my life and big emotional rushes like from buying crap make me feel just a bit happier when I'm actually kind of depressed and stagnated on the inside. I've been told by a friend who has the same problem that it's a deeper one and part of getting out of that addiction is to solve the major problems in your life. Like, the stupid thing about this is I have a good idea what my problems are. I just don't try and solve them little by little. Like driving. I need to learn how to drive to have any success. Like, I want to learn to drive so I have a failsafe so when I want to be independent and not live in my parent's house I ain't completely fucked over if things go sour. I have serious issues with my parents that have nagged me for years, but I never bring them up and probably should seeing as how much it's eating at me. Little stupid things like that that need closure or to be fixed. Fuck, I dunno why I haven't done anything. I think I'm being really lazy, but I think I'm mostly scared of failure. Or, perhaps scarier, I haven't figured out the root cause of my problems at all.

Addiction is you compensating for that unhappiness in your life by filling it with something that makes you happy. And lots of it. I dunno, Bob. Maybe do some introspection. The problem might be even deeper than you think and you going cold turkey ain't enough.

If you feel like goofing around hit me up on Skype. But if you want to talk serious, hit me up anyways, too. Pffftttt... maybe we both can discover shit together.

Comment posted by yamgoth deleted Sep 28th, 2015

Honestly, being sober hella sucks.

Words to live by. Unless you're me, who consumes Gatorade as a substitute for alcohol because I refuse to partake in 'grown-up things'.

YOU QUIT DRINKING, RIMBOB? NO ONE LIKES A QUITTER.

YOU SICKEN ME.

I can't say I've gone through what you have, bud, but if you need someone to vent to or if you want to chat, I'm always on skype. :heart:

Hey, man, I can't say I know what you're going through, but I want you to know that I got your back.
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Strength of heart helps carry us through the hardest of trials. And you managed to pull through and remain clean. That says a lot.

Take it easy, and remember, you have many friends if you need to talk :twilightsmile:

Cheers, mate.

3427556
You'll find a lot of medical websites which suggest that the best way to detox is to do so under the supervision of medical personnel and that doing it on your own is dangerous.

For fairly obvious reasons, they have something of a, shall we say, stake in the issue. Because as it turns out, its utter bullshit.

To be fair, drug withdrawl is incredibly unpleasant, and can (potentially) be dangerous - depending on the drug, and the degree of addiction. But the danger is greatly exaggerated, possibly because it makes for an interesting story, or possibly because people who run expensive programs want to highlight the dangers, or possibly just because "guy quits drinking, feels awful for a while, gets better" doesn't make the news, while "guy quits drinking, has seizure, hits his head on the bedstand and dies" does. Some drugs can in rare cases cause heart palpitations and similar things as well, which can also be dangerous. Hallucinations are also potentially dangerous because you can hurt yourself accidentally.

However, these things are extremely rare. For most people, the main reason that stopping sucks is because it makes you feel absolutely awful. A lot of drug treatment programs involve carefully tapering off usage under the supervision of medical personnel until it is stopped altogether - but, well, a lot of that works because they're controlling access to the substance.

The thing is, if you quit cold turkey, it is YOU who is doing the, well, quitting. Which means that, rather than other people holding it out of your reach, you're doing it. This obviously requires a lot of willpower, but it also means that if you can pull it off, you can generally stay off the stuff - you've successfully resisted the temptation of use.

Studies have found that 50-90% of people who quit smoking did so by quitting cold turkey. A 1992 study found that 73% of ex-alcoholics quit it on their own, and heroin addicts show similar rates of quitting without help, with one study of soldiers finding as much as 90% of soldiers who were addicted to heroin quit on their own.

Dude, you back. Good, now make us a fic sandwich we are starving

I have nothing meaningful to add since I have a bloodline history of addicts in the family and I myself have an addictive personality. So I've just kept away from any and all of those types of substances. I've only ever had alcohol once for instance, so I can't draw from experience to say something meaningful or helpful here. Just know that I wish for things to get better for you and I really hope you stay sober.

Congrats on realizing you had a problem, fixing it, and sticking with it despite the trouble. No, seriously. That's some tough stuff to follow through on.

Get on Steam more, man.

Shit, Bob, I know that feel. I had a habit of a liter of vodka every week, plus some beers, and maybe some wine, and a few cocktails if I feel like it, and if there's a forty in the 7-11 while I'm getting gas...
Oh man, quitting drinking sucks. I tried a full month without booze over summer. That worked out not too shabby until around just before 2 weeks in when I started just consistently feeling shiftless and murderous. After several days of this, I got wasted and felt much better afterwards. That was when I began to perhaps consider that I could have a problem. Even now, I'm not sure if I had a problem or if I only think of it as such because my booze-hating girlfriend kept on telling me i have one. For the record, she thinks even one drink ever is too much.
I'll lay it out right here right now: Booze is awesome. People turn to alcohol because it works.
Let's not lie. Drinking is fun and booze tastes good.
Now I've said that, allow me to say this: Drinking should relieve your brains and not replace them. I'm damn proud of you for being able to pull yourself back and fix what was a much easier path to continue. We all support you, RB. You're the man.

Good job for getting rid of the addiction. Good luck to you with life and stuff.

Alcohol dampers the sapience of the mind. I advise you stray away from the appealing item. If it yields anything of value, I wish for your speedy return to the daily life without the attractive effects of ethanol.

Seriously though, glad you're getting back on the horse (so to speak :raritywink:) and in improving health. :twilightsmile:

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