Whew, sexy time wooo. :P good writing, I liked the dream sequence if you can call that a one where he had difficulty sleeping

2603785
Do call it such~
I love trying to write about dreams.

YAY SMEXY TIME!
Thanks for the comment

I'm not sure how to express my opinion of this chapter since I really liked the first one so I'll start with my biggest area of concern in an Australian accent
One Silver to another mate, the buildings give a sense of awe!
The ahhs come later, pun intended, when the adorkable duo runs out of ways to delay the awkward sex, which I must admit to give credit where it is due you wrote rather well. All in all though I did not like this nearly as much as chapter 1 but aside from a couple more errors this is far from a nail in the coffin in my books.

2609845
Thank you for the feed back!
I've been waiting on editors, but sadly they're all indisposed...
I know they volunteered and probably have good reasons, but still- at least note me you're busy/working on it. I'd do it myself, but I seldom catch my own errors; might even make more errors. If you think that initial sex was awkward- Try imaging being all, "Sooooo... I wrote a clopfic. Mind proofreading for me?" To your online writing workshop friends, with no sense of trolling in your voice.

Glad you still liked it, even if chapter one was your favorite so far. I've actually got a few ways I can go with chapter three. If you're curious I could reveal my secrets?
Might even make a poll of where the next chapter could go.

2610315
Yeah I know that feeling, but reveling your secrets to me!
Sir, are you suggesting we enter into an arrangment where I review dirty fictions for you? Because I really need to improve my M/M stuff and the opportunity to chastise people about their grammar rarely comes around if your asking

2611810
Sure if you're up for it!
I'll PM you the Google Docs link.

This was really enjoyable and over all just very well done it just has some small issues spaced throughout. Little things that normally wouldn't detract but add up in the number in which they are present. It's just very little things that overall make the story not quite as good as it could have been.

2617226
Yeah, it's a shame most of my proof readers haven't been communicating with me.
I've been kind of pestering them, but nothing. I'll try to restrain from posting until proofreaders start talking to me again.
Glad you at least liked the parts that aren't messed up though!

If you'd like I could send you the Google Docs link?

2617293
I would be happy to look it over. As it says on my profile (while it's not official) I am an editor. I'll look at it this weekend if that's cool.

2617325
Sweet

I only got through about the first half of chapter one before my stupid phone crapped out but if it's anything like the rest I'm impressed.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous of your writing style; it's unique and reads just wonderfully (I dont reckon you could offer any tips on how to maybe write like you do?)

I'll try and finish reading this all tonight but from why I've read so far its really good. Cheers on adding another gem to the m/m genre :-)

2667148
HOLY CRAP! Thanks for the fav and comment!

Can't believe someone actually likes my style that much. Uh... I guess my style comes from having a hybrid of focusing on the thoughts and feelings of characters and trying to be as poetic as possible. I'm really a big fan of poetry writings. To me, sex and romance especially, really needs to show the feelings outside of just physical act. I also was really going for more "dream" and "fantasy" in this piece; drawing a ton of inspiration from my own feelings of wanting lusts and dreams- if exaggerated greatly. If you get a chance to read chapter two soon, I did focus more on trying to relate feeling in dialogue more then wordy,dream bits; so it's a tad different than the first. Hope ya like it too!

One major tip I give to every writer as well is to be careful about repeats. Like don't use a word twice within two paragraphs of each other or at all if you're a pro. Watch repetitive sentence structures (I too still have trouble with that sometimes - "'blahblah,' he says"). It also does help to have an extensive vocab and thesaurus at hand. I really challenge my creativity when I approach any scene heavily too. Lots and lots of self-critique and editing of the flow. If you'd like a bit of insight to how I revise in the act: look here at this edit I did for someone else.

Man it's hard to give advice for my writing in-general, hehe.

Again, thanks for the interest. If you ever want me to proof read anything you want to be like this, I could take a crack at it! It feels really nice to have an accomplished write call my work a gem.

I saw that you said you were a fan of poetry. I just spent the last two hours writing you a Shakespearean style sonnet, only to forget to save it. If I manage to remember the language I used I'll definitely write it up again.

2709288
Oh sweet! Feel free to link it to me.

2709485
Note the "forgot to save it part". But I'll definitely try!

Finally got around to reading this, it is a bit hard to follow at times, and would probably indeed benefit from an editor, but all the same, I just love reading it. It's very different, very dreamy, can make it a bit hard to follow during the sex scene itself, with two ponies, but it's still very erotic and interesting to read. I'd be glad to lend a hand, in giving notes or trying to catch errors, if you need it.

2760043
Heh, I've been getting that a ton. Honestly knew that'd be one of the biggest problems but was just too damned excited to care.

I've got a few people on it, but if you want to give it a shot too I'll PM you the google doc.

2785636
Hopefully. I'm still waiting on the complete edit.

oh mai.......

3132903
Is that a good "Oh mai?"

3134722 indeed it is

3138893
Yaaaaaay