Previous Chapters
Close
Prologue- The Foreshadowing of Insanity2,027 words
Episode 1: The Mercenary Menace6,961 words
The Magic Show1,455 words
Deadpool Forever!7,157 words

Deadpool Forever!

DeadPool Forever!
By Darth Quadro
Edited by Darklordtheslayer
WARNING: Over consumption of text may cause castration
viewer discretion is advised

-----Meanwhile in the Halls of Canterlot Castle-----

"I WON’T SAY NUTTIN TILL I GET MY PHONE CALL! YA HEAR ME! YOU AINT GETTING SHIT OUTTA ME!" Deadpool yelled
[Don't forget to get his name so you can report him to his superior officer.]
[FUCK DA PO-LICE!]

"Wade, shut up." Twilight sighed.

"I DIDN'T HEAR YOU READ ME MY RIGHTS! I HAVE RIGHTS YOU KNOW! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!"
[They are in strict violation of the Human Rights laid down by the Constitution and its many Amendments.]
[I Said FUCK DA PO-LICE!]

"You’re not even a registered being in all Equestrian history, so technically you actually don't have any rights and Wade... Shut Up Already!" Twilight pleaded.
[OOOhhhh yeeeeeaaaah we're not in Kansas anymore Todo.]
[DA PO-LICE HAVE YOU FUCKED THEM YET?]

"I PLEAD THE FIFTH! I PLEAD THE FIFTH! I PLEAD THE FOURTH AS WELL.... JUST FOR GOOD MEASURE!"
[I thought we just went over this, the constitution doesn't work here, and they don't even have it here. Also I don't think either of those amendments apply to this situation, you're making shit up.]
[AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! MY BODY!!!]

"Um... yes, Wilson, do be a dear and SHUT YOUR EVER FLAPPING MOUTH BEFORE I RIP IT OFF AND THEN FEED IT TO YOU BY SHOVING IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!" Rarity Screamed at Deadpool, causing everypony to cringe and the guard's ears to flatten in fright. They were now standing in front of the two Princesses too.

"Rarity! Show some tact when you’re in the presence of royalty! You of all people, or ponies, or whatever." Deadpool said mockingly in shock.
[Holy Shit you actually remembered her name?]
[Remembered what now?]

Never before has such pure unadulterated rage coursed through Rarity's veins. So Strong was this feeling of rage that even Big Macintosh backed a few feet away from Rarity, fearing that he may be caught in her wrath. Luckily through dealing with Sweetie Belle on a nearly daily basis, Rarity had developed a coping mechanism for just this kind of situation and within seconds she had composed herself again and was now smiling as if nothing had happened. Rarity's hidden boxing bag in her expansive closet would probably not survive her next night home.

Luna opened up a psychic link with her sister so they could talk without the others hearing. The Sisters have always found their psychic link to be extremely useful in almost any situation as it allows them to communicate with each other at eight times the rate of oral speech. 'He's a bit of a loud one don't you think, Tia?'

'Hmmm, yes, but you have to admit that was pretty funny what he did to Rarity though' Celestia chuckled inwardly without showing any external signs of amusement. This being a long practiced and honed skill that had been mastered by both sisters over a very long time. This skill has helped both sister's survive many various and gruelling tasks, such as Suffering through minor disputes in Law interpretation's that have no real world effects, or dealing with her "Nephew" Prince Blueblood, who Celestia still cannot figure out just how he's related to her! Maybe he's one of Cadance's illegitimate children; hey, being the goddess of love and all you never can be sure.

'Tia! You’re awful!' although Luna was doing the inward chuckle as well.

Everypony was now glaring daggers at Deadpool, but he simply laughed them off. "Oh c'mon everyone, calm down, at least they thought it was funny." He declared, indicating to both princesses.

Celstia and Luna both looked up in surprise. "I beg your pardon?" Luna asked inquisitively. Had this thing really seen through guise that both she and her sister had spent over a millennium in perfecting. 'Do you think he could really see through our guise? I mean I could maybe understand him seeing through mine as I never used it as much, but there's no way he could have seen through yours. Right, Tia?'

'There appears to be more to this one than expected, we'll have to be more wary of our actions as well as his. He may be far more observant than he lets on' Celestia thought calmly as she looked over the strange bipedal creature. She'd had seen plenty of bipeds before such as Minotaur’s but they are pretty rare and never has she seen one so chimp like. She had seen plenty of monkeys during her trip to Saddle Arabia as they seemed to wander around there like the common house cat there. It was strange the creature held the characteristics of a monkey. However there was no tail, it stood up straight and was much larger.

Twilight at this time had already made her way up to Celestia to stand next to her after a quick nuzzle and then plopped down next to her due to the mental exhaustion brought on by trying to deal with Deadpool for so long and in such a constant dosage. The rest of the group was now just standing around wondering who should say what. The night guard continued to intently stare at Deadpool. Deadpool considered staring back but he decided to reserve that for another time.

"So, what do we call you?" Luna spoke up first.

"Some people call me the Space Cowboy. Some people call me Maauurice. Some people-" Deadpool half sang half spoke until he was interrupted by Twilight.

"His name is Wade Wilson, my pardons your majesties but he tends to get into these bouts of singing and waste time." Twilight said quickly.
[Hey, what the hell? That wasn't cool!]
[Bitch be steppin on my swag, yo.]
[Oh please, not this again.]

"Awwwwww you ruin all my fun, anyways I do my own introduction thank you very much so don't interrupt me again." Twilight was slightly taken back by the abrupt way in which he spoke. "The names Wade Wilson, but I'm more commonly known as The Crimson Comedian, The Regeneratin Degenerate, or most of all The Merc with a Mouth. But you can call me DEADPOOL!”
Deadpool was now standing in his proud and confident ‘merc for hire’ stance with his chest puffed out and all his muscles flexed.
[We are ignoring the fact that this entire dimension has never heard of us cuz here we aren't commonly known or anything.]
[Hey don't ruin the intro dude; it's our time to shine.]

'Is it just me or did that sound rehearsed’ Luna thought to Celestia. 'He sure did put a lot of emphasis on his title.'

'Oh no, I'm sure this isn't his first time doing this. He's probably done this hundreds of times in fact. That’s probably why he got so offended when Twilight interrupted him. What I find amusing is that his chosen name sounds more like a normal name than his actual given name.' Celestia started to do the inward chuckle again. Twilight had already face hoofed and was holding it there.

"Now before we begin I have just one question for you two princesses." Deadpool announced while still in full mercenary mode.

"Proceed." Celestia responded.

"What the hell is that thing and can I kill it?" Deadpool said now pointing to the Night guard at Luna's right hoof side who, in response to Deadpool's statement, had now crouched low into attack position with his draconic wings flared out. He was now snarling at Deadpool and bearing his teeth. The night guard’s attack posture was in all very intimidating and any normal pony or person would probably have shit themselves a little bit and then run away. However to someone who has survived over a week in the Marvel Zombies Universe and escaped more or less intact, the night guard might as well have been a puppy. Which just so happens that is exactly what Deadpool's deranged mind was making him look like; a cute little puppy with demonic wings. It was both the cutest and most evil looking puppy Deadpool had ever seen and he has seen some pretty damn evil puppies in his time.

Luna had an offended look across her face as she turned to the Night guard. “Stand down Shatter Shield. He is of no threat yet." She then turned back to Deadpool with a scornful gaze. "How Dare You! This is my elite royal personal guard as well as the Captain of my Night Guards and you dare threaten him!?" After returning to his original pose Shatter Shield raised an eyebrow at him as if asking 'you think you can take me?'

Obviously not getting Shatter Shield’s challenge Deadpool continued. "Wait, your personal guard is a demonic puppy? Cuz I was just gonna bag it and drown it in the pond or something." Fluttershy had let out a squeal of terror at the thought of what Deadpool was saying.
[Bag 'em and tag 'em that’s what pa always used to say.]
[And just look at how well we turned out.... allllll three of us....]

"What are you talking about?" Luna asked now once again quite thoroughly confused.

"Okay wait, so your Captain of the guard is not a both cute and super evil looking puppy? Because I’ve seen some pretty damn evil looking puppies and this one takes the cake." Deadpool said, eyeing the tiny yipping spawn of Satan.
[And eats it too.]
[You’re not funny]
[Awwwwww...]

"What? No!" Luna scoffed at the strange remark.

"Ohhh, alright I must still be hallucinating then... hold on give me a second..." Deadpool uttered, turning around and crossing his arms looking up slightly, and pretty much doing the thinker pose.
[You realize we are not something you can just turn off right?]

"Can you at least turn off Pool'O Vision while I talk to the princesses we kinda need to get down to business now and we've wasted enough time already."
[But I like the demon puppy, reminds me of good Ol'Buster, if he had gone to hell and returned to take vengeance on us for what we did to him.]
[Yeah, nope. I’m taking Pool'O Vision away from you before you drag up any more suppressed memories.]

"Ahh. Good. Now that that's settled, is your Night guard supposed to look like a pony did the nasty with a dragon and this is its bastard son?"

"Um, well… I guess that’s one way of putting it, but overall that’s a pretty accurate description so yes." Luna replied as she tried to figure out what just happened and who she was speaking to. 'Um, Tia? Any ideas on what that was about? Because I’m a little lost...'

'Yes actually, Twilight was just telling me that Deadpool is Schizophrenic and often talks to himself at random times.' Celestia replied.

'Schizophrenic, that’s the one where you have multiple voices in your head, right? Kind of like what I have?' Luna began pondering thinking back to Nightmare Moon.

Celestia sensed her sister start to slip into some depression at the reminder. 'No, Lu-Lu. You have Multiple Personality Disorder. Don't worry it runs in the family, just look at our sister Chrysalis; she never did figure out who she was, kind of how the how the whole changeling thing got started. Not to mention that all of us have abandonment issues thanks to Mother, well other than Cadance but she has different issues. So, cheer up Lu-Lu; compared to the majority of our family’s track record I'd say that you've done pretty well. and yes it is the one with multiple voices in his head and in some cases causes hallucinations as well. However, with this one I feel that there is something more to this then just mere schizophrenia.' Celestia explained to Luna.

'What do you mean ‘something more’?' Luna asked curious of her sister’s ponderings.

'I don't quite know yet but I plan on finding out.' Celestia said determined.

"So now onto business, Twilight said you were the only two who may have the capabilities to send me home, right?"
[Right.]
[Right!]

"Wrong. Me and my sister looked diligently throughout our kingdom’s library and sent word to the other kingdoms, but no word has been received of any kind of spell resembling a Cross Dimensional Travel spell and even if we do manage to find one we are unsure of whether or not we are capable of performing such powerful magic." Celestia stated sadly.

"Ffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…"
[uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…]
[uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…]
"…uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!" Deadpool yelled while performing the Platoon signature death fall.
"I realise that it must be hard knowing that you will not be able to return to your friends and loved ones back in your home dimension but I’d like to assure you that we wi---" Luna was suddenly cut off by a hysterical Deadpool.

"Are you fuckin kidding me? I hated those people and I'm sure there glad to be rid of me too. I was sick of doing all the 'heroes' favours just to have them spit in my face. I was the most hated person in the entire damn galaxy maybe even Universe and I got that title from saving the whole fuckin thing three fucking times!" Deadpool ranted.
[Um dude, I think you should settle down a bit.]
[Yeah man like holy shit your spillin the beans on some things we should probably keep on the down low.]
"Shut the Fuck Up!"

"What in Equestria are you yelling about? If you hated the place so much why are you so angry you can't go back!?" Luna demanded. Shatter Shield was now slowly readying himself into Attack position.

'Um, Luna, I wouldn't recommend you push him any further, he seems to be getting volatile.' Celestia warned.

'Hush, Tia! This is important,' Luna responded, rising from her throne. Shatter Shield looked over at her worriedly. Luna did not return his gaze. Celestia then nodded knowingly.
"You wanna know why I'm Mad!? You really wanna know what pisses me the right off!? What really pisses me off is that this place... This Fucking Planet is So.. Damn... Boring!" The reason for his anger actually took Luna by surprise but nonetheless she continued to move slowly toward the enraged Deadpool. Shatter Shield began shifting nervously flicking his eyes between Luna and Deadpool. Celsetia gave Shatter Shield along with all of her own guards a command to hold their position. "Twilight told me herself that there hasn't been a war in all of Equestria for over a thousand Fucking years! Do you know what I am? Do you know what I do?! I’m a Mother Fucking Mercenary! The MERC with a Mouth! I Kill People for money! And no one is better at what I do than ME! Fuck You Wolverine!"
[ummmm.....?]
[Dude let's stay out of this one for now.]

"So you’re angry at our success in peace and prosperity?! The very thing you work to achieve in your Universe? Are you so Hypocritical as to hate what you want most!?" Luna screamed back. She was now only about a yard and a half away from Deadpool. Shatter Shield was now nearly graveling the marble floor with his nervous scraping, wanting to jump in front of Luna to protect her from this raging lunatic. Twilight looked up at Celestia in fear, wondering if she should do something about the situation. Celstia just watched in anticipation.

"I don't think you understand the problem here 'Princess'! In my Universe there is no such thing as a happy ending, not for me at least. It doesn't matter how many wars I stop or how many people I kill, they just keep fighting! So then I try not killing people and just living day to day which is hard enough when you already look like a walking mutilated corpse! Yeah, that's right all you ponies this costume ain't just for show! So I try living life without killing people. Oh! And it’s alright for a few weeks but then I get bored. Do you know how I pass the time when I get bored of everything else? Huh? I fucking kill myself! You heard right everypony; I literally explore different methods of suicide to pass the time! So do you know what this world is to me? All this world is to me is endless suicide, eternal death just repeating itself over and over because I can never die! And To top it all off I’m in love With Death! Lady Death is the only woman for me, the only girl that understands me and I can never Truly be with her!" Deadpool wailed in frustration.

'Tia, remind me later not to tell him that our brother is the Reaper' Luna thought quickly to Celestia as she continued to approach. The other ponies shifted around nervously and Pinkie just sat staring at the event unfolding while calmly waiting.

'Yeeeah, you’re probably right about that one, I was surprised to hear that he is an immortal like us but not quite like us though because though it may be difficult, I know that we can die.' Celestia pondered.

'Yes that is strange, must be how he got the name 'regenerating' degenerate I believe he said, I’m also curious about what he said about being a walking corpse. I have a feeling that his extraordinary power came at some great price. Now Tia I need you to tell everypony not to interfere no matter what happens, especially my Shatter Shield. If things get rough you may need to hold him back, but don't worry about me I’ll be fine. I've been needing to do this anyhoof... The last part came absent mindedly and Celestia knew that she wasn't meant to hear that but understood her sister’s feelings and let it pass. Deep down, Celestia knew that Luna was a warrior at heart.

Deadpool was slumped over on his knees looking at the ground breathing hard as Luna closed the gap between them. "So which is it, Wade Wilson? What truly scares you most? Is it that you will never die? Or perhaps, what you fear most of all is that no one will ever love you?" She gazed down at the defeated looking alien. Deadpool looked up at Princess Luna. Suddenly Deadpool’s hand shot out and grabbed Luna's head as he pulled himself up and into a full on heavy kiss on her lips. Luna's eyes shot open in surprise as she tried to pull away.

'Do Not Interfere!' Celestia quickly shot out the psychic message to everypony in the entire room while using her magic to anchor Shatter Shield to the floor after he roared in anger, which is a pretty strange sight to see a pony roaring as most ponies couldn’t do that. 'Luna you had better not make me regret this decision.' Celestia thought to herself.

Luna was just about to throw a hoof into Deadpool’s gut to get out of the kiss when he then quickly jerked himself away from her and slapped her hard across the face. During that very moment as Luna tried to figure out what in the name of her and her sister was going on. Deadpool then grabbed the top of her head with both hands and delivered a flying knee to Luna's chin. He followed this attack up by flipping over Luna's head, gripping the underside of her neck and entire body, using his own momentum and strength to do a mid-air suplex pulling Luna’s entire body over his and slamming her into the ground.

Luna's eyes shot back open as she laid on the ground. Her eyes had changed from the deep blue they usually are to teal and her pupils had become slits. Deadpool was now following up his attacks with a knee drop just as she halted his decent by holding up her forehoof. She instantly shot her other forehoof to the inside of Deadpool’s thigh and used the leverage to slam him into the ground, giving her a chance to regain her footing. Deadpool performed a side roll out of the slam, avoiding what could have been a nasty hit as he got a hint of just how strong the princess really was, not surprising considering that she was a goddess. Both combatants were now face to face a few feet from each other, as Deadpool began to smirk at her.

Everypony stared at the spectacle before them, trying to determine whether this was actually happening. Shatter Shield continued to thrash about trying to resist the magical anchor placed on him. Celsestia's interest was piqued at how this fight started as it was most unexpected.

Luna's wings flared out as she shot forward with incredible speed, throwing a right hook at Deadpool's head. He managed to dodge under it and countered with an uppercut followed by a back-flip kick, but Luna grabbed his leg at the arc of the kick and flung his body into the ground. Deadpool coughed up some blood as a result of the force from the impact."'hurk' 'cough' 'cough' Damn princess, you pack one hell of a punch." Deadpool said pushing himself back to his feet. Luna gave a smug grin. "Now, I'll Show you my ultimate technique... Watch the birdie!" Deadpool called, raising his hand as though he was holding something.

"What...?" Luna questioned, just as a piece of broken marble flooring was launched at her from Deadpool’s other hand. She easily dodged the gravel and then realized Deadpool was now standing right in front of her and the raised hand was coming down for a heavy claw- like strike across her face sending her sprawling into the ground.

"You didn't watch the birdie!" Deadpool called out laughing. Luna cried out in frustration as she scrambled back up. Luna charged full on at Deadpool, practically seething at the mouth. throwing out her right forehoof at Deadpools head. Deadpool made a feint to the left and then to the right as she followed up her attack with a left jab. At which point wrapped his arm around Luna's outstretched foreleg and slid under and around it to Luna's side. He then rolled across Luna's back with her fore leg still hooked placing Luna in an arm lock. As Deadpool touched the floor after rolling across her back he sent a vicious straight kick right into Luna's gut causing her to lift into the air from the force of the blow. She struck out with her right wing catching Deadpool on the lower portion of the rib cage causing a rib to dislodge. Deadpool still held the the arm lock strong after the wing strike so the princess jumped and spun into the hold and windmill slammed her hoof against Deadpool's head. Which forced him to back off slightly dazed. Luna took the opportunity to rush forward and wrap one fore leg around his back and used the other one to repeatedly slam her hoof into his gut which caused Deadpool to vomit blood.

As she forced Deadpool backwards as she repeatedly gut punched him, Deadpool found an opening and as she took a step forward he caught her rear leg with his her to trip and fall forward. Deadpool used the falling momentum to spin them around and seize the mounted position and worm his way out of the grip she had around his back. He proceeded to wildly flail down with his fists with no particular rhythm or reason, beating against both her face and the floor as he occasionally missed completely. Luna desperate to get out of this position, forced her wings down hard against the floor picking her up into an almost standing position and nearly flinging Deadpool off of her but he had latched on with his legs. She then kicked down with her rear legs against the floor to force both of them around her wings and flipping over her head. Deadpool face planted into the ground as Luna rolled through and she then leaped out of Deadpool's leg grip as soon as it slackened.

Deadpool quickly scrambled back to his feet just in time to see Luna descending at him with hoof raised ready to squash him. Deadpool reacted fast making for a front flip out of the way not before catching Luna in the face with the back of his heel during the arc of the flip. The unexpected strike to the head caused Luna to face plant into the ground instead of landing properly. Deadpool laughed heartily at her as she scrambled back up to her hooves. Luna growled viciously back revealing what appeared to be a row of sharp jagged teeth instead her usual set of dentures. Luna shot forward seeking out Deadpool jugular so she could rip it out with her new canines. Deadpool easily feinted the attack and as Luna's face shot passed his own he bopped her under the chin with the back of his right hand immediately followed by bringing his left elbow down onto the back of Luna's neck. Luna caught herself before hitting the floor and struck Deadpool underneath his chin with her wing. Luna jumped backward and caught Deadpool in the kidney with her elbow as she shot backwards. Deadpool tried to round house kick her in the face as she landed but Luna suddenly dropped to the floor and made for a spinning leg sweep that caught Deadpool by surprise. As Deadpool fell, Luna completed the spin and followed up her attack by spearing Deadpool with her horn through the gullet and then flinging him off to the side.

Deadpool left a streak of blood across the ground as he skidded along the floor. "That’s the second time 'hurk' today that’s happened to me.’Cough' How's your day been?’hurk'" Deadpool jokingly asked: picking himself up again, coughing up more blood and clutching the new hole in his gut. Celestia looked at Twilight curiously, at which point she witnessed Twilight looking away ashamedly.

Deadpool then charged at Luna, laughing maniacally, causing Luna to back up a little in shock and confusion. As soon as he got close enough he leaped into the air, attacking with a flying round house kick which Luna dodged followed by a mid-air axe kick which she barely managed to block. However she wasn’t fast enough to see the Hulk Smash attack that Deadpool delivered using the momentum from the previous axe kick to deliver the attack just before landing. The strength of the blow caused Luna to bounce off the ground during which time Deadpool took the opportunity to grab one of her legs and while she was in the air Deadpool spin threw her over and somersaulted along with her flung body but Luna made a mid-air recovery using her wings and promptly head-butted the somersaulting Deadpool as he came around. This was followed by a gut punch, a leg sweep and a heavy, tree shattering buck to the chest with both rear hooves, launching Deadpool high into the air. Luna launched herself into the air in pursuit and while high above the ground Luna gripped deadpool’s left arm with her teeth and began to carry out a high speed barrel-roll. The speed of Luna's spin was so violent that she ripped Deadpool's arm from its socket as his body flew to the ground at such a high speed that it created a miniature crater and sent cracks all across the now desecrated floor.

Luna dropped Deadpool's arm, shocked at the ferocity of her attack as she hovered in the air. Deadpool continued to lay there motionless. Luna landed next to the crater, worried that she might have over done it a little. At that moment Deadpool sat up like a zombie coming back to life and looked at the arm in his lap. "Thy arm hath been sundered. Doth thou yield?" Luna inquired, slipping back into the old Equestrian dialect. Everypony in the room was shocked in awe at this excessively violent turn of events. Fluttershy had long since fainted somewhere near the beginning of the fight while Rainbow Dash was trembling with excitement. Pinkie Pie was strangely calm and held her usual infectious smile on her face as she watched. Shatter Shield had already given up and just watched the fight disapprovingly, hoping that it was finally over.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Deadpool cried suddenly, shocking everpony. "That Was My Squeezin' Arm! Why'd It Have To Be My Squeezin' Arm?" He complained in a very poor southern accent. Applejack was not amused and Macintosh looked pretty much the same if not a little disgusted from the severed arm Deadpool was flailing about.

Luna drew back as she was alarmed at the strange reaction to the lost arm. "Art thou... alright?" Luna asked now a little concerned fearing she may have caused more than just physical harm.
Deadpool stood up holding his left arm by the wrist in his right hand. "It appears that I have been... Disarmed!" The joke had made everypony groan. "Could you... lend me a hand?" More groans resounded in the throne room. "Nah, I'm just fuckin with ya."

Suddenly Deadpool dashed forward, laughing like a maniac and holding his arm over his head. Luna was unable to react fast enough to the insane attack as Deadpool began beating Luna with the meaty end of his arm. Deadpool lashed out connecting with ten successive strikes with his arm in a random flurry of blows to the head until Luna did a back flip double buck to the chest in order to knock him back. This sent Deadpool flying backwards. "ENOUGH! THIS ENDS NOW!" Luna cried out using the royal Canterlot voice. Deadpool had already shot up; surprised at the sheer volume the princess was capable of.

Luna shot forward with an acceleration that made even Rainbow Dash jealous. Deadpool swung at the incoming princess with his severed arm but Luna parried the attack and riposted with a left straight followed by a right hook then finished with left uppercut. As Deadpool tried to attack again Luna dodged under, throwing out her rear hooves in front of her fore hooves bucking and breaking both of Deadpool's kneecaps, after which she used her forward momentum to slide in between Deadpool's legs before he fell and grip one of his ankles with her teeth as she slid through, making a quick slide recovery and already getting back up whilst holding Deadpool's ankle. At the same moment Luna lifted Deadpool’s body into the air and proceeded to slam him against the ground repeatedly leaving large crack marks in the ground everywhere she slammed him down.

Luna kept smashing Deadpool against the ground with no sign of letting up until Celestia called out to her; "That is Enough Luna! Cease and calm your nerves." to stop her enraged sister. Luna stopped immediately and released Deadpool's leg from her mouth. Luna's eyes returned to normal, her pupil's becoming round again instead of thin, cat like slits and her eye colour changed back as well. Luna's face was that of sudden realization of where she was and what she was doing. She looked down in horror at the mangled and bloody mass of Deadpool that lay at her hooves. She then looked around at the massive destruction they had caused in the once grand throne room that now looked like a gore spattered battle field. She also noticed that she was covered in blood, granted most of it was not her blood, in fact very little of it as her blood which disturbed Luna most of all.

Luna looked up at her sister with a sorrowful look in her eyes. "I... I-I'm so sorry, Sister. I-I must have lost control. P-please forgive me." Luna's head sank low.

Celestia regarded her sister with a disappointed look. "Get yourself cleaned up now. We will talk about this later." She released Shatter Shield's magical anchor and he rushed to Luna's side to comfort her.

Luna nuzzled Shield back. "Of course, Sister." She looked down at Deadpool again. "Please forgive me Mr. Wilson I never meant to lose control like that. I'm so sorry." She said to the mangled mound flesh not expecting an answer as She began to back away from him.

Suddenly a soft, broken, and very pained laugh started to emit from the motionless broken body that surprised everypony despite it being hard to hear. Deadpool began to speak in a voice that sounded like Darth Vader without his helmet on and minus the respirator. "I can't... really understand... what anybody is saying... right now... but it sounds like... you got in trouble... Eh, Princess?" Deadpool gurgled out. "Before I black out again... I just wanted to tell you... Thank you, Princess." Everypony gawked in surprise a little except for Pinkie who seemed to have an understanding look on her face, as well as some blood spray which creeped everypony the fuck out although she was not the only pony to get splattered a little. However she was the only pony that didn't seem to react to it. Deadpool continued, "Thank you... for setting my mind... straight, well... as straight as it's gonna get... that is. I don't know... how I'm gonna adjust to... this place, but I'm a mercenary... adapting to survive... comes with the job y'know. If you’re feeling sorry... don't. Trust me... I've had much worse... done to me, heh. Anyways... I attacked you remember."
[Hey we're back what did we miss.... Oh!]
[Whoa holy shit man; apparently we got all kinds of Fucked Up!]

Luna smiled at Deadpool's words giving a sort of grateful curtsy. "No, thank you Wade Wilson." Luna replied.
[Do you know what she said; cuz i don't know what she said? She said words right?]
[Yeah, that part of our brain hasn't been repaired yet.]

"What? I still can't understand you. Oh... Can you do me a favour? Could you... put my arm back on? I don't... want to have to grow... a whole new one. That... takes a while." Luna grimaced as she picked up the severed limb and then pushed it against where it was supposed to go."Ooooow, that's still tender." Deadpool groaned in pain.
[Actually I'm wondering how we're even speaking let alone clearly.]
[Plot convenience.]
[Oh yeah.]

"Also one last thing, dress making one.... um, Rarity! That's it! Could you... make me a new suit...? I seem to have broken... this one." Rarity face hooved and then shook her head in agreement even though he couldn't see her. "Aaaand there I go!" and just like that he was unconscious again.
[Damn it!]

Luna and Shield once again started to make their way out and to the Castle bath house; she really wanted to get all of the gore off of her. She also knew that it was going to be a bit strange for the castle servants and other guards to see their princess splattered head to hoof in somepony else's blood, so she decided to teleport the both of them there instead. Everypony else was still staring at the carnage of the aftermath of the fight.

"That.... was... BUCKING AWESOME!" Rainbow Dash was the first to break the awkward silence with an almost cheer-like shout.

"Rainbow!" Applejack glared at Rainbow Dash.

"I know Right!" Pinkie gleefully chipped in.

"Pinkie!" Rarity scolded disapprovingly.

"Come on Applejack, how often does a pony get to see a goddess fight an alien? I mean it was a bit disturbing at parts I'll admit but you can't deny the sheer awesomeness of what just happened. Which reminds me, is somepony going to help him?" Rainbow asked, pointing the twisted and broken Deadpool.

"You make a good point, Rainbow Dash." Celestia added. "Guard, would you be so kind as to go retrieve a stretcher for poor Mr Wilson here? We need to get him to medical bay so he can heal." Celestia stated to the guard closest to her. It took a second for the guard to register what the Princess had said and made his way out. She looked over at Twilight whose mouth was still agape. Twilight was trying to come to terms with what just happened and the fact that she was the one who brought this alien to the castle who then attacked Princess Luna, completely ignoring all the dialogue in between. Pinkie and Rainbow were excitedly chatting away about the fight that just took place while Applejack just looked at Rainbow Dash, sighed heavily and smiled at her. Macintosh and Rarity were standing over Fluttershy trying to get her to wake up. Deadpool was still very much unconscious and not moving. Celestia just smiled and thought to herself 'well, that just happened. At least it proved to be informative.'

-------A Few Hours Later-------

Celestia was walking around the throne room taking note of the amount of damage done and the stains left. She had already dismissed all the guards to other duties and the mane six had all been given rooms at the castle. Her sister still hadn't returned from her bath with shatter shield either, Celestia knew that they were going to be a while. Deadpool had been long since carried off as well, so Celestia was now by herself in the throne room.

"'sigh' we’re going to have to re-do this entire room, that's going to take a while." She uttered to herself, looking at all the blood sprayed around.

"Oh BooHoo! You know sacrificing this room was well worth the information! Besides this place was looking a bit dull anyways it could use a little redecorating. Although I kind of like it how it is now." A voice exclaimed from seemingly nowhere.

"Hello, Discord. Did you enjoy the show?" Celestia enquired still assessing the damage and calculating prices.

The Draconaquus out of nowhere started to pull himself out of the floor. "You know Celestia, even after that whole fiasco in Ponyville I still wasn't too thrilled about coming here." Celestia rolled her eyes a little and looked over at Discord who was now lounging in her throne and picking at his teeth. "However, after seeing today’s turn of events I'm starting to think this whole ‘becoming good’ thing wasn't so bad after all. I tell you I was certain that this place was going to be as boring as boring can be, especially with you limiting my magic use, which I am still a bit sore about I might add."

Celestia just grinned at him. "So you think we can use him. I'm a bit worried about how his mental condition might affect his loyalty and morality." Celestia stated as she walked over to where Discord was lounging with sunglasses over his eyes.

"Oh I don't think morals will be an issue. While mentally unstable maybe, he's a hero at heart. So as long as you don't do anything to piss him off we should be fine on loyalty." Discord said nonchalantly. "As funny as it may sound coming from someone like me, what that guy really needs right now is some friends before we can use his skills to our benefit. And I’m sure he'll be happy to help out, what with the boredom and such. I feel like I can really relate to this one, ha-ha, who knew?"

"Alright, I'll talk to my student about him and let her know what needs to be done. I'm going to have her take him back to Ponyville, there's no way he'd last long here." Celestia declared with a slightly worried look. "You should go see Fluttershy before she leaves for Ponyville, I'm sure she'd be happy to know how you’re doing."

"Hmmm, yes. I believe I will." Discord replied whilst making his way for the door when he suddenly stopped and turned back towards Celestia. "Oh, and there's one more thing. I warn you now, do not make this alien your enemy. For if you do, I have the feeling that with the chaos he'll cause, it won't be so simple a problem to solve as your latest ones have been. That creature will tear this castle down around you and even with all your power; I doubt you'll be able to stop him, Baby Sister." Discord warned in a foreboding voice before turning back around and humming to himself as he walked out the doors.

Celestia sat down on her throne sighing heavily, she kinda just wanted this day to end already. "Ugh! What am I going to do with this?" She moaned to herself. She sat there for a minute and then got up with a sudden idea popping into her head. "I need a drink!" She then briskly trotted out of the hall, heading for her room.

End

Author's Note:

I hoped you enjoyed the chapter and especially the fight If you did not find the fight epic in some way let me know and i will alter the damn thing until its perfect. It's fuckin Luna versus Deadpool I have to make it awesome its a moral obligation. Oh and also yes the title to this chapter is a Batman reference.
Alright now its time to address the plot holes and other missing info (this is only being done because I fucked up and wrote the series out of order so while I know whats goin on with the story i'm sure some of you are confused or you haven't read that many deadpool comics and I'm just explaining some of his odd behaviors):
The Fight- I know the fight seemed to happen out of nowhere but there is actually reason for that. The type of personality i'm using for Luna is the warrior princess kind of thing (not xena) think more along the lines of veteran soldier. She hails from the time when war ravaged Equestria and has become a warrior at heart though she keeps it in check most of the time like now she sometimes needs to cut loose Celestia understands this even though she does not fully approve. Deadpool on the other hand needs to fight or kill something literally. He starts to have severe mental breakdowns when he doesn't for extended periods of time read the comics its true. Ever sense Deadpool went to see Dr. Bong for therapy sessions to get over some issues he was having with his past, Dr. Bong had told him that the only way to get over his past is to confront it and so he then goes out and tries to kill wolverine but sense then Deadpool has used fighting as a kind of therapeutic relief system. The kissing Luna thing is an actual move he uses in some fights this will not turn into a Deadpool/Luna ship fic but Luna will remain an important character.

Discord- In this fic yes I'm going by the belief that all of the different godlike creatures are related and Discord is one of the oldest of them all. While it is possible to make other alicorn's and such like with twilight (which hasn't happened yet BTW's) It is extremely rare and they are not considered gods just immortal. Anyways more on Discord this is the reformed Discord and the events of that episode happened pretty recently. While seemingly not very important now his importance as a character will start to increase drastically I havn't decided which chapter yet for now he will seem like a side character.

And that is all I apologize for my shitty grammar which i promise you will be fixed soon enough as a recently got an editor who is working on this story now thanks for reading and you should go back over the story once editing is finished i'm sure it will be much more pleasing.
Special thanks to my editor: DarkLordtheSlayer

3,038 views

Previous Chapters