Friendship is Magic, Squidward.
Friendship is Magic, Squidward.
“Eugh, what is that thing?”
“I don’t know, darling, but it’s positively atrocious!”
“Umm... I think we should help it... If that’s alright with you, girls.”
“I know! We should throw it a party!”
“Pinkie Pie, you are so random!”
“Ah reckon it looks a bit like that fancy sea food that Big Macintosh uses as fertilizer, but bigger.”
“Let’s be rational, girls. This isn’t fancy fertilizer. Look, it’s waking up.”
As Squidward slowly opened his eyes, he saw that he was surrounded by the curious faces of six colorful horses and one purple dragon. His eyes shot open in alarm as he crawled backwards as fast as he could.
“Wh-who are you? WHAT are you? Where am I?” Squidward’s panicked reactions caused his onlookers to take a step back. His enormously dilated pupils darted around in his head, looking in vain for an escape.
One of the horses, purple with what appeared to be a horn, stepped forward. “Well, I’m Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, and Spike,” she said, pointing out each one in turn. “We’re ponies, and you’re in the beautiful domain of Princess Celestia, Equestria!”
“Really?” Squidward’s expression changed to one of boredom. “I’m stuck in some crazy place with some insane tyrant princess, surrounded by little neon horses. Just great.”
“What was that, darling? You were mumbling.”
“Oh, nothing.” Squidward replied. “There’s nothing I’d love better than being in the situation I’m in right now.” He glanced to his right, noticing that the little purple dragon was slowly inching closer to him.
“Great!” exclaimed the purple pony, Twilight Sparkle. “Would you mind telling us what exactly you are, Mister, umm... Squidward?”
Squidward raised an eyebrow. “Hey, how did you know my-- Oh.” He stopped as he noticed that he was still wearing his Krusty Krab name tag.
“Spike, no poking!” Twilight yelled, just in time to keep the little dragon from prodding at Squidward’s bulbous nose. “So, Mister Squidward, what are you?”
He put on his best sarcastic face, leaned in close to Twilight and said, “You know, I’m really not quite sure. My name sure isn’t a dead giveaway at all.” Under his breath, he added, “Morons.”
A pink pony, who looked entirely too excited to see him, immediately began bouncing up and down in ways that didn’t seem possible for the pony anatomy. “Oh! Oh! I know! Are you an octopus?”
Squidward just stared at her. Then he sighed, as if giving up. “Whatever.”
“Well, Squidward the Octopus, I’d like to be the first to welcome you to the glorious town of Ponyville!” said Twilight Sparkle. “I’m sure you’ll find that everypony in town is very pleasant, and that they’d all love to be your friend!”
“That’s great,” said Squidward flatly. “And I hate all of you.”
A dread hush fell upon the small gathering. For a moment, none of the ponies could say a word, until...
“I-I-I’m sure y-you don’t mean that... D-Do you?” a soft-spoken yellow pony asked.
“Ehhh, yep. I do,” Squidward answered. A prissy-looking white pony swooned.
“But Mister Squidward!” began Twilight Sparkle. “Friendship is magic! With friends, anything is possible! We took down Nightmare Moon, Discord, and even a stuck-up magician with the power of friendship! We couldn’t have saved Ponyville if we weren’t friends!”
“That’s nice, but I don’t need friendship,” Squidward stood up and began pushing his way through the ponies.
“Hey, wait a minute!” shouted Pinkie. “If you’re an octopus, how can you breathe out of water?”
The group stared at each other.
__________________________________________________________________________
The funeral was a simple affair. A crude, wooden coffin, holding within its deathly grasp the pale green body of a once-cruel and angry cephalopod, was slowly lowered into a hole by Rarity. As it settled at the bottom, Twilight replaced the dirt in the hole, and Spike stood up to say a few words.
“Well, I dunno how he got here, but remember, girls, we must NEVER speak of this again.”
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YOU SUCK!
This was actually a pretty funny for a short fic
It reminds me of some of Mr. Poniator's short clips on dA and youtube.
“We’re ponies, and you’re in the beautiful domain of Princess Celestia, Equestria!”
This just in, Princess Celestia is a town.
Unlike your...anonymous counter part there, I think this wasn't half bad. 3 stars.
This was absolutely hilarious! Sure it was short, but it was short and sweet.
3/5 stars
Wow, when I heard you firsttalk about this idea I thought it would suck
. Instead, it's the perfect match-up of total sarcasm, boredom, and hatered paired with ponies, magic, and friendship
. Short, sweet, and the perfectly flavored collision I could see happening between these shows. 
What is this-I don't even...
The ending made me laugh
I was wondering why he could breath out of water until it was mentioned.
You should have put this in the "Comedy" category! This is hilarious!
It had to be done, and it was beautiful :'D
That's a very good question, Pinkie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_g7liFq_3A
Hehe... that was okay, but way too short.
Love Squidward's sarcasm though.
3/5
149085
I think you got lost or bored. meh
It was short and random, just that.
That was actually pretty funny.
149124 this just in, if equestria is celestia's domain, that means that she lives and rules in equestria. not that she IS equestria.
but thank you.
and to anyone who read and liked this, thanks! i didnt really expect this to be rated well cuz yes, it is short, and its not my best. just completely random and i felt like writing. im glad you all liked it (minus that first guy. he makes me laugh. hehe)
149085 aww thank you, youre so kind
Much, I do not agree - but You are too amazing of an author for me to ever say anything bad about you
It could be worse, it could be a crossover clop fic. *tentacle porn*
I LOL'd at the end.
Squidward.: "FUCK FRIENDSHIP."
Pinky: "How are you breathing out of water."
DEAD
the end.
151793
151793 i should make an alternate ending. here it is!
Squidward slowly entwined his many tentacles with Twilight's legs. "Oh, Squidward!"
"How do you breathe out of water?"
DEAD.
u like?
151758 d'aww thank you
but what do you not agree with? lol jw.
152523
Fuck you for that mental image. i need brain bleach.
151793
Ick, no, ew, foowee!
151793
I'd read that!
This is great! I need a break from reading sadfics and this really brightened up my day.
BAH! I lawve dis! Tis guud time!
I'm pretty sure this is the kind of joke that'd show up at the end of an episode of Spongebob. Perfectly done.
282637 thanks
283347 LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL