• Member Since 9th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 3rd, 2015

4Darker


E

A lonely and broken Trixie Lulamoon endeavors to make a special day as memorable as possible.

A short one-shot story about the past, present, and future, taking place several months after the events of Magic Duel.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 9 )

I liked it.

Great use of description and great depiction of Trix's psyche.
I loved how you walked us through each motion, instead of simply saying 'she stirred' - for slow pieces like this, such description is necessary to make the piece more reflective.

Great use of showing, not telling as well.

Faved.

I spotted a few typos, but nothing big. ('Flower' was used rather than flour, once)

A simple story with a lot of weight.

I gotta admit, I'm a sucker for a good Trixie story that explores her thoughts and emotions. I like the use of Trixie struggling through the preparation of her cake, as the reader gets to experience just how hard it is in her current state. We follow her along on this little journey and are rewarded for our patience. Just like Trixie does.

A wonderful little story. Congrats!

1984843
Homophones, my greatest foe! At least I made the mistake in a setting where flowers are actually eaten. The typo has been apprehended and subsequently sent to Typo Hell, as is the custom among my people. Thank you for your vigilance in the war on improper spelling.

(And thanks @ both of you for the comments!)

Simply sublime.

You can make the very simple things become full of emotion 4Darker.

Damn you. You made me shed a couple of tears. That's hard to do.

Excellent pacing, going slowly really helps the feels settle. I really wanted to go there and hug Trixie.

wow amazing. i feel really bad for the poor trixie :fluttercry:
great job

Very well written.

Why is it that all the good stories are overlooked on this site? This is better than a lot of the other featured stories that I see on the front of the site. Sure this is a one-shot but that doesn't mean it's not well written.

This was a good story that hit me hard for some reason. I'm still trying to figure out why it resonated so well with me. You have a slow paced story that focuses so much on the little tasks while perfectly showing us images of her past and allowed us to slowly get the full picture. You then throw in those little comments that seem to hit all the harder when contrasted with the rest, like the quick comment about the rose on the coffin. You also do a good job of ending this and I like the little joke about Celestia's gift. :) Why this isn't rated higher, I have no idea.

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