Love's Powers Lost

Queen Chrysalis loves her kingdom and its people. They've lived in peace and harmony for generations and celebrate love above all else. That is...until a mysterious visitor appeared presenting the royal court with a most unusual gift.

This is the story of the events that led these ponies and their Queen down a course of becoming the creatures that attacked Canterlot.

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Comments ( 12 )

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ZoidbergIsBestPony

ZoidbergIsBestPony #1 · Jan 11th, 2013 · · ·

I hope you enjoyed the story and have a peek at some of my other stories as well

If you thought the title sounded a little Shakespearean...You're right!
Such a classy title deserves at least 10 mustaches I say!
(even if I got the idea from an ep of Dr. Who! )

LordBucket

LordBucket #2 · Jan 11th, 2013 · · ·

Story reads well enough, but the entire premise is something of a Voodoo Shark. You're explaining the background of something that was never made very clear by saying that it was caused by something else...and not making that something else clear.

Where did the curse come from? How were the cameloids afflicted with it? Where did the potion come from? Why did inflicting it upon the Ceridwen ponies cause it the last cameloid to be freed from the curse? If feeding on love restores the physical forms of those afflicted with the curse, fills the holes in their bodies, etc. then why was Chrysalis shown to have the holes after spending time in Canterlot?

The story isn't bad, but it introduces far more questions than it answers. At the same time...it doesn't address any of the plot holes in the original story, either. For example, what exactly was the point of impersonating Cadance if she was going to simply have her changelings openly invade anyway? A question like that doesn't need to be your problem. It was a plot hole in the original episode. But since this appears to be an attempt to "explain the changelings" and how and why they came to attempt their invasion, it's worth pointing out that your story doesn't really explain why they were doing what they were doing.

You're introducing more questions than you're answering.

ZoidbergIsBestPony

ZoidbergIsBestPony #3 · Jan 11th, 2013 · · ·

1943458

A fair point. If I had the time, this could have easily been expanded into a longer story and delve into all the plot holes that would reveal the origin of the curse itself (the mysterious vial), why the cure is to inflict another people with it ('The Ring' scenario) I would even probably go into what happened to them after their failure.

My answer for the holes not filling in...it took a lot of time for the holes to close (2 months) - the holes you see in the wedding are relatively small. (So if she was only impersonating the princess for a couple of weeks, and she was near starvation at the start, the holes would be about the size we saw in the series.

That's my scientific breakdown and I'm sticking to it!

Thanks for the critique! (I've added a little more to the ending to at least close off one more plot-hole...and possibly create another! [see above])

Eighth Note

Eighth Note #4 · Jan 11th, 2013 · · ·

Awesome story! i loved how you made it so that it could continue into the actual show

ZoidbergIsBestPony

ZoidbergIsBestPony #5 · Jan 11th, 2013 · · ·

1944188

Thanks! Awesome Avatar!

CommanderX5

CommanderX5 #6 · Jan 13th, 2013 · · ·

Wow, 1 kingdom fallen, second will fall, and Equestria end up to be a toy of war.

That is one sneaky villain.

Csquared08

Csquared08 #7 · Jan 16th, 2013 · · ·

Oh man. Oh maaaaaaan. I really enjoyed this. I really hope you continue this. There's a lot more story to tell. And I would very much like to read it.

ZoidbergIsBestPony