JUST a... hug?
"Oh wow... What big teeth he has!"
"Oh my... What long canines he has! "
"Opf! What bad breath he has!"
You are slowly beginning to regain consciousness, and as you do you feel a comforting breeze gently playing with your hair. It's ever so slightly warm, and it even smells a slight bit of... Toothpaste?
What?
Suddenly you feel something touching your mou- no... Your teeth?
What?
You open your eyes to come face to face with the most beautiful blue eyes you'd ever seen. Wait, that wasn't a breeze you were feeling... that- that was breathing!
What do? Come on brain... Think of something!
"Hi?" You manage to get out while smiling nervously. Wait, something was touching your mouth? What is-
"Haha! I knew it!" The blue mare excitedly interrupts your train of thought. "You're a carnivore!" She says practically squealing the last part out.
"Um..." You start to try to say something, but the blue mare interrupts you.
"They look so... Sharp!" She says, her excitement causing her voice to quaver. She quickly presses against your body, and leans forward almost nose to nose to get a better look at your teeth.
In shock you push her back to an arms length and gasp out, "Miss! I don't even know you!"
"Oh... Right!" She nervously chuckles, then she slides up a little bit closer to you and sticks her hoof out for a handshake. You cautiously shake her hoof gently. She beams and excitedly says,
"I'm Colgate! I live here in Ponyville, and I'm a dentist! I've always loved taking care of teeth, and honestly I would just... Love to touch yours!"
Colgate wasn't making eye contact. Her hoof still hadn't let go of your hand from the handshake, and she was very clearly staring at your mouth.
*Ahem* "Colgate? My eyes are up here." You say irritably gesturing to your eyes.
"Hmmm...? Oh! Right...." Colgate says while blushing, "I just... They are so big!" She squees.
You roll your eyes. "Listen Colgate... You need to-"
Colgate quickly reaches her hooves forward and squeezes your cheeks (not THOSE cheeks you pervert!) and beams as soon as she sees what she's been looking for with such intensity.
"Hey!" You say, swatting her hooves off you. "No touching!"
"Oh come on!" Colgate says with a flirtatious smile. "If you didn't like them being touched you wouldn't be flashing those beauties around!" She starts reaching forward to your mouth again and you swat her hooves away a second time.
"I can't believe I'm having this conversation! No means NO!" You announce loudly.
Colgate's ears droop. "So... You don't like me?" Small tears start to form at the corners of her eyes. "You... Think I'm weird and obsessed like every other stallion has?"
"No... Nonono!" You can't take it. Those gorgeous puppy eyes had you. There was no WAY you could let yourself hurt her feelings! So you carefully shake your head while smiling reassuringly at her. "I just think that you have to respect my personal space. I mean you can't just come out of nowhere and just.... start..."
You just noticed the increasingly vacant expression on Colgate's face, and the little bit of drool starting to trickle down her mouth. Ah crud... you've been smiling at her. Quickly covering up your teeth you admonish her,
"Colgate! Hey! Did you hear anything I just said!?"
Colgate snaps out of it and stutters out, "What? Um.... Yeah! You were talking about... Personal.... Things?"
You facepalm.
"Colgate... If you can't do anything but stare at my teeth then I'm going to have to stop smiling around you!" You say frustratedly.
"No don't do that!" Colgate hurredly says, "You have... The most BEAUTIFUL smile I've ever seen! It'd be a crime to cover it up!"
"Colgate..."
"I mean... If you have it, flaunt it!"
"Colgate...."
"Why would you-"
"Colgate!!!" You interrupt. "I'm more than just my teeth!" You say while crossing your arms in frustration.
"I'll SAY!"
You were just interrupted by a mint and white unicorn from the door, holding what seems to be a bag of groceries. "Have you seen those hands!"
"uggggh...." You quietly groan as you massage your temples.
"Oh... Are those STRONG hands bothering you?" Lyra says saucily while trotting over. "Here, let me help..." Without asking the mint unicorn drops her bag of groceries and grabs your hands in her hooves, and shaking your hand says, "I'm Lyra! I... Hope we can be good friends..."
With that she gives you the biggest puppy eyes you've ever seen, and then right as your guard goes down...
Straight away she begins to nuzzle your hands.
Wow... She sure is soft...
"UM! *Ahem* Excuse me!" You quickly tear your hands away from Lyra and back a few steps away from the mares.
"You two.. Just..."
You pause, take a moment to compose yourself, and yell.
"Quit touching me!" You stick your hands into your hoodie's pocket in frustration and notice Lyra's face fall in disappointment. "I don't.... Like being grabbed at!" You mutter out, completely red faced.
Lyra and Colgate both look at you, than eachother, then back to you. They both smile and open their arms for a group hug. After a few seconds of hesitation Colgate beckons you in, after another second of hesitation you slowly join in the hug.
Colgate gently squeezes you and says, "We're sorry... It's just... You are so.... So...." Colgate pauses, searching for the right word.
"Gorgeous!?" Lyra exclaims.
"Yes! Gorgeous!" Colgate affirms. "And we've never seen anything like you... So... We're curious!"
"Well..." You start to say, "I guess that-"
"HEY! Whose hoof is that!" You yell in alarm.
With a sheepish squee Lyra holds up her hoof. "Hehe... My bad."
"That's IT!" You angrily yell. You push yourself away from the soft... Incredibly... Soft... *ahem* group hug and blushing you say.
"Alright. Sit down! We need to talk!"
You begin pacing around the two mares who are sitting and listening to you, gesturing wildly as you speak (Lyra seems to be drooling now...)
"I just was kidnapped, almost turned into a mare, pursued by a MAGICAL UNICORN, almost made into a state-sponsored baby-maker, groped by a forest, kidnapped by rainbow dash, and now...."
You turn on the two sheepish looking unicorns, "I'm being felt up by two unicorns who didn't even bother to ask my name!"
"Oh! I know!" Lyra happily squeaks out, "I'll call you Mr. Handsy!"
You facepalm. "Girls... Just call me America. Every other pony has." You groan out.
"Nice to meet you 'Mare-ica!" Lyra happily says, "So.... Friendship group hugs??" She blurts out a little TOO enthusiastically.
"Any OTHER ideas..." You say, your eyebrow twitching angrily.
"Toothpaste fight?" Colgate timidly suggests.
Rubbing your temples you sit down."Girls.. I.... Where do I start with you two!" You say.
Lyra begins to say, "Back massag-"
"NO!" You interrupt. "Are you girls interested in anything OTHER than my body?"
Colgate hesitantly asks, "What... Else... Is.. There?"
"What else is-..." You exclaim in frustration. "Lots! LOTS!There is lots of things about me other than my body! Like my personality!" You exclaim.
Lyra looks at you quizzically and says,
"But... You don't look fat..."
"Urrrgh!" You groan out. "You mares are impossible!"
You begin storming toward the door, right as you are reaching toward the handle, you feel a hoof gently rest on your butt. You start to turn around to angrily tell off the grabby mare when she speaks first.
"'Merica?" Colgate says timidly. "I'm sorry... I just... Haven't been around stallions much and... I- we.... Don't know how to talk to guys..." Colgate removes her hoof and looks at the floor bashfully.
"We... We many not know much, but... If you'll have us, Lyra and I will do our best to be... Respectful." Colgate smiles at you, and Lyra places her hoof on Colgate's shoulder and nods.
You think for a few seconds... Well.... You don't know how to get out of Equestria, and even if you did, would you want to leave? Plus... You currently are trying to escape being ponyfied, and while these mares are a bit grabby... They strangely enough seem to LIKE you as a human...
"Alright." You say more to yourself than to anyone else. "Look. I need a place to stay, and... If..." You pause for a second. This feels really.. weird to be bargaining with two girls... Like this...
"If... Ifyouaregentleillletyoutouchme!" You blurt out.
Wow. Did you seriously just say that?
Lyra and Colgate's eyes both open wide, "Wow! Seriously!"
"It's a deal!" Lyra says quickly, sticking her hoof forward for a hoofshake.
While you feel a bit nervous... This should be a safe place to stay....
"Deal." You say, gently shaking Lyra's hoof.
Lyra starts to drool a slight bit and you barely hear her mutter excitedly, "Think of the possibilities!"
Oh my. What have you done.
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does he have his "Grape" whistle
The grapists
lol just read the previous 5 chapters and this comes out
Bad touch. Bad touch, Lyra. And who wants Colgate's dirty hooves in their mouth? Ewwww.
1933787havent seen this in a loooooooooong time
Thanks for the laughs
1933845 np i needed to see it again to
no means no and he says NO! *procedes to slap away hoof*
That turned around quickly.
OMG Colgate!!
And of course, the not-yet-used-in-an-episode-but-still-so-awesome Lyra.
This just keeps getting better.
Colgate, I don;t think you know how to talk to anypony. I am pretty sure you don't talk to mares like that either.
1933811
Re-name this story the grapes of wrath
This story is so darn entertaining.
Wow. This story is crazy.
Have a favorite.
I'll be okay with Lyra and Colgate, but yeah those personalities are kind of interesting.
Looks like America now has a hideout:
Where he can save
recover his hit points
watch cutscenes
and store items.
There's one more thing I want to say I really wish he doesn't turn into a pony, but if that's the way you're going for then, okay... :(
Colgate:COME BACK HERE SO I CAN TIE YOU TO A RADIATOR AND GRAPE YOU IN THE MOUTH!!!
Lyra:And gimme those hands.
1935032 America can beat the Equestrian govt, he shall not be ponified!
cant waiy for more :)
Great chapter and happy moving to DC. (we all know moving sucks so lets pretend its fun)
1933787
WAT.
1936432 Colgate wants to Grape him in the mouth, so he needs his grape whistle
I want this answer is he going to at least going to get some or at least except it because come on there has been 2-3 offers so far.
great update
1936727 Sorry... this will NOT be a clopfic.
Not what I write... 
But I hope you'll continue to read it anyways!
1936727
Hmm.... Turn him into a pony... Let me think... the main theme of the story is trying to escape being a pony... Will I turn "America" into a pony?
Ummm....
Hmm... maybe some more reinforcement for that point is needed?
He won't be turning into a pony... at least... FOR NOW! MUHAHAHAAHA!
Wait till Twilight finds out......ballistic, flaming, missile mare.
He didn't even have a chance to correct her about being an omnivore,
1935740
Thanks for the reassurance.
1977491 Anytime, the suspense is killing me...
1977637trying!!! I just hit a roadblock for a while. Had a breakthrough last night though.
The main problem for me is time. I generally work from 7am-6:30pm, and the rest of the time is spent working out or unwinding from work.
Plus procrastinating.
So. I am still writing, and I should have another chapter out sometime this weekend!
1978875 Thanks! I'll be eagerly awaiting the update...
THATS IT!!!
"pulls head arms and legs into hoodie like a turtle hiding in its shell."
im hiding inside my hoodie until you two get your acts together!
Pervert Lyra and Colgate are best Lyra and Colgate.
Moist
Good thing they didn't bring out the nitrous lol
OK, let's see... The basic premise of the story is "Equestria Needs Stallions."
And Twilight can turn mares into stallions. Applejack has probably become ...quite popular, suddenly.
Would it be rude to say your story's plot has a hole in it? Just an attempt at humor, there. This story was obviously never intended to make sense.
Let me say one thing
YOU JUST FUCKED UP
"If you are really gentle, I'll let you touch me."
I don't believe I've ever heard a man say those words before.
Yeesssssss~
Give in to the pone.
Caress their soft hooves.
Gaze into their colorful eyes.
Give in!
Mwuhahahaha ha!
4140599
I know this comment is old but, earlier it was mentioned that they don't have enough genetic variation in the gene pool. That's why she brought someone from another world.