Tree HAPE, a quick escape, and Universe hate...
How did it come to this.
Seriously universe. Why? Did you need to vent or something? Do you just enjoy "Ze Awkward"? If so screw you. Oh right. You'd better focus on "Ze Awkward" currently happening.
"Rainbow Da-" You open your mouth to speak and Rainbow promptly shoves her hoof down your throat. *Gack* "Shhh.... No need to talk 'lightweight'. Oh, and its just 'Dash' to you..." Rainbow slowly pulls her hoof from your mouth and trails it down your neck… Wiping your saliva off as she goes. (Does she really think that is sexy?)
"Mmmumm!" Rainbow says with forced enthusiasm. "I... I like..." Rainbow pauses for a few painfully awkward seconds.
"Your... Teeth?"
You facepalm, sending yourself into a slow backflip. Oh, the weightlessness spell. Right. You'd forgotten about that...
"And your hairless...-ness-ness. It's so... Exotic..." Rainbows hooves nervously reach out to stop your slow rotation, but quickly lets go after she touches you.
Then you understand.
The forced smile, the averted eyes, the slightly tense muscles and defensive posture....
She's nervous! Rainbow views this as a game! And Rainbow has to win at everything... That's why she stole you from Twilight, but she doesn't know where to go from here! She doesn’t know how to win this game!
You awkwardly stare at Rainbow. Rainbow stares back.
...
...
"You have no idea where to go with this huh?" You ask with a deadpan expression.
"Oh come on!" Rainbow announces while prancing around on her cloud. "I'm Rainbow Dash! Everything is SOO easy for me! No way I'd have a problem with-"
"So I'm easy huh? Can't get anypony else so you decide kidnap an easy target?" You reply with a raised eyebrow and smirk.
"What?! No! You should be glad I choose you! After all who wouldn't want to be alone with the awesome Rainbow Dash?" Her voice cracking just a slight bit as she said 'alone'.
Then suddenly… a most twisted, evil, and positively malicious idea occurred to you. You kick your legs and arms and slowly start floating toward Rainbow (you are still weightless remember!)
"Rainbow..." You say, your voice suddenly becoming husky "I completely agree.... And I'm soooo glad that you picked me." You meanwhile are slowly floating towards Rainbow like a amorous Star Destroyer. Menacing and growing larger by the second. You reach forward to hold Rainbows chin in your hand and look deeply into her eyes as you continue to float slowly towards her, your lips drawing ever closer to hers.... Your eyes begin to close....
"Ri- Right!" Rainbow stutters nervously. "I'm the best ahahaha! So be greatfull!" Rainbow is nervously backing away quickly, but you are keeping up as you float towards her. Rainbow nervously pulls her head from your grasp and rapidly turns to face end of her cloud. "Yuh- -I I mean, who wouldn't w- want to taste the Rainbow!?" Rainbow stutters out, obviously completely flustered. You decide to go for it.
You pinch Rainbow Dash's flank.
"EEP!" *WHACK* *WHOOSH*
Three things just happened. Rainbow made the cutest and most girly "EEP!" You've ever heard, BLASTED through her cloud and the three closest other clouds and kicked you right in the crotch.
*WHEEZE* "Game point. I win." You whisper from the fetal position.
*WHUMP* You just exited Rainbow's cloud via the crotch kick express. Apparently cloud walls don't hold up very well to a weightless human projectile... The problem now is that you are soaring midair, in the fetal position to who knows where.
10 minutes pass.
...
20 minutes. You yawn with boredom. The pain and nausea are gone now at least...
...
30 minutes. You can barely make out Rainbows cloud now. You wonder if someone will find you, or if you'll become the pony legend of the flying corpse! Wait. What if the spell wears off in midair! What if you'll plummet to your death! What if you instead fly into orbit! What-
Oh great. No legend of the flying corpse. Just a very splintery hole in the ground. You are heading at a frightening speed for some very huggy looking tree branches. Prepare for some tree HAPE! (Hugging without consent).
After experiencing what Justin Beiber goes through while being mobbed by 300 fangirls, you land straight in a bush bloodied and bruised in the middle of the Everfree. Just another day in the life of a Brony...
“Universe, could you… you know… throw me a metaphorical bone? I’d really appreciate it.” You ask after spitting out some offending twigs.”It’s up to you, but honestly… I’d really love to have a bit of luck.”
You groan as you check your arms and legs. No broken bones, but you’ve seen better days. You slowly pull yourself out of the bush, and survey your surroundings. Not much here other than a bunch of trees and bushes. You slowly start moving your aching body toward the end of the forest that is so full of tree HAPE.
The Evergree seems a lot different than you’d expected. While you expected a forest of horrors with a Manticore or Cockitrice around every corner, instead you just had a very... grabby forest. If these trees were sentient you’d get a restraining order. But other than avoiding touching any blue flowers you had little problems navigating the forest of HAPE so far.
“No wonder the ponies don’t enter here. Getting felt up by branches makes me want to ‘leaf’ this place.” Instantly you felt the Universe hate you just a little bit more. “Sorry! Sorry! I couldn’t resist!” As you continue slowly wandering through the Everfree, you wonder aloud, "Why does everyone think this place is so bad? Well, I’m not saying I’d like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.” You pull an offending twig from your hair, “If a bit grabby…”
"Buck. Buck-buck-Ba-gawk!"
"Crap." That’s probably a Cockatrice! You've already had to- Oh right... You just had to tempt the universe AND make a bad pun. The Universe loves to take advantage of those kinds of opportunities. You start to look in the direction of the noise when common sense slaps you upside the face and screams in your mind.
"Don't look into its eyes you idiot!"
You frantically begin feeling around with your hands while keeping your eyes closed, touching little else but branches and brush. You can hear the Cockatrice breaking twigs and branches as it charges toward you. Suddenly you feel the bark of a shall tree trunk and instinctively launch yourself away from the chicken of death. You fly through the forest with your eyes closed, feeling beaches tearing your clothes and scratching your face. You reach your arms blindly forward, hoping to keep yourself from smashing your head on an unseen tree trunk.
You hear crashing and clucking right behind you as you fly through the trees, and hesitantly open your eyes to look ahea-
TREE!
You dig your right foot into the ground, leaving a gash in the earth but steering your body free of the oncoming wood. "Nobody likes wood in their face." You mutter as you rocket past the tree. You dodge several other oncoming trunks and steadily pick up speed by using the trees and branches to pull yourself forward. The clucking suddenly stops behind you as you rocket out of the Everfree forest.
Zecora smiles as you leave the forest and quietly says, "This human will change many things, like the view of males upon which our society swings. But in the meantime this Brony will need help, I think I'll speak to the Apples about what will develop." Zecora carefully walks past the Cockatrice that had been chasing you. It seems to be weakly nursing the two hoof sized lumps starting to grow upon its head.
You are now rocketing past the last outcroppings of the Everfree, and now the rocks and grass are little else but a blur. Your efforts to slow down so far have been ineffective. The last of the trees had just flashed past you and with them goes any chance of using the branches and shrubs to slow yourself down. As you are speeding along you notice two things, 1. You are starting to approach Ponyville, and 2. you are starting to feel tingly again. Wait. Is the ground starting to get closer? “OH CRAP!” Twilight’s spell must be wearing off! You instinctively put your hand down to stop your fall and with a sickening *POP* you tumble head over heels. You come to a rest, gravity fully restored after a 20 foot roll, and as you try to push yourself off the ground your shoulder screams in agony as collapse upon the ground.
You can't help but yell in pain.
Using your good arm you slowly push yourself to your knees, and through the waves of pain you see a set of hooves approaching. You look up and see that mare with the dark red mane who was with Twilight in Quills and Sofas. What was her name again? Rosepetal? You faintly hear her saying something through the pain.
"Oh Sweet Celestia! Are you alright?"
"T- Tis- but a scratch."
You pass out.
Stats
Page generated in 0.028 seconds
Total duration
987 users online
1,462,080 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
FIRST
When he pinched rainbows flank I did this
Very funny story. I am enjoying this a lot.
That part with Rainbow? Perfect.
She has to win at everything. Even when she has no idea what to actually do.
1836583
t.qkme.me/3sante.jpg
fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/141/8/d/rainbow_dash_laugh_by_albertojulian-d50nq7o.gif
fim.413chan.net/fim/src/132113336995-Rainbow-Dash-Laughte.png
I'm going to post something completely useless: I WANT MOAR!!
there, now that that's out of my system, I want to say that this story is really funny. Keep up the good work, author! :D
I'm liking the quite a bit so far. I loved the part where he pinched rainbow the most in this chapter!
Ahh this is just great, this chapter sure was a bit grabby, first Rainbow Dash, then our America, then a forest and then possibly Rosepetal as she tries to drag an unconsious human
to her house to do some experimentingHOSPITAL, WHITE CLEAN HOSPITAL.I'm sensing that various forms of things being done without consent will become a theme here
hero....nuf sayd
This guy has my luck when i insult the world, universe ,and karma all at the same time 3 times over ...which is VERY VERY VERY VERY~~~ BAD! did i forget to say VERY!.... Though to be frank I'd accept being turned int oa Unicorn without a 3rd thought.... though I'd give it a 2nd thought suridly, also I wish this fellow luck ...which am sure he will need FAR more than I.
GOOD LUCK~!
1836787 Yes will lacking hands and losing family does tend to bring 2nd thoughts....
(to be frank am laughing at his refusal aswell...Twilight doesnt give up without a fight/chase after all. 
)
1837016
t.qkme.me/3saoy5.jpg
t.qkme.me/3saoz5.jpg
Someone like's monty python!
Zecora's trademark rhyme I could not glean:
Did I just miss a thing others have seen?
you have to make more of these stories please!!!!!!!
1837351
t.qkme.me/3saprx.jpg
Also,
t.qkme.me/3sapte.jpg
Finally,
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2cfv1Wjiq1r5hdjk.gif
I didn't ASK why these things existed, I simply STATED that, if given the opportunity, I would leave this world for Equestria in a heartbeat. I don't give a buck why we need war and all this other bs, all I know is that I HATE that we even need it at all. So go on, keep hating. Don't allow a person to live a dream of leaving this bucked up world behind for something better.
Also, hater-argument aside, great new chapter! I can't wait for the next part to come out!!!
1837412 I do not mean to say i hate you i hated your words and action, however I gotta say (and ill take down my rant after this, it takes far to much space.) make sure you know what your jumping into before you do it, else you will only make mistakes, and no progress at all.
and on th dream statment, once you realise that no where is safe from war and racism (even if it is minor it is what it is) Dr.Robotnic Eggman once said "To bad all dreams must come to a end." while mean it is true and am sorry that I desided to make a argument but please make sure oyu have all facts before you make your argument.
(Keys things Changlings and Zecora incidents) My applogizes once more. 
loving this
Well.....this has been rather interesting. VERY glad I decided to go and look for some more stories to read. I find myself smiling at all the wonderful stories on this site more so then in my everyday life. So I must say, Thank you, for going and making my night just a little better.
.....
Oh..and...Huzza! Enslavement of the male brony population! Let it commence on the double.
1837103 Well maybe unlike you some of us actually have friends and family we consider worth sticking around for.
Also, cut that reaction pic crap out, it's annoying, not cool. You can use a reaction pic every now and then, but don't use it for every freaking sentence.
That may come off as a little harsh, but many of us are sick of all the misanthropic crap around here. This character, like many of us, find the human race to be worth it, worth looking though it's very worst to see what makes it good. We do not appreciate it when misanthropists come on here, and start bashing the human race. They are insulting humanity, and by extension, us and all we love and stand for. Misanthropists rarely actually help with humanity's problems, simply preferring to sit around and whine about it's faults.
So please, stow the misanthropy, all it does is reek of defeatism.
1838965
images.wikia.com/dragonball/images/6/65/My-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-hater-gonna-hate-but-bronies-never-feel-it.gif
deviantart.com/download/313284210/princess_trollestia_by_angiedraco-d56irn6.png
Also, I reply with memes because ponies are awesome, and most threads lack ponies. Honestly, this is a FANFIC SITE for MLP!!! With a story THIS popular, I expected at least 20 ponies in the comments. Now, I don't want to argue anymore about this horseshit, so if someone's gonna hate on me, imma let em hate.
1838965
Please be careful when assuming you speak for a group. Unless you are, for example, a member of an anti-misanthrope group, please don't assume that you speak for anyone but yourself. Just speak your mind and let others agree or disagree as they see fit.
That being said, I actually strongly agree with everything you said.
As for the story itself - I'm really enjoying it. Despite the terribly used tropes. Honestly, if I saw HAPE one more time I would have quit.
1839548
1. Really? That's your best response? "U mad", ah man, how can I ever compete with such intellectual prowess?
2. Those are image macros, not memes.
3. I was definitely not hating on you at all. If you interpreted my comment as that, that is your fault. I explained why many do not share your views, and why we are not fond of comments such as yours.
1840199
Like this?
1840234
Yup
That link would have been helpful in the last post though
The human in this fic = Youske from Persona 4
I am thinking of making a three chapter self insert. My writing is crap. It ends with the death of Twilight Sparkle (who accidentally summoned me) and is really a backdrop for a story where my 4-year old sister is summoned to Equestria by Trixie. I will probably never do it. Any feedback or advice? (I know I shouldn't put it here but oh well)
1837103 I like this one. But you are forgetting. All the ponies are crazy.
1859568 Well, my advice is to watch clips of the characters you are writing. It really helps you to portray them.
Also try to be REALLY descriptive of the scene, movements, etc. Because communication truly is mostly body language.
Other than that, good luck! The more you write, the better you'll get! (as long as you TRY to improve!)
1860205 Thanks.
1860205
Mistake.
Made me laugh through my bed sheets. I just kept imagining a star destroyer hovering closer to her.
nice Princess bride and Monte python references
Are you okay mate? Yer arms busted...
America: "No it isn't!"
What's that then?
America: "Tis just a flesh wound."
Heh. Ask for me tomorrow and you shall find me a grave man.
Don't you mean forward flip?
EDIT; Or, to be fair. I'm not sure if the impact of the palm would cancel out the rotation.
4780112 This comment made me cringe.
Okay, think about where your face is.
now think about Newton's Balls.
That should be your answer.
4780112 Your comment about facepalms made me facepalm. If you were hitting the back of your head like a Gibs slap, that might be the case, however this time the force is being exerted against the face, pushing the top half of the body backwards.
WHAT! TIME OUT MAN... I DID NOT COME FOR CLOP!