Twilight is best pony. It's just... she can be really scary when she's convinced that your kidnapping will be the salvation of Equestria.
Twilight Sparkle has been convinced that kidnapping YOU is the solution to saving Equestria! While this should be a dream come true (going to Ponyville, meeting Twilight Sparkle, etc..) There's just one catch...
You don't want to be a pony... At least not like this!
"STOP!" Twilight Sparkle screamed. "Or when I catch you I'll turn you into a MARE!"
You instinctively duck, and the purple-white "transmogrification" beam shoots over your head, missing you by mere centimeters.
"Urrgh!!" Twilight screams in frustration. "Just. Hold. STILL!" Each word is punctuated with another magic blast that barely misses, resulting in some very sexually confused birds, and one very embarrassed Applejack.
You take advantage of Twilight’s momentary distraction with a now VERY masculine Applejack to dodge around a corner and take off down a valley.
How did you end up like this you ask? Well, as very powerful magic user once said, “Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.” If only you would have listened...
So it all It started with your usual morning routine. You blearily wake up, look at your clock, grunt, check email, Facebook, fimfiction. Then head downstairs to take a shower and get breakfast.
You were halfway through your bowl of cereal when your computer beeped at you. It was a email from someone on Fimfiction with the subject line, "Want to be ponyfied?"
The email itself only said this:
"So?
-TS"
You smile, and briefly entertain the idea of this really being from THE "TS". As in THE Twilight Sparkle [also the best pony].
“Naw.”
You begin typing a playful email asking about the results, deciding to role play a bit and get some fun out of this. [Will it be painful, can I choose to be a Pegasus, will I have a cutie mark? Etc....]
Halfway into a paragraph, you simply delete it, then respond with one word.
"Sure."
SEND.
You close your laptop, finish your breakfast, and head to your room and get dressed. Right as you finished putting on your favorite Rainbow Dash hoodie you start feeling weird.
"Ugh. Milk was a bad choice..."
All of a sudden you feel it. Something is off. The hair on the back of your neck is standing up, and your body is suddenly filled with adrenaline. There is something dangerous and REALLY close.
You reach for a something to use as a weapon, but instead you suddenly throw yourself to the side. Your bed suddenly seems to implode upon itself and dissapear with a "VOIP".
There was only one explanation.
You are Spider-Man.
Or... You have Spider-Sense or something...
Regardless, something else is coming and your bed has ceased its existence. Also, your new "Spider-Sense" is tingling...
You have to get out of the house.
You are sprinting towards the door when everything starts shimmering, it almost looks like the entire house is made of melting jello! Just as you put your hand on the door handle, its too late.
The world goes black as you feel your very soul dissolve.
You wake up laying on the floor, a tingling feeling slowly fading from your bones as you wake up.
You slowly sit up wondering "What just happened?" As you are slowly getting to your feet you lose your balance and fall on your face.
"Owwww."
Then you realize it's not just you that is falling to the floor. It's EVERYTHING in your house! It almost looks like you are going through a massive earthquake... But everything is falling toward the center of the house instead of just falling arbitrarily in place.
Right as you could almost start swimming among the appliances, DVDs, and other household items, the bottom of the house literally rips open. The rip spreads until your house has completely been torn in half. When you are staring in unbelief through the new "window" you realize that your house is FLOATING in MIDAIR!
As you are falling through the hole you feel something grab hold of you, and you are dragged out from your floating new half houses. The half houses fall to the ground behind you with a massive *CRUNCH*
You are still being held in the air by something, but you can't see what is holding you. There is only a slight shimmer of purple around you that you can barely make out.
Suddenly you are drawn face to face with the most powerful being you've ever seen.
Twilight Sparkle.
It's. Twilight. Sparkle.
She smiles this positively adorable smile as a bead of sweat trails down her brow.
"Whew! I had a lot of trouble locking onto you! So I just gated your entire house here instead. I hope you don't mind... Hehe.."
Your mind is frozen. You couldn't say anything. You couldn't even reach forward to hug her like your Brony instincts were screaming at you to do. Instead you just stared at her.
"Well." Twilight said without missing a beat. "Lets get you ready!"
You are floated over to what looks like a primitive set of iron handcuffs attached to a block of old wood. Your hands are then locked into place by Twilight’s magic.
While it IS Twilight Sparkle, and you trust her (and that smile is SO cute!) you are a bit concerned... You’ve been teleported, had your house torn in two, and now are shackled to a block of wood.
That's when you suddenly find your voice again.
"It's- You're-You are real!?
Twilight smiles and nods as she checks a list with the word “Transmogrification” on the top
"So, wait, I was brought here so that I could actually become a pony if I wanted?" You ask.
"Not only can you," Twilight says excitedly."You are!"
"Just wait a second Twilight.." You say as you try to gesture with your bound hands. "I don't know anything about being a pony! I thought that email was a joke!"
"Well," Twilight says, "Even so.... Just think how fun it will be as a pony!"
"Wait a second..." You are starting to feel very nervous about this. "What's the catch?"
"Catch?" Twilight says while avoiding eye contact. "There's no catch! I mean... You are going to be a stallion in Ponyville! How many other Bronies would love to have the same opportunity?"
You suspiciously stare at Twilight "Why is it important that I'm a stallion..."
"Well... Um...." Twilight is now facing away from you and bashfully scraping a hoof against the ground.
Twilight whirls around to face you and blurts out, "Ponyville has a gender ratio disparity!" She lets out a nervous sigh and continues. "Mares outnumber stallions by over 3 to 1. This of course results in lack of couples, lack of foals, and unhappy mares! Other cities in Equestria are suffering the same problem!"
"So.." You ask, "What's the problem? Is it really that bad?"
"Bad?" "BAD?" Twilight's pupils dililate as she gets right in your face. "This causes the lack of a stable gene pool! Increasing birth defects and hereditary diseases! And lots of single, unhappy mares?! Yes that's BAD!”
"Sorry..." You mutter.
Twilight looks away in a huff and says, "And you Bronies always asume things... We are NOT LESBIANS!" Twilight begins muttering into her hooves. "Just because Rainbow is a tomboy, and I like reading books DOSENT mean that we are... UGH!"
Twilight spins back to glare at you with bloodshot eyes.
“So we need... no… EQUESTRIA needs Stallions to survive! It was a logical conclusion to increase our supply!"
At this point her eye starts twitching.
"So. Time to be ponyfied!" Twilight's yells as her horn begins to charge up.
"Twilight wait!" You yell as you struggle to escape your bonds, "I didn't agree to this!"
"Oh yes you did!" Twilight exclaims, levitating a printed copy of your emails transcript. "This is a legally binding agreement!"
"But it wasn't informed consent!" .You yell as you frantically pull at your bonds.
"Sorry" Twilight says, "I have to do this! For Equestria!"
Twilight points her horn, fully charged at your chest, and right as she is about to fire.... pauses.
"Oh. Right. What type of Pony would you like to be?"
With a burst of strength you tear the metal stockade from the wooden fastenings and bellow:
"AMERICA!!!!!"
"America? Is that Brony slang of some type? That wasn't one of the-" Twilight was cut off as you lunge forward and smack into her, bowling her over. The confusion and disorientation caused the spell to fire while narrowly missing you. Using the seconds of disorientation you take off sprinting.
Twilight stood up a bit shaky from the misfired spell and flying tackle feeling VERY frustrated. As she begins to frantically sprint after you she screams.
"STOP! Or when I catch you I'll turn you into a MARE!"
That's all that is on your mind right now. Get away from the most powerful being you've ever known. While she may be adorable, she is downright DANGEROUS! She just vaporized several fruit stands, magically tasered Carmel, (wrong place, wrong time buddy...) and is currently aiming for your backside with a less than friendly looking lightning spell.
"Look Twilight! I'm sure we-" (the spell blasts past your hip and catches a nearby stump on fire) "NEVERMIND!"
You can feel the tingle of Twilights levitation magic constantly trying to grab hold of you, and you can tell the only thing keeping her from getting a solid grip is the fact that you are moving and changing direction so quickly.
You lunge over the top of Roseluck's stand and sprint into the store "Quills and Sofas". You run to the back of the store, but don't see any sort of backdoor exit. You quickly hide behind a sofa right as Twilight comes running in.
"Come on out America! You WILL become a pony eventually!" Twilight announced while prowling around the couches looking for you.
America? Is that what she's calling you now?
Roseluck comes trotting into the store after Twilight and asks, "Twilight? What was that? Is everything alright?"
"Yes Roseluck, everything is fine... This is just one of my...." Twilight puts her hoof to her mouth as she searches for a good answer. "Experiments!"
"Yes!” Twilight stomps her hoof to reinforce the point. "It's just an experiment that I've been working on! It escaped and I've been trying to catch it!"
"It looked scared Twilight..." Roseluck said with a concerned expression. "Maybe if you just-"
"No it's fine Roseluck!" Twilight said, interrupting her hastily "I've got everything under... control..."
At this point both mares have slowly stopped talking, and you glance over your shoulder to ascertain what's going on. Then you suddenly realize that they can physically SEE you awkwardly stuck climbing halfway out of the window.
"Um... You say frozen halfway through the window. "I really like your manes?"
In response Twilight launches a magical bolt straight at you, but this time she nails your foot as you awkwardly lunge/fall from the window.
"Whoa!!" You yell. All of a sudden things start feeling strange... Your weight seems to be changing, your hands feel suddenly very odd... Almost rubbery... Then you feel it... This is it! You are changing you are-
Not a pony. You are weightless! You are currently floating slowly away from the window about a foot off the ground.
Picture superman, flying above the ground with arms outstretched, but with the speed of a turtle...
"What? How am I even-" *WHACK*
You just ran headfirst into the Apple Family Apple Stand. Maybe next time you should watch where you are flying... "Hey there! Watch where you are goin' there Mr.-" Applebloom runs around the corner to see you simply floating slightly off the ground, holding your head, right next to the Family Apple Stand.
"Wh- What are you doin'" Applebloom says hesitantly.
"Ughhh… I have no idea" You groan out while holding your aching head.
"Applebloom! Good work!" Twilight says as she trots up. "I've been trying to catch him all day!"
"Him?" Roseluck and Appleboom both ask in unison.
"Oh... Hehe. Yes. This is a male that I've been experimenting on-" Roseluck's eyes widen with shock, Applebloom just looks confused.
"Twilight! Roseluck exclaims in shock. "What are you-"
"N-No! Not like that!" Twilight blushing crimson red stutters out, "It was a sanctioned research project for Equestri-"
"Applebloom what is goin' on-" Big Mac walks up, and his eyes widen in shock as he sees you.
In the midst of all the commotion, and your waves of pain, a bright multi-colored streak BLOWS right through the center of the group, sending dust and wind swirling by. All the group could hear was this faint noise when it happened.
“Dibbs Egghead!”
You feel something tugging you along at high speed through the air. You open your eyes to see yourself dodging around townhouses like a stunt driver maneuvering through cones on an obstacle course. You shut your eyes and frantically cover your face as you fly THROUGH two open windows at Sugarcube corner, and open your eyes as you clear the last outskirts of Ponyville...
You look over your shoulder to see exaclty what is dragging you by your hoodie... to see only the most overconfident, cocky, and yet somehow inspiring smile you've ever seen.
It was Rainbow Dash.
"Hey there lightweight! I saw you just 'floating' around down there and thought you could use a lift!" She says as she winks at you. "Now, just 'hang' here for a second, I'll be right back!" Rainbow attaches your hoodie to a cloud. As you wonder how she did that Rainbow Dash swoops down to Twilight.
Being currently weightless, and tied to a cloud really high off the ground you can't hear too much of what is being said. You did hear a small bits when the wind died down slightly.
"Gated.... My projec-.... belong... Ponyfy-... Equestria!" "What? Bu-... We shoul-... Can't be righ-... Own?" "What was he? Is he dange-..." "Twilight, my catc-.... belong to whoev-... Even has my mark!" "Rainbow you giv-... Right now!" "Sorry Twi! Finde- keepers!" "RAINBOWWW!"
Rainbow rockets back right in front of your face to you and cheekily grins at you as she crosses her hooves over her chest.
"So. How awesome is this! You get to be around a pony as awesome as me!"
"Um... Cool?" You weekly offer.
"You bet it is!" Rainbow excitedly exclaims while punching you in the arm. HARD.) "So... Lets go back to my place..." Rainbow says in a husky voice with her eyes half lidded. “We can be 20% more awesome there…”
"Wut..." Your mind just got fried with what just happened.
"Sweet!" (Rainbow grabs you by your hoodie and shoots straight toward her favorite cloud)
Well, it's like nobody says... A kidnapping a day keeps the insanity away!
Seriously universe. Why? Did you need to vent or something? Do you just enjoy "Ze Awkward"? If so screw you. Oh right. You'd better focus on "Ze Awkward" currently happening.
"Rainbow Da-" You open your mouth to speak and Rainbow promptly shoves her hoof down your throat. *Gack* "Shhh.... No need to talk 'lightweight'. Oh, and its just 'Dash' to you..." Rainbow slowly pulls her hoof from your mouth and trails it down your neck… Wiping your saliva off as she goes. (Does she really think that is sexy?)
"Mmmumm!" Rainbow says with forced enthusiasm. "I... I like..." Rainbow pauses for a few painfully awkward seconds.
"Your... Teeth?"
You facepalm, sending yourself into a slow backflip. Oh, the weightlessness spell. Right. You'd forgotten about that...
"And your hairless...-ness-ness. It's so... Exotic..." Rainbows hooves nervously reach out to stop your slow rotation, but quickly lets go after she touches you.
Then you understand.
The forced smile, the averted eyes, the slightly tense muscles and defensive posture....
She's nervous! Rainbow views this as a game! And Rainbow has to win at everything... That's why she stole you from Twilight, but she doesn't know where to go from here! She doesn’t know how to win this game!
You awkwardly stare at Rainbow. Rainbow stares back.
...
...
"You have no idea where to go with this huh?" You ask with a deadpan expression.
"Oh come on!" Rainbow announces while prancing around on her cloud. "I'm Rainbow Dash! Everything is SOO easy for me! No way I'd have a problem with-"
"So I'm easy huh? Can't get anypony else so you decide kidnap an easy target?" You reply with a raised eyebrow and smirk.
"What?! No! You should be glad I choose you! After all who wouldn't want to be alone with the awesome Rainbow Dash?" Her voice cracking just a slight bit as she said 'alone'.
Then suddenly… a most twisted, evil, and positively malicious idea occurred to you. You kick your legs and arms and slowly start floating toward Rainbow (you are still weightless remember!)
"Rainbow..." You say, your voice suddenly becoming husky "I completely agree.... And I'm soooo glad that you picked me." You meanwhile are slowly floating towards Rainbow like a amorous Star Destroyer. Menacing and growing larger by the second. You reach forward to hold Rainbows chin in your hand and look deeply into her eyes as you continue to float slowly towards her, your lips drawing ever closer to hers.... Your eyes begin to close....
"Ri- Right!" Rainbow stutters nervously. "I'm the best ahahaha! So be greatfull!" Rainbow is nervously backing away quickly, but you are keeping up as you float towards her. Rainbow nervously pulls her head from your grasp and rapidly turns to face end of her cloud. "Yuh- -I I mean, who wouldn't w- want to taste the Rainbow!?" Rainbow stutters out, obviously completely flustered. You decide to go for it.
You pinch Rainbow Dash's flank.
"EEP!" *WHACK* *WHOOSH*
Three things just happened. Rainbow made the cutest and most girly "EEP!" You've ever heard, BLASTED through her cloud and the three closest other clouds and kicked you right in the crotch.
*WHEEZE* "Game point. I win." You whisper from the fetal position.
*WHUMP* You just exited Rainbow's cloud via the crotch kick express. Apparently cloud walls don't hold up very well to a weightless human projectile... The problem now is that you are soaring midair, in the fetal position to who knows where.
10 minutes pass.
...
20 minutes. You yawn with boredom. The pain and nausea are gone now at least...
...
30 minutes. You can barely make out Rainbows cloud now. You wonder if someone will find you, or if you'll become the pony legend of the flying corpse! Wait. What if the spell wears off in midair! What if you'll plummet to your death! What if you instead fly into orbit! What-
Oh great. No legend of the flying corpse. Just a very splintery hole in the ground. You are heading at a frightening speed for some very huggy looking tree branches. Prepare for some tree HAPE! (Hugging without consent).
After experiencing what Justin Beiber goes through while being mobbed by 300 fangirls, you land straight in a bush bloodied and bruised in the middle of the Everfree. Just another day in the life of a Brony...
“Universe, could you… you know… throw me a metaphorical bone? I’d really appreciate it.” You ask after spitting out some offending twigs.”It’s up to you, but honestly… I’d really love to have a bit of luck.”
You groan as you check your arms and legs. No broken bones, but you’ve seen better days. You slowly pull yourself out of the bush, and survey your surroundings. Not much here other than a bunch of trees and bushes. You slowly start moving your aching body toward the end of the forest that is so full of tree HAPE.
The Evergree seems a lot different than you’d expected. While you expected a forest of horrors with a Manticore or Cockitrice around every corner, instead you just had a very... grabby forest. If these trees were sentient you’d get a restraining order. But other than avoiding touching any blue flowers you had little problems navigating the forest of HAPE so far.
“No wonder the ponies don’t enter here. Getting felt up by branches makes me want to ‘leaf’ this place.” Instantly you felt the Universe hate you just a little bit more. “Sorry! Sorry! I couldn’t resist!” As you continue slowly wandering through the Everfree, you wonder aloud, "Why does everyone think this place is so bad? Well, I’m not saying I’d like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.” You pull an offending twig from your hair, “If a bit grabby…”
"Buck. Buck-buck-Ba-gawk!"
"Crap." That’s probably a Cockatrice! You've already had to- Oh right... You just had to tempt the universe AND make a bad pun. The Universe loves to take advantage of those kinds of opportunities. You start to look in the direction of the noise when common sense slaps you upside the face and screams in your mind.
"Don't look into its eyes you idiot!"
You frantically begin feeling around with your hands while keeping your eyes closed, touching little else but branches and brush. You can hear the Cockatrice breaking twigs and branches as it charges toward you. Suddenly you feel the bark of a shall tree trunk and instinctively launch yourself away from the chicken of death. You fly through the forest with your eyes closed, feeling beaches tearing your clothes and scratching your face. You reach your arms blindly forward, hoping to keep yourself from smashing your head on an unseen tree trunk.
You hear crashing and clucking right behind you as you fly through the trees, and hesitantly open your eyes to look ahea-
TREE!
You dig your right foot into the ground, leaving a gash in the earth but steering your body free of the oncoming wood. "Nobody likes wood in their face." You mutter as you rocket past the tree. You dodge several other oncoming trunks and steadily pick up speed by using the trees and branches to pull yourself forward. The clucking suddenly stops behind you as you rocket out of the Everfree forest.
Zecora smiles as you leave the forest and quietly says, "This human will change many things, like the view of males upon which our society swings. But in the meantime this Brony will need help, I think I'll speak to the Apples about what will develop." Zecora carefully walks past the Cockatrice that had been chasing you. It seems to be weakly nursing the two hoof sized lumps starting to grow upon its head.
You are now rocketing past the last outcroppings of the Everfree, and now the rocks and grass are little else but a blur. Your efforts to slow down so far have been ineffective. The last of the trees had just flashed past you and with them goes any chance of using the branches and shrubs to slow yourself down. As you are speeding along you notice two things, 1. You are starting to approach Ponyville, and 2. you are starting to feel tingly again. Wait. Is the ground starting to get closer? “OH CRAP!” Twilight’s spell must be wearing off! You instinctively put your hand down to stop your fall and with a sickening *POP* you tumble head over heels. You come to a rest, gravity fully restored after a 20 foot roll, and as you try to push yourself off the ground your shoulder screams in agony as collapse upon the ground.
You can't help but yell in pain.
Using your good arm you slowly push yourself to your knees, and through the waves of pain you see a set of hooves approaching. You look up and see that mare with the dark red mane who was with Twilight in Quills and Sofas. What was her name again? Rosepetal? You faintly hear her saying something through the pain.
You cant help but slouch. The past few hours of your life have been very... Exciting to say the least. But now you are sitting magically handcuffed to a hospital bed, attached to a myriad of medical equipment. However while you feel like you should be excited, or scared, or generally feel any other emotion, instead you simply feel... Bored.
It's been several hours now, and except for watching the Ponyville hospital ponies take care of you, you've had very little to do. The Hospital staff were friendly but didn't engage you in any sort of real conversation. You guess even Hospitals in Equestria are busy. Also escape seems to be impossible with those two guard ponies at the door, and in the shape you currently are in you doubt you'd get far anyways.
So... You wait.
...
....
After a some fitful attempts to nap you hear a conversation at the door. Someone is talking to the two guard ponies outside your room. You hear one of the guards quietly say, "He is healing, but is not ready for the procedure yet. We will notify you when he is healthy enough."
"Thank you guard, but I need to speak to America. I.... feel like it... He is my responsibility."
You hear the guard unlock the door, and Twilight Sparkle walks in. She trots up to your bedside and weakly gives you a small smile.
"Glad to see that you are finally awake..." Twilight quietly says with her eyes looking softly into yours.
"I'm sorry you were hurt... W- We started healing your injuries, but it will take a little time to fully heal you." Twilight says while facing slightly away from you, her eyes wistfully checking the various monitors you have connected to you.
You say nothing for a few seconds.
"Twilight.... Why are you doing this?" You ask quietly.
"I..I- I thought..." Your voice slowly stutters into silence.
Twilight purposefully turns back to you and gently places her hoof on the bed.
"Listen, America? I didn't mean this to be so hard on you.... But..."
Twilight hesitates as her eyes avoid yours.
"I... I think you will that if you just consider it, you'll find that being a pony isn't that bad." Twilight shoulders slump slightly as her eyes look back into yours.
"I know that you really don't want to see me right now, so maybe you'd talk to Roseluck instead. She is a very caring mare and she will answer any questions you might have."
Twilight slowly turns away and pauses in the door frame.
"Get well soon..." Twilight says weakly without turning around. After hesitating for another moment in the door Twilight slowly walks out.
You sit there simply stunned. Twilight seemed to be full of.... regret? Did she regret hurting you, or maybe kidnapping you?
"I just don't understand what's happening here..." You mutter to yourself.
"Um... Maybe I could help with that?" You hear a voice say in a soft but friendly tone. You look up and see Roseluck, the mare that spoke to Twilight during your attempted escape from Quills and Sofas. You look at your restraints and say,
"Well... I'm not exactly going anywhere at the moment. So... why not?"
Roseluck hesitates for a brief moment, then carefully walks in to sit next to your bed.
You both awkwardly stare at the ground.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
You need to say something, anything. The clock is absurdly loud and this mare seems to want to help. It wouldn't hurt to just make some small talk to distract you from your predicament...
You inhale and start to speak,
"W- What about..."
You pause. You quickly spit out the first question you can think of.
"Can I hold your hoof!?"
"What!?"
Roseluck gasps, her eyes widening and leaning slightly away from you.
"We just met! I don't even- how- why?!"
You quickly blush bright red, and quickly try to reassure her.
"No! It isn't like tha-"
You facepalm yourself, causing your restraints to clank around a bit.
"Ow. Ok, sorry. Let me start over."
You hold your hand out to Roseluck and say in a even and factual tone,
"Hi. I'm called America here. I've never seen anything like your hooves before. Would you shake my hand?"
Roseluck looks nervously at your hand, then into your eyes.
"Well..."
"I promise to not do anything, and even if I did try something, I'm tied to this bed, and those two guards at the door could easily help you."
You look into Roselucks eyes and softly say,
"I promise. I will not hurt you."
Roseluck looks into your eyes for a few seconds, then slowly reaches her hoof forward and gently shakes your hand.
You finish the handshake and smile. Roseluck visibly relaxes. You chuckle a little bit and say,
"Sorry, your hooves just looked... really soft. I'd never seen anything like them before."
Roseluck smiles a little bit and says,
"I've never seen anything like your... claws?" Roseluck asks hesitantly.
"Hands." You correct.
Roseluck smiles, "Hands either. Um..."
Roseluck's voice trails off. You catch her quickly sneak a peak at your hands. You drum your fingers on the bedside, and her eyes dart to watch them.
Roseluck looks bashfully into your eyes and asks, "Could I maybe... Touch them?"
Roseluck instantly blushes. You laugh boisterously and say,
"You can touch mine if I can feel yours!"
Roseluck starts reaching forward to your hand then freezes, instantly her whole face goes bright red. A split second later she busts into a adorable laugh while covering her mouth.
"Hahahaha! Oh! Wheeew! Heh, sounds like a good deal to me!" Roseluck says, now completely relaxed and grinning.
Roseluck then reaches her hooves eagerly forward and gently grabs your palm with both hooves. She gently squeezes your hand and starts feeling each individual finger. The entire time she is holding her breath and she seems to be turning a bit blue...
"Hey Roseluck... you might want to breathe a little?" You jokingly say.
Roseluck exhales and giggles a bit. "I'm sorry, it's just your... Hands... are so interesting! They look so delicate, but seem so complex!"
You grin and say, "Yup! These things are the reason my species got so far! They've served me quite well, which is why I don't really want to give them up so easily."
Roseluck looks into your eyes as her ears fold down and she stops massaging your hand. "So it's true? The rumors? That we have been kidnapping other species and turning them into stallions?"
"Well... at least that's why I'm here. Twilight made it pretty clear that I was becoming a stallion, 'FOR EQUESTRIA!'" You reply while ruefully looking at Roseluck.
"That reminds me. Why exactly IS Equestria having a stallion shortage?" You ask.
"Hmmm.. " Roseluck takes one of her hooves off your hand to thoughtfully tap her hoof against her jaw. "Well, I'm not sure. The newspapers say that it could be several things. It could be some magical spell's side effects are causing only fillies to be born, or that the changing invasion was stealing love for so many years that less couples had children, or any number of things have been suggested." Roseluck then cautiously looks around the room and leans in to whisper into your ear.
"Some ponies say that since Princess Luna was in charge of..."
Roseluck blushes a bit and quietly says, "Encouraging ponies... To... you know... Do that... Well, some ponies are saying that Princess Celestia didn't do as good of a job, and that it somehow effected if fillies or colts were born."
"Really? I thought that Princess Cadence was in charge of-"
Roseluck interrupts you while gently punching you in the shoulder. "Hehe, that's LOVE you silly! Not lust! Luna is in charge of the night, that's why she influences.... 'Nightly activities'."
"Hmm... That might make sense... But why kidnap prospective stallions? Couldn't she just..." You hesitate for a moment while searching for a way to put this.
"Maybe... 'Amp up' the... Feelings?"
Roseluck blushes and says, "Honestly, I think she did. Pretty much every Stallion in Ponyville is taken, and even the gay ones started asking MARES out! That's why all the rumors started."
"So making all of Equestria horny wasn't enough and the next step was to kidnap me?!"
Roseluck looks confused for a second and asks, "What? What do you mean? One third of Equestria is always 'horney'!"
You busy out laughing and say, "No! Haha, no... It's a euphemism... You know? For being... Aroused?"
*Cough* *cough* You look up to see an embarrassed Twilight Sparkle looking at you both from the doorway.
You look down and realize that Roseluck has been holding your hand this entire time. Were her hooves really this soft? They're like-
"EEP!" Roseluck quickly lets your hands go and scoots back a bit.
"Well.... Ehem. Glad to see that you two are getting along so well " Twilight annoyedly says while trotting into the room.
Twilight ignores what she had just heard and instead directly gets to the reason she came back in, "So America, I know you are resistant to change, but this really is a amazing opportunity! You'd get to live in Equestria... Get pretty much any special some pony you wanted... I mean... Wouldn't that be... Great?"
Twilight's ears were slowly drooping lower and lower while she was talking, and by the end you were thinking that Twilight might be more convincing herself of the values of being a pony than you.
"Twilight, a cage no matter how pretty... is just that. A pretty cage. You brought me here against my will, and would have turned me into a pony against my will."
Roselucks ears perk up just a bit and she asks, "Wait, does that mean you think we are pretty?"
You twitch and flush angrily. "No! Well... Yes. But not like that!"
The mares both stare at you.
"Listen.." You say, "You are both beautiful mares, and Roselucks hooves.... I mean. *Erherm*, I am a human being. I am attracted to human GIRLS!"
Both mares gasp.
"What!" "America! Why would-" "That's just wrong!" "-they are just Children!"
You flush even more red and yell in anger, "Agh! No! I'm interested in full grown women! You know... Like a mare!?"
Roseluck's face crinkles in confusion, "Wait, so you love large women, or mares? Which is it?"
You facepalm again. Ow. Right. Hospital restraints hurt.
"Ok..." You say, hands gripping the sides of your bed as you try to remain calm. "I am interested in human females of the adult age. I am a human, it is natural to be interested in humans. Not ponies."
"So wait..." Twilight says pointing her hoof at you, "You even as a human admit that we are... 'Pretty'... but you say that as a human you are attracted to humans. So since you find us pretty as a human, when you are a stallion there shouldn't be a problem!"
*sigh* "Twilight, your logic is undeniable. But I do not want to be a pony!"
"Why not!" Twilight shouts while stomping her hoof on the ground, "America, why are you so racist!"
You try to speak, but Twilight cuts you off.
"Is there anything WRONG with being a pony!? Is it such a bad thing to live in Equestria!?! I SAW your world! I know what you humans do! I'd rather live as a pony in Equestria than as a human in your world!" "ERRUGH!"
"Twilight wai-"
SLAM.
Twilight had just stormed out of your room. Both you and Roseluck sit quietly for a few moments.
"We'll, that escalated quickly."
"It did."
You both sit for a few minutes in silence, then Roseluck grins at you.
As soon as you wake up you wish you hadn't. You can feel every cut and scratch from the branches, and your shoulder feels like it is steadily burning in its socket. You open your eyes to see Twilight Sparkle's horn steadily sending a purple beam straight into your chest.
With a start you become fully awake, and Twilight briefly ceases pouring her magic into you. She smiles just a little bit and says,
"Good morning America. How are you feeling?"
"Ugh." You groan, "Horrible. My shoulder feels like it is on fire, and I can feel almost every cut on my body."
Twilights eyes soften, "I'm so sorry... Here: the least I can do is cast a pain relief spell."
Twilight closes her eyes and gently casts a small magic beam right between your eyes. Strangely your magic detecting "Spider-Sense" didn't freak out this time. You wonder if it only warns you of incoming magical threats...
"There." Twilight Sparkle says with a apologetic smile. "That should help a little bit."
Suddenly you notice, the pain is gone! You can tell that your injuries are still there, but you don't feel them anymore!
"Listen... America?" Twilight says while looking straight into your eyes, "I'm sorry. Really I am." Twilight pauses for a moment, as if in thought.
"Would..." Twilight says, looking at you while placing her hoof next to yours, "Would you like to walk around a bit? As long as we don't go far, and as long as I'm with you... I-I'm sure it will be fine."
"Won't you get in trouble?" You ask.
"No." Twilight says gently shaking her head, "I'm Princess Celestia's personal student, I'm sure it will be fine."
You think about it briefly, then agree to talk a walk. Twilight then magically releases you from your restraints, and after rubbing your sore wrists you carefully stand up. You slowly stroll through the hospital halls with Twilight Sparkle by your side, neither of you speaking. You exit a hallway to see a large hospital window that looks out toward Canterlot.
Then something stirs within you. You can feel it start as just a trickle, but now...
It's surging within you. Feelings of loss, pain, and betrayal. Your chest feels like it is going to burst unless something happens. Suddenly, You you can hear powerful instruments playing... Steadily increasing in volume. You can tell, something is coming.... Suddenly you fall to your knees, and you can't help it.
You begin singing.
"Look down, and see, the human on his knees! Look down and show some mercy If you can!
Look down, and see me begging at your hooves! Look down and try to free me If you can!
Can you not see, I'm called America, This is my sin, I'm not like you. This is my sin, I'm just a man. Nothing like a pony is my way. You failed your ponies, so I must pay, is not there any other way? I'm not much, I'm not high society but I've got a soul just like the rest, Can't you show that loving piety for which you are known best... Think you are kind, think you're loving, if so look at me, LOOK AT ME!
Look down, and see, the human at your feet! Look down and show some mercy If you can!"
Suddenly you hear Twilight begin singing to you with passion.
"What are you are doing? Isn't this a gift? Many Bronies would give their lives for this! Is it all so bad, to be just like us? Why do you hate, why are you so vile to us?! Celestia has led us well! Do not blaspheme her pure name! We follow sweet Celestias name, in her name, in her name in her name..."
You begin the next verse in a powerful tenor,
"Where is the liberty in the land! Is there no place for Freedom here, is Celestias rule all these ponies know? Will their freedom ever grow!"
You finish the song off with the soft desire for freedom flowing through your veins, and despair at your throat.
"My injuries are healing fast, I'll be a pony before the end of the day! How will I get free, how will I escape to live another day.... Without hooves to face the day? Before I'm ponyfied!!!!!
Look down, and see, the human at your feet! Look down and show some mercy If you can!
You end the song quietly asking,
"How long Celestia will you hold me captive to your pain...."
The musical number ends, and the music slowly fades to nothingness. You look at Twilight and say,
"I don't hate any of you Twilight... It's just... This isn't right."
You slowly start walking back to your room. Twilight following behind you. Neither of you saying anything.
You get to your room and lay down on your bed, Twilight attaches your arm magically to the bedside rail, then leaves the room quietly, teleporting away after she leaves your room.
You lay on your bed struggling to go to sleep, but your fears haunt you. After a few minutes you start wondering... What if this is the end...
...
No.
No. It won't end this way. It cannot. Your ancestors blood sings from your veins that freedom is not a gift to be forsaken so easily! You cannot, WILL not let it end like this!
"There is power in me yet! My race is not yet RUN!" You shout. Suddenly with a almighty yell you tear your arm from the bed, taking the rail with it.
"FREEDOM!"
You grab the rail that you are attached to and smash it into the skull of one of the guards rushing into your room. He falls to the ground with his helmet sounding a knell.
*BROONNG*
The second guard tackles you to the ground before you can bring your improvised weapon to bear. With a savage growl you grab onto his mane and slam his head into the ground.
Once. *BONGG*
He attempts to free his mane but you quickly slam his head into the ground again.
Twice. *BONGG*
He groggily tries to shove you away, but you won't let him.
Thrice. *BONGG*
He crumples to the ground.
You stare down at the guards, dazed. Weakly you chuckle and say,
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for you."
With hands shaking you walk to the door. As you get to the door you press the call button for the nurse and leave the room.
You grab your clothes and your trusty Rainbow Dash hoodie from a nearby clothes bin and hurriedly change in a nearby coat closet. The rail attached to your arm makes it quite difficult, but with some struggling you manage. As you finish changing you hear a nurse call for help, and wait until you hear several other nurses run by into your room. You peek out of the door and seeing no-one you quietly run down the hallway.
As you run from the fire escape ladder you just descended from, your shoulder begins to bother you again, and your muscles are shrieking at you in pain, but you have to get away. You don't know where, but you need someplace to hide and figure everything out.
As you flee from place to place, pausing only in the shadows you frantically try to think of where you can hide. The Everfree? Nope. Don't want to be molested by trees again. Twilights? Ha. She's the whole reason you are running. Hmm... You really can't think of anywhere... Roseluck seemed to be sympathetic... But you don't know where she lives... Maybe Fluttershy? You had thought you had seen a glimpse of her house while crashing into the Everfree. She is the element of kindness, perhaps she will understand...
Just as you are about to set out you hear a set of hoof steps making its way toward you quickly. Without thinking you lunge around a corner and run through a building's open door. You quickly hide yourself behind some cloth bolts that are standing around. Wait... Cloth? Fabric?
Oh horseapples.
"Rarity! I'm back!" You hear a supremely ADORABLE voice squeak out. You'd know that voice anywhere. It has to be Sweetiebelle! "They liked the design for our flag!"
"Oh excellent dear!" You hear Rarity distractedly call from upstairs, "Just put the samples next to the extra fabric!"
Wait. Oh crud. CRUD. You hear the sound of hooves cheerfully trotting toward your hiding place. You frantically try to hide yourself but Sweetiebelle is already on top of you. She looks down at your half-cloth wrapped form, frozen mid-wrap.
You make eye contact with Sweetiebelle. Her pupils dilate and she opens her mouth to scream.
*Fwathump!*
With your one free hand you SHOVE your free hand into Sweetiebelle's mouth, effectively gagging her. Her eyes open even wider she realizes your hand is in her mouth. Just as you are about to say something she reminds you of something.
Ponies have teeth.
*CHOMP*
"Yaow!" You yell, stumbling backwards and holding your bitten hand, the hospital bedrail trailing behind you while still attached to your hand.
"FABRIC THEIF!" Sweetiebelle SCREAMS. Ow. Sweetiebelle's angry voice is like a thousand hysterical cats being neutered!
Through your ringing ears you hear hooves galloping down the stairs, you groggily turn around and see Rarity lunging down the last flight of stairs.
Two things go through your mind. "Wow, I didn't think she was that athletic...", and "Oh CRAP A UNICORN!"
"YOU!" You hear Rarity shriek as she lands in front of you.
You can't help it, you have to do it. "Darling!" You yell, throwing your arms apart with your best Rarity impression.
Rarity's eyes narrow. Her horn begins glowing and several thousand needles arise behind her.
...
"Don't hurt me?" You whimper out.
Rarity grins smugly and says, "Steal my fabrics and hurt Sweetiebelle? Oh... I'm not going to 'hurt' you... I'm just going to show you how 'generous' I REALLY am!"
Rarity levitates you off of the ground as you hear something scream in your head, "[RED ALERT]". You wonder if that was your magic "spider sense". Meanwhile Rarity begins rotating you as if inspecting a piece of fruit.
"Hmmm... Since you seem so... 'Attached' to that long rail on your.... 'Hoof'. I think I'll make it an accessory!" Rarity titters, covering her mouth with her hoof. "It should also help with your absolutely horrible posture!" Rarity says while smiling evilly.
You hear the rail from the hospital bed rip from your hand, and you briefly loose sight of it. You crane your neck to see where it went and notice it floating behind you... slightly below you... while facing upwards towards your butt-
...
You eyes widen. "WAIT!" You SCREECH like a little girl. "Not there! I'm- I'm just hiding! I didn't mean to scare you! I'm... I'm..."
You frantically reach around for anything to save yourself as Rarity's eyes narrow menacingly. She aligns the rail behind you with a flourish while saying,
"It's like my Mother always said... 'If you have a problem you just can't solve, just put a pin in it and save it for later'. In this case though I may have to use a few extra..."
A few thousand needles levitate behind Rarity as her horn starts glowing brighter.
You finally manage to snag something in your flailing hands. You pull it in front of you and the poor thing takes the brunt of a thousand needles straight to the crotch.
"STEVE! Oh no!" Rarity squeals.
Sweetiebelle giggles from the corner. "Steve?" She whispers.
"Yeah. YEAH!" You yell while gesturing to "Steve." "Take it easy, or I'll rip his very stitches out!" You yell while pointing the mannequin menacingly.
Rarity's eyes well up with tears as she drops the needles and the rail. "O- Ok. J-just don't hurt him..."
"Don't worry." You say while backing out the door. "'Steve...' will be fine as long as no pony tries to stop me."
As soon as you are outside you take off running, glancing back to see Rarity worriedly staring at you from her window.
You turn a corner and continue running. You hear a distinctive *WHOOSH* over your head, and see a VERY angry Rainbow Dash flying over Ponyville.
Crud. You've got to get out of here. You hurriedly stash "Steve" in the alley you are in, and as you are running around a corner you mutter. "Great. Could this day get any-" [RED ALERT] *HURGLURK*
You claw at your neck, and the glowing purple magical rope/clothesline that is currently around it. As you are trying to free yourself you hear hooves quickly trotting up. You weakly look up and instead of purple you see.... Mint green? You hear her saying something as she cuts the magic rope.
"Hi there... I saw that and came over to ask if you need a..." *giggle* "'hand'?"
You pass out with a groan of frustration as the Minty Green Unicorn drags you away.
You are slowly beginning to regain consciousness, and as you do you feel a comforting breeze gently playing with your hair. It's ever so slightly warm, and it even smells a slight bit of... Toothpaste?
What?
Suddenly you feel something touching your mou- no... Your teeth?
What?
You open your eyes to come face to face with the most beautiful blue eyes you'd ever seen. Wait, that wasn't a breeze you were feeling... that- that was breathing!
What do? Come on brain... Think of something!
"Hi?" You manage to get out while smiling nervously. Wait, something was touching your mouth? What is-
"Haha! I knew it!" The blue mare excitedly interrupts your train of thought. "You're a carnivore!" She says practically squealing the last part out.
"Um..." You start to try to say something, but the blue mare interrupts you.
"They look so... Sharp!" She says, her excitement causing her voice to quaver. She quickly presses against your body, and leans forward almost nose to nose to get a better look at your teeth.
In shock you push her back to an arms length and gasp out, "Miss! I don't even know you!"
"Oh... Right!" She nervously chuckles, then she slides up a little bit closer to you and sticks her hoof out for a handshake. You cautiously shake her hoof gently. She beams and excitedly says,
"I'm Colgate! I live here in Ponyville, and I'm a dentist! I've always loved taking care of teeth, and honestly I would just... Love to touch yours!"
Colgate wasn't making eye contact. Her hoof still hadn't let go of your hand from the handshake, and she was very clearly staring at your mouth.
*Ahem* "Colgate? My eyes are up here." You say irritably gesturing to your eyes.
"Hmmm...? Oh! Right...." Colgate says while blushing, "I just... They are so big!" She squees.
You roll your eyes. "Listen Colgate... You need to-"
Colgate quickly reaches her hooves forward and squeezes your cheeks (not THOSE cheeks you pervert!) and beams as soon as she sees what she's been looking for with such intensity.
"Hey!" You say, swatting her hooves off you. "No touching!"
"Oh come on!" Colgate says with a flirtatious smile. "If you didn't like them being touched you wouldn't be flashing those beauties around!" She starts reaching forward to your mouth again and you swat her hooves away a second time.
"I can't believe I'm having this conversation! No means NO!" You announce loudly.
Colgate's ears droop. "So... You don't like me?" Small tears start to form at the corners of her eyes. "You... Think I'm weird and obsessed like every other stallion has?"
"No... Nonono!" You can't take it. Those gorgeous puppy eyes had you. There was no WAY you could let yourself hurt her feelings! So you carefully shake your head while smiling reassuringly at her. "I just think that you have to respect my personal space. I mean you can't just come out of nowhere and just.... start..."
You just noticed the increasingly vacant expression on Colgate's face, and the little bit of drool starting to trickle down her mouth. Ah crud... you've been smiling at her. Quickly covering up your teeth you admonish her,
"Colgate! Hey! Did you hear anything I just said!?"
Colgate snaps out of it and stutters out, "What? Um.... Yeah! You were talking about... Personal.... Things?"
You facepalm.
"Colgate... If you can't do anything but stare at my teeth then I'm going to have to stop smiling around you!" You say frustratedly.
"No don't do that!" Colgate hurredly says, "You have... The most BEAUTIFUL smile I've ever seen! It'd be a crime to cover it up!"
"Colgate..."
"I mean... If you have it, flaunt it!"
"Colgate...."
"Why would you-"
"Colgate!!!" You interrupt. "I'm more than just my teeth!" You say while crossing your arms in frustration.
"I'll SAY!"
You were just interrupted by a mint and white unicorn from the door, holding what seems to be a bag of groceries. "Have you seen those hands!"
"uggggh...." You quietly groan as you massage your temples.
"Oh... Are those STRONG hands bothering you?" Lyra says saucily while trotting over. "Here, let me help..." Without asking the mint unicorn drops her bag of groceries and grabs your hands in her hooves, and shaking your hand says, "I'm Lyra! I... Hope we can be good friends..."
With that she gives you the biggest puppy eyes you've ever seen, and then right as your guard goes down...
Straight away she begins to nuzzle your hands.
Wow... She sure is soft...
"UM! *Ahem* Excuse me!" You quickly tear your hands away from Lyra and back a few steps away from the mares.
"You two.. Just..."
You pause, take a moment to compose yourself, and yell.
"Quit touching me!" You stick your hands into your hoodie's pocket in frustration and notice Lyra's face fall in disappointment. "I don't.... Like being grabbed at!" You mutter out, completely red faced.
Lyra and Colgate both look at you, than eachother, then back to you. They both smile and open their arms for a group hug. After a few seconds of hesitation Colgate beckons you in, after another second of hesitation you slowly join in the hug.
Colgate gently squeezes you and says, "We're sorry... It's just... You are so.... So...." Colgate pauses, searching for the right word.
"Gorgeous!?" Lyra exclaims.
"Yes! Gorgeous!" Colgate affirms. "And we've never seen anything like you... So... We're curious!"
"Well..." You start to say, "I guess that-"
"HEY! Whose hoof is that!" You yell in alarm.
With a sheepish squee Lyra holds up her hoof. "Hehe... My bad."
"That's IT!" You angrily yell. You push yourself away from the soft... Incredibly... Soft... *ahem* group hug and blushing you say.
"Alright. Sit down! We need to talk!"
You begin pacing around the two mares who are sitting and listening to you, gesturing wildly as you speak (Lyra seems to be drooling now...)
"I just was kidnapped, almost turned into a mare, pursued by a MAGICAL UNICORN, almost made into a state-sponsored baby-maker, groped by a forest, kidnapped by rainbow dash, and now...."
You turn on the two sheepish looking unicorns, "I'm being felt up by two unicorns who didn't even bother to ask my name!"
"Oh! I know!" Lyra happily squeaks out, "I'll call you Mr. Handsy!"
You facepalm. "Girls... Just call me America. Every other pony has." You groan out.
"Nice to meet you 'Mare-ica!" Lyra happily says, "So.... Friendship group hugs??" She blurts out a little TOO enthusiastically.
"Any OTHER ideas..." You say, your eyebrow twitching angrily.
"Toothpaste fight?" Colgate timidly suggests.
Rubbing your temples you sit down."Girls.. I.... Where do I start with you two!" You say.
Lyra begins to say, "Back massag-"
"NO!" You interrupt. "Are you girls interested in anything OTHER than my body?"
"What else is-..." You exclaim in frustration. "Lots! LOTS!There is lots of things about me other than my body! Like my personality!" You exclaim.
Lyra looks at you quizzically and says,
"But... You don't look fat..."
"Urrrgh!" You groan out. "You mares are impossible!"
You begin storming toward the door, right as you are reaching toward the handle, you feel a hoof gently rest on your butt. You start to turn around to angrily tell off the grabby mare when she speaks first.
"'Merica?" Colgate says timidly. "I'm sorry... I just... Haven't been around stallions much and... I- we.... Don't know how to talk to guys..." Colgate removes her hoof and looks at the floor bashfully.
"We... We many not know much, but... If you'll have us, Lyra and I will do our best to be... Respectful." Colgate smiles at you, and Lyra places her hoof on Colgate's shoulder and nods.
You think for a few seconds... Well.... You don't know how to get out of Equestria, and even if you did, would you want to leave? Plus... You currently are trying to escape being ponyfied, and while these mares are a bit grabby... They strangely enough seem to LIKE you as a human...
"Alright." You say more to yourself than to anyone else. "Look. I need a place to stay, and... If..." You pause for a second. This feels really.. weird to be bargaining with two girls... Like this...
"If... Ifyouaregentleillletyoutouchme!" You blurt out.
Wow. Did you seriously just say that?
Lyra and Colgate's eyes both open wide, "Wow! Seriously!"
"It's a deal!" Lyra says quickly, sticking her hoof forward for a hoofshake.
While you feel a bit nervous... This should be a safe place to stay....
"Deal." You say, gently shaking Lyra's hoof.
Lyra starts to drool a slight bit and you barely hear her mutter excitedly, "Think of the possibilities!"
How has it only been a day you wonder to yourself… You feel like every minute has felt like an hour long. Not because it is boring, instead rather the exact opposite because to you. Well. Life here… is crazy. There is no other way to describe it.
As you begin the day you reflect upon the chaos that has now become your reality. As all days begin… it started with the accursed morning and it just HAD to be a Monday. You didn’t know if it really was… but it just HAD to be. There was no other explanation for today. I mean, sure! You had been kidnapped, and generally had a horrible time before this, but this.. this was YOUR OWN FAULT.
You mumble bits and pieces of sentences as you slowly open your eyes to the adorable face of a mint pony. Namely the mint-green face of Lyra. You see, while these ponies have been willing enough to save you from a pony-eske doom, they've rather taken advantage of a very ill-thought out deal you made.
Because of this deal, last night Lyra used YOU as her personal human sized teddy bear. It wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't wanted to always be touching your hands or arms. Unfortunately her… appreciation... of your hands seems to have expanded to your whole body during the night. You know this because her hooves are now roaming further, and further, down your arms…
You start to feel a hoof slowing tracing circles on your chest. “Heyy… there ‘hand’-some.” You hear a voice huskily say. Your eyes wearily open, to… yup. You kinda expected as such.
Lyra.
You had hoped that your bed was empty, or even that there would be a different... less... grabby another pony there. Because Lyra... just wouldn’t leave you ALONE! Pretty much all she has been doing has been nothing but CLING to you. You groan and slowly place your feet on the ground, turning away from Lyra.
Food. You needed food. Breakfast at least will be there for you. Breakfast always has been there for you! Breakfast will be your salvation. Breakfast, your fortress. Breakfast, the-
Ugh. You need to shut up and just get something to eat. You slowly stumble into the kitchen and open the fridge. Eggs. Yes. Why do ponies even eat eggs? I mean-
Screw it. Food first.
You start frying up some scrambled eggs when you feel it. Two hooves reaching under your arms and gently caressing your palms as you TRY to fry the eggs.
Guess you are having scrambled eggs now...
You feel her body press up against your back and feel her inhale your sent as-
“LYRA!” You yell. “SPACE PLEASE”. You feel her hooves let go. “Oh come-on..” Lyra purred, “Don’t you NEED some strong mare’s hooves to help you out in the kitchen?”
“Nope.”
“Psh. You’re no fun.” Lyra pouts. She trots over to the breakfast table swishing her tail happily.
"America? Would you be a dear and fry me up some eggs while you are at it?"
"Fine." You grumble, adding a few extra eggs.
Colgate sticks her head out from the bathroom and groggles, "Mafe mef som toofh!" She sticks her head back inside the bathroom and you hear the sound of vigorous brushing.
"Really? Brushing before breakfast?" You mutter out loud while frying up even more eggs. "Won't the taste-"
"She likes it that way." Lyra interrupts. "I've never understood it either."
You walk over to the table and serve up the eggs. You begin to eat when you suddenly feel... Out of place...
You look up, fork in mouth to see Lyra and Colgate staring at you. "Whut."
"You didn't let a mare take the first bite?" Colgate asks in shock."I mean... Wow."
"What?" You ask, "Did I do something?"
"You.. You took the first bite." Lyra says, clearly slightly shocked. "That means you don't accept your place?"
You stare suspiciously at Lyra. "What do you mean... 'My place.'"
Lyra begins to say something when Colgate SMACKS her with her hoof.
"ha-HA-Ha-Ha..." Colgate laughs unconvincingly, "Good one Lyra..."
You decide to ignore that. Food, you need- wait. What is Lyra sliding under the table? You quickly look underneath and GRAB it away from Lyra when she tries to hide it.
"A apron? Why would you want to hide this from... Oh.."
It hits you. The cuddling, the "help" with breakfast, making the food for both mares.
AH HYELL NAW!
You throw the apron on the ground and furiously turn towards Lyra. "You were going to ask me to wear this frilly apron! And... My place?" Your eyes narrow dangerously.
"You were going to say something about a... 'Kitchen' weren't you..."
"Um..." Lyra said as she gulped nervously. "Maybe?"
"Ugh!" You grunt in frustration. "It's as if you ponies are all just..." Your mental train of thought crashed..
No way.
Sexism?!
That explains so much! How on the show there were so few stallions around, how the government positions all were being occupied by mares, how stallions were taking care of mostly menial tasks, how academics were run almost solely by mares, how Mr. Cake was always cooking and taking care of the kids while Mrs. Cake runs the business...
It all makes SENSE!
Ponyville... Neigh, EQUESTRIA is SEXIST! Even their GODS are solely mares, and in fact... The other "God", the only EVIL “God” (if you can call Discord that) is male!
Oh... This isn't good.
As you are taking all of this in, Lyra carefully walks up to you and [RED ALERT] picks up up with magic and levitates you straight into your room, (her room?) plopping you down on the bed.
Lyra sweetly smiles and says, "America,You look exhausted! Why don't you just rest your handsome sweet little head... I mean... After all we do need to take care of our stallion right Colgate!" Colgate smiles and nods from the kitchen.
You jump off the bed and storm around the room, swatting Lyra's hooves away from you.
"Our? Stallion? I am not... Some prize to be won!" You storm back and forth, refusing to let either mare touch you or calm you down. "That's it! I'm taking a shower! I need time to think!!"
You quickly grab a towel and rush into the bathroom, shouting “SHOWERING ALONE!”. You quickly locking the door before either mare could stop you.You turn on the water and quickly disrobe as the water heats up.
You step into the shower and begin to enjoy the relaxing feeling of a relaxing hot shower. Just... letting all the stress flow away from your body with the water.After a few minutes you hear a whispered "Lyra! What are you-" followed by a shushing sound.
You hear a metallic clicking from the door. That sneaky...
You hear something snap, and Lyra mutter, "Stupid lockpicking skill..."
No way. Lock picking? Really?
You yell through the door, "Lyra! Don't you even THINK about it! I just need to be left alone! Just leave me alone!"
You hear Lyra slowly trotting away as Colgate gently whispered through the door, "Alright, America... Just... Remember to brush your teeth ok?" She kindly reminds you.
Irritated, grumpy, and still suffering from morning grump you rebelliously mumble, "I'm not going to brush my teeth."
Suddenly... Everything goes silent. Things are still moving, but... It's like the very air is trying to hide in fear.
Suddenly the bathroom door BLASTS past you and falls to the ground, smoking and charred. Startled you look up and see Colgate standing in the doorway, a toothbrush clenched in her bared teeth, and horn lit up with magic. Grabbing the shower curtain you cover yourself and hear her growl out.
"Brush. Your. Teeth..."
Cowering behind the shower curtain you open your mouth to say something when,
*VATHUMP* "Gotcha-AAa-AAAAH!"
Twilight sparkle had just teleported literally into your shower, and is now hugging your naked, soaking wet back.
Three mares scream. One in shock, one in delight, and the other in confusion. You wonder which scream belonged to who...
Lyra screams and points a accusing hoof at Twilight. “PERVERT! TWILIGHT SPARKLE IS A PERVERT!!!!”
You all stand in the bathroom. You feel several different sets of eyes all on your soaking wet, only slightly covered by a shower curtain, being hugged from behind by Twilight Sparkle, human body.
“What?!”
“WHAT?!”
*Water falls for a few seconds*
“PERVERT!!!” Lyra shrieks, pointing an accusing hoof in your direction.
“ME?!” You shout. “I was just-”
“Not you!” Lyra yells, pointing at Twilight. ”HER! She teleported into your shower! ONTO OUR STALLION!”
“Our stal-” You start to yell.
“I needed to do this!” Twilight says, instinctively squeezing you tighter. “I- I... AHHH!” Twilight Sparkle screams, suddenly noticing the very... intimate nature of your embrace. She quickly lets go and hops up onto the rim of the tub. “Ah-Ah-A-Accident! It was an accident!” Twilight stutters out. “I-I didn’t know he’d be in the shower!”
“Righhhht...” Colgate sarcastically says from the doorway. “That’s what every mare says...”
“N-No!” Twilight stutters, now blushing so hard that she was more red than purple. “I-I was just tracking his-”
Lyra interrupts by poking a accusing hoof in Twilight’s face. “I KNEW IT!” Lyra practically screams. “You’ve been STALKING HIM. Ever since he just arrived in Ponyville!”
“wuh-Well... that is true...” Twilight sputters. “But it was for a-”
“GUYS!” You shriek out. “Still naked!”
“and loving it..” You hear somepony mutter.
Twilight Sparkle, now perching somehow on the edge of the tub... Shakes her head, calmly uses her magic to hand you your clothes, and turns off the running water. Gathering her wits she turns back to the group, now expectantly waiting to hear what Twilight has to say.
“I... am... not... a PERVERT!!!”
You hear a faint whistle far off somewhere, but shake your head and ignore it. Priorities man.
“Yes. You. ARE!” Lyra says walking over and punctuating each word by poking Twlight Sparkle in the chest. “You stalked him here, then teleported into his bathroom right when he was most vulnerable! PERVERT!” “No!! I!” “PERVERT!” “NO!” “PERRRRVERRRT!”
The whistling suddenly turns into a full on shriek and then,
*KABOOOOOM*
Bits of wall fly everywhere, as you and the mares all instinctively shy away from the mini-explosion.
“Where! Where is that PERVERT!?” Rainbow Dash just arrived. She turns on you, both blushing and yelling. “How DARE you! I’m gonna pound you into... INTO... INTO SOMETHING VERY PAINFUL!”
“No you aren't!” Twilight interrupts. “He’s going to come with me!”
“For what!” Lyra yells. “For him to be your own PERSONAL STALLION?”
“NO!” Twilight angrily blushing yells, “I was just doing this for Equestria! For EQUESTRIA!”
“Well I’m doing THIS for AMERICA!” Lyra yells, tackling your naked body, grabbing hold tightly, and suddenly enveloping you in magic. [RED ALERT] "AMERICAAAA!!!"
*VATHUMP* [RED ALERT] *kra-CAOW* ... … You open your eyes slowly, slightly dizzy from whatever spell was just used on you. You feel like you are resting on cotton balls. But... they’re really smooth. Are you on clouds? Huh?
You carefully look down and... of course. Lyra is still holding tight to you. She looks up and says while smiling, “Gotta keep my America warm!”
“Ok. Pants. Lyra. I need...” You pause to take a calming breath. *whew* “To put on my pants.” You say trying to gently pry Lyra off of you.
“WAIT!” Lyra cries out. “I don’t know how to cloud walk! You’ll just have to carry me.” Lyra says, smiling and snuggling into you even tighter.
“Lyra, it’s cold. I’m naked. You are hugging me, and I know you just cast a cloud-walking spell on me.”
“Whaaat?” Lyra says playfully nuzzling her head against your shoulder. “How could you know that!?”
“Well...” You say, “I can’t walk on clouds. Plus I felt a spell being cast on me.”
“Awww...” Lyra says sticking her lower lip out and pouting. “Fine... spoilsport.” She casts the spell on her hooves and lets go reluctantly . …
“Lyraaaa...” You mutter.
“What?” She cheerfully answers.
“Turn around and close your eyes.” You say, gesturing her to turn around. “and cover them too!”
“Fine...” Lyra mutters, turning around.
You quickly put on your underwear and pants, and tug your shirt and hoodie down over your head. You look around at the... cloud that you’ve been standing on and realize its actually not a cloud. It’s a house! With chairs, couch, kitchen, and a... cocktail bar?
That’s... odd.
You turn back to Lyra who is staring right at you. Has she been watching the.... Meh. Forget it. “Lyra?” You say, “I need to know two things. 1. How did Twilight find me, and 2. Where are we?”
Lyra tapps her hoof against her mouth contemplatively. "Hmm... Well. Honestly I don't know how she found you! Spell resonance maybe? Maybe the stallion tracker?"
"Stallion tracker?"
"Oh yeah!" Lyra said, waving her hoof dismissively. "It's one of the easiest ways to find single stallions! Tricky spell though. The weaving is extremely-"
"Wait. So here in Equestria any Unicorn can track, find, and teleport to the nearest single stallion!" You interrupt, growing increasingly nervous. "That's crazy!"
"No. It's practical!" Lyra insists. "Do you have any idea how HARD it is to find a single SINGLE stallion!" Lyra stomps right up to you. "It's almost impossible! So that's why-"
"OK! Ok... I'm sorry." You interrupt. "But doesn't that mean that Twilight can just find me again?"
Lyra pauses, then calmly says, "I don't think so... At least not for a while. That spell takes a lot of time to cast, and it just randomly picks a stallion. So Twilight probably has to work through a few stallions first. At least.. that’s what I’d do!”
Silence reigns for a few seconds.
Awkward...
*Ahem* “So.... “ You say. “What’s keeping Twilight from finding me again?”
“Well” Lyra says, “Probably nothing!”
“So. Wait. What’s keeping Twilight from kidnapping me again!” You nervously say.
“Just those poor stallions that get in her way!” Lyra happily says while happily trotting around the cloud house.
“So who is going to keep me SAFE!” You nervously yell.
“I am.” Said a voice from the doorway.
You turn to the door, and see a pegasus, outlined with shimmering light. Gorgeous blonde locks of hair flowing gently in the wind and her wings beat in perfect rhythm. An air of supreme confidence radiating off her. She lands, and majestically walks toward you.
“Who... who-who?” You gasp out in amazement, stuttering with shock.
“Oh my...” The blonde pegasus seductively says, quickly walking right up to you. “Something in your mouth? Oh wait. That’s me.”
She quickly hops forward and kisses you. Your hands bicycle frantically as Lyra shrieks,
“MPHPRRRRRGH!!” You try to yell, but instead are met with Cloud Kicker’s incredibly aggressive kiss.
“MUHHHGG!” You frantically try to push Cloud Kicker away, but she is STRONG. You are trying to pull away... But you just can’t shake her! How are you going to-
[RED ALERT] *VATHUMP* Annnnd.... Twilight's on your back again.
“GOTCHA HAHA!!” Twilight triumphantly announces.
“Hey!” Could kicker yells finally breaking her death grip on your face. “Don’t wing-block me girl!”
Twilight quickly takes in the situation, takes a deep breath, then shouts,
“LISTEN YOU BUNCH OF FEATHER BRAINS! I am here on a MISSION from Princess CELESTIA!” Twilight glares at you. “And NOPONY is going to stop me!”
Looking over your shoulder you see the glow of a horn being charged, and sense at the same time Lyra and Cloud Kicker lunging towards Twilight, and then it clicks.
This is it. Your snapping point. You’d been kidnapped, teleported, molested, and generally had your entire life turned upside down.
That was IT.
You roll your shoulder forward and bend over, throwing Twilight off the top of you onto the oncoming mares and let loose with all the frustration that has been building up since you were kidnapped.
“NO. MORE!!! NO MORE!!!!” You glare down at the three mares, all now looking up at your menacing figure as you glower over them.
“I have HAD IT!” You yell, spit flying from your mouth. “I am done. Done! Twilight! You WILL take me to Mayor Mare in Ponyville, and I WILL have justice!" You pause, collect yourself and pace a few step.
You slowly run your hands through your hair and turn back to the small pile of thoroughly cowed mares.
*ahem* You nervously cough and attempt to start again.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn't have lost it like that.” You take a deep breath and continue. “But I need to speak to an authority."
Twilight?” You look deeply into Twilight’s eyes. “I need this. After I speak to the Mayor, then all will be decided.”
You place your back against a nearby cloud wall and slowly slide down into a sitting position, covering your head with your hands. “I’m tired of running.”
…
“What!?” Lyra blurts out, clumsily extracting herself from the other mares. “But... America! You are just... giving up?” Lyra says, her lips pouting.
“Lyra, this isn’t how I... ....How America handles things.” You smile gently.
“A wise man once said that, ‘Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyways.’”
“WHAT?” Twilight Sparkle yells.
“Oh myyyy...” Cloud Kicker blushes while playfully winking at you.
You facepalm. “Not like tha- You know? Forget it. Twilight? Just take me to the Mayor.” You mutter out.
“Cloud Kicker, Lyra? I want you two at the court.” You say.
“Ok!” They both cheerfully say. “Don't worry! We’ll get you out of this!” Lyra says, Cloud Kicker nodding in agreement.
You walk over to Twilight and put your hand on her back gently. Right as you can feel Twilight casting the spell you say.
You’ve been sitting in a holding cell for a few hours now... just sitting.
You know... for once It’s really nice to have peace and quiet. …
“Ah....” You exhale peacefully. “Maybe jail would be better than just constantly running...” You ponder out loud.
“It seems like that’s all I do these days…run from Twilight, run from Rainbow, run from... pretty much everypony and everything.”
“hmm.”
“Well.” You say to yourself. “Time to get to work. It’s like I said.” You weakly say, “No more running... right?”
You slowly pull yourself to your feet and brush yourself off and rest against the bars, trying to motivate yourself.
“So... let’s see...” You say, stroking your chin thoughtfully. “Assault, molestation, magical assault... I wonder if they have any laws against extra-dimensional kidnapping?” You muse to yourself. “Come to think of it, I don’t even know what kind of judicial system they have.”
“Maybe I should have thought this through first...” You you groan, then lay down on your jail cot to sort through the day.
…
Thinking.
Thinking.
Thinking.
Think... Sleepy...
Sleepy...
Just as you are starting to fall asleep, you JOLT AWAKE.
What was that? A explosion? A teleport? Asteroids!? What coul-
You look around the room, and..
“Oh. It’s nothing.” You mutter as you settle back down in your cot. “Guess I’ve been getting a bit jumpy... I mean, it’s like as soon as things settle down something crazy happens. It’s like I’m in a bad fanfi-”
You are distracted by the sound of clopping.
It’s getting closer.
Closer.
The clopping is is coming from outside of your door now!
“They really need to come up with a better term for that.” You sullenly mutter.
*Knock Knock* “America? Are you in there? It’s Twilight Sparkle.... I just wanted to talk to you. Um... Can I come in?” You hear a nervous voice call out from outside the cell block.
You purse your lips, then sarcastically say, “Why not? It’s not like anything could stop you.”
Twilight opens the door, an apologetic smile on her face.
“Listen, I just... I just.” Twilight pinches her nose and sighs in frustration. “Ok Listen. I’m sorry for foal-napping you. But-”
“‘SORRY’ isn’t going to cut it Twilight.” You interrupt. “You. Kid-Foal-napped me!”
Twilight’s ear flicks in annoyance. “I know. I just- just... UGH!” Twilight stomps her hoof in frustration. “Just listen ok!”
“Listen” Twilight says, tracing one of the jail’s bars with her hoof. “Equestria’s court system still has a... bit of a bias against Stallions.”
Your eyes widen. Oh Horseapples.
“And, well...” Twilight says bashfully kicking her hoof against the floor. “If you get assigned to me, I’ll do my best to make sure you are happy.”
“WHAT?!” You exclaim in shock.
“KAYSORRYBYENOW!” Twlight blurts out as she teleports away. *VATHOMP*
*You facepalm*
“This... may have been a bad idea.”
-A few hours later-
“All rise for the Honorable Flawed Justice!”
The court stands for the the judge, Flawed Justice. “Her name would make a great comic book title...” You whisper.
Flawed Justice announces that, “The accused parties today are the saviors of Equestria, the Bearers of Harmony, and the Student of Princess Celestia herself, Twilight Sparkle!”
You REALLY should have thought this out.
“The accuser is... this...” Flawed Justice pauses for a second.
“America.” You answer.
Flawed Justice then announces that, “America is suing the Bearers of Harmony.”
Flawed Justice asks you. “What are the charges?”
You stand up and make yourself as presentable as possible, torn clothes, sleep-deprived red eyes, and nervous face. “Interdimensional foal-napping, 2nd degree attempted rape, forced morphing, assault, and molestation.”
The crowd gasps in disbelief.
Flawed Justice speaks, “The charges are plain, and because of America’s... non-citizen status, and his lack of knowledge of the Equestrian Justice System, I’m going to change the protocols, to allow informal arguments and sentencing.”
Out of the corner of your eye you see Twilight toss a huge stack of legal papers and notes into the air. “Ughh!!”
Flawed Justice bangs the Gavel, and announces that "The case of America vs The Elements has begun!”
*BANG* Flawed Justice sets down the gavel, and placing her hoof beneath her hoof waves other her hoof at you says.
“So America is it... How can you support your lawsuit legitimacy against the Elements of Harmony. What proof, or witnesses do you offer?”
She taps her hoof against her chin. “But first... I want to hear Twilight’s view. Twilight?”
"Thank you Flawed Justice! Hmm... I'd first encountered America in my house after he fell into a portal. I just knew he needed help, and... well here's how I remember it..."
You suddenly hear music, music... the sound, where is it coming from!
Oh.
It’s another musical. You’d almost forgot that you are in Equestria...
(Here is the tune for the below story-fied song that I took from Les Miserables, it might help to give you the tone of the song as you are reading...
Twilight beacons to you, says, "Here's how I remember it..." and begins singing.
“Come inside for you are weary, and the night is cold out there, though we are not humans, what we have, we have to share....
There is food here to revive you... there are spells to make you strong... There’s a bed to rest to morning, rest from pain, and rest from wrong..."
Flawed Justice interrupts and points an accusing hoof at you, “Twilight’s kindness had revived you, she had trusted in your love and had given twice what you have deserved... and instead of showing kindness, you have returned, right with wrong...
Twilight had trusted you, she’d gave you kindness to last through your time, and instead you took her kindness, and you even took FLIIIIIIGHT!”
Twilight steps forward and begins singing accusingly,
“Now I’ll tell Flawed Justice your story, let us see if she’s impressed, I had brought you here to safety, you were my honored human guest, and then out of Luna’s goodness, when I’d learned about your plight, I had given you your freedom from that Earth’s sinful plight!"
Twilight’s tone turned from accusing, to sorrowful, sad even.
“But instead you cast me aside, turned away my helping hoof, did you not want my kindness, my friendship, would you leave... my... love behind?
So America you have cast my friendship aside, but I’ll keep on loving you, I ask Flawed Justice for her mercy, Celestia’s peace be on you...”
Twilight moved closer to you, and singing in a low whisper so that only you could hear,
“But remember this my little human... See in this some higher plan... I have asked for your freedom, so you’ll change into a mare’s stallion... By the moonlight of Dear Luna... By the Flames of Celestia’s blood, if you resist me still much further.... I'll yet bind your soul with mine...”
You feel a shiver run up your back, as you stand, trying to gather something, anything to say in your defense.
“OBJECTION!” You shout, slamming your hands down on the table.
“Flawed Justice, your Honor, is one of the main tenants of this suit! That Twilight Sparkle inter-dimentionally kidnapped me! It was NOT an accident. She then brought me to her house, attempted to turn me into a completely different species against my will, and then is the main cause of the many physical and psychological damages that I’ve incurred since!”
“Well America. Do you have any proof of this?”
“Um...”
“No witnesses?”
“Well...”
“Proof that you lived in another dimension?”
“My wallet is missing...”
“Well America.” Flawed Justice says. “This being your preliminary case, and being that you have YET to even gather some modicum of evidence to support your case, I will give you one month to gather witnesses and evidence.”
You inwardly squee with joy! You could actually do this!
“But until then I’m going to put Twilight Sparkle in charge of you. You are to live under her roof, and listen to her. After all, we can’t just have a stallion wandering the streets at night now can’t we!”
*The courtroom audience laughs*
“So,” Flawed Justice Says. “You can gather evidence, but you must listen to Twilight and obey her. I’ll hear from you next month!” *BANG* “Court Dismissed.”
“But. But...” You stutter in disbelief. “I’m... having to stay with the mare I’m basically suing for ABUSE!”
*Gasp* A mare approaches you from the side, making her way around the crowd says, “Don’t disrespect your mare like that! That’s not very stallion-esque now is it!” She trots off with her nose in the air, and the rest of the court follows her out
As you are staring in disbelief at the departing mares, you feel something latch onto your ankle. You look down and....
Ankle Bracelet. Great.
Twilight sheepishly smiles at you. “Sorry, can’t have America running away again!” She cheerfully says while pulling out a list.
“So, Let’s get started! How are you going to sue me! What witnesses do you need! Oh oh! What kind of punishment are you going to...”
Twilight trails off as she looks at your disheveled appearance.
“Oh my! hehe! Looks like somepony needs a bath first, and his beauty sleep! Let’s get you back in the house where you belong!” Twilight blissfully squeals. “My own stallion! Oh, here...” Twilight reaches her hoof out and grabs your hand. “Hold my hoof, we’re going home!”
Your mind finally kicks into gear again. “AW HAEL NAW!”
“Breathe.... Inhale... exhale... Ok. You can do this America... You just have to believe....”
“Breathe. Breathe...”
“Ok.” *Whew* “You can do this... you can figure this out.”
“Breathe. Whewww....”
You sit, hands cradling your head in Twilight’s bedroom as you reflect on what just happened. You just were literally handed by Flawed Justice... a court imposed sentence of abuse and terror at the hands, neigh... hooves of Twilight Sparkle, and now you are sitting in her bedroom.
This is going to be a long month.
But, you are an AMERICAN. You are just going to have to make the best of it, nope, even conquer these circumstances! The first step is-
“-America! Hello?!” Twilight interrupts by waving a friendly hoof in your face. “It’s time to cook dinner!” Twilight says, squeeing just a tiny bit.
“Wha? Dinner?” You mutter in confusion.
“Yes you silly!” Twilight says, excitedly patting you on the shoulder. “This is going to be so much fun! I can’t wait to spend all of my time with you!”
*Gulp* “Umm... whaat?”
“Here! Grab a hold! I’ll teleport us right there!” Twilight says while happily hopping from hoof to hoof.
“But it’s just downst-” You start to say, then give up mid sentence. You hesitating for a brief second or two... then you slowly reach out and grab onto Twilight Sparkle’s horn.
Suddenly you feel a cold breeze drift over your shoulders.... Twilight isn’t moving a muscle, it feels like the room just dropped 10 degrees, and then Twilight’s face slowly begins changing into a...
Big.
Bright.
Cherry red.
“Um... America? *inhale* You might... um.. *inhale*... want to let go.” Twilight says breathily.
You quickly look down at your hand, back up to Twilight’s horn, then back at Twilight’s ever expanding blush.
“oh. OH!” You snap your hand back as if burned. “I’m so sorry!”
Twilight kicks at the ground bashfully, then looking back up into your eyes says, “It’s... it’s ok. Just... I’m... let’s move slowly... ok?.” She says, cutely smiling while avoiding eye contact.
HHNNNNNNNNNNNGGGG. Keep it together man. KEEP IT TOGETHER.
You hesitate, then slowly hover your hand over her back. Glancing at Twilight, she smiles and nods. As soon as you put down your hand on her back you hear it again. [Red Alert!]
*VATHOUMP*
You open your eyes to.. yep. You’re in the kitchen. Your feet feel cold and... yep. Somehow Twilight teleported you, but left your shoes and socks in her bedroom.
Barefoot in the kitchen... great.
You let go of Twilight’s back, and as you are turning to look at the kitchen you notice two glowing eyes staring at you from the Library’s dark basement...
It’s Spike. You swear you can hear this music playing somewhere...
Slowly... and menacingly... Spike closes the door to the basement, withdrawing each individual claw slowly from the door. Soon as that’s left is a crack with a single glowing eye.
“America? Are you ok? You look like you’ve seen Luna’s ghost!” Twilight says, worriedly placing a hoof on your arm.
“...”
Twilight sighs in relief. “Phew! I’m glad. Teleportation can be somewhat disorienting at first.” Twilight brushes her hoof over your arm in concern, then suddenly remembers why she’d teleported you.
“Oh right! So, the kitchen’s right here! Oh- I hope you don’t mind me removing your socks and shoes, you won’t be needing them in there.” She innocently beams, and almost hops into the kitchen.
“Oh! Right. SPIKE!!” Twilight yells, pausing in front of the shelves. “SPIKE! Ohh... Where is that dragon?... Oh well. I’ll just tell you.” Twilight says, gesturing happily at the various shelves and drawers. “The salad is in the refrigerator, and the silverware is in the second cabinet, third drawer down.”
“Ok. So... what would you like for dinner?”
Twilight’s smile (if that was possible) grows even bigger. She happily punches you in the arm, “Oh! *Eeee* Whatever you want to cook America! I’ll be happy with anything as long as you make it!”
BE STILL MY HEART. *HNGGG.*
You hold your punched arm and bashfully scratch your head. “Um... hmm... Hows... spaghetti?” You meekly ask.
“That’d be just PER-fect!” Twilight happily squeals, and she immediately levitates all of the ingredients out to the countertop.
Twilight after arranging each bowl by size, ingredient by type, and untinsil by a combined sorting method of size and color coordination, looks you in the eye and announces. “Ready to cook America?! I’m ready!” She says, stomping a hoof and smiling proudly. “Let no mare say that Twilight Sparkle doesn’t help out in the kitchen!”
You stand there for a second, observing the perfect order hovering over head, and you realize that Twilight’s a lot more powerful than you realized... and fortunately she... seems... to really mean well.
I mean... Why else would she help with the cooking? You weren’t being used like a 1950’s version of slave labor like you’d originally thought...
Twilight’s smile fades slightly and a spoon she is levitating droops a bit. “America... are you ok?”
You put on a smile. Even if it’s acting, this is a great chance to find out... or.. look for an esca-... SCREW it. You are cooking with Twilight Sparkle! “Oh! No! I’m fine.” You take the spoon from Twilight and turn to the stove-top. “Just thinking of how to cook this. Do you have any garlic?”
Twilight smiles happily. “Right here!”
You spend the next 30 minutes cooking up some delicious garlic bread, Italian spaghetti, and a quick and simple side salad with carrots. The entire time Twilight takes notes while simultaneously handing you mixing bowls, ingredients, and happily chatting with you about Human cuisine the entire time.
You both sit down to dinner, and Twilight calls out for Spike, “SPIIIKE! Dinnertime!”
You hear a angry grumble, and Spike yells up. “I’m... I’m... I’m on a DIET! Thanks though!”
Twilight scrunches her face up in confusion. “That’s weird. He’s always hungry...” Twilight shrugs. “It’s probably for Rarity somehow...”
You both start to eat and as Twilight takes the first bite, she exclaims, “America! You really can cook! This is amazing!” You both dig in, and finish the meal in record time.
You start to gather up the plates to wash them, but Twilight quickly teleports them all instead. “Don’t we have to-”
“Nope!” Twilight interrupts. “It’s a spell I invented! It cleans, and stores the dishes for me! I just had to preset the tags and labels each dish’s individual teleportation spell to each storage rack, and set the heat cleansing spell’s parameters to the dishes dimensions!”
You don’t even know what to think.
“Dat spell.” You mutter in awe.
Twilight blushes, then her eyes flick down towards your hoodie. She frowns and you *think* you see a almost invisible flash of magic from her horn.. Twilight then trots over to you and grabs your Rainbow Dash hoodie and inspects it.
“Oh MY!” Twilight says a little too loudly. “It looks like your CLOTHES are DIRTY.” Twilight says grinning ever so slightly too big. “We can’t have that! Let’s wash them!”
You grin nervously. “Ok.. well can’t we do that late-”
“Noletsdoitnow!” *YANK* *”WAAGH!” Twilight grabs you by your hoodie and clumsily starts trying to pull it off. “Twilig-” *yank* “Stoppi-” *yank* “WHAT AR-” *YANK*
Twilight growls in Frustration, then levitates you into the air. *YANK YANK YANK YANK* “TWILIGHT STOP TRYING TO YANK ME OFF!”
Twilight accidentally drops you in shock, then busts out laughing. “HAHAHA..! Oh! Oh!! Oh. haha. Ohh...” Twilight says laying on the ground while trying to stop laughing. “Ok..” *snicker* “America. I won’t try to...” *snicker* “yank you off anymore! I promise!”
You try to glare at her at first, then burst out laughing yourself.
“Hahah! Ha. Oh...” *wheeew...* “Alright Twilight. Here.” You take off your hoodie, and hand it to Twilight. “You win. My garment... Mi-lady...” You bow to the ground, theatrically gesturing.
*Twilight giggles* “Why thank you... kind... sir.” Twilight teleports your hoodie away, and looks right back at you with a stange look...
Twilight slowly saunters straight up to you, and jumps right at your chest. You reflexively catch her, and suddenly you are cradling Twilight Sparkle to your chest.
She smiles at you while brushes a hoof through your hair says, “So America... carry me upstairs?”
You carry Twilight upstairs, and she snuggles into your chest ever so slightly. *gasp*
BRAIN.EXE has suffered a serious system error.
You reach the door, and realize you can’t open the door without putting Twilight down.
[RED ALERT]
*VATHOMP*
You’ve suddenly been teleported into a chair on the balcony, and you look down to see instead of Twilight, a book in your hands. She smiles in a teasing manner.
“So... ready to do some... close... observation?” Twilight teases you, enunciating each syllable tantalizingly. She swishes her tail and saunters over to you, gently tracing your mouth with her hoof for a brief second....
Your jaw drops open, and right as you start to...
*snap* Twilight flicks your mouth shut with a click.
“Hehe! Let’s get started you silly!” Twilight happily says while picking up a journal, and flipping a few pages to her latest entry.
[BRAIN.EXE Launching... startup successful.]
You shake your head to get your thoughts together. “Uh, ok.... What... exactly are we looking for?” You say, just starting to be able to put entire sentences together.
“We’re watching the moon-rise you silly!” Twilight smiling says. “It’s going to be a full moon tonight! It’s rumored that magic tonight will be extra powerful, and that there might even be some spontaneous magic!” Twilight squeals out while she levitates a quill from an entire barrel labeled, “quills”.
“Relax!” Twilight urges you while starting to take down notes. “It’s going to be fine! What could possible go wrong?”
You nervously glance at Twilight, and mutter under your breath. “You’ve killed us all.”
“What was that?” Twilight asks, glancing up from her book. “Um... I said, ‘You’re kinda small?’”
Twilight looks at you for a second, then glances at her hoof. “Hmm.. true. Compared to you... my body mass is significantly smaller.” Twilight flips to a new page in irritation. “But for now... let’s focus on the observation of the SKY, not me.”
You shrug your shoulders in resignation, and take a seat across from Twilight. You relax briefly, and then glance around at your surroundings.
Then you realize....This should be a surreal sight for you. You’re sitting on the balcony of Twilight Sparkle’s Library, with THE adorable Twilight Sparkle, slowly watching the stars wink into existence in Luna’s night. As incredible as that is, this circumstance pales in comparison to being hunted, teleported, assaulted, and essentially sold into stallion-slavery (or, you will be. You honestly doubt you can win this upcoming trial anyways).
You lean back, and try to relax as Twilight suggested.
You realize that... well this isn’t half bad. You think about it, and realize that Twilight is amazing, gorgeous, and you live. in a LIBRARY (Squee). Plus you are in Ponyville, and you don’t have to worry about most of your old Earth problems. Not to mention the Sky here is absolutely amazing, and there seem to be spontaneous musicals that are honestly.... quite catchy!
You sigh in contentment as you stare upward at Luna’s night.
Then you start blissfully humming, and the music grows... and grows until...
“There... out in the Darkness... I used to be running. Flying from God... flying from life.... God be my witness, I never shall yield, or so I have said. Or so I have said. But this place welcomes me so, and my way is long and hard..... and those who live in this world, will have eternal joy... Yet if I yield as a coward does yield, the shame, the pain...
So stars... in your multitudes, scarce to be counted, filling the darkness, with order and light. You are the sentinels, silent and sure, keeping watch in the night, keeping watch in the night. You know your place in the sky, you hold your course and your aim, and each in your season returns and is always the same, and if you fall as Luna did fall, you fall, in flames!
And so it must be! And so it is written! On my heart and my honor that, those who cower and those fall, will pay... a price...
So let me be free! That I may live, free under these stars! No matter how tempting, I will never yield! Till death! This I swear! I swear by the stars!”
You finish the song, and realize that you are now standing, hand outreached toward Luna’s arisen moon, singing the final note perched on Twilight's railing.
*Ahem* You sheepishly straighten your shirt, and jump down from the railing. Twilight grumpily stares at you.
As you slowly return to your chair, you think you hear small hooves running away from Twilight’s library. You shake your head and ignore it.
“So.” Twilight says, still clearly slightly irritated. “You are still determined to fight huh?”
You quip back at Twilight. “Live free or die hard!”
Twilight recoils from you. “What? EWWW! Gross.”
“Wait!” You try to explain. “It’s! Not like that! IT’s... Um- the... Nevermind. It’s a saying.” You mutter exasperated. “Basically, it means to fight for freedom, or die for happiness.”
…
… “That’s.... nice....” Twilight shifts her weight from hoof to hoof, avoiding eye contact...
…
“So.” You attempt to break the increasingly unbearable silence. “What was the special thing with Luna? Did it happen already?”
“Huh?” Twilight says, eyebrow raised in confusion.
You pinch your nose in frustration. “You know... the... thing. The... spontanious event we were supposed to witness?”
“Oh. Right!” Twilight says, “There were rumors of potential spontaneous magical events occurring tonight, but so far no luck...” Twilight looks up in disappointment, “Plus the peak of the magical lunar energies will be over in just a few minutes....”
Twilight scribbles down a few notes.... looks up at you... quickly scribbles some more....
You try to stifle it... but you- *YAAAAWNN*
Twilight sighs in frustration.
Twilight kicks at the floor. “Well, I guess you might as well get some sleep, sleepy-head...”
Twilight wanders inside her room, then begins looking around. She mutters to herself quietly, and you only catch a few words. “Lab... won’t wo- The kitchen isn’t- but... hmmm...”
Twilight looks around one more time in desperation, then looks at you, grimacing a little bit. *sigh* “You can use the trundle bed.” Twilight mutters out, blushing a low red.
“Awww...” You coo at Twilight, “Is this the first time a guy has been in your room?” You tease her.
Twilight doesn’t move, and her blush level goes up to a rose red.
“Wha...” You say, completely stunned. “The Twilight Sparkle, student of Celestia herself, powerful and beautiful unicorn mage... can’t get a bo...-colt friend?”
Twilight blushing bright red begins stalking quickly towards you, and pushing you up against a wall yells at you. “IT’S!!! IT’s- I didn’t have time- I was study- UGH!!!!”
[RED ALERT]
Your vision is overwhelmed by a bright flash of purple, and as your eyes roll up in the back of your head you can’t help but think...
You slowly come to your senses, and as you look around, squinting at your surroundings you realize...
You are in Twilight's bed! and no, not the trundle bed, but her REAL bed! You start to sit up quickly, but you are jerked to a stop. You are tied up! She has chained you to her BE-
Oh. wait a second... After a breif moment of observation you realize the restraining pressure was from the sheets. Wait-That's right!
THE Twilight Sparkle... had tucked you into HER bed.
You smile, and look down at a white spot in your peripheral vision, and spot a note left next to your hand. Freeing your hand from the tucked in sheets you read a simple, “Sorry...” with a sad face scrawled next to it.
You smile, remembering the flustered look on Twilight's face when she blasted you. As you look around the room you hear quiet breathing and.... There she is... Curled up and sleeping peacefully next to you.
You can't help but smile and whisper. "She trusts me... At least a little bit..." You gently reach down, and brush a bit of Twilight's mane out of her eyes. “It would be so easy to hurt her...” You shake your head gently, rejecting the idea completely.
"I guess I really do like her mane..."
You just peacefully sit there, gently stroking Twilight's mane for a few minutes.
You smile, and gently whisper to the sleeping Twilight. “I don’t think you are evil Twilight. You... you’re just doing this to save Equestria, and... I don’t think you like doing this anyways.” You chuckle affectionately and add, “Otherwise there would be a lot more lists involved...”
You shake your head slowly. “What’s wrong with me... What am I doing?”
What's the matter with you, ‘Merica? Have you been too much on your own? So many things unclear... So many things... Unknown.
In my life... There are so many questions and answers That somehow seem wrong In my life... There are times when I sing away the silence the signs of a musical's song! And it sings... Of a world that I’ve longed to see Out of reach- Just a whisper away... But now that world do I see!
Does she know that I think, does she know that I feel? Does she see what I need, will my freedom she steal? In my life. While you're kind... now I feel all alone... So hear me now... Free... me here...
(End song at 1:26, or when Valjean starts talking...)
You finish the note, and right as you begin to sing the next note you pause...
You heard something... A low growl.
You look up and syddenly a dark blur bowls you over, somehow melding incredible silence with incredible strength as it grabs both your hands in one of it’s claws, and plugging your mouth with it’s tail.
Wait, tail?!
Your eyes focus, and then the blur is framed by cruel, gleaming fangs, and you realize... it is Spike’s face that's bathed in moonlight. A gurgling hiss escapes his gullet as his eyes flash in anger, “Ttttthought you could steal heeerrrrr did youuu?”
With an audible, *SNAP* Spike’s claws spring into place on his free hand, as he slowly reaches down towards your manhood with a maniacal grin plastered on his snout. He's bigger than you now, and as much as you struggle, you can't get lose.
“I’vvveeee beeen waiting for youu to sleeeep to do thisssss....” Spike hisses at you. “But I gottt tireedddd of waitting....”
His claws float close to your manhood, as Spike triumphantly hisses, “Afffter allll... what ussssse is a gelding.... when they want ssssstallions?”
Your eyes flash wide open, as Spike tenses his muscles to remove your balls.
Suddenly, there’s an EXPLOSION of glass, and a orange and black shape SMASHES into Spike’s head. Spike staggers backwards, stunned, as the blur is suddenly joined by two other blurs. Through the dark you realize that they are ponies, and slightly small ponies at that!
“Wha? What’s going-” *POOTIS*, Twilight’s had started to groggily wake up, but she falls gently back onto her bed. You see the white and black pony shoot a second blowdart into Spike's neck, but Spike simply growls, and lunges at the little Ponies. They scatter, and shoot two more darts into Spike’s body. He goggily shakes his head, and slurs out, “Threeee darts is tooo mucccchh....” Spike takes a few more shaky steps toward the nearest pony, and is rewarded by four more darts to his chest.
Suddenly the white one coughs, and all three miniature ponies (Isn’t that redundant?) compose themselves and trot over to you. “America. We’ve come to free you.” The white one squeaks out. “Will you come with us?”
You look at the soundly asleep Twilight, and hesitate. Then you hear the sound of a hardwood floor being scratched, and you see one of Spike’s claws reflexively gouging large chunks of wood out of the hardwood floor.
*gulp* “Ok. Let’s go.”
You take one longing look at Twilight’s sleeping form, as you follow the three miniature ponies through the moonlit hole they made.
The three ninja ponies quietly sneak through Ponyville, and you try to follow them as stealthily as possible, while ducking from shadow to shadow. Suddenly the ponies stop in front of you, and as you walk up the yellow one GRABS you by the hand and with an insane burst of strength SHOVES you deep into a nearby hay cart.
You open your mouth to speak when *PLOMP* suddenly instead of exhaling air, you are inhaling orange hoof.
(Also, is that the faint taste of… mint? Huh?) “SSSSH!” The pony hisses in a loud stage whisper, “We have to be quiet!”
You scrunch your eyebrows in confusion, and she removes her hoof. You spit out some grass from the hoof, (is that what tasted like mint?) and you open your mouth to-
*PHOMP*
Promptly you have another hoof shoved in your mouth, this one yellow. But this one had something held in it… Is that?
You instinctively chew as soon as the hoof is removed, and… is that an Apple Fritter? Suddenly the yellow pony whispers, "Quiet! We have to neutralize all of the magic on you before we move you. Also eat that.. Quickly!"
You start to say something, then… you are hit by it.
The misty crisp flavor of apples, slowly tumbling down a waterfall of champagne and caramel toffee. This heavenly flavor completely overwhelms your every taste-bud.
This is heaven.
*Clink* *CLASH* You blink, and see triangles of brilliant purple fragmenting around you like a shattered stained glass window. You blink in confusion.
The Apple Fritter! It was a spell nullifier!
You open your mouth to shout in joy when,
*PLMOLP*
You are rewarded with another hoof shoved down your throat once more.
"Shhh!" The orange one hushes you (Scootaloo?), and shoves you further underneath the hay. "You have to be quiet!”
She whips her head back and forth, eyes checking her surroundings.
“We have to leave, but pickup will be here soon. No matter what, don’t make a sound.”
Scootaloo removes her hoof, and jumps onto her scooter and jets off at a startling speed with the other ponies in tow.
“Hmph.” You grumpily huff. “Do i LOOK like a hoof receptacle?”
You gingerly peer through the hay that you are buried in, and watch the sun slowly rise. You slowly notice some ponies begin to open the stalls that surround you. You suddenly realize that you are in the middle of the Ponyville market.
You then spot some guards walking through the market, but they seems bored and disinterested. They seem to be looking for something, but they never really seem to look at the hay cart you are in. Fortunately most of the ponies seem to be going about their business, but you wonder just how long you can afford to hide here.
*Sigh* “Assassin's creed don’t fail me now…”
You spend the next hour counting ponies, and naming your favorite background ponies. Then the next hour deciding which seller’s stall is the best positioned for sales. (Location location location!) Then the next hour counting how often ponies talk about the weather. (43 times so far… is there ANYTHING else to do in Ponyville?)
You are starting to doze off, when you hear something walking up to your cart. You open you eyes and suddenly are met face to face with an emerald green eye.
You freeze.
The eye winks at you.
You blink back.
Suddenly the eye is withdrawn, and you hear something clicking on the outside of the cart! You are about to burst out of the cart and begin running when you hear Scootaloo’s voice in your head. “No matter what. Don’t make a sound.”
You relax your tense muscles, and settle back into the hay. The cart suddenly tilts, and then starts moving forward. You bite your lip to keep yourself from panicking, and try to make out what’s going on. You can’t see much of anything now, but you notice the sounds of Ponyville are slowly fading.
Soon enough you can’t even hear the sounds of Ponyville anymore, and you only occasionally hear a the sound of a Pegasus passing by overhead. Suddenly the cart ceases to make the clickety-clack sound that cobblestone makes, and a few minutes later, the sun ceases to filter through the hay covering you, and the cart stops.
“Ya’ll can come out now.”
You hesitantly, and slowly worm your way out of the hay cart, and as you are exiting you completely miss your handhold, and tumble headfirst out of the hay cart.
Right as you are about to hit the ground, you are caught by an orange hoof. Your eyes are slowly drawn up the strong, supple, but smooth hoof, past the graceful neck, and you instantly recognize Applejack.
"I couldn't just let this honorary apple bruise now can I!” Applejack chuckles, while helping you to your feet.
Applejack smiles, and brushes the stray wisps of hay off of your shoulders. “So, what’s your name stranger?”
You suddenly find your words, and smile back. Remembering the first episode of MLP, you extend your hand and say, "They call me 'Merica here!" as you SQUEEZE Applejack’s hoof almost as hard as you can.
Applejack’s eyes go wide, and she instantly collapses to her hooves. She quietly grunts in pain from your iron grasp.
You instantly let go. Every nerve and brain cell is screaming at you.
You just hurt Applejack.
You. Hurt. Applejack.
You drop to your knees and stutter out, “I’m so sorry! I just! I- I- Please! Please don’t be hurt!”
“Applejack I’m so- UGHWURRRRGH!” Applejack quickly lunches forward and grabs you around your chest, and SQUEEZES.
You feel like the most adorable marshmallow of death in existence is trying to grind your bones into powder.
*URHRGHWARRRGH*
“Haha! Gotcha!”
*URRRRHGHGHH-- gwargble…*
Applejack quickly lets go of you, then happily pats your back as you try to catch what little breath you have left.
“Not a bad grip for such a little feller! But you’re a thousand years too green to tackle an Apple!”
Applejack grins, and puts her hat on your head. “Tell you what. To show that there’s no harm done, you can wear mah hat!”
You cough one more time, then slowly get to your feet. “Wow…. you’ve got a real bear hug there.” You weakly chuckle, holding your bruised ribs.
“Ah thats nothin!” Applejack chuckles, “You haven’t felt mah *other* hug yet…” Applejack says while smirking.
While that comment is registering in your mind, a breeze blows through the open Barn Door, and you are met with this sight.
“Whoa nelly…” You whisper.
You shield your face as several leaves are blown past you, and Applejack throws the nearby barn door fully open. Your eyes are met with dozens of ponies pulling carts, stacking hay bales, lumber, and pieces of metal.
“Welcome to the resistance.” Applejack says while smiling. “Ah think you are really gonna like it here.”
Applejack’s golden mane flows gently in the breeze, the light catching her golden complexion and sending the earthy vision of beauty cascading through your mind.
“Whoa…”
...
(stare)
…
*cough*
…
(stare)
...
A small smile forms on Applejack's face, and she gently hoofs you on the shoulder. "Aheyem."
You blink in owlishly, then avert your eyes quickly. Applejack grins, and swats your face with her tail as she trots out of the barn.
"Well, Ah think it’s high time to show you the Resistance’s headquarters!”
You sheepishly follow Applejack, scratching the back of your head in embarrassment. "Hehe... Right."
Applejack swaggers out of the barn, "Ah've got a lot to show y'all!" Applejack suddenly pauses, then looking over her shoulder winks at you. “Also, ah said headquarters, not ‘hindquarters'...”
Your eyes instinctively flash down to Applejack’s toned -*COUGH*- “R-right! Let’s get started!” You blurt out, then quickly speed up so you are walking *alongside* Applejack. You instantly find the ground to be the most spellbinding thing you've seen all day.
Applejack chuckles quietly, and then with a obvious, "Ahem!" saves you from further embarrassment by pointing out the various parts of the Apple Family Farm. As she does you can't help but notice a profound lack of… “resistance-esque” tools. No weapons, armor, or any type of war-like implements are in sight. In fact, the ponies aren't training either. In fact they all just seem to be busy... working?
Applejack smiles, then squints as she looks you in the eye. “Now ah know what you’re thinking. But ah want you to guess how our little resistance works anyways!"
You quizzically gaze at Applejack, at a complete loss.
“Guess you dummy! How do you think our resistance works?” Applejack playfully says while grinning.
You look back over the busy Apple Family farm for a few seconds, then look back to AJ. “Um… you sell Apples to hire mercenaries?”
Applejack laughs, then gently hoofs you in the shoulder. “No you silly! Where’d you get such a new-fangled idea like that!” Applejack then gently places her hoof on your shoulder and says, “The way we help Stallions, is we give them a place to hide... Or even a place live if they need to."
Applejack smiles, then points to a massive cauldron full of apples next to a huge distillery, almost covered in Stallions diligently, and happily working all over it.
“That there distillery makes the Apple family cider. Which is full of the love of good old family, friends, and Apple Acres quality and care! It’s what allows us to actually afford this whole operation!”
You blink in disbelief… “So… the resistance… is a cider distillery?”
Applejack chuckles darkly. “What? Did you expect a few odd apples to be able to fight the entire might of Equestria!?” Applejack grimaces a bit and says, “Mah only wish is that my family didn’t need to do this.”
You gratefully smile at AJ. “Well, I… I don’t… I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t found me. I.. I was starting to loose hope.”
You hear a voice, syrupy thick and sweet, speak up behind you.
“Every Apple can find it’s home here, and when you’re an Apple you’re never truly lost.”
You turn around and see a Red shape, outlined by the sun, and when you shield your eyes you see... Big Mac.
You never realized from watching the show, but he… is enormous! His very presence makes you feel safe, secure, and at home. You also realize that he’s the first pony to be able to easily look you in the eye.
“Come on.” Big Mac says in that rich voice of his. “Ya’ll need to talk to Granny.”
You nervously glance at Applejack, and she smiles encouragingly. You begin to walk with Applejack and Big Mac though the Orchard. None of you speak, but there's no need to. You feel welcome, and that's all you need right now...
*Meanwhile In the Ponyville Library*
Twilight Sparkle yawns, sleepily rubs her eyes, and instinctively teleports into her bathroom. *clink* A dart briefly spins in the air, then lands on the floor next to the still tranquilized Spike, the trashed bedroom, and the multiple other brightly colored darts.
*Yawn* “What a strange dream!” With a flick of her horn, Twilight groggily grabs her mane-brush, and stretches her hooves, then smiles as she trots to her bathroom mirror.
“Today is my *first* day with a stallion! EEE! So wonderful!”
“7am the usual morning lineup… Start on the list and cast away dust till the floor’s all clean!
Twilight teleports downstairs, and begins to blast the library with spells.
Dust n’ check the books for correct placing, dust again and by then it’s like 7:15! So then I’ll read a book, or maybe two or three! I’ll write a few more words into my thesis on bees! I’ll sort the books again, and brush and brush my mane, and wonder when will my stallion come in!
Twilight longingly looks at the stairs to her bedroom, then teleports in front of her mirror.
"Then after my mane’s brushed it’s star charts and book orders, then check my grades and make sure no word’s misspelled! Categorize each new star Luna’s making, then I’ll stretch, maybe sketch my Stallion’s face too!
Then I’ll re-read a book, If I’ve got time to spare, I’ll make a checklist again… I got parchment somewhere! And then I’ll brush and brush and brush and brush my hair, stuck in the same way I’ve always been… "
Twilight begins spinning in the middle of her library, books and parchment dancing magically in spell around her.
"So i’ll keep wondering, and wondering and wondering and wondering when will my life begin!"
Twilight returns the books and parchment to their homes, and hopefully looks into her mirror, absently brushing her mane slowly as she sings nervously...
"It’s my first day… With my stallion so near… just like I’ve dreamed for each day, every year… What is it like... To have someone to hold… Now that he’s here… Will Celestia… let me know?”
Twilight nervously puts down her brush, and hesitates at the bottom of the stairs. “America? Um… Are you there?”
*Back at the Apple Family Orchard*
You are standing in the Apple Family House alone, being told to wait for Granny, and while you're waiting you begin looking at the surrounding Apple family photographs. You scan through photographs that show the Apples beginning to found Ponyville, and you can even see the next generations of Apple’s slowly increasing the Orchard's size, and Ponyville's slow growth over the years. You even see a picture of Applejack as a filly, and can't help but let out a little, "dawww.."
You hear the floorboards creak behind you, and you turn to see Granny Smith standing in the doorway. She smiles and says, “So. This is the youngin that’s been causin all of this hulla-ballo! Well, youngster! I’m Granny Smith!” She reaches her hoof out, and you gently shake her hoof. She chuckles...then half-crushes your hand.
"OWW!"
“Hehe! Gotcha!” Granny Smith laughs as you nurse your sore hand. “Apple blood still runs strong through this old bag of bones! Don’t you ever forget that!”
Granny Smith still grinning then hops into her rocking chair, and instantly a pair of knitting needles appears, and the room suddenly is filled with the sounds of clicking.
“Wha? What is it youngin?” Granny asks, stopping her knitting. “Um… Did you want to talk to me?”
Granny smiles. “Well youngster... I already have. The way you shook hooves, your patience with what you thought was a senile old loon… You pass.”
“Huh?”
Granny points at you with her needles, “You… passed. You respect a mare, but you've got enough balls to stand up for yerself!”
“What?”
Granny sighs and mutters. “He might not be the brightest apple in the bushel, but he's honest. Ah'll give him that.”
Granny then clacks her needles once at you. “Listen. You had the balls to interrupt a lead mare in her own home, but enough respect to do it right. In my book, you pass. You can stay here.”
You scratch your head in confusion. “But… what? How? I mean, how can you trust me, or even know anything about me yet?You just met me!”
Granny Smith smiles, and shakes her head kindly. “Sonny, when you get as old as I am, you can tell an awful lot about somepony just by the way they walk, talk, and shake hooves. You already passed all three of those tests.”
You are about to say something when Granny swats her your hand with her needles. “Ow!”
“Ah wasn’t finished!” Granny sternly says. “Now, these old eyes saw something else while you were waiting fer me.”
You scrunch your eyebrows in confusion. “Huh?”
Granny dramatically puts her knitting needles down, and leaning forward looks you straight in the eye.
“You ain’t from around these parts… In fact… I’d say you are from ‘that’ place.”
Stunned, your mouth drops open...
“How… How did you know?”
Granny breaks into a smile, and bangs her hoof on the armrest triumphantly. “Aha!” She points at you. “Ah didn’t! But ah suspected, and now I know for sure!”
*Facehoof*
“Ugh… right.” You groan.
Suddenly you feel Granny’s hoof on your shoulder, and as you look up you see that all the mirth has left her weathered face.
“Now youngin, just because you ain’t from around here, doesn’t mean you’re the first.”
…
…
"Huh?"
Granny sighs, and picks up her needles and begins knitting again. “While you’re busy wrapping yer head around that, let me explain the whole kit and caboodle.”
*The sound of knitting needles clacks in the background, as Granny’s rocking chair rocks back and forth in rhythm*
“Well sonny, sit down and I’ll tell you a tale… You see, the old stories, they say that Two Alicorns ruled over Equestria together and created Harmony in all the land.”
You nod, remembering this from the first episode of MLP.
“They say the Elder sister guides the sun, and the younger sister guides the moon each night. But this is where our story stays a bit more… ‘honest’ than most of the old legends…"
You instinctively lean in closer, not wanting to miss a single word.
"Now these legends say that a thousand years ago that Princess Luna became all sorts of jealous. She was mad that her ponies didn’t like the night, and so she wouldn't to lower the moon, and that she became ‘a bitter, and wicked mare of darkness’, and that to save Equestria, Princess Celestia reluctantly had to banish her sister to the Moon with the Elements of Harmony to save Equestria.”
Granny shakes her head and pauses, then looks you right in the eye again. “Now. Does anything about that story seem a might bit fishy to you?”
“Um… maybe?”
Granny dramatically smacks her hoof on the armrest, “Well, here’s how it REALLY happened!”
“The Alicorn sisters did rule over Equestria. Actually fer many a year there was harmony everywhere.” Granny smiles as she reminisces. “My grandparents would tell such stories! When no pony was hungry, no pony was angry, no pony was alone…”
Granny’s smile fades. “But that all changed. One year just a few stallions were born, and soon a Stallion became a rare… prize. At first ponies thought this problem would just… go away. But it kept getting worse.”
“Soon ponies were panicking, but the Princesses wouldn't answer our questions, and those ponies who asked started disappearing.”
Granny Smith suddenly slumps in her rocking chair, watching her hoof as she traces circles on the armrest. “Then… then the 'One Day War' happened.”
You open your mouth to ask a question, then after looking at the menacing pair of knitting needles change your mind.
“That day there were stories of battles all over Canterlot. But instead of changelings, a dragon, or Griffons fighting? There were Night Guards fighting Day Guards, and the worst part?”
“In the middle of it all, Luna, fighting against Princess Celestia.”
Granny Smith shakes her head sadly, then looks up at you again.
“The reason no-pony’s heard of this is because this is one war you won’t find in the storybooks. Luna wasn’t changed into Nightmare moon, she wasn’t jealous, instead she was fighting for you.”
Granny looks up at you, a tear welling up in her eye. “She was fighting for all you. For every stallion, and she lost.”
“But she was seen, and when Luna returned Celestia was ready for her. Luna was the younger sister, and weaker. Celestia’s troops were prepared, and the few troops of Luna’s that weren't immediately captured weren't ready.”
“Even with Luna's troops captured, the battle took all day, because Celestia couldn't use the Elements of Harmony."
"Why?" You ask.
Granny Smith grimaces and says, "Because the Elements create harmony, and they wouldn't let Celestia banish her sister. After all, when mah daughter and the girls used the Elements on Luna, they only cured Luna's insanity from her thousand years alone on the moon, they didn't banish her again."
Granny sighs wearily, then begins telling the story again.
"So when Celestia had finally beaten her sister and drained her of all her power, she banished her to the Moon, away from the ponies she loved so much. To live alone for a thousand years.”
“Ever since then, Celestia’s controlled each and every stallion. With her controlling the stallions, she controls the mares. Because if you want any chance at a marriage, you’ve got to play along.”
Granny wistfully looks out the window. “That’s why she took Mr. Apple. Ah didn't play nicely.”
Granny’s eyes start tearing up, and as she turns away, she waves you off.
“Just… just leave this silly old mare alone with her memories. *sniff* Ah- Ah’ll be fine. Go ask AJ or Big Mac about the ‘experiment’.”
You get to your feet, and quietly leave the room, and looking over your shoulder catch a glimpse of Granny holding an aged picture of a handsome stallion.
“You’re still the apple of mah eye…”
...
You quietly shut the door to the Apple Family home, and turn around to see AJ standing there.
“She tell you everything?” AJ quietly asks.
“Yep... But she said to ask you about the, ‘Experiment’”
Applejack smiles a little bit, then quietly chuckles and says. “Well. Just take a look for yourself!”
“Huh?”
*Ahem* You suddenly hear that deliciously bronze-sugar voice again.
Big Mac chuckles, then grins and simply answers, “Ee-yup.”
You can’t help it.
You lunge forward, throw your arms out, and *glomph* Big Mac! “I KNEW it!”
Suddenly you release Big Mac, and hold him at arms length. “Wait. If you’re a Brony, then how are you an Apple? And how did you get here?”
Big Mac pats you on the shoulder with his enormous hoof, the sheer weight of it slightly unbalancing you. He smiles reassuringly. “It’s simple. Ah was the first. You are just the newest, and you got lucky.”
“Huh?”
Big Mac’s smile falters a bit, and he sighs. “The only way Equestria has survived is bah colt-nappin Stallions from other dimensions. Namely…” Big Mac pokes you in the chest. “Bronys.”
Your jaw drops.
“Once they’re here a Unicorn will wipe their memories while they’re still gettin used to the area. Then it’s as simple as a lil’ genjutsu to wipe their memories, and that’s all she wrote.”
Big Mac scratches his chin as he ponders.
“Ah think Twi’light teleported you bah herself, and without backup yew got away.”
Big Mac smiles at you. “But, you are here, and you’re welcome to stay.”
You feel something suddenly lean against your side. “He's welcome to use mah bunk..." Applejack says, blushing and looking away.
Applejack suddenly realized what she just said, and jumps away nervously. “Ah!! Ah-Ah didn’t mean it like that! I’d sleep in the barn!”
Applejack uses her hat to cover her face as she stutters out.
“Y-Yeah! That’s what ah meant!”
You barely hear Big Mac mutter. “Right… and nuthin else…”
You bust out laughing. “Guys, guys. It’s fine! I’d just be happy to have a place to sleep! I’ll take the barn.”
Applejack, still blushing slightly smiles at you. “Well thank you ‘Merica! We’ll get you set up more snug than a bug in ah rug!”
Big Mac gently pats you on the shoulder. “Ah’m gonna tell the others about all this, Applejack, I’ll be back soon to see America.” He then locks eyes with Applejack for a second longer than seems necessary… then walks resolutely off toward the Distillery.
Applejack quickly turns back to you, and patting you on your back smiles. “Alright ‘Merica! Let’s get you all set up!”
Something feels a bit… off... but you shake off the feeling and start walking toward the barn.
“So….” Applejack says, “What do yew think of th-” “Shh!” You hush Applejack. “Do you hear something?”
“eee…….”
Applejack’s eyebrows arch in confusion. “What? Ah don’t hear anything!”
“SHH!” You sush Applejack again, and she stops talking. You can just barely make out something...
“eeeeeeee….”
“I think it’s getting louder…”
“EEeeeeEeeeEEE”
Applejack looks up at the barn you’re standing in front of, then looks from side to side. “Now that yew mention it…”
“BWAAAAHHH!”
*BLAAAAAMMO*
You suddenly are slammed into a haystack by a flurry of blue and wings.
“I’ve got you now!”
You spit a bit of straw out of your mouth, and when you open your eyes you are met with two very… Magenta eyes.
“No-pony escapes from Rainbow Dash!” Pronounces the ever confident speedster of the skies, the one and only, Rainbow Dash.
“Rainbow Dash whut in tarnation is-” *WHOOMP* Applejack’s mouth is suddenly filled with blue hoof.
“Sorry AJ! I found him first! He’s mine!” Rainbow Dash says proudly puffing her chest out confidently.
“Huh?”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes suddenly flash down to where your Rainbow Dash hoodie used to be, and her eyes narrow.
“So… you aren’t wearing my mark anymore huh?”
*PHATOOF* “Rainbow! What are yew doing!” Applejack says, spitting Rainbow’s hoof out angrily.
Rainbow’s chest inflates just a little bit more, and she confidently says. “Duh… isn’t it obvious? He’s my stallion.”
“What!?”
“WHAT?!”
Rainbow nervously glances between you and Applejack. “Uh… yeah... He was wearing my mark, so he’s mine.”
“WHAT!!!!!?”
Lying covered in hay, being yelled at by Applejack while being claimed as property by Rainbow Dash… Your mind just… stops.
… “Uhmm”....
With a quick glance at you, Applejack suddenly gets RIGHT up in Rainbow Dash’s face.
“Rainbow! What are yew talking about! He isn’t wearing any mark!” She says, pointing a hoof in your direction.
Rainbow stubbornly crosses her hooves over her chest. “Hey, when I first saw him he already was wearing my mark.”
Applejack’s mouth drops open, then shuts with an audible *click*.
“Rainbow! Ah don’t believe you! Besides, he’s not wearing anything now! Whall, I mean…" Applejack quickly shoots a glance at your legs. "Uh… he’s wearing somethin, but it’s NOT yer mark!"
Rainbow angrily struts forward and pokes Applejack in the chest. “I. know. what. I. saw. Applejack. You know the laws, he was wearing my mark. He’s my stallion by law.”
Applejack opens her mouth to argue again, then shuts her mouth and visibly deflates.
“But… but… Ah thought ah might…”
Gathering your wits you suddenly pull yourself out of the haystack, and march over to Rainbow Dash. Startled, Dash tries to back away, but you corner her against the barn door.
“So… Rainbow…” You say, slowly tracing gently the hair on her chest with a finger. “If I’m yours… then prove it.”
“Oh yes…” You slowly say, letting each syllable drip off your tongue. “Things certainly will get… ‘hard’.”
*Snort* Applejack’s barely keeping it together.
Rainbow Dash shudders a bit. But she squares her shoulders, and soldiers on. She first starts reaching for your stomach… but then stops…. then she reaches for your chest… and she stops again.
Finally she places her hoof on one of the least Erogenous zones ever. The wrist. “Mmmmm… your… things... are so… thick.”
“Yes… yes... Thick indeed.” You say. You can hear Applejack barely keeping it together in the background, snorting and laughing into her hat.
You gently trace Rainbow Dash’s shoulder slowly downward, downward, watching Rainbow’s pupils dilate further each inch you get closer to her hooves. Right before you reach them, she WRENCHES her hooves from your hands, and flutters a few feet out of your reach.
“But Rainbow Dash!” You yell, hands pleadingly held outward. “Couples hold hooves! Now come back here and hold mine!”
“No!”
“Rainbow Dash! Come down here right now and hold them!”
“NO!”
“DASH!”
“NOO! I don’t wanna.”
*Sigh* You dramatically facepalm. “DASH! I just KNEW this relationship wouldn’t work out… How could it… when you can’t even TOUCH ME!” You melodramatically throw yourself into the haystack, covering your face, the very image of melodrama.
Applejack trots up to you and pats you on the back reassuringly. She then glares at Rainbow Dash and shouts. “Rainbow Dash! How dare you! Claiming a Stallion, then throwing him away like that! Yew oughta be ashamed of yerself!”
Rainbow Dash hovers in the air, wringing her hooves. She looks at you, and briefly hovers closer, then backs up. Then hovers closer again.. annnddd.. backs up.
Applejack points her hoof triumphantly at Rainbow Dash, “Ha! Ah knew it! Yew are scared of stallions!”
Rainbow crosses her hooves angrily. “AM NOT!”
Applejack cockilly smiles. “Whell…. if you really aren’t scared of stallions, then you wouldn’t be afraid to do… this!”
Applejack suddenly tosses herself into the hay right next to you, and with a smug look at Rainbow Dash, grabs your arm in her hooves and snuggles right up with you. She looks into your eyes and smiles.
She then bites her lip, and leans in.
You feel her warm breath on your neck, and… you realize again that she’s absolutely beautiful. Like… Wow…
She whispers to you. “Jus… just play along darlin. I won’t… I won’t do anything.”
You swallow.
Applejack leans in, and grabbing her hat covers both your faces. Both you and Applejack stare at eachother, lips almost touching, her breath rippling through your hair.
Suddenly you’re pulled right out of Applejack’s hooves by your foot, and Rainbow Dash unceremoniously drops you straight into the dirt. “OOO-PH!”
Applejack sits up in the hay, and puts her hat back on. “Rainbow! What are you doing!”
Rainbow Dash flies RIGHT up to Applejack’s face. “AJ! I’d! I-I…. I’d! You just rushed me! That’s all! I’d have-”
“What Rainbow? What? Looked him to death?” Applejack interrupts.
“No!” Rainbow sullenly replies.
“Then what Rainbow? What?! If you aren’t even able to hold a stallion, then WHY are you keeping him to yerself!” Applejack says, angrily stomping her hoof down.
Rainbow looks at the ground, completely deflated. She looks up at you with big puppy eyes.
“I… I just wanted to… you know. To-To… prove all those idiots wrong.”
Rainbow shuffles her hooves awkwardly… “I’m tired of all the color profiling..”
Suddenly Rainbow Dash flicks her mane back, and clears her throat. *Ahem* “But, hey! Now I’ve got a stallion to Practice with!”
“What!?”
“Whut?”
She gingerly reaches her hoof forward inch by inch, very slowly… You can hear her muttering to herself, “Comon Dash… It’s just your hooves… it’s fine…”
Rainbow Dash, hooves shaking, is about to grab your hand when…
“‘MERICA?!” You look up at whoever shouted, and spot of all ponies… “Roseluck?!!”
*Meanwhile at the Ponyville Library*
Twilight Sparkle lays on her bed, shifting restlessly. She groans into her pillow, then sits up on her bed.
“What… what if America’s right? What if… Freedom is the only way?”
Twilight gets up and paces around her room frantically. “This would change everything! The lead mare paradigm, the mare property laws, even herd protocols!”
Twilight suddenly freezes, and looks up at her window to see…. HER.
The Immortal Goddess of the Eternal Sun herself, Princess Celestia.
“Princess Celestia!” Twilight exclaims.
“...Twilight.” Princess Celestia cooley responds.
“I.. I- What are you doing here! I thought you had to be in Canterlot!” Twilight says, nervously bowing her head.
Princess Celestia regally looks around Twilight’s bedroom, then finally looks back at Twilight and gives a tiny smile. “I decided I needed to come speak to my dearest student. I’ve heard some rumors that a particular… ‘man’ that is giving you problems.”
“Oh. OH!” Twilight exclaims, nervously shifting her weight from hoof to hoof. “Well… you see…”
Twilight hangs her head. “I can’t find him.”
Celestia’s smile disappears along with the warmth in her tone, and she holds her head higher, as she towers over the Purple Unicorn. “Twilight…”
Twilight’s head droops lower, as she desperately tries to find something to focus on other the Princess Celestia. “I...”
Princess Celestia’s lips pull gracefully downward into a frown, and suddenly the room feels like it’s suddenly has lost all warmth, as if the sun itself has ceased to shine.
“Twilight Sparkle. The Mares in Black have told me everything. I know.”
Princess Celestia leans forward, and calmly, cooling says while staring into Twilight’s eyes. “You teleported him without backup, and he escaped.”
Celestia pauses, and cooly says, “But that’s not why I’m upset with you… Twilight… Why didn’t you Neuralize him?”
Twilight reluctently looks into the Sun Goddess’s eyes, and she shivers, and just as she takes a breath to speak…
She stops.
Twilight glances briefly at her empty bed, with your hoodie still folded neatly beside it on the bedside table…
Then looks back into her teacher’s eyes and asks hesitantly, “I couldn't catch him... and when I did, I couldn't because… well… what if he’s right? What if… Freedom is the only way? What if that’s what could save Equestria?”
Celestia’s eyebrows twitch a fraction of a inch upwards, but then… she smiles.
“Twilight… I thought you’d know this after all these years…”
Celestia gracefully then walks to Twilight’s window, and begins calmly teleporting the books on, “An Equestrian Republic?”, “The Wealth of Nations”, and, “What if Colts Ruled Us?” away.
"Oh Twilight... you think Freedom might be the only way?"
Look at you as fragile as a flower. Still a little sapling, just a sprout... You know why I rule this country with my power!
Twilight starts to say, “I kno-”
Celestia interrupts “That’s right! To keep Equestria safe and sound…”
Celestia looks out the window, and sighs mournfully.
“I guess I always knew this day was coming… I knew that someday you’d question if I know best! Twilight, my student…. trust me yet… Teacher… knows best!”
With a flick of her horn, and a friendly smile Celestia teleports the books, “Strongest Hooves: The Leviathan”, “The Wealth of Nations”, and “The Road to Serfdom” away…
“Teacher knows best, listen to your teacher… It’s a scary world out there! Teacher knows best, one way or another something will go wrong I swear!!!"
Celestia begins summoning images of monsters, ghouls, and nightmares with eerie green bale fire.
"Tragdor, Diamond Dogs! Poison Joke and Quicksand, Cockitrice and snakes, Cutie-pox, the plague!” (“No!”) “Yes! Also large bugs, colts with pointy teeth, now stop no more you’ll just upset me!”
Celestia suddenly levitates dozens of books from Twilight’s shelves, teleporting them quickly away while she nuzzles Twilight…. Who is now trying her best to hide under her bedsheets.
“Teacher’s right here, Teacher will protect you! Darling here’s what I suggest! Don’t worry about America stick with Celestia… Teacherrrrrrrrrr!! Knows best!”
Right as Twilight begins to poke her head out from under the covers, Celestia launches into a second verse!
“Teacher knows best! Take it from your Goddess, on it’s own Equestria won’t survive…”
Celestia looks at Twilight, then summons a mirror in front of Twilight with a snap of magic.
“And Twilight… Sloppy, mane undressed, immature clumsy! Please, he’d eat you up alive!!”
Celestia begins levitating a series of brushes around Twilight, all while brushing her mane and constantly moving Twilight around the room.
“Gullible, naive! Positively frumpy! Ditzy and a bit well… Mhmm.. vague?”
Celestia then pats Twilight’s thighs with her hoof. “Plus I believe… getting a little chubby, and I’m just saying this because I. love. you….”
Celestia then plops Twilight back on her bed unceremoniously.
“Teacher understands, teacher’s here to help you! All I have is one request!!!!”
Suddenly Celestia is standing by the window, the sunset brilliantly lighting up her celestial mane as she holds out a hoof…
Twilight smiles in relief, and rushes in to nuzzle Celestia. Celestia smiles, then nuzzles Twilight gently back.
“Now Twilight?” Celestia calmly asks.
Twilight looks up at Celestia, eyes moist with tears as she says, “yes?”
Celestia then seriously looks down into Twilight’s eyes, as the room suddenly feels very small...
“Don’t ask if Freedom is the only way ever again.”
Twilight dejected looks downward, “Yes Celestia…”
Celestia smiles gently and sighs. “I love you very much Twilight.” Celestia then walks to Twilight’s window, and extending her wings pauses before taking off.
*FWOOOSH* Twilight flops onto her bed, and begins crying in the middle of her now empty Library as her teacher’s flapping slowly fades into the distance...
Roseluck gapes at you, and her eyes flash quickly to Rainbow’s hooves, which hovering over yours, almost touching when-
*WHOOOSH* “HIMERICAHOWAREYOUI’MFINEITSGOODTOSEEYOUAGAIN!” Roseluck blurts out, her face suddenly FAR too close for comfort.
“Um… hi?” You hesitantly say..
…
Roseluck stares right into your eyes, then down to your chest, and down to... …
*Ah-HYEM*
Applejack walks over and promptly HOOFS Roseluck to the side, and says, “Fergit something darlin?”
Roseluck confusedly looks at Applejack, then you. “Whua?”
“Like… maybe sayin what you are doing here on mah property?”
Roseluck tentatively looks at you, then bashfully down at her hooves. She mumbles something, but you can’t make it out.
“What? Darlin, you’re gonna have to speak up!” Applejack says, ears flicking in annoyance.
Roseluck blushes through her reddish coat, and blurts out, “I WANTED TO SEE SOME STALLIONS!”
…
"Bwahahahahaha! Ah! Ah!“ Rainbow Dash flops onto the ground laughing.“Haha! You- You actually said it out loud!”
Roseluck glances at Rainbow, completely mortified, her face so red she actually matches the roses she cares for! “Well… um..”
Applejack covers her mouth and laughs at Roseluck, then teasingly says, “Whelll… Ah spose it's alright darlin. That ah can’t exactly blame yah for!”
You snap your head around to look at Applejack. “What?!”
Applejack snickers at you, and playfully hoofs you in the shoulder. “Heh.” *Wham* “Its not like there’s a bunch of stallions just hangin around these days! In fact, now that ah think of it, ah’ve caught more than one mare creepin around these parts!”
You facepalm. *SMACK* “Mares…”
Applejack grins, and suddenly her snout is right in your face. You feel her hot breath flow over your ear, and she throatily says, “Ah’ve seen you catchin more than a few looks at these flanks…Not that ah mind…”
Suddenly Applejack’s face is disappears from your vision as Rainbow Dash’s hoof replaces it. “HEY Applejack! I found him first! He’s MINE!”
“But ah’m takin care of him here!” Applejack says, angrily stomping her hoof.
“You aren’t ‘taking care’ of ANYTHING Applejack! He had my mark on him! Totally mine. DIBS!” Rainbow Dash says, wings fluttering in agitation.
Suddenly Roseluck blurts out, “Well, he’s really mine because…. Well he has a hoof fetish!!!”
“What?” Applejackm Rainbow Dash, and Roseluck confusedly glance at eachother, then look back to you, then back at eachother. All three mares freeze, and suddenly Applejack seems to be brushing her mane with her hooves, in a… very… exaggerated manner. Rainbow Dash’s eyes have clouded over, and you think you can make out hers lip mouthing the words, “hoof fetish? Hoof… fetish?” over and over.
Roseluck trots over to you and very… conspicuously pats your shoulder with her hoof, “Anyways… America, what happened? Why aren’t you in the Hospital? Why are you out here?” She slowly traces small circles with her hoof, "I mean, you could have been hurt... and-"
“WAIT… just a second…” Rainbow Dash says, suddenly snapping back to reality, and smacking Roseluck’s hoof away. “Hands off girl! He’s MY stallion!”
“Rainbow!” Applejack angrily says, trotting over to your side. “We’ve talked about this! He ain’t yer stallion! You can’t even hold his hoof!”
Rainbow stubbornly crosses her hooves over her chest. “Not my problem!”
Applejack and Roseluck both incredulously look at Rainbow. “Yes. It is!”
“Nope! He’s mine!”
“Rainbow. At some level, a relationship has to have physical contact!” Applejack angrily yells at her.
Applejack then promptly latches onto your arm. “See! If yew can’t even do this, then just give up!”
Roseluck looks over at Applejack, then to you, and suddenly latches onto your only free arm. “Hey! I found him before either of you and he already asked for my hoof! So he’s mine!”
“WHAAAT?!” Applejack and Rainbow Dash both screech at you.
You frustratedly try to pry your arms free of the two mares, “Asked to TOUCH the hoof!” Rainbow Dash gasps in shock and absolute HORROR.
*GAAAAAASHP* “WHATTTT?!”
Roseluck and Applejack both incredulously look at Rainbow Dash… “Really?”
“It’s… just very personal…” Rainbow Dash squeaks out.
You stand there, mares clinging to each arm, all of them fighting over you. Each determined to prove that you are theirs, that because of some bizarre reason that you… BELONG to one of them.
Roseluck smirks, “That’s easy!” She *boops* Applejack on the nose. “I’m Roseluck, and I held hooves with him first!” Rainbow promptly swoops down and points her hoof at the three of you, “Hey! I’m Rainbow Dash! Just let him hangout with me! Then he’ll realize how awesome I am!”
Suddenly, you lose it. All the anger, pain, and frustration BOILS out of you as you shake the mares off and yell,
“How dare you… All of you! Standing around and deciding my future?! I. AM. NOT A PRIZE TO BE WON!” You storm off, and the mares quickly follow alongside you.
Roseluck tries to latch onto your arm again, but you shake her off. Rainbow hovers close above, with Applejack following right behind you. You hear a mare snicker behind you, “Hehe… Hate to see him go, but love to watch him leave huh??
“THATS IT. I just- I… YOU PONIES ARE SO SEXIST!”
Roseluck scrunches up her snout in confusion, “Sexist? But I’m not against sex….”
*Facepalm* “Just… You…” *UGGH* You groan. You tiredly walk back into the barn, and throw yourself into the nearest haystack.
“Women….”
The mares glance at eachother, then all settle down around you. Rainbow hangs from a nearby rafter, with Roseluck and Applejack on either side of you in the hay. Roseluck and AJ both take the opportunity to wiggle close, and Rainbow seems to be having a mild panic attack in the rafters.
“Need anything? Anything at all? I’d love to help such a strong stallion in any-” You interrupt Roseluck. “You see! That’s it! That’s exactly part of the problem! *UGH* I never thought I’d say this but… I’m just eye candy to you mares!”
“No! That’s not true!” Roseluck exclaims. Applejack and Rainbow Dash both nod furiously in agreement.
“Alright then!” You say triumphantly. “In that case, name 1 non-physical reason you like me. If you can, I’ll date you. All of you.”
“Are looks all that matters to you?” You testily ask.
...
Rainbow Dash pipes up from the rafters, “Comon… Roseluck… What else?”
Roseluck looks back at you nervously. “I…. I-uh…”
She shrugs her shoulders. “What else is there?”
You hear Applejack’s facehoof *SMACK*.
You pick yourself up out of the haystack, and brushing the hay off scoff. “What else is there? Roseluck, you should write a book! ‘How to Offend Stallions in 5 syllables or less!’”
You storm off towards the main house. “And nopony follow me! I need think for a bit!”
You glance over your shoulder to see the three mares arguing with each other, and you don’t care. With a *SLAM* you walk into the Apple Family Home, and tiredly plop down on the floor in front of Granny Smith.
“Granny, how do I make mares respect me?”
Granny looks up from her knitting needles, and smiles. “Sugar, you can’t ‘make’ a mare do anything!”
Granny Smith holds up her nearly completed scarf, and looks you right in the eyes. “Look at this fer example,,, Mares and scarves are more alike than yew might rekon! They’re complicated, can be irritating, and unravel easily.” Granny chuckles and adds, “But... if you pick the right one, it'll keep you warm and safe, and it'll always be by yer side."
Granny stops knitting and looking at you says, “But what yew need to ask yourself, is who you are going to be in the relationship? Are yew gonna be the scarf, or are you gonna pick the scarf?”
You are about to open your mouth, when Granny cuts you straight off. “Youngster, ah’ll answer the question yer about to ask. If you want to be treated with respect, find the right mare, or even just want to be left alone? Don't let yerself get passed around like a new scarf by some jealous mares.”
Suddenly, you've got it.
Granny Smith spots that look in your eye and chuckles, “Besides, ah think I'm going to enjoy watchin you mess with Applejack’s head…”
Standing up straight, you walk out of the house into the sunlight, walking taller than you have in a long time, right back to the three mares.
As you walk toward the mares, you mutter to yourself. “Let’s see how magical ‘Friendship’ really can be…”
You march right up to the three mares, who’ve all stopped arguing, and are all staring at you as you approach. You grin, and swoop in, grabbing all three in a BIG GROUP HUG (while purposefully just barely grazing Rainbow Dash’s hooves)
*GASP* You suddenly are smacked in the face by by Rainbow Dash’s *pomf’d* wing, and you look down and slowly… smile even more, while looking down at the two conscious ponies, and…. Rainbow Dash. Suddenly… you get an idea.
You can’t help yourself as you grin a grinchy grin… as you get an idea. A terrible, horrible... truly AWFUL idea...You suddenly light-heardedly blurt out, “So! I wanted to say I’m sorry, I got a bit frustrated back there, and I kinda lost my head. But, I feel better now, and I’d hate to cause a rift between such 'gooood friends'!!” You’ve decided. It’s time for these women to taste the bitter coldness and power of… THE FRIEND ZONE.
Both Roseluck and Applejack’s smiles twitch when you mention the deadliest word to all those who are single…. the dreadful word… “friend”.
Applejack shakes it off, and is the first to recover, and hugs you right back… With a vengeance! *pop-pop-POP-POP* *Gasp*. You suddenly feel like you’ve had your back, and lungs crushed simultaneously. How in the WORLD is Applejack that STRONG? She smiles at you, and says, “Yup! It sure is nice having a stallion round here!”
Applejack releases the hug, and Roseluck and you stumble, both recovering your balance at the same time. Rainbow Dash however... flops to the ground. You notice that she’s only just starting to recover, as her eye twitching seems to be slowing down.
“So… *friend*” Roseluck says, spitting that word out distastefully, “What now? I mean, you’re safe at the Apple Family Farm, and you’re just going to… what exactly? Hide here as a human forever? Lead an uprising against ‘them’?” Roseluck shakes her head. “I mean, I don’t get it. What’s your plan?” Applejack turns to face you and nods in agreement. “Yeah! I wanna know what yer plan is! We can’t hide a human for long…”
Rainbow Dash suddenly *SNAPS* awake. She puts her hoof around your neck and cockily says, “Duh! It’s SO obvious! He’s gonna spend his time with me! Who else can outfly anyone else in Equestria!”
You glare at Rainbow, and distastefully remove her hoof from your shoulder. “Uh… no. I don’t intend on being some boy toy, and… well honestly I haven’t had enough time to exactly think.”
Applejack smiles, and suddenly edges in between you and Rainbow Dash. “Hey, as such a *good friend* to the Apple Family, ah’ll provide all the… ‘protection’ you could want….”
Roseluck snickers. “Applejack, this stallion doesn’t want your dusty field, I’m sure he’d love to come back and plow my garden for me…”
As your jaw drops Rainbow Dash nudges right next to you again, and gives you one of the best seductive looks you’ve ever seen. “Hey, I’m sure if you hang out with me, there’ll be some serious… ‘turbulence’...”
Just as your brain is fully shut down, you hear a set of piano scales, and spot a mare in a bowler hat playing a piano… in an open field?
The three mares look at each other and grin, and suddenly are spotlighted (in the middle of the day no less), and are joined by a choir of birds, ducks, and one very enthusiastic mare pianist…
“Hey fella! The time is right! Get ready! Tonight’s the night! Colt what you’re dreaming of will come true…”
Roseluck half whispers in your ear, “Let me be good to you…”
Rainbow Dash takes the solo, and suddenly appears behind you, massaging your shoulders.
“You know what? We’ve been feeling alllll alone! For us mares, you’re the best of those colts and stallions, you’re tons of fun!”
Applejack suddenly shoves a mug of hard cider in your hand, and flicks your nose with her tail and she walks saucily away. “So relax, and drink your beer! Get coozy, your Apple’s here! Ah won’t be misunderstood, let me be good to you!"
Suddenly a brass section appears, and you’re surrounded by the three mares, all teasing you by brushing against you, and always looking at you aggressively.
“Hey tough guy! I’d let you ruuuuub me down…” Rainbow Dash sings, flying over you.
“Hey big guy, there’s nothing, I wouldn’t do… just for you!” Roseluck sings, playfully bumping her hip against yours.
Suddenly Applejack is back, and replacing your now empty mug (when did you drink that again? It’s all a bit fuzzy…) “Here you are big fella, it’s on the house.” You smile, and take a big drink. “I say… how very generous!”
Applejack snickers. “That’s Rarity you big galoot! But… ah can be generous too… when the time’s right!” She says, winking at you. You smile at Roseluck, and take a BIG drink. “Whoa… this has a rather nice bite to it!”
Suddenly you noticed Rainbow Dash and Roseluck nuzzling against you, “Hey-- hey! Very nice… ladiezzzz!” Applejack chuckles and playfully punches your arm, “Hey! Get ahold of yerself stallion! Ah thought yew didn’t like mares!”
(Ignore the rest of the Great Mouse Detective Scene I had linked. After 2:30 I don’t need the scene. Although, it’s a great movie, and it’s currently on Netflix Instant Streaming! Check it out!)
“I don’t know aboooout that!” You grin and slur out, before realizing what kind of situation you’re in. “Uhh…… I… need an adult?” You half-heartedly joke. Suddenly, you feel something through the haze… *RED ALERT* *BAMF*
With her teleportation magic still settling around you, you can feel her hot breath against the nape of your neck. “I am an adult…” says your pursuer… THE Twilight Sparkle.
In that second of Twilight’s arrival, time seemed like it stopped. You could see Applejack’s pupils slowly dilate in shock, and Roseluck’s jaw begin to drop. You instinctively begin to lunge forward, but [RED ALE-] *ZAP* your muscles suddenly freeze, and you collapse to the ground like a sack of potatoes.
Very tazed potatoes.
“Twi-liaht! What in tarnation are yew-” *ZAP ZAP ZAP*
From your position on the ground you see the other mares are frozen in midair, suspended with Twilight’s magic.
You strain your eyes and can barely make out Twilight’s face, as she smiles a biiiit too wide, and with her ear flicking says, “Hiiii GIRLS!!” Twilight levitates you so you’re facing her upside down, and your eyes go wide as you catch a full view of the very… frazzled mare’s face.
“Did you knoooow how long it’s taken to find you?” You open your mouth to answer, but she abruptly cuts you off. “ONE THOUSAND, TWO HUNDRED, AND THIRTEEN JUMPS.” Twilight starts frantically pacing in front of you. “THAT’s how many jumps it took to find you. MANYOFWHICHWEREAWKWARD.” You open your mouth to take a breath, but are abruptly cut off again. “Do you KNOW how many stallions take showers out of one thousand, two hundred and thirteen? FARTOOMANY!”
Roseluck opens her mouth, and Twilight *snaps* it shut. “NOIDIDNOTENJOYIT!”
Twilight turns back to you, and fixes you with her dilated pupils and bloodshot eyes. “So I’m never going to leave you again! EVER. Because I’m NOT going through that again!”
Applejack yells while still caught in Twilight’s magic, “TWI-LIAHT! What are yew doing? Are you foal-napping males now? Is THIS what mah friend does now?”
Twilight unsettlingly giggles at Applejack. “And you’re any better? This isn’t the first time you tried to save a stallion, and have him ‘try the Apple family goods’...”
Applejack gasps in shock. “Twilight! Ah… You- Ah’d never dream of it” She says, scrunching up her face.
Twilight then glances at Roseluck. “And you… don’t worry! You won’t remember a thing! Mares, can you help me out a bit?”
You spot two mares who you just didn’t see for some reason walk up from behind Twilight dressed in impeccable black suits, and wearing some of the coolest shades you’ve ever seen. They silently walk up to Roseluck, and right as she starts to protest you think you see a camera flash, and suddenly Roseluck walks off quietly with the mares, looking a bit dazed..
Twilight then turns back to face you. “So ‘America’… You’ve caused me quite a few problems, so that’s why I decided that I’m going to keep you!”
You nervously start sweating.
“Because, what in life worth having ever came easy? And trust me, tracking you down was HARD! But now I’ve got you!” [RED ALERT] She suddenly fires several rapid fire spells into you. “Annnnnnddd.. Done! Now you’ve got several proximity and tracking spells! Your odds of escaping are aproximatly three thousand, seven hundred and twenty to one!.”
You glare at Twlight and weakly point a finger at her. “Never tell me the odds.”
Rainbow Dash decides to stop struggling against Twilight’s magic, and participate! “Hey, Twilight! Let him go! This isn’t sportsmarelike!”
Twilight’s eyes sparkle. “Oh course!!! SPORT!
Suddenly the magic disappears, and you fall flat on your head. *WACK* “OWWW!”
“Opps! Sorry ‘Merica!” Twilight giggles out. “Anyways… That’s a perfect idea! ‘Merica. I’ll let you go IF… You can escape the three of us!”
Your eyes open in shock as you grimace on the ground. “Wait.. What?”
Twilight grins even bigger and starts pacing around your prone form. “It’s SO simple! It’s even traditional! In ancient times if multiple mares claimed a stallion and their claims clashed, it was solved with a simple race! If the stallion is caught by a mare within five minutes, then he’s that mare’s stallion! But if he got away from all the mares, he would be allowed his freedom!”
You see a tiny glint of hope, after all they call you “America” here. You’ve got to try for freedom. Because Freedom is the only way!
“Deal.” You confidently say. Then you spot your mistake.
Rainbow confidently flaps her wings and winks at you. Applejack sinks her hooves into the earth and assumes a running position. Twilight simply charges a spell while humming to herself.
“Now… WAIT A SECOND!” You blurt out, gesturing for the mares to wait. “How is this fair? I don’t have earth pony strength, pegasus flight, or a unicorns magic! How is this fair?” You yell desperately. The three mares look at eachother, and you suddenly can almost see a light-bulb appear over Twilight’s head.
“AH-HA! A nullify spell! That’ll work!” Twilight charges her horn up while explaining. “Merica, when I cast this spell, for 5 minutes all pony magic, and our natural abilities… will be nullified for five minutes. When we get our powers back, then the contest is over!”
You get to your feet, “Well I suppose that would be-”
Twilight charges up her horn, and with a deafining blast unleashes her spell! [RED ALERT] As you recover you hear a guitar unexpectedly start playing in the background. All three mares simultaneously LUNGE at you. You lunge backward and take off running, dodging between the Apple Family trees. Glancing behind you, you spot Rainbow sprinting behind you and gaining on you, with Twilight jogging calmly behind her.
Wait. Where’s Applejack?
*Woaow, woaow WHOAOW*
Suddenly your feet are YANKED out from under you, and as you bash your head against a tree root you realize that Applejack’s lasso'd your feet! You grab onto the nearby tree trunk, but the other mares are almost on top of you!
In an adrenaline fueled burst of energy you LAUNCH yourself at a low hanging branch… and catch it!
You pull yourself into the tree, and looking down see Rainbow and Twilight run up to the base of your tree, and spot Applejack CLIMBING THE ROPE ATTACHED TO YOUR LEG.
You’ve got nothing to cut the rope with, and Applejack is getting REALLY close to your leg but you’v-
OF COURSE!
“Hey AJ!” You shout. “So what are you gonna do when you catch me!?”
“Oh ah-m gonna… Horseapples.” Applejack opened her mouth to answer you… and letting go of the rope plummets to the base of the tree, narrowly missing the climbing Rainbow Dash.
RAINBOW DASH. CRAP.
You quickly remove the rope from your legs, and Rainbow’s outstretched hoof barely misses you as you FLING yourself into the closet safe spot, the Apple Family barn’s roof.
You grab onto the rain gutter and slide down to the ground, but Applejack rounds the corner of the barn at full speed, and you FLING yourself upward and scramble onto the roof. You run to the other side of the roof, and see Rainbow climbing onto the roof from a nearby tree branch. Backpedaling you turn around and SPRINT for the loft doors, and just as you open them…
“Tag. You’re it!” Twilight Sparkle grins playfully as she tuggs on the front of your shirt. Panting for air, you collapse to the ground, and give up. Applejack runs around the corner, and skids to a stop. “Ah’ll- … Oh. Yew got him already…”
Rainbow Dash grunts as she pulls herself up the side of the barn, and groans, flopping down on the top of the roof in discouragement. “Awwww… Come-on…”.
You raggedly pant, trying to catch your breath as you look at Twilight. “So- *gasp* now- *cough* what?”
Twilight smiles at you. “First… I’ll prove to you that you’ll actually love it here! So… how do you feel about a trip to Canterlot?”
You gasp, trying to catch your breath after that last chase, and wipe the sweat off your forehead. “What? *gasp* Do you *wheeze* mean?”
Twilight giggles, and pokes you playfully with her hoof. “Canterlot… You know? The capital of Equestria? The place that is honored with having simply the BIGGEST LIBRARY EVER!” Twilight says almost SQUEE-ing in enthusiasm.
“I- I *gasp* I don’t know. I mean… What… *gasp* *whewwwww* what is going to happen there?”
Twilight smiles at you. “Um… I’m gonna make all this up to you. It’ll be my treat, and we can do all the fun things you can imagine!”
Rainbow Dash snickers and elbows Twilight. “All... of them?”
Twilight groans, “Rainbow...!”
As Rainbow sticks her tongue out at Twilight, you consider your options. Running or hiding doesn’t seem to be possible anymore with Twilight’s tracking spells, you could try force, but come-on… It’s the mane 6. And… Wait a second... When you can’t beat them… Join them!
You smile, and placing a sweaty hand on twilight’s shoulder, stand up. “Ok Twilight… You’ve got your chance. Convince me. It’ll be your test!”
Startled, Twilight looks at your hand, and her nostrils flare. Then she quickly looks back up at you, and nervously chuckles and grins in excitment. “hehe.. um… ok!”
Twilight breathes deeply, then glances at you, then back down at the ground. “So… how about we have a fresh start. Um…”
Twilight nervously rubs her shoulder. “So… how about a hug?”
“Um… sure?” You say in confusion, and bend over slightly to hug Twilight.
“Yeah! That sounds great!” Rainbow Dash sarcastically snarks, Applejack chuckles, and joins the hug. Finally Rainbow rolls her eyes and joins the group hug. Together the three mares hug you tightly in a group hug. "This isn't so bad..." You think to yourself.
1 second.
2 seconds.
3 seconds.
4 Seconds.
*sniiiiif*
5 Seconds.
6 Seconds.
“Um…”
7. Seconds.
“sniiiiiiiiifff”
8.
“Guys?”
You feel something wet scrape against the back of your neck. “GAH!” You scream, spazaming in the middle of the group hug.
Suddenly you feel feathers brush against your skin, and hear a distinctive, “POMF”
You can just barely make out the edges of Rainbow’s unfurled wings in your peripheral vision. Applejack and Twilight both gape at Rainbow Dash.
“RAINBOW! WHAT IN TARNATION ARE YEW DO-!?” Applejack yells, but is interrupted by Rainbow deliriously SLURRING, “JUST LICK HIM! YOU’LL SCHEE!”
“WHAT!?” You scream in panic, “WHAT??”
…
*snifffff*
“Don’t you EVEN THINK ABOU-”
*Lick*
…
Twilight suddenly announces, “NOPE.”
[RED ALERT]
*BAMF*
You blink your eyes, and quickly take in your new surroundings. Cobblestone, purple tapestries, and… a sweeping castle-eye’s view of Canterlot?!
“Whew!” Twilight says, letting go of you and wiping sweat off her brow. “That was a *bit* of a long teleport… but it was worth it!”
You glance around the room, and fail to spot either Applejack or Rainbow Dash. “Wher-”
Twilight cuts you off. “Oh! I didn’t bring them along. I felt like we’d done that particular bit before… so I changed the scenery!” Twilight happily trots over to her desk, and checks off a point on her checklist. She then turns back, and *winks* at you.
... "Huh..."
“So! Where should be begin? The royal Canterlot gardens? Donut Joe’s? Or is there somewhere else that you’d be interested in seeing first?”
Overwhelmed you take a deep breath and scratch the back of your neck. You’ve been running through Equestria for what feels like an Eternity. Reflecting on all that has happened, your house being destroyed, being claimed by mares like you are… property. Add to that being licked by Rainbow Dash… Thinking for a few seconds, it comes to you as if it was divine inspiration! Opening your eyes, you've made up your mind.
You’re gonna bring this whole system down.
You stand up straight for what feels like the first time in days, and gathering your courage you simply say to Twilight, “Let’s see what we’re dealing with here.”
Walking to the door, you pull it open, and hold it open for her. “So, how about a walk?”
Twilight *Squees!* in delight, then halts in the doorway.
Blushing she grabs onto your shirt while holding something up to you, “Um…. maybe put this on first?”
Looking down at a bottle with the cheesy motto, “Pleasure for your mare’s nose!”, Twilgiht says, “It’s just you smell a bit distra-”
Twilight shrieks and jumps backward to avoid the newly arrived jetski. “OLD SPICE BODY SPRAY MAKES YOU SMELL LIKE POWER!” Screams an impossibly muscular Terry Crews.
Walking over to you, he hands you a can and yells, “It’s so powerful it sells itself in other dimensions!”
Looking down, Terry sniffs you. “You smell like latent patriotism.”
Pinkie Pie sniffs Terry Crews, “You smell like powe-”
“YEAH I DO.”
“Can I-”
*Bounce*, goes one of Terry’s pecs.
Pinkie stares, Twilight's eyes flick back and forth between the new hole, and Terry's pecs. *bounce bounce*
Suddenly Terry Crews shouts, “POWER!!!!!” while flying through the roof, leaving behind two very disoriented beings.
Twilight slowly walks over to the new holes in Canterlot Castle and looking back at you asks, “What was THAT all about?!”
Pinkie Pie says, “I dunno… But I loved it! Cya later Terry!”
(wait… Pinkie Pie?)
“YAHHH!” You yell, because suddenly there’s Pinkie in your arms.
Looking deep into your eyes, Pinkie whispers throatily, “I’d put that Old Spice on if I were you…”
Then with a happy, “La-la-lala-la!” Pinkie hops off of you, and then happily bounces away. “I’m going to go to Donut Joes! See you two later!”
Shaking your head in disbelief, you blurt out, “What was THAT?”
Twilight chuckles, “Oh, that was Pinkie. Don’t try to make sense of her, or your brain will likely explode!”
“I… JUST- What… I… Ugh.” After taking a few calming breaths, you look at the can of Old Spice. Then hesitating for a second, spray some on. *Piiiiihst*
…
Nothing. But you do feel… better somehow.
“Huh.”
“Alright!” You say, taking charge. “Let’s go tour Canterlot!”
*Hey everyone! I’m writing a short bit from Twilight’s perspective this chapter! Just for fun! Sorry for the major delay! Life and the Muse haven't been cooperating recently... Also, remember that the last chapter had a visit from Terry Crews...*
Twilight couldn’t help herself. *Squee!*instantly feeling heat rush to her cheeks as she blushes…
Looking away from ‘Merica she reflects for a second. “Why? I… I mean… maybe he is a bit… better smelling. But that alone shouldn’t…”
Twilight shakes her head to clear her mind. (You’ve got to focus Twilight! Convince America that it’s great living here! FOR EQUESTRIA!)
Twilight then smiles encouragingly at America while playfully troting briskly down the castle hallway, America taking his huge human-sized strides and easily keeping up.
“He’s got such powerful legs…” Twilight can’t help but think to herself.
… clip clop clip clop….
“I wonder what his bare arms look like.” “Huh?” “What?” “Did you?”
“Nope!” Twilight nervously blurts out.
America skeptically raises an eyebrow at Twilight… “Umm….”
(OHHORSEAPPLESINEEDTODISTRACT’MERI-) “-SO!” Twilight interrupts frantically, “Ever um…. Ever been to the Prancing Pony?”
“Well… no?” ‘Merica says, shrugging his powerful shoulders.
“Well then let’s go! You’ll just love this place! It’s just around the corner from the Castle!” Twilight nervously thinks to herself, pulling insistently on ‘Merica’s arm “I hope this works!”
(Author note:Switch perspectives!)
Twilight excitedly runs ahead of you as you’ve exited the castle just a short while ago, and as you wonder just what’s gotten into the little mare you’re met with a sight you’d never have expected from Twilight! She’s standing in front of.. A club. Like... a full-on, dance floor, DJ Pwn-3, club. There’s even a line of mares waiting to get in, with two stallions being let in infront of the rest. As you get closer, your ears suddenly are simultaneously assaulted, and made love to by the pounding beat.
The beat swells louder as you approach the line, but as you reach the very end of it, Twilight excitedly waves you up to the front. Sliding between ponies, you make it to the front of the line, and the bouncer nods and promptly opens the door for you and Twilight.
As you take a step inside, you can hear the ponies excitedly chattering behind you, “Was that Princess Twilight Sparkle? I heard this was her favorite spot!” “Who was that with her? I’ve never seen that species before!”
Twilight excitedly grabs your hand and drags you forward, and suddenly you’re inside. A drink is suddenly in your hands, and Twilight giggles as she pulls you toward the front of the crowd. “Come on! They’ve got a great lineup tonight!” She happily yells. “You’re going to love it!”
At the front, you can’t help but enjoy the pounding beat, and take a sip of your drink and you’re surprised! It’s cider… and suprisingly strong! You cough, and spit a little bit out, but not because of the alcohol… because you notice that Twilight suddenly starts… moving.While you don’t really know if you could legally call that dancing, she’s clearly loving it, and even though it’s very… different… her energy is infectious! This place is flowing through you, and suddenly, you CRUSH the cider in one gulp!
Crushing the can effortlessly in your fingers, you suddenly begin using dance moves you never knew before. It’s like the music has become… part of you. You lose yourself it in, and just dance with Twilight. Ponies all around you form a circle and start cheering! The energy is electric, and Twilight’s dancing somehow makes sense here! You’re perfectly in synch with Twilight, and without saying anything, but sheerly through eye contact flow through a series of moves in perfect synch. You feel the end of the song, and both you and Twilight time the end of the song with a frontflip, landing face to snout, Twilight cradled effortlessly in your arms. Twilight smiles brilliantly, sweating and breathing heavily, and you grinning yourself, you bump “hooves” with her..
Twilight blushes, and quickly lets herself down from your arms, and gentle graps your hand. Sweating, you and Twilight take a bow to the cheering crowd, and Twilight leads you off the dance floor. “THAT WAS AMAZING!” She shrieks, “WHERE’D YOU LEARN TO DANCE LIKE THAT?!” She yells, leaning in just inches from your face to make herself heard.
“I HAVE NO IDEA!” You yell back. “A VIDEO GAME MAYBE?”
“MOST IMPRESSIVE!” Twilight yells, wiping sweat off her brow, “HOW ABOUT WE TAKE A REST?” “SURE!” You yell back, feeling a bit drained yourself.
Twilight quickly pulls you into a VIP booth, and you both sit down, enjoying the slightly quieter part of the club.from the fully stocked and luxurious booth. You pop open another can of hard cider to qwench your thirst and gulp it down.
*BWAH* You exhale in satisfaction after drinking most of the can.“Wow! That was amazing!” You gush, “I had no idea pony clubs are so… energetic!”
“Hey! What else do you expert of a Sparkle?!” Twilight says, lightly punching your shoulder. “I know all the best places in Canterlot!”
“Clearly!” You say grinning, “You’ll just have to show me those other places then!” as you happily bro-fist her shoulder. As you stare into Twilight’s eyes so close, you can’t help but admire the way the lights play across Twilight’s beautiful mane-cut.
“It’s a deal!” Twilight laughs, playing with a strand of her mane.
Suddenly, the music dims, and the DJ yells out, “Mares and Gentlecolts! You’re in for a treat tonight! Just for you… THE FLIGHT OF THE ALICORNS!”
“Oh yay!” Twilight says, clapping her hooves quickly together in excitement. “These guys are amazing!”
All goes quiet, and suddenly, the spotlight zooms in on two pegasus colts, with incredibly fake unicorn horns taped to their foreheads and flashy gold and silver pants. One quietly says to the other.
“The mares, they’re just checking out my sugarlumps.”
Suddenly the beat drops, and one of the “Alicorns” begins to dance on the stage, making exaggerated grinding motions to the flashing lights.
“Lemmie tell ya.” I see you girls checkin' out my trunks I see you girls checkin' out the front of my trunks I see you girls lookin' at my junk, then checkin' out my rump, then back to my sugarlumps.
Suddenly the “Alicorns” have McHammer pants *poofed* on… and continue their grinding dances.
When I shake it, I shake it all up You probably think that my pants have the mumps It's just my sugarlumps bump ba bump They look so good, that's why I keep 'em in the front
Suddenly a platform elevates the “Alicorns” on stage, and begins spinning slowly as the colts lay seductively on jet black piano.
All the ladies checkin' out my sugarlumps They drive the ladies crazy
*Meanwhile a pair of colts are shooting sugarcubes into the audience’s mouths with some sort of… sugarcube gun. And yes, somehow it doesn’t suprise you that the sugar gun is pink* The colts resume their dance, while magically changing their pants to fit the lyics.
All these bitches checkin' out my britches Put 'em in a trance when I wear track pants My dungarees make them hun-ga-ree They're over the moon when I don pantaloons
*Both colts RIP off their pants-to many mares happily shrieking- to reveal two new sets of pants, which are somehow even MORE shiney than the McHammer pants!*
“My sugarlumps are two of a kind - sweet and white and highly refined! Honies try all kinds of tomfoolery to steal a feel of my family jewellery! My cannonballs cause a kerfuffle - the ladies they hustle to ruffle my truffle! If you party with the Party Prince, you get two complimentary after-dinner mints!”
*Suddenly the “Alicorns”, are joined by 10 other earth colts who begin backup dancing, shaking their… “sugarlumps” all the while in a gyrating line as a fog machine pours smoke into the audience.*
“We see you girls checkin' out our trunks We see you girls checkin' out the front of our trunks We see you girls lookin' at our junk, then checkin' out our rumps, then back to our sugarlumps”
Suddenly the colts are joined by a third colt in sweatpants and nerd BCGs.
“Chillin' at my store, doin' my thing, when in walks a guy with his dick in a sling I'm like, "Holy bricks! What happened to you? He said, "How much will you give me for the family jewels?" I said "Ten coins"; he said "No way!" "Ten coins and a Plushie"; he said "Okay" And I took his sugarlumps and put 'em on display, and sold 'em as hacky sacks later that day!”
*Suddenly 4 new sugarcube guns rise up from the stage, and begin raining sugarcubes down onto the ecstatic audience, all while the group continues singing...*
“All the ladies they want a taste of my sugarlumps Sweet sugarlumps yeah! All the ladies they want a taste of my sugarlumps Sweet sugarlumps! Yeah..”
And with that, the lights go down, and the, “Alicorns” fly out the doors above their screaming fans, shouting, “Ladies! Go get some sugar tonight!”
Eyes wide in astonishment, and feeling just a bit buzzed from the hard cider, you look at the blushing Twilight Sparkle.
“WHAT?” You laugh, chortling since… Well you’re not exactly sure how to respond. Twilight’s face is rapidly turning a bright cherry red. You half snort. “And that club... That stuff is… somehow... popular music?”
Twilight who by this point is bright cherry red, can’t look you in the eyes because she’s so embarrassed. She nervously draws circles on the table with her hoof. “Well… yeah. I mean, it’s a catchy song.. and… Well I mean… It’s just… Euuugh!”
Twilight covers her head with her hooves in embarrassment and frustration.
Sighing in consolation, you pat her back. “Well… It’s fine, Twilight, it was pretty catchy after all!”
Suddenly it hits you. “But wait… why were they wearing pants? Aren’t ponies… naked most of the time?” You ask.
Twilight quickly tries to hide even further behind her hooves. Sliding into the seat right alongside her you whisper in her ear. “Come on… didn’t you want to teach me all about Equestria? I promise that I’ll won’t be offended… I’ll take it as scientific observation!”
Twilight’s ear twitches at, “scientific”, and she hesitantly peeks out at you, then sighing, looks at With a last smile at you, it begins! you and says, “It’s fairly simple. Clothes aren’t needed, so it adds a mysterious sexual libido, in addition to that, this band has a catchy beat, and uses every mare’s desire to find a mate to… ‘sell sex’... so to speak.”
You shake your head and laugh. “Twilight… we do the same thing ALL the time in my world! Most bands HAVE to do that to survive!”
“Really?” Twilgiht says, slowly uncovering her head like a purple… fluffy turtle coming out of her shell.
“Really” You say reassuringly. “It’s hard to think of a single band which hasn’t in some way used sex to sell it’s music. Katy Perry, One Direction, and pretty much every Rock Band Ever!”
“Rock… Band?” Twilight asks, scrunching up her face. “That sounds like Pinkie Pie somehow would be interested…”
You snicker, “Hehe, not THAT kind of a rock band. Maybe sometime I’ll show you.”
Taking a deep breath, Twilight groans in embarrassment as she again hides her head in her hooves. “Just… Just forget this ever happened ok?”
You smile, and pat her hoof. “Nope! Not a chance!” But It’s alright Twilight I did enjoy myself.”
Twilight just groans in response, and tries to further hide her bright red face under her hooves. Just looking at her you feel terrible, and try to come up with some way to cheer the Purple Pony Princess up. “So… how about you show me the rest of Canterlot eh? Come on, it’ll be fun!” You say with false bravado, This trip hasn’t been going so well so far after all...
Smiling tentatively, Twilight grabs your hand and leads you out of the club. As you exit the club, Twilight’s hoof is still holding onto yours, and she’s blushing ever so slightly, and trying her best not to look at you.
While you can’t help but laugh at the awkward three-hooved walk she does, you admit… You’re enjoying this too. She’s really beautiful, and while she’s a bit awkward, it only seems to add to her charm. You can’t help but think, “If only she was on my side…” Shaking your head to clear that thought, you reflexively pull your hand away from Twilight.
She looks at you in concern and disappointment, and asks timidly, “Merica… is everything… ok?”
Figiting with your wrist, you can’t look her in the eye. “Ye-, N-... I- I don’t know.”
Pulling herself up to your height, she holds your head in your hooves and looks you directly in the eye. “Merica, I’ve been thinking…”
She takes a big breath in, and steeles her resolve as she looks into your eyes, “ I want you to be happy… I. *I* want this. For the first time in… I don’t know… forever, I want something, and it’s not because Celestia told me to! So… Please?” Twilight says, brushing her mane out of her eyes, “Tell me. *I* want to know.”
Struggling to find words, you gently push Twilight away, and turn to look at Canterlot from the overlook you’re at. “Twilight… I- It’s… It’s nice here. It really is. But… Something is wrong.”
Twilight gently places her hoof over your mouth. Looking deep into your eyes, she says, “I know… and I think I know.. what I must do.”
Somehow… You can tell that something big has changed. With that declaration, Twilight smiles, and music begins to swell in the background. With a last smile at you, it begins!
“I’ve always been hoping, someone will see the mare, Not me the bookworm standing there! Someone who wants to know the real meeeee! For years I've roamed these empty halls Why have a no love when you can have it all? Finally I’ve opened up my mind!
You’re an actual real life person, and it’s totally strange But wow, am I so ready for this change!
'Cause for the first time in forever There'll be music, there'll be light For the first time in forever I've been dancing through the night!
Don't know if I'm elated or gassy But I'm somewhere in that zone Cause for the first time in forever! I won't be alone..."
“I can’t wait for you to meet everyone! (gasp) Well maybe not...That one?”
Twilght grabs your hands and spins you around,
“I’d never imagine I’d rebel, Against that God who raised me well! A picture of a mare who’s lost her miiiiind!
Ooh! But when I suddenly saw you standing there A beautiful stranger, tall and fair Who smells like masculinity and graceeeee….
And so we’ve laughed and danced all evening, Which is totally bizarre It’s nothing like the life I've had so far!
Because for the first time in forever There'll be magic, there'll be fun! For the first time in forever I’ve been noticed by someone
And I know it is totally crazy To dream I'd find romance But for the first time in forever... Well with this man I’ve got a chance!"
Startled, you slap Twilight’s hooves away, and turn away from her, you mind spinning. Gently you sing to yourself...
America: Don't let her in, don't let her see Be the good guy you always have to be.. Conceal, don't feel, put on a show... Make one wrong move and you’ll hurt her you know…
Hopefully, you quietly sing to yourself,: “But it's only for today…”
Twilight joins you, It's only for today!
America: It's agony these chains…
Twilight: Well I’ll just make them go away!
Pausing briefly… You decide. It’s time. Turning to Twilight, you take her hooves in yours.
America: “Please take off these magical.... chains!”
Twilight smiles, and with a flash, It’s done! Twilight: “They brake!”
Smiling with joy, Twilight sings out, For the first time in forever-
America: What have I done, but, soon they’ll see!
Twilight: I'm getting what I'm dreaming of-
America: Be the good guy you’ve always had to be...
Twilight:: A chance to free my lonely world...
America: But… These feels...
Twilight: A chance to find true love!
America: Conceal, don't feel, don't let her know!
Twilight: I know it might end tomorrow, So at least we’ve got today! 'Cause for the first time in forever... For the first time in forever- Nothing's in my way!
Smiling, Twilight gently grabs your hand... and in a flash, you’re Teleported far away.
