In the Kitchen.
A days later...
How has it only been a day you wonder to yourself… You feel like every minute has felt like an hour long. Not because it is boring, instead rather the exact opposite because to you. Well. Life here… is crazy. There is no other way to describe it.
As you begin the day you reflect upon the chaos that has now become your reality. As all days begin… it started with the accursed morning and it just HAD to be a Monday. You didn’t know if it really was… but it just HAD to be. There was no other explanation for today. I mean, sure! You had been kidnapped, and generally had a horrible time before this, but this.. this was YOUR OWN FAULT.
You mumble bits and pieces of sentences as you slowly open your eyes to the adorable face of a mint pony. Namely the mint-green face of Lyra. You see, while these ponies have been willing enough to save you from a pony-eske doom, they've rather taken advantage of a very ill-thought out deal you made.
Because of this deal, last night Lyra used YOU as her personal human sized teddy bear. It wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't wanted to always be touching your hands or arms. Unfortunately her… appreciation... of your hands seems to have expanded to your whole body during the night. You know this because her hooves are now roaming further, and further, down your arms…
You start to feel a hoof slowing tracing circles on your chest.
“Heyy… there ‘hand’-some.” You hear a voice huskily say.
Your eyes wearily open, to… yup. You kinda expected as such.
Lyra.
You had hoped that your bed was empty, or even that there would be a different... less... grabby another pony there. Because Lyra... just wouldn’t leave you ALONE! Pretty much all she has been doing has been nothing but CLING to you. You groan and slowly place your feet on the ground, turning away from Lyra.
Food. You needed food. Breakfast at least will be there for you. Breakfast always has been there for you! Breakfast will be your salvation. Breakfast, your fortress. Breakfast, the-
Ugh. You need to shut up and just get something to eat. You slowly stumble into the kitchen and open the fridge. Eggs. Yes. Why do ponies even eat eggs? I mean-
Screw it. Food first.
You start frying up some scrambled eggs when you feel it. Two hooves reaching under your arms and gently caressing your palms as you TRY to fry the eggs.
Guess you are having scrambled eggs now...
You feel her body press up against your back and feel her inhale your sent as-
“LYRA!” You yell. “SPACE PLEASE”. You feel her hooves let go. “Oh come-on..” Lyra purred, “Don’t you NEED some strong mare’s hooves to help you out in the kitchen?”
“Nope.”
“Psh. You’re no fun.” Lyra pouts. She trots over to the breakfast table swishing her tail happily.
"America? Would you be a dear and fry me up some eggs while you are at it?"
"Fine." You grumble, adding a few extra eggs.
Colgate sticks her head out from the bathroom and groggles, "Mafe mef som toofh!" She sticks her head back inside the bathroom and you hear the sound of vigorous brushing.
"Really? Brushing before breakfast?" You mutter out loud while frying up even more eggs. "Won't the taste-"
"She likes it that way." Lyra interrupts. "I've never understood it either."
You walk over to the table and serve up the eggs. You begin to eat when you suddenly feel... Out of place...
You look up, fork in mouth to see Lyra and Colgate staring at you. "Whut."
"You didn't let a mare take the first bite?" Colgate asks in shock."I mean... Wow."
"What?" You ask, "Did I do something?"
"You.. You took the first bite." Lyra says, clearly slightly shocked. "That means you don't accept your place?"
You stare suspiciously at Lyra. "What do you mean... 'My place.'"
Lyra begins to say something when Colgate SMACKS her with her hoof.
"ha-HA-Ha-Ha..." Colgate laughs unconvincingly, "Good one Lyra..."
You decide to ignore that. Food, you need- wait. What is Lyra sliding under the table? You quickly look underneath and GRAB it away from Lyra when she tries to hide it.
"A apron? Why would you want to hide this from... Oh.."
It hits you. The cuddling, the "help" with breakfast, making the food for both mares.
AH HYELL NAW!
You throw the apron on the ground and furiously turn towards Lyra. "You were going to ask me to wear this frilly apron! And... My place?" Your eyes narrow dangerously.
"You were going to say something about a... 'Kitchen' weren't you..."
"Um..." Lyra said as she gulped nervously. "Maybe?"
"Ugh!" You grunt in frustration. "It's as if you ponies are all just..." Your mental train of thought crashed..
No way.
Sexism?!
That explains so much! How on the show there were so few stallions around, how the government positions all were being occupied by mares, how stallions were taking care of mostly menial tasks, how academics were run almost solely by mares, how Mr. Cake was always cooking and taking care of the kids while Mrs. Cake runs the business...
It all makes SENSE!
Ponyville... Neigh, EQUESTRIA is SEXIST! Even their GODS are solely mares, and in fact... The other "God", the only EVIL “God” (if you can call Discord that) is male!
Oh... This isn't good.
As you are taking all of this in, Lyra carefully walks up to you and [RED ALERT] picks up up with magic and levitates you straight into your room, (her room?) plopping you down on the bed.
Lyra sweetly smiles and says, "America,You look exhausted! Why don't you just rest your handsome sweet little head... I mean... After all we do need to take care of our stallion right Colgate!" Colgate smiles and nods from the kitchen.
You jump off the bed and storm around the room, swatting Lyra's hooves away from you.
"Our? Stallion? I am not... Some prize to be won!" You storm back and forth, refusing to let either mare touch you or calm you down. "That's it! I'm taking a shower! I need time to think!!"
You quickly grab a towel and rush into the bathroom, shouting “SHOWERING ALONE!”. You quickly locking the door before either mare could stop you.You turn on the water and quickly disrobe as the water heats up.
You step into the shower and begin to enjoy the relaxing feeling of a relaxing hot shower. Just... letting all the stress flow away from your body with the water.After a few minutes you hear a whispered "Lyra! What are you-" followed by a shushing sound.
You hear a metallic clicking from the door. That sneaky...
You hear something snap, and Lyra mutter, "Stupid lockpicking skill..."
No way. Lock picking? Really?
You yell through the door, "Lyra! Don't you even THINK about it! I just need to be left alone! Just leave me alone!"
You hear Lyra slowly trotting away as Colgate gently whispered through the door, "Alright, America... Just... Remember to brush your teeth ok?" She kindly reminds you.
Irritated, grumpy, and still suffering from morning grump you rebelliously mumble, "I'm not going to brush my teeth."
Suddenly... Everything goes silent. Things are still moving, but... It's like the very air is trying to hide in fear.
Suddenly the bathroom door BLASTS past you and falls to the ground, smoking and charred. Startled you look up and see Colgate standing in the doorway, a toothbrush clenched in her bared teeth, and horn lit up with magic. Grabbing the shower curtain you cover yourself and hear her growl out.
"Brush. Your. Teeth..."
Cowering behind the shower curtain you open your mouth to say something when,
*VATHUMP* "Gotcha-AAa-AAAAH!"
Twilight sparkle had just teleported literally into your shower, and is now hugging your naked, soaking wet back.
Three mares scream. One in shock, one in delight, and the other in confusion. You wonder which scream belonged to who...
Lyra screams and points a accusing hoof at Twilight. “PERVERT! TWILIGHT SPARKLE IS A PERVERT!!!!”
This is going to be a long day.
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I am strangely ok with this.
Eumy theory is correct
Equestria is the equivelent of mid 1800s america just after the civil war
Olny the sexism is reversed
One of the reasons id hate to live there
Hee lareeush!
WOOHOO! PERVERT SPARKLE!
“PERVERT! TWILIGHT SPARKLE IS A PERVERT!!!!”
called it!
Oh. My. goodness.
This just keeps on getting better and better!
i.imgur.com/ZEo9C.gif
Ponies dispaying sexism against males. Now that is a twist enyone can enjoy. Excellant chapter btw.
Sexism in Equestria just.....wow.
Was that a reference to Stallions on Strike?If so, I want you take all of my spikes.
1994892 Quite! I actually had the idea of sexism combined with a stallion/mare population disproportion since chapter 1, but I hadn't had a good spot to put it in yet...
Stallions on Strike gave me a few ideas on top of my own, and the rest is history!
Oh, the the plot will seriously thicken. This is just the beginning!
We kinda knew that already, Lyra.
1994859 It always seems to be the reclusive eggheads...
That said, I also need more.
My god! this was great i find it just a bit sad that the chapters will becoming in slower then before,i mean no one thinks chapters come out everyday.And im not sure why but this really made me want to re watch aladdin.Ps odd im the first one to view this..never happened before.
I have to say, there are better written stories, there are better plotted stories, but there are very few stories that I simply enjoy as much as this one. At first premise was what kept me reading despite how poorly constructed the first chapters originally were, since then the story has improved immensely. Writing wise it is unrecognizable, the original blunt action boxes and the smooth descirptions and well placed verbal statements are lightyears apart so congradulations on improving as an author.
Now while there are many better plotted stories the simple enjoyment of reading this one is something that eludes a great many other authors, the chapters whle short are not padded but rather tightly wound so that each part of the story is taken in easily. America is an amusing protagonist, and the interactions he has with the ponies are hilarious in their own right.
You have acheived what you set out to do.
BlackWinter
Im guessing we are going to see America having a talk with Twilight about the whole sexism thing or maybe with celestia/luna... personally I would love to see celestia offer america the choice to become an alicorn and her or luna say something like you can have us any way you want and do what ever you want to us. Because then twilight and/or america would be like WhAT!! and then luna or celstia makes a comment how Cadance won't share shining armor.
i like the way this is going but the twilight thing at the end was kinda random
It's not updating fast enough!!! i want more
1995093 oh my god i read that and just cracked up laughing
1995424 Thanks
and now help me to get Brony Sibling to us me Idea.
1995446 gladly
brony siblings your princess
has asked my to tell you to have what this guy put in the story ... at least for an extra chapter
THESE MARES MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THE SANE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
great chapter, keep up the good work
I should really stop reading this fic while listening to the epic parts of the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack. Now I just want to punch/plunder something
NYES. I love this story, I always loved stories where humans escape from ponies.
If i got into this situation i'd try to free Discord and cut a deal with him
.
...This whole thing weirdly reminds me of the 'Sittin on tha toilet' song...
I don't like this story.
I LOVE it.
1995332 Twas the point!
1995010 Thank you so much.
This really means a lot to me.
1995093>>1995454 This was EXACTLY WHAT I WAS IMAGINING!
1995480 Hmm.... maybe for a extra chapter...
1996170
Love this fic! Also Congrats on moving successfully. Now write more pony! I need all the pony perverts I can get if you know what I mean.
1995668 Dude, these mares make Wreck-Gar look sane.
See?
wait if your in DC then please give Obama the middle finger a gift from me :D
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/32641994.jpg
Man, I LOVE IT WHEN STORIES GET LIKE THIS!
Like......COME ON. they are in the bathroom with you, twilight comes in, your naked, and they are staring at you and they want you.
For fucks sakes man let him get it in by now he had some many opportunities to say ok, but now he has the perfect time to change his mind. Just GOD DAMMIT.
DO SOMETHING RIGHT.
Procced.....
lolz
1997150
... nope, overall I'm still a little crazier
So I am confused. At what point does a fic become a shipfic? I'm not sure if the hot, steamy shower scene with Twilight has crossed that line or not, but this story doesn't have a "romance" tag... Nope, no shipping here. *casually looks around*
NYESS!!!
Yes, yes, yes but America should be more worried how Twi located him..
This cannot be good.
HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
2001352 There probably was window in the bathroom
Brain is already breaking. 8 days? 1 day? Me confused...
I'd bet the delight scream to be for Lyra. She's got blackmail.
Also, sexism. It has been a while since I read a fic that had it (this way at least) And I think I have only read one other where the male rejects it.
Ever.
...
One
Huh... well I can possibly think of a reason why there are so few stallions... they probably committed suicide so they didn't have to put up with all these insane mares...
Anyways... this is a... ahh, very random story so far. A very odd story, yup yup.
2006477 Yeah.... this is kinda the feel I tried to write the story for...
Fills me up with all of my want!
2001731 How will he get out of this?
Oh wait he's America! He escapes everything!