Something odd happend at sea
This will be my journal for the duration of my time at sea. Having sold off the lot of my possessions state side, I purchased a 42’ trimaran, and outfitted it to be operated by one man. It was in pretty rough shape when I bought it a year ago. But, after not a small amount of cleaning and fiberglass work it is more a creation of my own than the boat it started as.
I have named her Gulliver's Folly. The old men think I crazy to go into blue water with a name like that, but I don’t care. That was the book that first stirred the wanderlust in me. It’s only fitting I use the name. It’s a hearty boat and I have enough provisions to go 90 days without landfall, if I fish. I intend to go to sea for at least a year. Though I have no real plans for my return. My little laptop here has a satellite modem and will upload my entries to my website. To my friends back home, I will miss you and will call as I can.
Dec, 1 2010
I have made it to Big Island. The trip from Ca was easy enough. Had one little storm that tried me. It was a good shake down. Glad I invested in the self-steering wind vane.
Dec, 9
The islands are amazing. Spent the week island hopping. Slept on the beach most nights. Going to top off the fresh water tomorrow and see about starting the trek to Tahiti.
Dec, 19
I apologize for not giving word of my health sooner. It has been very busy for me. The weather treats me well, but still this is a large boat for one man. I have several modifications I intend to make when I get to Tahiti.
Dec, 24
Merry Christmas
Dec, 26
I found myself reading my copy of 'Mutiny on the Bounty' as I neared the legendary paradise island. Now harbored in its waters, I find myself enchanted more than I thought I would.
Dec, 28
The shores and water hold more for me than the land and its people. Everyone is friendly though. Getting a few modifications on the rigging this week.
Jan, 3 2011
New rigging in and I’m quite done with the urban scene here. My original plan was to hit American Samoa then Fiji. Now I think I will eschew civilization for a few months and head to Howland Island. There are a lot of little islands along the way.
Jan, 10
Mmm, sea madness, I get it now. I am glad for my books. The new rigging works wonderfully. I spend much less time with rope in my hand. The first little island I will beach at is close. >>Thanks John for helping me get the PIPA permit I’ll call you first chance I get.
Jan, 12
Made Sydney Island early today. WOW. I can really imagine myself a castaway here.
Jan, 14
Still on Sydney, what a vacation. I took the opportunity to try out my solar desalination machine. It makes a little more freshwater than I drink, so I’m calling it a success. Going to stay one more night and ship off tomorrow morning and make a straight dash for Howland.
Jan, 16
Radio tells me a bad storm is rolling in. Shutting down and getting ready to ride it out.
[Editor notes: This was the last update we got from James ]
Jan, 18
Well the old men were right, at least I’m alive. This will have to serve as my survivors journal now. The satellite dish was lost in the wreck. I can only hope that I’m still in the Phoenix Islands. The starboard ama of the trimaran, where I slept and stored my most precious things, did it’s job and held together. I had design it to be a sort of life boat, and I am glad I did.
As for what happened: The storm hit hard and fast. I had pulled all the sail and threw out the sea anchor. I thought I was far enough away from anything that I could simply retreat to my sleeping ama. Indeed as rough as the water got I never felt the slightest hint that I would capsize. Somewhere in the evening though, I hit something with such force the the whole ship splintered. If I had been anywhere but my little ama I would have died right there.
The next few hours treated me no less harsh. Now in little more that a sealed barrel, I was tossed end over end in the waves. The air got horrible stuffy as the pounding waves kept the air vents closed. Thankfully I was finally tossed upon a sandy beach for the remainder of the storm.
Jan, 19
The weather has turned fare again, and I have taken stock of my situation. A small stream nearby gives me fresh water. My computer and solar charger are intact. Survival kit, few days food, Clothing, Grandfather’s sea-chest full of personal items, and a few books were in the “life boat”. I have drug said hull onto to a sheltered area above the high tide. It’s all the shelter I have for now. I’ll start exploring and building a camp tomorrow.
Jan, 20
The Island I’m on is huge. I have no idea where I’m at. Crabs and fish are easy here, and I have found some eatable plants. I have not seen any tropical trees. I spent most of the morning making camp, I now have a fire pit and the boat is dug into a firm footing. I’ll sleep in the boat when the weather is bad, but for now I have a lean-to and a grass mat to sleep on in fair weather.
Never let it be said I don’t have a sense of humor. My little library had a copy of Gulliver's Travels in it, so I’m going to start rereading that tonight.
Jan, 21
Spent the cool hours of the day scouting the island. The land here is mostly rolling grassland, a few sparse woods clump here and there. Standing on a high hill, I can see a proper forest probably a days walk from the coast. This place reminds me of Ireland, but warm. I fear I am well outside the Phoenix Islands. The climate here is obviously temperate. Perhaps I’m near New Zealand?
I got about 5 miles inland today. Right before I turned back I spotted horses, or rather ponies. The ponies showed clear signs of inbreeding, their heads were misshapen and their coats bazaar colors. I’m going to guess that this island this is one of the many abandoned colonies of the old world.
Jan, 23
Smoked some fish yesterday and gathered plants today. The strange ponies are curious creatures. Since my first sighting I have seen more of them. Never very close though. The moment they notice me looking at them they bolt away. I have taken to calling them Houyhnhnms.
Jan, 26
The Houyhnhnms are watching me. It’s really creepy. They keep a good distance, but when I’m out gathering food I find them following and watching.
I found some morel mushrooms while scavenging. I normally don’t eat wild mushrooms, but morel’s are unmistakable.
Jan, 27
Never eat wild mushrooms! Woke up this morning to bad hallucinations. Three of the Houyhnhnms were standing over me when I opened my eyes. I screamed, they screamed, then they flew away on feathered wings...
Didn’t have any other hallucinations, that I was aware of. Going to rest and drink lots of water today.
Jan, 29
I believe I have gone quite mad.
Jan,30
OK, lets be less morose.
I keep seeing the flying Houyhnhnms, also I have seen some that have horns like a unicorn. There seems to be about a dozen of the creatures as a whole that live in the area. Tomorrow I am going to go inland. I will camp where I can, then return that next day. I hope to get some answers to what’s going on.
Feb, 2
I really have found Gulliver's Houyhnhnms! Late on my first day going inland, I had thought to of found a town. My excitement was turned into confusion as I approached. Well before I got near the place I could see it inhabited by the Houyhnhnms. They have a whole little town! I was traveling through light woods and didn’t dare get close enough for them to see me. I found a sheltered place to camp and slept in the woods.
The next day I wandered the woods around the village. Eventually I came to cultivated farmland. I spent some time watching the Houyhnhnms work their soil. Even found some fruit trees. Didn’t take any fruit though, I’m a bit too superstitious for that, the story of Persephone ran through my mind.
By late day, I found myself playing a bit of a game with one of them that had spotted me. In truth I was just trying to elude the creature, but it was very persistent. I took this as a sign that I should head back to my camp. The moon was full and the sky clear, so I made a forced march of it and got back in the wee hours of the night. Hoof prints told me that my camp had been investigated in my absence, but nothing was disturbed.
Going to take it easy tomorrow and recover from the adventure.
Feb, 5
The Houyhnhnms have taken to leaving me food. I’m really not sure what to think of this. They have for the past two night left a wicker basket with fruit and vegetables near my camp. They are very sneaky about it too, always when I’m not looking. I wanted to give them an offering back tonight, so I put the grass hat I had made a few days ago into the basket. I found the basket, hat and all, gone a while later. I’ll make a new one tomorrow.
Feb, 8
The purple one with the horn is watching me. It hides in the nearby bushes and watches me for hours. It’s been at it for two days now. I have named her Lavender. Still haven’t gotten a good look but I’m pretty sure it’s a mare
Feb, 9
Had an interesting encounter with Lavender today. I had just sat down under some shade to pass the heat of the day reading a book. I knew she had been following me earlier. But, when I started reading, her curiosity got the better of her and she left her cover to come a bit closer.
I pretended not to notice for a moment. The book obviously fascinated her. I could tell her eyes were strained to examine it at a distance. She started to bolt when I laid the book aside to acknowledge her. “Hello, my name is James” I greeted her. She took a few steps back but didn’t run. She made a intricate set of sounds towards me in return.
She still kept looking too the book. So, I decided to see what she would do with it. With slow exaggerated movements I tossed the book a few feet in front of her.
And here’s where it get’s interesting.
The book floated! Like a Vegas magic show. I wish I could say I was astonished, but at this point it only came across as interesting.
With the book floating in front of her she examined it thoroughly. Eventually floating it back within my reach. I made signs of protest pushing it back towards her. She seemed pleased by this. Taking my copy of ‘The Odyssey’ with her she left. I haven’t seen her again tonight.
Feb, 11
I miss Lavender, she has not returned since I gave her the book. It’s strange, but I felt like I had company when she was around. Even if she was just watching me. I still see the other Houyhnhnms. Some seem to have gotten used to me, while others will still find me a curiosity. Though none dare get as close as Lavender did. They still leave me food. I make a point to always leave something in return, even if it’s just a figure whittled out of wood.
Feb,12
Was looking for food today when I heard a new sound. It was rather song-like but of a tone I had never heard before. I followed the sound till I found a Houyhnhnm picking herbs of some sort. It was oblivious to my presence, busy with its task and, song? It was a tune not unlike something Bach would have written.
I fancy myself a very good whistler, so once I got the flow of the melody I joined in. Staying half hidden and sitting on the ground, as to be nonthreatening as possible.
She was startled to say the least but I held the tune even when she stopped. After a moment she became amused with my interpretation of her tune. Seeming to have lost the fear of me, she started singing again in a different tune, which I quickly matched. I decided to try an experiment when that song had ran it’s course, I set the new melody by whistling “A kiss is just a kiss.” It being the slowest most melodic thing I could think of on the spot. I was rather pleased when she picked up on it and ‘hummed?’ along with me.
When I stopped whistling this time, she did a little excited prance and took off with the basket she had filled.
Feb, 14
Food basket had my book in it tonight. Between the pages were several sheets of paper.
The sheets of paper had a strange glyphic writing on them. There were a dozen such pages.
Then the last one was written in plain English: “for he was vexed that a stranger should be kept waiting for admittance. He took her right hand in his own, and bade her give him her spear. "Welcome," said he, "to our house, and when you have partaken of food you shall tell us what you have come for."
Below that was more of the glyphs.
It was a line straight out of the first book of the Odyssey. The only explanation was she had translated the text. Quoting the story was a clever way to communicate without having a grasp on the foreign language. I followed suit and left a reply. Taking a note pad, I found a suitable passage “"it has been very kind of you to talk to me in this way, as though I were your own son, and I will do all you tell me” and left it in the basket with the book and notes not sure if she would need them for translation.
Feb, 16
Lavender returned today. She has taken it in her head to teach me to speak her language. It didn’t take me long to figure out her intentions, starting with the universal act of exchanging names. I now know her name, but I have no means to communicate the sounds of their language. We spent several hours wherein she would point to something and make a sound, that I would then repeat.
I had noticed this with the singing mare, but it didn’t really sink in till I spent the day with Lavender. All the Houyhnhnms have a unique mark on their flank. Some sort of tribal tattoo.
Feb, 26
In an effort to learn the language faster I did not read or speak English for the last 10 days. I will try and keep this 10 day cycle for a while. Lavender is an interesting tutor. The look on her face tells me my accent is horrible, but she is very encouraging about my progress. I have a small but useful vocabulary of nouns and verbs.
I found that they have an aborahance to eating meat. It seems lucky that I only took seafood for my meat. If they had found me eating a mammal of any sorts, I would have been declared a monster. As it stands now I have gone to a vegetarian diet. Though eggs have now become a regular part of my nightly care basket.
Mar, 8
I do so with I could explain their language to you. It is so interesting. My friend is the best of teachers. With help of the book she translated, I have begun to also learn their writing system. It is a syllabic system of 63 characters with a few modifying accent marks.
The spoken word is eloquent and flowing. All the sounds are terribly unnatural to the human throat though. What they do with their vocal cords I have to fake with my tongue and cheek.
I also got the honor of being introduced to one of her friends. She is one of the flying Houyhnhnms and the most bizarrely colored of the lot I have yet seen. She was also very brazen, walking right up to me. I was a little intimidated by her. I felt she would not hesitate to attack me if I did something to offend her. But, once my fascination with her wings was clear she took great pleasure in showing off her flying ability to me.
Side note: Lavender finds my name for their race ‘Houyhnhnm’ rather funny. I can’t get her to explain it to me though. I keep getting “Later” as an answer to my question about it.
Mar, 18
Having to actually think about my English. The Houyhnhnms language is starting to make real sense to me. I’m no longer translating in my head. I still have a pitiful vocabulary and I’m sure my grammar is horrid, but Lavender and I can actually have conversations now.
She tells me that she is going to take me back to town with her soon and that if things go well I could take up living near the town. She supposes that I would have little problems finding an occupation to earn my keep.
Mar, 24
Lavender broke her camp and went back to her town to make arrangements for me to return with her in a week. She left me with homework of translating book 3 of the Odyssey into her language.
Mar, 27
Had an intense encounter this afternoon. I was hiding in the shade, working on my homework when I was frightened witless. A loud voice yelled out “Yahoo” right beside me. Jolting away from my book, I looked to find a white horse of about 16 hands standing over me. “Yahoo” it said again clearly addressing me. “Houyhnhnm” I replied.
My comment appeared to please the horse, it took a few steps back. “Do you speak the tongue of the Yahoos from across the water?” she asked in strained English.
“I understand you, yes. You mean the Yahoos really live on this island?” I asked
She informed me that there was indeed once a tribe of Yahoos that lived not far from where we stood. But, they had killed themselves off over two hundred years ago.
The creature was impressive to say the least, she sported both the wings and the horn of the stranger Houyhnhnms. She quickly pressed me about what had brought me to the Island and why I had set out in such a fashion to begin with. She steered the conversation with the skill of a psychotherapist, pinning me to fully explain any half answers I gave.
After a few hours, the interrogation turned to simple conversation. Her concept of my world was largely stuck in the 1700’s though some modern technologies were known to her. I had to explain ‘Gulliver's Travels’ to her when she asked me how I knew about Yahoos. A genuine laugh rolled out of her over that, though she would not tell me what exactly was so funny.
She was making to depart when she told me. “Twilight has taken you for a friend, do not disappointed her.”
“Twilight?” I asked. She informed me that “Lavender’s” name, in my language meant twilight. Of course I had known her name, but I had not known it to have an actual meaning.
With that, she repeated her warning of not disappointing Twilight and flew off.
>>I really tried to type out Twilight's name, but I can find no way to convey the sound.
Mar, 31
Twilight returned this morning. Apparently the white horse I encountered was something a royalty to the Houyhnhnms and she found myself to be “of proper conduct and morality” to be allowed in the village. Twilight even brought a cart with her to carry what belongings I want with me. The cart is of passable size and I should be able to bring the entire contents of my life boat with me. Though I will be leaving the boat here. We will be leaving for the village as soon as I finish packing. I will update as soon as I can.
On a funny side note she told me to stop calling them Houyhnhnms. Not that is was a rude name just a bit strange coming from me. Houyhnhnm must be a formalized version of the name. Simply Houyhn(Who-when, a humm accent on the who and a breath accent on the when) is what they called themselves collectively. It can also be conjugated as ‘one’ is in English with; someone, anyone, ect.
Apr, 3
Ha! they moved me in for harvest season!
I pick on them about it, but really I’m glad I can prove myself useful. I can out work all but about three of them; that seems to have endeared me to a few more of the Houyhn. The barn they moved me into reminds me of a tool shed. I can’t stand up straight in it,but otherwise it’s fine.
I was a bit worried about the volume of food that I eat compared them. But, I realized that I weigh about the same as most of their stallions and having watched them eat I no longer fear being an undue burden.
I mentioned the incident of Twilight levitating a book some time back. I should probably address this fact. I find it strange how quickly I accepted this anomaly as normal, but talking horses living in houses... so whatever. Those Houyhn that have a unicorn horn all possess telekinetic abilities. There strength and control vary greatly from one to the next but they all have some ability to manipulate the world around them with only their mind.
Apr, 15
Their harvest festival was last night. They are quick to celebrate any occasion with small parties. I had one such event held in my honor for my moving into the barn. But these little events are nothing compared to the village-wide revelries they hold for holidays. I spent a good part of the festival playing their games the best I could without “cheating”. They would riv me anytime I used my hands.
I have kept myself busy with offering my help anywhere possible. My reach and hands allow me to do things that would be very troublesome for them. I keep getting asked what my “talent” is. They find my jack of all trades background strange. Their culture is very keen on embracing natural talent and inclination, and developing a specialty. Their farmers only grow one crop each, and their craftsman are even more specialized. I can really only compare it to some of the Bushido ideas.
Apr, 25
Apparently I have a new name. They have taken to calling me “One that mends” I suppose repairman would be the closest English literal. The Houyhn are very poetic with their names and they found mine to be just an abstract sound and wholly unfitting. My new title was given to me with a little celebration as they are want to do. It happened after another conversation about my ‘talent’. I had commented that really I just like to fix things.
It was at that celebration that I learned a bit more about those markings they all have on their flanks. I was told that it was too bad I wasn’t a Houyhn, for it is custom for them to get their unique markings after finding their talent. These markings are as important to them as their names if not more so. They are seen as a singular declaration of everything the Houyhn is.
May, 17
Winter is coming in fast now. Spent the last few weeks working on my barn turned house. Putting in a fireplace was quite a job but with some help I got it done.
Also I discovered that they do have alcoholic drink. But, they only bring it out in the cold months, they far prefer fresh juice. The drink is a very weak hard cider. I would guess it to be about 2%. They make it primarily for the fact that it keeps unrefrigerated. They do have stronger stuff but it is rare to find in public. Getting drunk is considered somewhat shameful and only done with the closest of friends and behind closed doors.
June, 1
Winter is beautiful here. Spend most of my days in idle conversation. Twilight tells me my grasp of their language is progressing very well. It’s a very old world existence, but it’s nice. I don’t know that I would leave this anthropomorphic Charles Dickens world, even if I had the chance to get back to the states.
I was caught whistling ‘Carol of the Bells’ a few days ago and had to teach the tune to them. It’s become a bit of a favorite. These creatures love to sing, it’s very endearing.
June, 14
Yesterday I was watching the foals play on the frozen pond when one of them fell thru. It was a moment of reflex when I saw the poor thing wholly disappear. Running as fast as I could I slid into the hole. Keeping one arm on top of the ice, I searched blindly with the other. I had never been so glad to get kicked in the hand, when a hoof struck me. Grabbing the thrashing leg I practically flung the child onto the ice. My own situation had just dawned on me when I was thrown a rope and pulled out by one of the larger stallions.
We were both whisked away into the closest house and sat next to a fire. I soon found myself offered more towels, blankets, and hot drinks than I knew what to do with. I ended up spending the night in that house. Late in the evening the stallion, that had pulled me out, came into the room I was in with a bottle and two cups. He told me he wanted to share a drink with me. I was rather surprised when I found the bottle to be applejack and a very strong one at that. I’m glad that I’m a happy drunk, because that stuff went straight to my head.
June, 16
Winter solstice celebrations are starting up. I’m told that one of the royalty will be attending the towns celebration on solstice, but not the one I had already meet. Twilight told me the Royal wanted an audience to me. By some means the story of my rescue of the foal had gotten to her and she wanted to meet “the yahoo”.
June, 21
The solstice feast was lovely. I’m told the spring celebrations will start in a in a few months. Till then they enjoy the quiet of the snow months.
The meeting with the other Royal was interesting to say the least. She was about 12 hands and the coat blue to the point of black. Our conversation was much more relaxed that the one I had with the other, though she did not speak English. At length she asked me if I intended to go back to my home land. I told her I really didn’t have much to return to and honestly I have never been more content with myself since moving in with the Houyhn. After a bit more conversation she offered me some sort of ceremonial drink. It was ice cold and tasted of jasmine.
June, 28
Twilight complimented me the other day on my progress with their language. Apparently my accent is barely noticeable anymore. It’s funny though, last week I suddenly found myself able to make a few of their more unique sounds with my throat. As opposed to the substitute sounds I was making with my cheek.
July, 6
Think I got the flu. Hurt all over. Been bedridden since yesterday.
Twilight's concern over me worries me more than my sickness. She left out this morning to "investigate" something about my illness. I suspect that I have caught one of their flu viruses, horse-flu if you will. One of Twilight's friends Is keeping me company while I'm sick. She a very motherly soul; insisting I keep my rest and making sure I have all the soup, toast, and rose-hip tea I could want.
July, 9
Feeling better. Bad crick in my back though. Hard to stand up straight. Found myself on all fours yesterday for a bit. Guess I’ve been living with quadrupeds too long.
Twilight apparently did learn of something concerning my condition. Though whatever she learned is apparently a secret for Houhyn only. I can tell it bothers her to keep me in the dark. Instead she has made every effort to involve me with the town and keep me interacting with the friends I have made. I'm not sure if this is to distract my from my aches or some other reason.
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Now THIS is a clever story! I liked it a lot! Thank you!
I was wondering how long it would be before someone did a crossover style of thing of Gulliver's Travels and ponies.
(I was also starting to think Id have to write it myself, but I had no idea how I'd have managed that, as I can't write worth beans.)
Very cool.
(Loved the ending.) No matter how many times I read the word "Houyhnhnm," I don't think I'll ever be able to pronounce it. 
I really liked everything to do with the language-learning.
Of course the land of the Houyhnhnms was Equestria! In retrospect, how could have it been anywhere else?
I suspect that Celestia was quite pleased to learn that her old friend Lemuel found his way home and was even able to chronicle his adventures.
Just for connecting FiM to a literary classic, you deserve entry onto my favourites list.
1798402 Headcannon for this story: Houyhnhnm: pronounced/ who-when-knee-nay-hum; (who-when, pony) (knee, conjugation to imply smallness) (hum, possessive suffix)
That's quite a turn towards the dark at the end there...
Sorry to say, your character has pretty crap editors (is "bock" supposed to be "Bach"?). The way you approach this, especially then end, they're necessary; but they're also the least explained part of the entire story and it'd feel better if they could be removed.
Overall well-done, though!
1799395 Thanks. Fixed the Bach typo, I knew better than that. Really, you think the end is dark? I suppose his superstition in regards to the story of Persephone were well founded after all. But, maybe he's happier.
1799429
It's darkness is a bit of a perspective thing. The increased easy of speaking Equestrian, the crick or whatever in his back, the quadrapedal instance, and the garbledygook posted at the end all appear to indicate that he's been turned into a pony. Meanwhile, there's no indication that he knows he is/consented to being turned into a pony; and his reactions to the vocal cords thing and the quadrapedal instance suggest that he wasn't expecting it. Whether I'd jump on something like that and whether I'd be okay with it being done without my knowledge are two entirely different things. I'm sure Equestria is the best place to have to integrate in such a maner, but I'd infinetly prefer to be told "this must happen if you're to stay here" than have it done to me without warning.
It's slightly unfortunate that the Bach error was only the biggest and most egarious. If you still care come Monday, this would benefit from an editing pass then. If you can, get your computer or a friend to read it to you for that; it'll make many errors more evident. Make sure you look at it too though, and don't do it before Monday -- you need the time to ignore it and let it get out of your brain between now and then.
Will read later because of earliest recorded Brony.
was not disappointed. favorite and upvote.
This was way better than I expected! I'm surprised that it hasn't been featured; it really deserves it.
I'm not sure did he die or turnd to a pony? But I guess he turn pony. Anyway awesome story and deserve much more viewer and all.
I never thought of this crossover, but I did't know he was on a island with horses. I only knew about the small people. So now I most read the real book. Fav and thumbs up.
2102292 I know how the story ends in my mind. But, I left it open for the reader to project their own ending.
'Gulliver's travels' has 4 adventures in all. little people, Giants, Houyhnhnm, and floating island of overly smart people. You should really read it. It is a very easy read and loads of fun. There was a 2pt miniseries made in 1996 staring Ted Danson that you can find online for free, that dose the story justice.
Hi I'm the administrator and prereader of fics under 100 likes that are given to Mr.Stargazer. I review stories that don't meet requirements and I also will leave behind comments that will not only help you improve, but also allow you to potentially make changes in the future. (Oh and I won't go all out on you...if you were wondering)
The group I represent is "The Good HiE List" and today I'm giving my review. (nothing wall-o-texty)
Just got to this point and so far nothing really to kick and scream about. Although I can tell already the first pony he'll meet is Twilight.
Edit: +10 points for me! I was right!
That's a very bold statement considering he only has a grasp of their language. And I doubt they've already taught him what magic is.
I'm positive that's not how you die on a keyboard.
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yea...ANYWAY just if you're wondering...I won't pass this.
There is no grammar errors to really complain about. And the logs kinda look atrocious if they were in story narrative (I don't even know what that means) then I'd say you're bad at this...but this isn't that bad.
I can say for sure that it was pretty slow at first, in fact it also felt rushed. I've not really seen stuff like this since Apollo 18 fic and he did it even better than this. His actually had better story telling with his logs. Yours however are a little rushed. Although it is understandable that he would write like this. He isn't obligated to post logs of every little change in atmospheric pressure, nor is he obligated to make contact or research stuff and document it.
But the bottom line is, there was just way too much happening...I could write a detailed chapter for each of the logs alone. Each might be more interesting then the last...(actually I guarantee it). But as nice as the story is, and as tragic as the ending (isn't) is. I don't think I can add this.
If this weren't a one shot I'd continue reading, you've actually killed off the main character the moment I was beginning to get into it.
But all and all it's a good fic.
Just not...well the plots ok...GAH IT'S HARD TO CRITIQUE SOMETHING WITHOUT REAL DIALOG AND DESCRIPTIVE PARAGRAPHS!
Anyway I don't believe there is enough here for me to say "Yes it deserves to be in group." but looking at the logs I also say "Possibly the worst format ever" and I don't really feel it's worth it.
Edit: Ok I've realized that this fic doesn't have enough to make me want to pass it. The plot is ok but the moment I begin enjoying it you remove the character. I can't think of "What could have been." when I blatantly see "What has happened."
Anyway. Sorry if this bums you. But I honestly think your story won't make it. But good news! I took the first two paragraphs as the way you write and you're a phenomenal writer.
I'm sure you can make a story I will pass some time in the near future.
2412591 Looks left. Looks right. "Ugh... Hi. Did this get put into some folder somewhere to be review?"
Maybe he died, maybe he got turned into a pony, maybe Lyra was messing with his stuff.
Thanks all the same for looking the story over. I wrote this only because it got stuck in me head. I would not call it a proper narrative. Though I always hoped someone would take it as an outline and write a proper narrative with it. I just don't have the inclination myself, too many other ideas in my head.
Now a story I put a lot of love into and I generally get good responses form is Clastic Glow. If you only read one of my stories read that one, not this little doodle.
Again, thanks for your comment.
2413392
Yea stuff like happens all the time.
Me being the 'assigned' fic reviewer with all the fics lower than 100 likes I get stories like this that some people think need to be appreciated.
It's honestly a good attempt and this almost made it.
Even if you didn't submit it. More information is on my profile if you want to check out the group.
Awesome! Reminds me of Arrow 18 in a lot of ways. The only downside is that it needs some editing for spelling and grammar in a few places.
Still, fav and follow
3267113 Thanks. I should really clean this story up. It was written because I couldn't stop thinking about the idea. I did two or three entries a night, then published it whit no real editing.
I have a ch2 brewing in my head now, where I'll write a journal from Twilight's perspective.
3268873
I look forward to it. If you an editor/proofreader, I'm fairly experienced.
3268873 omg yes do it do it now
3896406
That's still on the table. I have a little done on it, To be honest I've just recently figured out where I want this to go, when I pick it back up.
Till then, check out my other HiE that I'm currently working on.
3896442 there is a severe lack of gullivers travels inspired stories on this site
Really enjoyed this. I found the middle bits of Gulliver's Travels to be a little dry, but I pushed through to the end, and glad I did.
As for the ending... I suspect, considering Twilight's concern, that Luna did this without anyone else's agreement, possibly in response to her sister missing her old friend and how much he wished he could've stayed. If I remember right, he left because he didn't want to be treated as an animal, and couldn't really integrate properly with their society. Been a very long time since I read it though. In any case, Luna's little potion would've solved that... though with the extinction of the Yahoos, it may not have been a problem at all and she'll have some 'splainin to do. Well, more than she would anyways.
Great fic, well done!
4561829
You actually guessed the exact narrative I had imagined going on behind the scenes.
One of my favorite stories on this site. I have only and exactly two complaints about it. One, lotsa typos that need to be fixed. The fact that this is written in the style of a journal makes the problem seem less severe somehow, as if the errors belonged to the narrator, and not the author somehow, but they're still very distracting. Second, it's way too short! I normally can't stand the 'human in Equestria' formula, but I was thoroughly absorbed with this story, and longed to see more. It really felt like rediscovering this world of ponies all over again, and from a new perspective.
Well, well done. If this is what comes on a whim, you've not far to go to start finding a place among the larger literary world. The story itself is nothing spectacular, but that's what made it so charming and satisfying, especially with that ending. Kudos